My Shattered Heart
by xox-hattii-xox
Summary: I've told you that Vampires exist. I've said of how I broke the laws of our kind to fall in love. What I haven't said is how a vampire can feel like their heart is breaking. But that pain is merely my sacrifice to save his life. *Sequel to His Green Eyes*
1. Birthday Surprises

My life had changed so drastically these past months. It had previously been a life of meaningless repetition; Day after day of the same routine without a change. But then I met Edward. My angel.

When his heart beats, it beats in the place of mine. As though my heart died so long ago just for the chance of Edward's heartbeats taking it's place. It's as though I'm almost human just because he is.

He had just walked so willingly into my life, accepting who and what I am, and spun my world around. He came closer to me rather than shying away like the basic human instinct dictates.

"He's coming in exactly 60 seconds." Alice was practically bouncing, her hands twirling the silver-wrapped package. I understood her excitement. I was only keeping my own under control due to Edward's demands.

His eighteenth birthday.

A teenage milestone. One that signified the final passage into adulthood. And one that Edward seemed determined not to celebrate.

I could hear the dull roar of Edward's truck now as it came closer towards the school. The spot that was next to my Volvo was unoccupied just as it was every morning until Edward's horrendous truck filled it. No-one was stupid enough any more to park there and face Alice's vicious glares.

His truck rounded the corner to the car park. I smiled at him, already knowing he couldn't see it. Alice rolled her eyes at my contented expression and continued to bounce on the spot. She was on the point of becoming a blur when Edward pulled in next to us.

"Happy birthday Edward." Alice sang when he got out his truck. He glared at her, green eyes flashing in discontent.

"Shhhh Alice." He hissed at her. Alice scowled at him slightly.

"Do you want your present now or later?" She asked him before letting her eyes defocus as she searched for his answer. "No? Okay later then." She said, tucking the present in her pocket before Edward could even notice it.

"You know, maybe one of these days, it might be fun to let me answer for a change." Edward said, a grin betraying the fake sternness in his voice.

"What's the point in having _powers_ if you don't use them?" Alice asked, with her innocent look that had never fooled anyone.

"What's the point in having a mouth if you don't use it?" Edward countered.

She raised her eyebrows at him and opened her mouth to say something else when I decided it was finally time to intervene between the squabbling friends. I stepped forward and slipped my arms around Edward's neck. I picked up the normal stutter of his heart as he looked at me. It would never cease to amaze me that _I _was the one to cause this reaction in Edward.

"So, as instructed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday. Is that correct?" I asked.

"That's correct." He said stubbornly. I sighed at his obstinacy.

"What's so bad about a birthday?" Alice asked him as I rested my head on his thrumming chest.

"Getting older." Edward said softly. I looked up at him, not entirely sure whether he meant for me to hear him. _That_ was what was upsetting him? Growing older?

Alice threw me an 'I told you so' look and turned back to Edward.

"You're only eighteen - Still young." She said, spiritedly. "And if you think about it, we're much older. Centuries in fact." She dropped her voice to a mock conspiratorial whisper.

I elbowed her, to which she neatly danced out of the way. She stuck her tongue out at me and continued talking.

"Anyway, what time are you going to be at the house then?" She asked in a businesslike manner.

"I didn't know I was coming." He said honestly. True, I hadn't told him about the party Alice had planned.

_You didn't tell him? Urgh! _

Alice pouted at him.

"Come on Edward! You can't let us not celebrate!" She complained.

"But I have to work." Edward argued. He was working at Newton's hiking store and, though I couldn't say it, his job did annoy me. Well it wasn't so much his job...it was his co-workers. As soon as he had first started working there, the next person to join the staff was none other than _Jessica Stanley._ She had been dating the Newton boy, but as soon as _that _was over she had switched her attention back to Edward.

"No you don't. I spoke to Mrs Newton and she gave you the day off." Alice chirped.

"I have homework." He protested. "Need to watch..Romeo and Juliet!" He said, obviously thinking off the top of his head. I laughed lightly at him, but it was futile to resist Alice's demands. Her face hardened and her eyes narrowed.

"Edward, if you don't agree I will-" She started before I cut her off.

"Alice if Edward wants to watch his movie, he can watch his movie." I said firmly. "Gives you more time to set up for when we arrive. We'll be there at 7." I said aside to Alice. She beamed and then turned on Edward.

"If I 'see' you not watching that film, if I see that that was just an excuse, I will come and grab you myself." She said ominously before walking away to her first class. Edward turned to me in a panic.

"Bella, please! I don't want to celebrate this." He pleaded. I covered his mouth with my small hand.

"Edward, please." I said, holding his gaze. I saw his determination ebb away as I looked. I smiled. "Come on, lets get to class." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me towards the building.

No-one bothered to look at the two of us anymore as we sat in our seats at the back of the classroom. Edward and I had been together long enough now for the gossip to stop.

This school year was the most different to the many thousands I had experienced, thanks to the person sitting next to me. School was actually enjoyable to me now. I enjoyed watching Edward's reactions to the teachers and subjects.

The day passed quickly, and I was soon walking back to Edward's truck with Edward's arm around my waist and Alice dancing ahead of us.

"Seven o'clock, remember" Alice reminded us before she skipped off to take my car back home.

"Do we have to watch Romeo and Juliet?" Edward asked. "I can't stand Romeo!" he almost begged. I rolled my eyes at him.

"For one, I think Alice is serious if we don't watch it and two, I _love_ that film." I said, pouting playfully at him. He sighed and gave up.

"Come on then." He said, pulling me towards his truck. He opened the truck passenger door and I hopped in.

I fiddled with his radio dials in mock hope. I already knew that the thing didn't work, but I needed to play my part in Emmett's plan.

"How can you drive a car without a radio?" I asked, shaking my head. He scowled.

"You want music? Drive your own car." He snapped. I grinned at him. He was rarely sharp with me and it was always amusing when he was.

He parked his truck and I lept out before he stopped the car and was at his door as he got out.

"Show-off" He muttered, making me giggle. He raised an eyebrow and headed to the door.

On the kitchen table was a copy of Romeo and Juliet. He sighed when he saw it.

"Alice." I snickered, picking it up.

"Damn," He whispered, following me through to the living room.

I set it all up for him as he lay back on the sofa, his head at one end and feet at the other. I looked at him disbelievingly, folding my arms and tapping my foot.

"I know it's your birthday, but you can't delegate me to the floor." I complained lightly. He laughed and opened his arms for me. I lay back with him as the opening credits started.

"I never understood the point of this play." He said in a matter of fact voice.

"Why not?" I asked affronted. I loved the story. the romance, heartbreak and tragedy.

"They meet in only a day, decide to get married and then die the next day. _Not_ a very successful relationship if you ask me." He said, exasperatedly. "And Romeo; First he's in love with this Rosalind and then he's at a party and sees another girl who he _'falls in love'_ with. It's not a love story, it's a lust story."

"You're not much of romantic, are you?" I asked skeptically. He scoffed, shaking his head.

"Of course I am. Just only when the right girl's involved." He said, pressing his lips to my head. I smiled widely, but kept my focus on the film.

My eyes stung with impossible-to-fall tears as Juliet awoke to her dead husband.

"I'll admit, I understand his point of view here." Edward murmured against my hair. "If the love of his life was gone he wouldn't have a reason to live." I stilled at his words, remembering my own plans regarding this subject. He noticed me tense, frowning into my hair.

"What?" He asked, suddenly concerned. I could practically hear the gears in his head working.

"That was...something I considered...when you were...nearly killed." I said slowly. then, feeling I should give him more than that... "I knew my family wouldn't help, so I thought I would seek the help of the Volturi."

He took a few moments while this processed.

"_WHAT?!_" He shouted. I winced at how loud he was. And the tone of his voice. I turned around to face him.

"You really didn't really expect me to live without you? Did you?" I asked, seriously. He watched me for a few moments, as though checking I meant it.

"Yes!" He said after determining I was serious. The film now forgotten.

"What would you do, if the situation was reversed?" I asked, internally cringing at the thought of his leaving the world.

"That's different." He said shortly. I didn't see any difference.

He stopped, seeming to recall something. "What's 'The Volturi'?" He asked. I could still hear the undercurrent of anger beneath the calm facade.

"The Volturi...are a family. The royal family of the vampire world, I guess you could say. They enforce the rules. They are the most powerful coven ever." I explained. "You remember when I showed you the painting in Carlisle's study? 'The Nighttime Patrons Of The Arts'?" He nodded. "That's them. An ancient Italian coven. You don't anger them, unless you want to die. Or whatever it is that happens to us." I kept my voice calm as I explained.

Across Edward's eyes, a flicker of undisguised horror passed. He cupped my face in his hand as he spoke, very seriously.

"You are _not_ allowed to think that ever again." He said, fiercely. "Even if I was gone, the thought of you no longer existing is_ too _painful."

Did he honestly believe that I would _want_ to carry on without him?

"Well I will never put you in danger again, so _this _is an unnecessary conversation." I pointed out.

"Put me in danger?" He asked. "I thought the bad luck was _my _fault."

"Yes, your bad luck to fall in love with a vampire." I said, sadly.

"My _good_ luck she fell in love with me." He said, smiling. I wasn't too sure on the 'good luck'. Edward seemed to attract danger to him.

"So who is this vampire then?" I asked teasingly, trying to forget about the more morbid topics of conversation.

"Oh I think you know her." He said, grinning, before ducking his head to level with mine. I smiled before our lips met.

The fiery warmth of his lips merged into the cold of my own. His hands rose into my hair as he pulled me closer to him. I could feel his heart hammering against my own chest as it accelerated.

The paradox of pleasure and agony was my constant enemy. The never-ceasing burn, that was always present, ignited each and every time he kissed me, contrasting almost painfully with the delight that the feeling of his lips pressed to mine.

I had to be the first to break away. I hated to be the one in charge of self-control. I laid my head against his chest, hearing his pulse slow. He chuckled breathlessly.

"I don't think I'll ever get better at this." He murmured. "I think my heart will always try to jump out my chest when you kiss me." I laughed with him.

I heard the sudden roar of tyres as a car rounded the corner and I caught Charlie Swan's thoughts. My eyes widened and I sat up pulling Edward with me.

"Charlie?" He asked. I nodded. He sat with his arm around me as we heard the front door open.

"Kids?"

"In here dad." Edward called, getting up to start the dinner for his father. I stood in the back of the kitchen as he moved around the kitchen. The sickening smell circled the room as he cooked.

Charlie had gotten used to the fact that I skipped meals. He never questioned it anymore.

"So, Charlie, do you mind if I borrow Edward for the evening?" I asked sweetly.

"Sure, there's a game on I want to catch." He agreed, nodding. "I won't be much company." Charlie got up and headed to the living room. He stopped and grabbed a small object on the kitchen side. He threw it to Edward and I caught it before it hit the floor. It was a digital camera. I handed it to Edward.

"Nice catch." Charlie appraised before edging to the living room. "You need to take pictures. Renee will want them faster than you can take them." He chuckled before walking away.

I turned back to Edward in time to see him snap a picture of me.

"It works!" He said grinning and slipping the camera into his pocket. I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed his hand.

"Come on then, let's go." I smiled and walked out the front door.

When we got to the truck, I jumped into the drivers seat. Edward didn't argue, he still couldn't find the turn off to our drive.

I pushed the engine's speed limit as much as it could go. Edward frowned at me.

"Hey, take it easy." He admonished lightly.

"You need a new car." I said, looking away from the road to look at him, still watching the turns and bends from my peripheral vision.

"You're not buying me a car!" He said, reliving the argument we had had halfway through the summer. "And, speaking of money, if you know what's good for you, you won't have spent any money on me today." He threatened.

"Not a dime." I promised. I wasn't sure why Edward was being do funny about my spending money on him. It's not as though we would run out anytime soon, what with Carlisle's job and Alice's predictions on the stock market, but he seemed to tense up whenever I suggested buying him something.

We pulled into the turning for my home. Edward moaned when he saw the lanterns Alice had hung up along the trees edging the long drive. I chuckled.

"Alice will be Alice." I said, trying to, unsuccessfully, conceal my smirk.

"Going to be the death of me." He muttered under his breath. I giggled at him and parked the car, getting out and racing to his side before he could open the door.

Edward got out grudgingly, looking up at the giant house with a slight look of dread. I put my arm around his waist.

"It won't be that bad." I encouraged him. He looked down at me in disbelief. "Come on, Edward. this is the first birthday any of us have had since Emmett in 1935. Go easy on us. Everyone's very excited."

He sighed and nodded. I heard my families thoughts inside the house. Specifically, I heard Rosalie's cynical opinions. Ah. I thought it only fair to warn him.

"And when I say everyone, I mean everyone." I said, quietly. Edward stopped.

"Everyone? What do you mean everyone?" He asked worriedly. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa?"

Emmett and Rose _had _been in Africa...until yesterday. They had returned once Alice had told Emmett about Edward's birthday. He and Edward had been good friends when he was still at Forks high. Emmett was amused by Edward's human antics.

"Alice told Em about your birthday and he_ had_ to be here!" I reasoned, trying to convince Edward.

"Rosalie?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow. I cringed. True, Rosalie was...difficult...about this whole thing. She still hadn't come round to the fact that Edward was in my life.

"She'll be good. Come on Edward." I pleaded, moving my arms from his waist to wrap around his neck. His emerald eyes looked into my topaz ones. "P_lease?_" I whispered.

"So long as you stay by my side." He said, wrapping his arms around me and burying his head in my hair. I stiffened slightly in response to his scent and relaxed into his arms.

We stood there unmoving until Alice's 'voice' began screaming at me.

_ISABELLA CULLEN! IF YOU DON'T GET IN HERE NOW, I WILL COME OUT AND GET YOU BOTH MYSELF!!_

I sighed and moved out of Edward's embrace.

"Alice is getting ready to come and drag us in." I muttered. He smiled and started walking toward the large porch, taking my hand in his as he walked.

Edward slipped his other hand in his pocket and pulled out his camera.

"I have a question." He said, his face breaking into a mischievous grin. I eyed him warily.

"What?"

"If I develop the film, will you show up in the photos?" He asked, impishly.

His question sent ripples of laughter through the house. They had all of course heard his comment. Didn't he realize yet that the myths were just that; myths. But I guess, when you're living in a world of mythological creatures, you tend to forget the line between fact and fiction.

I laughed at his words and opened the door, still chuckling.

A loud 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' was called as we entered from everyone, save Rosalie. Edward's cheeks tinged slightly. I heard Jasper's hand clamp on the banister as he controlled his thirst. I eyed him carefully and he smiled apologetically, but opened his eyes wide to show the golden eyes of a well fed vampire.

I looked around the room and rolled my eyes. There was a large chocolate cake on top of my piano with a pile of glass plates. Pointless if only one of us was eating.

Alice had decorated the room with multicoloured streamers and balloons. I could tell from Edward's face that he thought it was too much for him.

Esme walked over at a human speed to give Edward a hug. She so enjoyed spending time with her new son.

"Happy seventeenth Edward." She said. "We couldn't rein in Alice." She whispered conspiratorially into his ear.

"Hey!" Alice replied indignantly. Jasper laughed lightly at her and wrapped her in his arms.

Emmett waved from where Rosalie was making him stay by her side.

"Hey Edward!" _He hasn't changed much; bit taller, hair longer, happier. _

Emmett noted every possible difference in Edward. It was entertaining for him to be around someone who _could_ change

"Hey Emmett!" Edward called back. It never cease to amaze me that Edward, normally unsure around people of his own species, was perfectly at home in a house of vampires.

Alice took the camera from Edward's hands and started to snap photos of everyone. She took a few of me standing in Edward's arms and of the rest of the family, though I noticed she focused more on Edward and I.

"Presents!" Alice sang, pirouetting out of Jasper's arms toward the pile of gifts that was stacked next to the cake.

Edward rolled his eyes and held out his hand for a gift. He missed Emmett running out the door.

Alice handed him a large box. I held in my laugh as I read in Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper's minds what was in it or rather, wasn't.

Edward unwrapped the paper and opened the box. A crease appeared in his forehead as he looked inside the box, confused. Tipping it upside down, he looked around at everyone.

"Um..thanks?" He asked, gesturing to the empty box. They all laughed, even Rosalie cracked a smile.

"It's a radio for your car." Jasper called from the stairs. Emmett's installing it right now so you can't return it."

"Thanks everyone. THANKS EMMETT!" He called so Emmett could hear him too. There was no need, Emmett could hear him loud and clear already. Emmett's booming laugh echoed in from the front yard.

"Open mine!" Alice almost squealed. I winced at the volume she reached. She passed another rectangular, silver-wrapped parcel to him.

"Alice, I told you I didn't want too many presents-"

"And I didn't listen!" She declared happily and pressed the package into his hands.

He opened it to reveal an empty photo-frame. He looked at Alice questioningly.

"It's to put the photo in when it develops." Alice said as an answer. He still looked at her. "You'll know which one!"

"Thanks Alice." He said, giving her a hug. She grinned widely. She loved the fact that Edward could touch her without flinching or shying away.

"This is mine and Esme's" Carlisle said, stepping forward with the thin box containing the plane tickets to Florida.

I stepped away from Edward to take the camera from Alice. I saw her eyes un-focus and a look of horror pass into them. I didn't get a chance to look at her vision before she came back.

"Edward." She whispered. I turned back to Edward and my eyes widened.

A wave of the most delectable scent washed over me. I opened my mouth and let the taste of the air rest on my tongue. The flavour that I had only tasted once and had been denied ever since that one time. In that second, I was more a monster than a person.

I heard the growl that came from my chest. And I heard the snarl that ripped from Jasper's. My eyes zoned in on the drop of scarlet across the room.

My legs tensed to jump.


	2. Decisions of The Heart

**(A/n - **

**to TotalTwilightAddict.**** - no this won't be a edward/leah story because it's told from Bella's P.O.V. I probably will put in memories from leah when she meets Bella at the end but Bella won't know what happens to Edward while she's gone.)**

a loud shriek was yelled from Alice's mouth as hands descended down upon me. I snarled at the onslaught and bared my teeth at my attackers. two pairs of arms wrapped around me and I was dragged away. away from the delicious scent I so desperately craved.

I watched as Jasper was led from the house too. the pair of us growling fiercely. I writhed to escape as I was hoisted above my captors heads and carried away from my desire.

eventually, the clean mountain air cleared my nose. the burning scorched the back of my throat as I was denied release and I lept down to hunt. I attacked the first thing with a pulse. I didn't care what it was that satiated me. I just drank deeply, draining the body of all life.

I tossed aside the body of the mountain lion and licked my lips. standing, I looked into the eyes of my family. specifically, I looked into their thoughts. the memories of my blood-crazed actions and my fevered eyes made something in my brain click.

my breath caught in my throat and my chest constricted. I was fleetingly reminded of the feeling a human would experience when drowning. I sank to my knees, wrapping my arms around my chest as I heard my breaths come in short and irregular gasps.

I was a monster. truly a monster of the most frightful kind. one who had no recognition of love. one that thought only of thirst. I had turned on Edward, _my Edward _and thrown all thought of his life out the window.

if my family had not held me back, I would have attacked him. I would have taken his life without a second thought. I would have rid his body of life as I had done to the lion I had just drained

and Edward. what would Edward think of me? I had given in to my demons. I had truly shown him what it meant to love a vampire. to have your life at risk every second of every day.

would he fear me? would he still not turn from me and run, like he should have from the beginning? would he still wrap me in his arms and love me like he did?

he shouldn't.

he had every reason to do so.

I had tainted his life with death and danger and blood. I had been completely and utterly selfish. not thinking for his safety, I had stayed in his life all the while drawing him closer and closer to peril the longer I was around.

I should have stayed in Denali. I should have never returned to Forks.

I raised my head ever so slightly. I ignored the stares of my family, my eyes seeking the gaze of only one.

Jasper.

he knew what I was thinking. he knew it doubly as it was what he experienced every time he slipped. he had nearly done the same as me and bitten ... Edward. my eyes caught his dark topaz ones. both pairs were filled with regret and remorse.

"I'm so sorry Bella." he whispered. his eyes averting mine. I looked away too.

"Jazz...don't. just don't." I said, closing my eyes again. it was _my_ thirst he had been experiencing "why should you apologize to a monster who did the same thing."

a gasp came from Alice.

"a monster?" she asked, quietly. _is that what you think?_

"what else can you call some-one who would kill the one they love?" I asked.

"it's what we are Bella." she said softly. I opened my eyes again and stood at last. my hands still clutched around my chest.

"that's right." I said, my resolve setting in. "and Edward will never have to deal with it again."

her eyes showed confusion at my statement. I looked around at everyone. Emmett, Jasper, Esme, Rosalie all had similar looks on their faces. I took a breath before speaking.

"we're leaving. as soon as we can." I said bluntly, my eyes filling with tears that would not fall. "this _won't_ happen again."

Jasper was bracing himself against a tree. trying to keep himself upright against the weight of emotions pouring off of me. the brokenheartedness, the sorrow, the grief that consumed me. no matter how much I tried to hide it from the others Jasper was the one who I couldn't conceal it from.

Alice had frozen.

"no." she whispered. "no, no, no, no, no." her thoughts were a repeat of these two letters over and over again.

"I have to...make sure Edw- _he's _okay."I amended my sentence once I felt a gaping hole rip through me at the attempt of his name.

not waiting for a response from any of them, I ran. I ran as fast as I could, still not sure if Edward could stand the sight of me.

I stood outside the kitchen door. I could hear everything perfectly. Carlisle and Edward's voices floated as easily to me as though I was standing in between them.

"how bad is it?" I heard Edward ask softly. I could only assume he was talking about his injury. from Esme's thoughts I had found that he had been pushed back into the pile of glass plates and sliced his arm. I held my breath, thankful for the blood of the lion in me

"I don't know." Carlisle muttered softly. "she hates this, you being in danger because of what we are."

Carlisle's response puzzled me. they were talking about me. Edward didn't sound mad. maybe....

no. I had made my decision.

"it's not her fault." Edward said, as soft as Carlisle.

how could he think that!? who did he blame instead!? how could he not blame me?!

"she doesn't see it that way."

Edward changed the subject.

"how can you do this?" he asked, honest curiosity burning in his voice. obviously asking about Carlisle's ability to handle blood.

"centuries of practice." Carlisle chuckled lightly.

"but, what made you do this? what made you choose a different path to the obvious one?"

"I think it was my father." Carlisle spoke slowly, thinking it through himself. "I was raised to have a very deep respect for human life. I guess I couldn't bring myself to...disappoint my father. I had disappointed him already. I wasn't sold on his more harsh religious views." Carlisle explained as though discussing the weather rather than the diet of a vampire.

"I know that this may seem unconventional coming from a vampire but I do hope that maybe, that there is a point to our existence. never in my entire time on the planet have I ever seen anything to doubt the presence of God in some form or other.

"but I do hope that we could get credit for trying. foolish I know, but I do think that we could have a chance."

"it's not foolish" Edward said, his words rang with sincerity.

"actually you're the first to agree." Carlisle was surprised that there was one of us who did accept his ideas.

"no-one else agrees?" Edward asked.

"Bella agrees...up until a point. she believes that there is a God and a Heaven and Hell. but that's it. she doesn't think that there is an afterlife for us. she thinks that we lost our souls when we were changed." Carlisle's thoughts disagreed with my opinions. but how could there be a place of paradise for monsters who had to take a life to fuel their own?

"that's why she's being like this, isn't it?" Edward guessed. "about changing me. that's the real problem?"

I winced as he brought up the already sensitive subject.

"I look at my daughter...I see her goodness, her brilliance, the brightness that radiates off of her and that only increases my belief more than ever. how can there not be a heaven for one such as Bella?

"but if you believed as she did, could you do it? could you take the very essence of the one you love? could you take her soul?"

silence answered him.

"you can see why."

"it's my choice." Edward stuck to his decision stubbornly.

"and hers." Carlisle countered quietly.

Edward made to protest, but Carlisle cut him off.

"Edward, I have never been certain of this. never in my entire existence. should I have doomed others to this life, just to be rid of my solitude? I can't decide."

I considered making my presence known, but then Carlisle started to speak.

"you know, it was Bella's mother who made the decision for me."

I stopped. Carlisle had never told me this story.

"her mother?"

"yes, Bella, her mother and her father were all placed in my hospital during the Spanish Influenza epidemic.

"Bella's mother had the exact same colour blue eyes." he muttered offhandedly. my eyes had been blue?

"for her father, the end was quick. he died in the first wave of the influenza. he never regained consciousness. her mother, Elizabeth Masen, however stayed alert until the very end. she hurt her chances at survival by tending to her daughter from her sickbed. I expected Bella to go first, she was so much sicker than her mother.

"everyday I would check on Elizabeth and Isabella first. I had grown too attached to them both. that day when I checked, Elizabeth's condition had deteriorated. the fever was out of control. her body, too weak to fight any longer.

"though when she lay there, glaring at me so fiercely, she didn't look weak.

" ' save my Bella.' she commanded me. 'save my daughter. _you must _do what others cannot do. ' she gripped at my hand with the strength that only a mother could hold for her daughter.

"in that instance I was sure she knew what I was. it frightened me.

"I looked to Bella. it was clear that she had only hours left. I looked at her face. I had given up on finding love, so I thought instead of the face I would wish my daughter to have. Bella, even dying, her face shone with goodness, but her life was slipping away with the tick of the clock.

"Elizabeth died within the hour. her determined face still not yet peaceful, even in the bliss of death.

"I acted on an impulse. after all those years of indecision and conflict, I acted on a whim. I took the two 'bodies' the morgue. it was empty, of the living at least. I left Elizabeth with the other victims, took Isabella and ran home."

I stood in the shadows of the kitchen corner. I saw Carlisle's eyes switch from 1819 to the present and look down at Edward.

"I don't regret it. never once since that day, have I ever regretted what I did. Never since she awoke from the change, have I ever thought better of it."

I brushed aside the emotion that was coming over me and composed my face into an emotionless mask. that was the best I could do.

Carlisle looked up and saw me.

_Bella, whatever you're thinking about doing, don't._

I sighed, of course my father for so many years would be able to see something was wrong with me.

"I'll take you home." I said, coming out of the shadows and towards them both. my throat burned at the scent of the dried blood on his shirt and under his bandage.

Edward looked up at me. I could see him pale slightly as he saw my cold eyes. he nodded slightly.

"I'll take you to get some of Jazz's clothes." Alice sang as she walked into the room, hesitating slightly before she walked in. she was purposefully ignoring me. she took Edward in her arms and ran him out the room before he could protest.

I walked out slowly out of the kitchen and saw Esme scrubbing at the place where the blood had been.

"here Esme, let me help you." I offered. she shook her head, smiling softly.

Edward walked down the stairs, his eyes cautious. he was wearing a shirt of Jasper's. Alice was still avoiding my eye, as I was doing to Edward.

he, like me, saw Esme scouring the floor.

"Esme, I'm so sorry." he said, genuinely, as he saw her pained expression. a mixture of the overpowering stench of bleach and the remnants of the blood. like with me, she just shook her head and smiled at him.

I clenched my jaw. _he_ was sorry?

Edward cast a worried glance over at me and stood at my side. I noticed he held the still wrapped gifts from before, the photo-frame Alice had given him and his camera.

"I'll take you home." I repeated to him.

"sure."

"I'll be back soon." I said out loud to the house and walked out the door. I didn't miss the furtive glances that my family kept throwing me.

once in the truck, I took the drivers seat and started the car. there was a large bow tacked to the new stereo. I grabbed it and threw it out the window before Edward could notice it.

we were silent for a long time.

"please say something." Edward pleaded.

"what should I say?" I said, my voice empty.

"say that you forgive me." he said. his words eliminated my emotionless state.

"forgive you?! what is there to forgive?! you got a paper-cut! if that had happened at, I don't know, Jessica's what would have happened?! what if you fell and crashed onto some glass plates what would have happened? they would have gotten you a bandage, taken you to the emergency room! that's it! they wouldn't have tried to kill you!" I raged, at myself rather than him.

"Jessica?" he asked in disbelief. "Jessica? what does she have to do with this?"

"everything! if you were with her...it'd be a lot safer than being with me!" I told him. he didn't get this.

"safe? I don't care about safe, I care about you!" he was getting angry now. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"has Jessica ever tried to kill you?" I asked him, knowing the answer.

"I would rather die than be with anyone else but you."

I winced, knowing that that was the choice. me and death or a safe life.

I stayed silent rather than answering him.

I stayed silent rather than whisper the words that I had never uttered. _good-night Edward._

I pulled his rattling truck into Chief Swan's driveway. I saw the netting curtain twitch slightly. Charlie was waiting up for him.

"will you stay?"

I usually always stayed. and I knew I would tonight, even just to give myself this night before I leave.

"I should go home." was all I said. I knew that I should leave, that I shouldn't stay. my mind knew this. so why was my body so hard to command.

"please? for my birthday?" he asked, quietly.

I laughed a humorless laugh.

"you can't have it both ways. either I acknowledge your birthday, or not." I said, trying to sway both him and myself.

"then I've decided I don't want you to ignore my birthday." he said, undoing his seatbelt. "I'll see you upstairs." he opened the door and jumped out. I did the same at a slower pace. he reached for the presents before I took them out of his reach. he wouldn't need them, when I was gone.

"hey!" he complained.

"you want them now?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. I was doing my best to seem normal. for his birthday. I could give him (and myself) that.

"you guys made me curious." he explained. I sighed. I would have to remove these from his room when I was gone.

"I'll take them for you." I said, getting out and slamming the door behind me. I went to his side, allowing my self-control to go out the window. just for tonight,

"happy birthday." I whispered.

I looked into his eyes. maybe there was another way. I could stay with him. maybe?

the blood from under his bandage caught my nose. my throat burned as though a knife was stabbing me. No. there couldn't be another way. I couldn't stay. not when I desired his blood so much.

I brushed my lips to his, softly. how could I not? knowing my seconds with him were numbered.

I drew away. his head inclined to make the kiss last longer. I smiled half-heartedly and stepped back into the darkness and up into his room.

I looked around the room that I knew as well as my own. perhaps better. the casual messiness of it. the pictures scattered around the shelves. the decrepit computer in the corner. the bed, where I spent most of my nights.

I clutched my arms around myself to keep myself from falling apart. this would be the last night I would spend in here. the last night I would ever return to this room.

I heard Edward's feet hit the stairs heavily and I sat down on the foot of the bed, resting my head in my hands.

I looked up as the light spilled across the floor.

"hey." I muttered, noticing he was already dressed in his pajamas.

"hey." he repeated, closing the door and blocking out the light.

I handed him his presents as he lay back on the bed. I moved up to join him, too masochistic to stay away and begin the process that would tear me up.

he began to open the one from Carlisle and Esme when I snatched it from him.

"maybe _I _should do it." I suggested, unwrapping the silver-packaged parcel. he grimaced slightly, though my eyes had no problem spotting this.

I handed him the box. he pulled off the lid looking at the paper inside. I saw the conclusion click in his eyes.

"Jacksonville?" he asked happily. "we're going to Jacksonville?"

no. we wouldn't. this was yet another thing I would have to take away from him.

"that was the idea when buying the tickets." I said, noncommittally. he didn't seem to notice the hollowness of my words.

I carefully unwrapped my present for him. he looked at me suspiciously.

"not a dime, I swear." I said, holding my hands high like a criminal. he grinned slightly and looked down at the C.D case I had pressed into his hands.

"what's this?" he asked, confused. I rolled my eyes at him and took it from his hands. I opened the C.D player on his bed-side desk, slotted in the disk and hit the play button.

the sound of the lullaby I had composed flew from the speakers.

he stiffened slightly next to me and then drew his arms around me. the weak being I was, I lent into him all the more.

"Bella, it's beautiful. I couldn't have asked for a better gift." he murmured into my hair.

I never wanted the moment to end. we fit so perfectly, like two pieces of a jigsaw. it was almost as though I was meant to be with him...

NO. I couldn't. it was wrong. wrong to besmirch his pure and innocent life with so much darkness, danger and death.

"you know how I said I didn't want you to ignore my birthday...?" Edward asked.

"yes?" I asked, drawing out the word. what was he up to?

"well. for my birthday, I'd like to kiss you again." he said, I could feel his faint blush warm my hair. I smiled softly in the darkness and my frozen heart quivered.

"aren't you greedy." I said, lightly. he chuckled, his chest rumbling beneath me.

"I guess I am." he mumbled against my head.

I was too. I knew I was leaving and I wanted to take all I could while I was still here.

"me too." I whispered, turning my head and pressing my lips softly to his.

I had draw many lines in our physical relationship. all for the intent of my not losing control. but this time, knowing that this was the last kiss I would ever have from him, I erased the lines.

I crushed myself closer to him, my hands securing tightly in his hair. my mouth was harder against his than usual and he froze for a second in surprise before responding enthusiastically. I clutched myself to him desperately, trying to convey all the love I felt for him into one kiss.

heartbreak is not a metaphor. it is real and it is painful. no, painful does not even begin to cover it. as I kissed him, I felt my heart rip open. rip into thousands of tiny pieces all with his name etched onto them.

my eyes tried to cry, tried to release the anguish that filled me. that crushed me.

I don't know how I did it, but I pulled him away from him. as I separated from him, I felt the first piece of my heart fall, leaving an hollow space where it had once been.

I looked at him. his eyes hazy, hair mussed and with swollen lips and I had never seen anything more beautiful to me.

and I had to leave him.

I lay my head down on the pillow beside him.

"sorry. I shouldn't have..." I trailed off.

"I don't mind." he panted, his breathing falling heavily.

_I love you. _

the words that I so wanted to speak could not fall from my lips.

"try and sleep, Edward." I said. it wasn't fair to tell him such things when I was planning on leaving.

he yawned slightly, his sweet breath blowing out over my face. I resisted the urge to run my hand down his cheek. his eyes fell closed as he relaxed into the pillow. his hand grasped mine instinctively. I sighed at the contact, allowing myself this last indulgence in his room.

I heard his breathing even out and nonsense begin to fall from his mouth and I knew he was asleep.

releasing my hand from his, I slipped out of his bed and opened the noiseless window. I sat on the window-ledge and laid my head against the flaking white-painted frame.

I jumped down before I could change my mind and lay back with him. I took off running as soon as my feet touched the floor, the trees blurring into one long wall of green.

I entered the house quietly. I knew that they would all want to talk to me about this.

as I expected, I was bombarded with questions, both aloud and internal, as soon as I stepped into the living room. I held up a hand to them all and they fell silent and waited for me to speak, in anticipation.

"I _am_ doing this. I can't be a danger to him any longer. I won't." I spoke softly looking around, silently daring anyone to answer. Alice walked over to me, her head barely reaching my chest. her eyes haunted. she didn't speak aloud to me. but spoke to me with her thoughts. she knew she would begin to cry if she spoke.

_Bella, please don't do this. you need him. I need him. I love you and Rose, I do. but Edward...I really do need him. I need a friend I can pick up for school in the mornings and help with his homework. I love that. having some-one to depend on me. some-one I can protect and support. I know you do that for him, but he's...my friend. my best friend, aside from you guys. I love the fact that I can hug him and he won't flinch away from me. I love him too. no-where near the same or as much as you, but it's there._

I looked away from her, not wanting to see the emptiness that was in her eyes, because I knew that it was an echo of the emptiness that resided in my own pair.

"Bella please! this. will. kill him." she spoke aloud now, using her thoughts to show me her visions. I knew that, were it possible, tears would be streaming down her face.

_Edward, sitting limp against a tree in the blackness of night. eyes open and staring, seeing nothing. tear tracks marked on his face glisten in the light of the moon._

her vision swirled and stopped a few hours into the future.

_Edward lying on his bed, facing away from the door. eyes still open and unseeing. the now empty photo-album at his side. Charlie standing in the door-way with another man. a doctor._

"_catatonic." was murmured from the doorway_

"STOP!" I yelled. she stopped thinking about it, but her mind took a different and no more welcome path.

"this will kill _you._" she whispered, her hand grabbing my arm as I turned to leave.

I faced her. her small face was screwed up with sorrow.

"you think I don't know that?" I asked her. "you think that I don't know how each second that passes without him will destroy me?" by this time I had forgotten that there was anyone else in the room aside from the two of us. "I know all of this Alice and I will put myself through that. for him. he will hurt for a while, but he _will_ move on. he _will_ forget me. he doesn't have the _capacity _to hurt as much as I will. and I will. for eternity. for him."

I heard Esme draw in a sob and turned to look at every-one.

"you can't make me change my mind. you're leaving tonight." I said to the room at large.

Carlisle looked at me, noticing I hadn't included myself in that statement.

_and you? _he asked silently.

"give me a few days to say goodbye." I said. I was begging, not for permission, but for him not to judge me for this selfish act.

his thoughts showed only understanding and I was grateful for that.

my hand was on the door-knob when I turned back to Alice.

"and Alice, once we're gone, don't look for his future." I told her. "we've caused enough damage."

she nodded soundlessly. when Jasper walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, I had to turn away. that so innocent display of affection cut me deep. I felt another part of my heart fall away as I watched and I had to leave.

was this how my existence would be now? I would have to turn away from the people I loved when I saw affection in them? would I turn away when Carlisle kissed Esme when he arrived from work? would I have to run away when I 'overheard' Emmett and Rosalie together? when Alice and Jasper looked at each other would I hide my eyes? would I be able to be near any of them at all?

I heard the beating of Edward's heart as I approached his house, but I didn't enter. I stood underneath the window that held so many memories for me.

the heavens opened and the rain drenched me through in seconds. it was as if the rain was providing my tears that couldn't fall. I raised my face to the sky and watched the moonlight reflect of the raindrops.

"Bella." I heard my angel mumble in his sleep. I heard him say this every night and never had it cut me like this.

I dropped to my knees from the pain and let out a feral scream.

how could I do this?


	3. To Shatter My Heart

I pulled into my usual space, alone today. Alice had gone on to Denali. the whole family were staying at Ariana's house until our house was ready.

I was to join them when...when it was over.

I heard the ominous roar of Edward's truck same as I did every day. only today instead of happy anticipation, I could feel only dread.

he parked next to me, as always, though his face was wary as he looked at me. did he know that there was a change coming, just as I was so painfully aware?

his eyes were careful, trying to read me. I wondered briefly what he saw there. pain? sorrow? hopefully, indifference. it took all of my efforts just to keep my face blank when all I really I wanted to do was scream.

I ached to feel him wrap his arms around me, to feel his warmth against my ice-cold skin. but I kept my distance. to let myself do even that would smash my resolve.

"where's Alice?" Edward asked as he got out of his truck. I hesitated for a fraction of a second before reciting the lie I had fabricated.

"she and Jasper have gone to Denali." no need to tell him the rest had gone...yet. "she thinks that it would help him to be away from humans for a while." he simply nodded at my words.

that was the most we spoke all day.

through-out the tedious lectures and the repetitive routine, not once did we speak. I deserved his silence, I knew this, but I still craved the velvety music of his voice.

I had tried once before to ignore Edward. I had already managed to fail at that but I wouldn't do it again. so the invisible barrier that had risen between us stayed up and I had no intention of knocking it down.

the final bell rang. effectively ending one torture, yet starting another. I knew that tonight should be the night that I leave his life, but my more selfish side couldn't do it yet. another day. one more. my time with him was limited, could I be blamed for wanting more.

"will you come over later?" Edward asked. I was confused by his words.

"later?" I struggled to remember what change in his schedule had made it so I had to wait longer to see him.

"I had to trade my work shift yesterday." he reminded me. "but you'll come over after right?" he asked.

I meant to say no. to continue the separation that had started last night. that was killing me inside.

"okay. if you want me to." I couldn't stop the words from falling from my mouth.

"I'll always want you." he said the words so sincerely, it took all of my strength to stay upright. I felt like my knees would give way.

"okay then." the urge to kiss him, as I did every time he had to work, was overpowering. as it was, I did kiss him. but I avoided his lips. I brushed my lips to his soft cheeks. I closed my eyes as I felt the warmth against my icy lips.

I retreated from his door and listened to his truck engine flare and fade away. with a yell, I whirled around and slammed my fists into the top of my car.

_is Bella okay? what's wrong with her?_

"Bella?" a tentative voice came from behind me. I looked up to see Angela Weber standing on the other side of my car. she was one of the people I sat with at lunch with Alice and...and Edward.

"Bella, are you okay?" she asked, her kind brown eyes showed only concern for me, though I barely spoke to her.

"yes Angela. I'm fine, I just got some bad news. a death in my family." I lied smoothly, hoping she would misconceive the grief in my voice.

"oh. are you going to be okay?" she asked again, sorrow for my pain in her thoughts.

"yes. I'll be fine." I told her, giving her a weak smile. she nodded sympathetically and walked to her car. I smoothed out the dents my fists had created and got in the car.

even though I knew Edward wouldn't be home for hours, I drove to his house, hiding my car behind the trees so Chief Swan wouldn't see me parked out front.

I got out and stood in between the trees of the leafy green forest.

standing here, it was easier to remember my reasons for leaving. easier, when I couldn't see my reason for staying.

I knew I would have to leave, so why was it taking so long to make that final cut and remove myself from his life? I should do it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid.

the wind whistled through the trees, blowing with it a faint trace of Edward's scent. I trembled as it hit me full in the face. everything led back to him.

"Bella?" a curious voice called. Charlie. he was standing out next to my car. well, I thought I'd hidden it.

"I'm in here." I raised my voice, knowing Charlie wouldn't hear it otherwise. I walked out of the trees, composing my face into a smile.

"Edward's going to be at work for a while. do you want to come in?" he asked, as soon as he could see me. I nodded and followed him inside.

all about the house there were reminders of Edward. pictures from his childhood. his scent was integrated in every surface, his flavour touched my tongue with every breath, burning my throat.

Charlie and I exchanged small talk. he lay across the sofa as his son had done last night with me in his arms. I joined him in the seat to the side of the T.V. I knew that once Edward arrived back, he would want to sit by me, and I him, but I needed to keep my distance.

Chief Swan switched to the sports center and watched with avid interest, paying no more attention to me. I was glad. it hurt to keep up a happy facade.

so I sat there, staring unseeingly at the walls, oblivious to any thoughts but my own.

* * *

"dad?" Edward's voice came through the house. I closed my eyes at the sound of his voice. it was an indulgence I had never appreciated before.

"in here, son." Charlie spoke for the first time in hours.

as Edward walked into the dark room, I pretended to be engrossed in the television, urging myself not to look at his face.

if he was surprised to see me here already, he didn't show it.

"kid, there's some cold pizza in the kitchen. help yourself." Charlie told him, offhandedly, though confusion flitted through his thoughts when I didn't jump up to greet Edward.

I turned my head to face Edward and saw him watching me. I smiled at him, though it felt brittle to me.

he knew I wasn't really interested in the sports show playing. I could see it in the suspicion in his eyes.

"I'll be right behind you." I lied. I wouldn't leave the chair the whole night.

he could sense my deception, I could see that in his eyes too. he turned away and walked into the kitchen. I could smell the fear in his body and could hear his pulse-rate quicken.

I heard the scrape of the chair as it was pulled from under the table, but I heard no open and close of the pizza box. he was just sitting there. his breathing was labored and his heart beats irregular. I resisted the desire to go to him and stayed sitting in the chair. I watched the screen without seeing anything. I watched the colours and the movements rather than the actual program.

eventually, I heard Edward's racing blood slow and his breathing shift back into normal patterns. I sighed, thankful for whatever it was that had calmed him down, before I stopped and remembered that I was no longer the one to care for him. it would be Charlie's job from now on.

he walked slowly into the room and took the chair on the opposite side of the room to me. I could feel his eyes on my face but did not remove my own eyes from the screen.

after what seemed an age of staying still, though it was no trouble to me, I rose to go. I stretched my arms for Charlie's sake.

"I better be going home then." I said to the room at large. Edward stood too and followed me to the door.

I heard Charlie's belated "see you" as I walked away. I opened the door and stepped out into the rain.

"will you stay?" Edward asked, though it was clear from the tone of his voice he expected a no.

_Yes!_ but I couldn't say that anymore.

"not tonight." I said instead. not any night after, either. he nodded and I turned and ran through the night to my car, leaving behind another piece of my heart.

I tried not to look in my mirrors as I drove away, but I couldn't not do it.

Edward stood there, the rain darkening his hair and wetting his shirt. he was motionless as he watched me drive out of sight.

I had spent few nights away from Edward. only to hunt. the thought of spending the night alone, without the music of his heartbeat to sooth me was terrifying.

the silent sobs wracked my body with tremors. I felt the stinging sensation behind my eyes as my body tried to cry and failed.

I expected to hear silence when I arrived at the house but, to my surprise, I heard Carlisle's 'voice' as he waited for me.

I stopped the car in front of the house and ran in to meet him. he was keeping his thoughts shielded which was ominous in and of itself.

"Carlisle." I greeted my father, nodding.

"Bella." he spoke softly, his eyes rising to meet mine.

"what is it father?" I asked, cutting straight to the point. there was obviously a reason to why he was here.

"you look dreadful Bella." he said, still avoiding his subject.

"Carlisle, it is not me who I am concerned about." I told him flatly.

"yet you do this to yourself, without even considering the alternatives?" he asked me. Alice's words echoed through his head.

_he will be one of us. this vision is so clear, there are no decisions that can stop it, Carlisle. it will never leave._

I stopped and looked at him unblinkingly. what did he mean?

"if you stayed, say another year, you would never have to worry about harming him again. you could be together for eternity. I would even help you" he spoke the words so quietly, that a human standing next to him would never hear him.

what?! Carlisle had been unrelenting about changing another. he had sworn Emmett would be the last. the idea of asking Carlisle to change Edward had entered my head once, but I had never acted on the impulse, not wanting to hurt my father and damn Edward.

"you would do that? for me?" I asked, incredulous.

"it is clear, to anyone, that the two of you were made for each other. it would not be easy for me, but it seems that if you are his destiny, then he is meant to be an immortal." it was evident that Carlisle's offer was not one of haste, that he had thought this through.

so tempting...

so wrong.

"I won't damn him to this existence, Carlisle. I can't. he deserves to live. to live a life and not suffer this perpetual thirst. not to have to fight the demon within for every single second of the everlasting night. he deserves the heaven from which I am forever barred." each word cut me as I spoke it, knowing it was true. knowing I was sealing off the last path that led to Edward and I.

"you are sure of your course then?" Carlisle asked, sadness heavy in his eyes, thoughts and face., though I knew it was only a much watered down echo of my own.

I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak.

"then that is all I can offer, the only choice I can give you." he spoke with a finality and I knew he would not question me again tonight. "when will you join us in Denali?" he asked, altering the question that was in his thoughts. _when will you leave him?_

"tomorrow night." I answered, unemotionally, though my heart ached.

"very well." he stepped toward me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "do what you think is right, my daughter." he said, simply and then he was gone. I sank to the floor, looking out the glass wall opposite me.

watching the night fade away and counting heartbeats I couldn't hear in my head.

* * *

I walked into the car park today, Carlisle had taken my car back to Denali with him. I walked with the air of a woman walking towards the gallows. today was the last day. the last day of meaning. the last day that I could call my life.

I was sure someone must be able to notice the anguish present in the very air I passed through, but no-one did. they carried on their simple lives. their minds troubled with trivial problems solved with uncomplicated answers.

no-one else knew of my turmoil.

Edward was already parked and talking to Angela when I approached. Angela excused herself and left me alone with Edward.

"good morning." he said, without feeling. was it? how could any morning like this be good. but then he knew nothing of what was coming. of what was ending.

the day continued with our silence and I sobbed internally at the fact that I would not hear his voice on this last day. but I couldn't break the silence, for I knew that I would find some reason to stay when I heard his words.

my despair deepened when I walked with him to the last class of the day. one of the few classes I didn't spend with him. I left him at the door and turned away, not allowing myself to look back.

I walked out the front doors, ignoring the irritated thoughts of the teachers as I passed them. they knew I was leaving today. Carlisle had given in his resignation at the hospital and Esme had told the school of our 'move'.

I walked into the forest and ran through the green and the brown towards Edward's house.

I scaled the brick wall and opened his window. he hadn't locked it yet.

I immediately stopped. there was another scent here. Alice. and it was fresh. I guess Carlisle had not come alone last night. I supposed that Alice had come here to say her version of a goodbye, since I wouldn't allow her to say it in person.

I stopped pondering Alice's actions and started to collect all the evidence of me from the room, tearing my heart all the more as I did so. I picked up a jumper I had worn a month ago and left in his room. I collected the tickets from Esme and Carlisle and the C.D I had made for him.

I created a small pile on the bed.

I looked for the photo-frame. it wasn't here. I guessed that Alice must have taken that with her. well it was _her_ gift. she had every right to take it.

I considered running back to the school and taking the stereo from his car, but a big gaping hole in his truck might leave even more of a reminder than if I left it.

I looked around and spotted a scrap-book on the floor. I picked it up and flicked through it, in case there were any pictures of me in there.

there were.

the first was of me. I looked so innocently happy as I looked into the camera. my eyes unclouded by torment and full of love for the person taking the picture, it was in Edward's kitchen from his birthday.

I placed the photo with the rest of the stuff and turned the page. it was Emmett, Edward, Carlisle, Esme and me all in the main room of our house. I took that also.

the rest continued in the same fashion. all of me, Edward and my family. all naively happy. all carefree.

I placed everything on the bed I would never again touch.

what should I do with it? bin it? burn it? to even think about fully destroying any evidence of the two of us cut me deeply. but I couldn't leave any reminder of myself in his life.

maybe...maybe I _could_ leave a reminder. leave something of myself behind for him, but not for him to see. maybe I could keep some minuscule solace for myself and know that some part of me was left with him.

but where?

as I stood the floorboards creaked. I looked down and saw that one floorboard was loose. I slotted it back into place. as I did so, as small spark of inspiration struck.

where better to leave the reminders of our love, than in the room where we were closest? he wouldn't live here for always, I knew that. but once he left he would be leaving to be with and love another and that would be when I should leave him.

I lifted the wooden board and gently placed the photos and gifts in the small, dark space below. I fastened the wood back into place, feeling as though it was my heart I was locking under the floor.

taking one last look around, I dropped from the window. I closed the window behind me.

the once vibrant emerald of the forest was now a dull green as I flew through it. the taste of the moist air deadened upon reaching my tongue. I was becoming numb.

I sat in the tree outside Edward's classroom, watching every shift in position, every breath, every nervous movement that he made. I watched his strangely bronze hair shimmer under the fluorescent lighting and the rise and fall of his shoulders. taking small indulgences before I threw myself off the cliff into the sea of pain.

the dull ring of the bell echoed through the school, reaching my ears with ease. I slipped down from my branch and ran to Edward's classroom door.

as natural reaction, I smiled when I saw his face. I turned away to hide my smile as soon as I realized I was doing so.

"would you mind if I came over today?" I asked as soon as we reached his truck.

his face betrayed his shock before he composed himself.

"of course not."

"now?" I asked, too quickly. he looked startled at my _eagerness._

"sure. I was just going to send a letter to Renee." he motioned to an overstuffed envelope on his seat. I saw the same photos I had buried lodged in. he had had double prints made. I grabbed them immediately.

"I'll take them for you." I offered. "and beat you there." I smiled flatly to him as he got in his truck and pulled away.

I ran back into the surrounding trees, envelope in hand. I couldn't go back into the house. not again. instead, I ran to my own house. I ran into Alice's room and left the entire package in her drawers. maybe, if we ever came back to Forks, she would find them again. I hoped I wouldn't be around when she did.

I ran from the house, to seal my fate.

time was nearly up. Edward would be nearly home. I stopped at the edge of the forest shadows.

again, the foreboding roar of his truck's engine hit my ears. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about what I would do in the next few minutes.

Edward looked tense, as he parked in his usual spot. did he have an idea of what was happening? did he guess the reason to my silence?

I darted to his side as he exited the car.

"come for a walk with me." I said, not really giving him a choice. I would tell him in the woods, so as to leave his house free from any memories of me.

I didn't take his hand as he walked beside me and if he noticed my distance, he didn't comment.

I stopped just inside the trees, leaving his house out of sight, and turned to face him.

"Edward, we're leaving." I spoke in one short breath, though I knew he caught it. he took a breath as though calming himself, and his face relaxed slightly.

"okay... but why now?" he asked. my heart sank as I realized the conclusion he had drawn. a perfectly real one, were my lie a truth.

"it's time. I mean, how much longer could we have stayed in Forks? Carlisle is claiming to be thirty-three and he can barely pass for twenty-five. we would have had to have left soon regardless of the circumstances." I watched his face as he understood my words. his face paled and his eyes grew wide. my still heart twisted in agony.

"who's we?" he asked, and I knew he had reached the right answer. I was leaving him behind.

"me and my family." I said, as though I had not noticed his misunderstanding.

"okay then. I'll come too." he said, determination in his words. I wished that he would not put up a fight, not give me a chance to accept his offers.

"Edward, you can't. where we're going, it's not the place for you. my world isn't for you." and never would be, no matter what Alice said.

"your world? I don't care about _your world. _the place for me is with you." oh how I longed those words to be true.

"I'm no good for you." I said, firmly.

"don't be stupid. you're the best part of my life." he argued, stubbornly.

I said nothing. I didn't trust my voice.

"you promised me." he whispered. "you promised in Phoenix, that you would stay-"

"-as long as it was what was best for you." I finished, recalling my words. he winced as he remembered that my own words had no binding.

he wouldn't give up, I could see it in his eyes. that determination that I usually loved so much. how could I make him see that I wasn't good enough for him? why did he always have to see things backward?

_backward._

maybe if he couldn't accept the truth, he would believe the lie. the blackest of lies. the one that hurt me by just sitting in my thoughts. one that no-one, not even him, could believe it.

_that I didn't want him._

no. he would reject that lie as soon as I spoke it. he had seen the change himself. the transformation of my almost empty existence to one of company and light and love.

but did I have another choice? if I could get him to believe this lie, he would give up all resistance and let me leave him. safe.

I stared at the ground, closing my eyes as the reality of what I was about to do hit me. the hole inside my chest ripped wide open.

I knew as I looked up, everything was wiped from my eyes. everything that was Bella was gone. all that was left was the stone cage that was my body. nothing inhabited it beside a mind that longed to stop thinking.

"Edward," even speaking his name shredded me. "I don't want you to come." I looked, unseeingly into his face, avoiding his eyes.

he didn't move. he stood staring blankly at me. his brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of the simple sentence.

he must be too angry to speak, knowing that I was lying to his face.

"you...don't....want me?" he asked, confused. his words were like another blow to my already fragile chest. there was some doubt in him that I loved him, that made him question me for confirmation.

"No." I answered as though in auto-pilot, not hearing the words till they left my mouth.

"well then, this changes things." he spoke so calmly. my already dead heart ripped again. he believed me. but how could he? how could he let one word break his faith in me? how could he accept the blasphemous lie that burned my mouth to speak it?

"I'm sorry. I let this go for far too long." this, at least, was the truth. I _had _let it go on for too long.

"don't do this." he whispered. it was too late, I already had.

"you're not good for me." I lied, again. his face fell, though no surprise showed. he believed this already, I knew this. and I was using his own insecurities to hurt him.

"if...if this is what you want, then I won't stop you." he spoke so silently, I doubted even he could hear his words.

no. this was not what I wanted. what I wanted was to run into his arms and tell him it was all a lie.

but what I wanted didn't matter.

so I simply nodded and tried to focus on keeping the pain at bay. Edward's stance changed and I saw his knees buckle slightly. I stopped myself before I threw away my facade and rushed to help him. but who would look after him when I was gone?

"one more thing, try not to do anything stupid, or reckless. do this one favor for me, if it's not too much." I said. I let my wall fall for a second as this was nearly as important as my leaving.

he nodded, silently, and I threw the wall up around myself again.

"of course, I'm thinking of Charlie. if you do anything dangerous....he needs you. stay safe – for him." and me.

"I will." he murmured. his face softened and I knew that he would do this for me. he would do anything that I suggested. and it killed me to see that.

now for my promise.

"and in return, I will give you my word. you will never see me again I won't come back, this will be the last time you ever see me. your life can carry on as though I never existed. forget that I existed." I spoke the words, to him or myself I wasn't sure. I tried to get myself to believe them. "don't worry. you're human. your memories will fade and you will move on." the words cut me to say, as I knew they were true. his memories _would _fade. mine, however would be branded into my mind for the rest of eternity.

as if reading my mind, he said "and your memories?" I looked away to the trees as I spoke.

"yes. I will always remember. but, you see, my kind...we're easily distracted." I lied through my teeth, knowing there would be no distraction from the agony. I would remember every breath he had taken, every word he had spoken, every time he had whispered my name in his sleep...

I took a step back, meaning to leave before I broke down.

"well then, I guess that that's everything. we won't bother you again." I told him. a small flicker of surprise crossed his pained face.

"Alice isn't coming back, is she?" he asked, quietly. I shook my head.

"no, she's gone. they're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye. Alice wanted to say goodbye too, but I convinced her to leave. give you a clean break."

I took another step back.

"good-bye Edward." I said, gently.

"wait!" he croaked and he took a step towards me. I took his outstretched arms by the wrists and placed them at his side, savoring the warmth. the electric current that came with his touch surged through me and I, foolishly, reached up to kiss his cheek. I saw his eyes close at the touch and closed my own. I pulled away after two seconds. took one last look at my one and only love and ran.

running was usually my escape. the thrill of the speed and the wind as it messed up my hair. I usually ran to escape the conflicts in my mind and to let my more animalistic side take over.

there was no escape from this

there was nothing I could do any-more. the only thing that would make sense to me would be to run back into Edward's arms and tell him that I lied. but some-how I managed to keep my feet on the path to Denali. no matter how much my body and mind longed to be back in Forks.

The stars had been erased. I had taken the hope from my own life. I didn't know when I will be able to see the stars again. but I do know this, my first love, my true love, my only love. _He _will be my last love.

my heart hasn't beaten in over a century, but this was different. it was truly gone. I had left it in the woods when I had ripped it out. I had to crush my arms around my chest to keep myself from falling apart.

I was in Denali before I knew it. time lost all meaning. I knew nothing aside from the grey that now surrounded me. colour had left me too.

I slowed down and walked through The Denali Coven's front door without knocking. there was no need, they would have heard my footsteps a mile ago.

I entered the main room where the two families were converged. Esme, Alice and Ariana all gasped aloud when they saw me. I wondered briefly about what I would look like to them, before realizing I didn't care. my eyes sought only Carlisle however and I paid no mind to their thoughts.

"it's done." I said. I heard myself talk in empty words, words that hold no meaning and no emotion. for what was the point of emotion without one to share it with?

"Bella...are you sure this is what-?" I cut off Carlisle's question.

"don't. Carlisle, just don't. please." I begged. he nodded and I left the room, heading to the guest room that was mine but I had never yet used.

I lay on the bed, curled into a ball and let myself fall to pieces.

I cried. even though it was impossible for tears to fall, all you had to do was to look into my eyes and you would see the eyes of some-one who is sobbing inside.

the grief is so huge, so immense, it's like swimming in a sea of it. drowning in it. every second I am dragged further under the unforgiving waves. dragged away from the soft sands of the shore to the merciless rocks that reside at the bottom. and I couldn't fight it. the first time in my existence that I couldn't and didn't fight anything. I just let myself be pulled away from the surface, seeking the solace of unconsciousness I wouldn't get and didn't deserve.


	4. Waking Up Again

it has been months. months since my life has had meaning

heartbreak. there are many definitions in the dictionary and not a single one of them is true.

none of them describe how you feel hollow. how it hurts even to breath. how it seems pointless to talk to anybody because no-on can aptly understand the concept of how your heart can still hurt even when it is gone, still left with the one you love.

I understand.

I understand that clearly, because that is all I felt. every second that passed was empty and meaningless without him by my side. time shouldn't have passed but pass it did. speeding up and slowing down in sudden lurches and almost gentle lulls.

everything was meaningless.

I had spent the entire time in my room, never moving, never thinking of any-thing except him. flashes of him playing through my head like an unending movie reel.

no-one had disturbed me the entire time. though I knew that was about to change when I heard footsteps walking the corridor to my door and caught onto the two sets of thoughts getting steadily louder.

Alice and Ariana. my sister and my best friend. I felt a small tremor of guilt buried deep underneath everything else for not speaking a word to either of them the whole time.

"Bella, you need to hunt. you've gone too long." I heard Alice's tentative voice call through the door. "come on Bella, you need to go."

I knew she was right. my eyes had been becoming blacker and blacker. I could feel the lack of blood and the burn in my throat. but I had had no desire to move.

the sound of a key in a lock made me raise my head. I looked around to the doorway and saw the two of them enter the darkened room. I turned my head away from them, not wanting them to see me.

I felt the bed dip as they both sat down and Ariana's hands begin to stroke through my hair. for once I felt like a small child being comforted by their mother.

"Bells, you can't do this to yourself. you've got to be in pain. you need to hunt." she whispered coaxingly.

I sat up and turned to face them. for an instant, instead of topaz eyes, I saw brilliant emerald ones, but I shook my head quickly to dispel the image. as if I wasn't hurting enough.

I heard Alice's thoughts, mindlessly singing old folk songs, and I was for once glad that Alice was the best at concealing her thoughts. she was the one who would no doubt think about_ him _the most.

I saw my own coal eyes stare back at me blankly from their topaz eyes. I needed to hunt. as I became more aware of this the burn in the back of my throat got hotter and hotter, as though in revenge for being ignored while my mind was ...occupied.

"okay... hunt." I said. even to my own ears, my voice sounded flat and numbed. they both smiled tentatively at me and I stood, heading for the window.

_a flash of a very different window crossed my vision, the peeling white paint falling softly to the ground as I lifted the latch, hearing the heartbeats..._

I froze as another gash seemed to tear itself into me. instinctively, I wrapped my arms around myself an turned away from the window, towards the door. I saw Ariana give Alice a questioning glance but Alice only shook her head. she knew why.

luckily for me, most of my family and Ariana's coven were out at the moment, that was why the two of them had decided to confront me now. when there was no-one to stop me on my way out.

as soon as I was out of the front door, I ran to the east, trying to find an appetizing scent. I took in a deep breath, breathing in the delectable perfume of mountain lion. I quickly changed my course and followed the fragrance to my meal.

I felt my human mind being over-shadowed by the predator. focused on only one thing. the hunt. I let my body do what felt natural and ran after my kill.

my eyes zeroed in on the big cat, laying down in the middle of a clearing. too easy. I pounced and sunk my teeth into the beating pulse, feeling the thirst ebb and fade away with every gulp I took.

I drank the scarlet liquid until the body had dried up, I threw it to one side and set about hiding it, in case any human travelers were to happen upon it.

my thoughts slowly became released from the creature. from the simpleness of easy problems resolved by easy solutions. thirsty, feed. if only my life could be that simple all the time.

as I began to come back to human, the pain I had managed to keep away during the hunt came back. in small darts rebounding again and again through my body. I paused for a second and clutched my arms around me, but carried on. not being exposed was more important.

I could hear Alice and Ariana's thoughts as they watched me move, but I paid no attention to them until my task was complete. after I could postpone it no longer, I faced them.

I saw Alice open her mouth to speak, when her eyes glazed over and I was swept up into her vision.

_flame red hair blew in the wind. the trees bending fiercely from the hill on which they stood, to the town that the woman looked upon. the night sky was dark, the only illumination was the stars and the rapidly decreasing houselights. the woman fell into a hunting crouch, baring her teeth and threw herself off the hill, her feet landing lightly on the topmost branch of a tree at the foot of a garden. _

_below her, a human woman stood, hanging her washing on a line and two small children, a boy and a girl, ran out to her. _

_an vicious smile arrived on the flame-haired womans face and she jumped off the tree, landing in front of the family, her red eyes blazing. she moved in for the kill. a flash of brown hair and amber eyes crossed the vision before black smoke clouded Alice's eyes._

Alice unfroze and I growled slightly. I recognized the vampire. Victoria.

"Alice, why are you seeing her?" I asked, through gritted teeth. she blinked a few times, coming to her senses before answering me.

"ever since..._that time..._I was concentrating on her so hard then, that she comes more clearly now...but normally only when I'm looking..." she trailed off, trying to reason it to herself as much as to me.

"but why now?" I asked, my voice filled with emotion. anger. I hadn't experienced anything other than pain, grief and loss for months.

"some decision...I need to see again." and she froze again. this time, I didn't watch with her. I quickly filled in Ariana on the vision. she had already been told about ... _before._

"NO!" Alice yelled as she came to. immediately, Ariana and I were at her side.

"what did you see?" Ariana asked, frantically. I stopped, hearing her thoughts already. this was _interesting._

"Bella, you can't!" I heard Alice call, but I wasn't listening.

me hunting Victoria? hmmm. hadn't I just been thinking about how the only time I didn't think about _him _was when I was more vampire than human. _easy problems resolved by easy solutions. _danger, kill.

a grin spread across my face before I could stop it. the action was difficult and unused, but I managed a watered-down version of it.

Alice jumped in front of me.

"Bella, no! it's dangerous. why would you want to do this?" she pleaded, her topaz eyes over-bright with worry.

"why?! what does she want to do?!" Ariana asked, looking between me and Alice, her silver-blonde curls flying as she moved.

"she's going to follow Victoria herself." Alice told her, not moving her eyes from my face.

the more I considered it, the more I liked the idea. I was deaf to Ariana's and Alice's protests, as I thought about it. I would be away from any thoughts that would revolve around me and...and him. and this way, I wouldn't have to distance my mind from my family and their time with their other half.

Carlisle. I would need to talk to him about it. I wouldn't necessarily _need_ his permission, but I would feel better with his approval of what I was doing.

without a word, I ran back to these house, hoping that Carlisle would be back. luck wasn't with me. he and Esme were still out hunting, though the rest of them were all in the living room. they all froze upon seeing me but I ignored them, pacing up and down the long room, waiting for Carlisle's return.

no-one tried to speak to me as I moved. I could hear it in their thoughts. they thought that a single word from them could send me back to the depression I had spent the last two months in.

the front door flew open, revealing Alice and Ariana. Alice dashed towards me while Ariana sat with the rest of her coven. I could feel all pairs of eyes on me as I walked, Alice shadowing my footsteps.

"Bella!" she eventually screeched at me, after five minutes of ignoring her. I stopped and faced her, already knowing what she was about to say. "this is dangerous!" her hands formed restraints around my wrists, preventing me from turning away.

"what's dangerous?" I heard Carlisle say as he walked through the still open front door, his hand intertwined with Esme's and his face cautious.

before I could say a word, Alice began to explain to every-one her visions and my plan. Carlisle's brow furrowed as he listened. as soon as she had finished Carlisle turned to me, a concerned look on his face. when he spoke, his voice was soft.

"Bella...?" he asked, cocking his head slightly to one side.

"I want to go." I announced, looking at my feet. my voice, though quiet, rang with determination.

"why?" was all he asked. I sighed and brought my arms up around me, not realizing I had done so until I saw myself in his thoughts.

"Carlisle,,,when I'm hunting...it's the only time that I don't think about him." I whispered, keeping my eyes trained on the floor. "is it so bad to want an escape?"

"it's unsafe." Esme spoke up, for the first time since walking in.

"not such a bad thing." I murmured. "win/win situation really." the thought jumped into my head and out of my mouth unbidden. I winced mentally and looked up, hoping no-one had caught that. it was too much to hope for.

"what?" Alice hissed.

"I didn't mean that!" I protested under her fierce stare. she had seen a future from that small unconscious decision and it had terrified her.

"then why say it?" she asked, baring her teeth slightly.

I held up my hands, taking a step back.

"it just came out! I didn't think!" though it was true. one less threat in the world if I succeeded...no more grief for me if I failed. but I wasn't that bad. I wasn't about to go looking for death.

"Alice." Carlisle saved me, causing Alice to turn and face him. "keep to the task at hand." he told her.

"but Carlisle-"

"later Alice!" Alice huffed, but went to sit down next to Jasper. Carlisle

turned back to me again.

"this is what you want to do?" I nodded and he sighed. "then I can't stop you." I nodded thankfully and was about to turn when I heard another voice speak up.

"I'm going too." I spun back around to face Jasper. Alice was watching him. her face, though concerned, showed that she had obviously accepted her husbands decision.

"what?!" I asked, looking him straight in the eye.

"I'm going too." he repeated, standing up. "I'm better at tracking, better at killing, and will be able to stop you making any _stupid decisions_." his last few words showing that Alice hadn't been the only one to catch my slip of the tongue.

"it's too-" I was cut off.

"too what? dangerous? unsafe? life threatening? if you can disregard those things then so can I."

"and if I refuse?" I challenged him.

he smirked at me. "I'll just follow you." I growled at him.

"and you approve of this?" I asked Alice, raising an eyebrow. she nodded resolutely.

"Jasper can take care of himself."

"AND I CAN'T?!" I shouted, annoyed at how this was turning out.

"yes you can. it's just...well, he's there to make sure you stay unharmed by your _own _means." she said, throwing my earlier words back at me in her head as she spoke.

I sighed, knowing I wouldn't win this argument. I could hear Emmett's thoughts wanting to offer his help too.

_I would...but Rosalie. she'd kill me if I left now. I just promised that second honeymoon..._

"it's okay Em." I murmured, looking over to him, hoping to show that I appreciated the offer. he grinned at me and tightened his arm around Rose. I turned away from the innocent display of affection and locked my knees together in case I fell. this was why I needed to go.

"when do we leave?" I asked Jasper, giving in. he smiled at me.

"Alice?"

she closed her eyes and sat frozen for a few seconds.

"tomorrow. at noon." I nodded to her and turned back to Jasper.

"be ready." I said and turned, seeking the solace of my room as the pain I had been keeping at bay while planning threatened to over-take me.

I only made it until I closed the door. I sunk against the wood hung my head.

a pair of beautiful green eyes stared at me from behind my eyelids. _this _was the reason I was doing it. _he _was. I was making the world as safe as I could. using everything in my power.

the very last of the vampire left my mind and the shards of ice thrust themselves fully through my heart again. my breathing came in short bursts as I let my earlier mask finally fall.

* * *

all of the occupants of the Denali Coven's house were gathered in the main room as Jasper and I made to leave.

I slung my virtually empty bag around my shoulder. all it held was money, phone and car keys, but I needed a bag for a prop if we had to spend too much time with humans, without arousing suspicion.

Esme threw her arms around me as her worried thoughts broke through the calm facade she had been maintaining. I tried to deafen myself to her sobs, but each one stabbed me like a needle. I knew that she hated any of us to be in danger, but this was something I had to do.

"I'm sorry Mom," I whispered, carefully wrapping my arms around her. "but this is just something I have to do. I'll be home soon." the rest of my family were also moving, though later, today. we had another house over in England and they had decided that we had stayed on the Denali Coven's hospitality too long.

I extracted myself from my mother's arms and was immediately attacked by Emmett and Alice's hugs, both gripping me tightly. "see you soon." I muttered, the _maybe _dying on my lips.

they released me and turned to say goodbye to Jasper. Ariana caught my hand and I found my self facing all five of the Denali Coven; Ariana, Isolde, Claudia, Louis and Samuel. all had identical solemn expressions on their faces.

"Be Safe." Claudia placed her small hands on my own and tossed her long, black hair out of her eyes. "I mean it Bella. you seem to attract trouble." she smiled at me slightly, making me feel guilty for not spending time with her while I was here. then again, I probably wasn't going to have been much company.

all five gave me a hug, Ariana holding on the longest.

"I had hoped that your next visit would be a happy one, but I am sorry that it was not to be so." she spoke her words with the same old-fashioned phrasing as most older vampires do. though I spoke the same way, she made me chuckle. "there is too much sorrow in your life Bella. one day you may be happy, but it depends on your choices." I tensed as she talked about choices. she had been talking to Alice.

"Bella, we have to go." Jasper called, referring to the time. I nodded and made for the door. I spared one last look at my family's faces before I ran outside to the car.

the roar of the engine wasn't enough to drown out my family's final calls of goodbye, however much I wanted it to. Jasper was driving the car, leaving me simply sat in the passenger seat to think.

thinking was something I had been trying very hard not to do since I had regained my composure. If I thought too much, my mind would keep circling back to painful subjects and I needed to be focused if I were to succeed at this.

Jasper's phone beeped, Alice reminding us again of Victoria's position. although she hated the plan she had decided to 'make sure the idiots don't get killed' as she so eloquently put it.

I tried to occupy myself with the passing scenery, my keen eyesight spotting small and inconsequential things that did nothing to alleviate my tenseness.

"do we need to stay in a hotel or forests?" I asked, trying to create some distraction for me.

"depends," he said, slipping into his old military skin "Alice say that she's still no-where near civilization. forests would probably be best as then we have no need to pull of the human charade." I had asked him to speak aloud the entire time, I would likely hear his thoughts any-way but silence wasn't something I was going to welcome.

it was comforting to hear Jasper speak as though he was back in the war. when he was his old self, he wasn't Jasper. he wasn't one of my family members who looked at me with pity and sadness. he was a companion to help me finish my quest. nothing more, nothing less.

my brother would come back soon and I would be pulled out of this little safe haven. but so long as he stayed with me to help...I would be fine.

it's an odd thing, heartbreak. behind the ache, there is the need to be alone to grieve because n-one else can understand you. but further behind that...there is the need to attach yourself to something that cares for you. the two desires are impossible to reconcile, like trying to push two magnets together. even if one is fulfilled, you are constantly wishing for the other and resenting the people who gave you one of them.

so I sat there, trapped in limbo, listening to the ticking of the clock count the seconds of my ... _life?_

**wow – that chapter was reeeaaalllly difficult to write. seriously it's been over a month and it's not even all that long of a chapter. I will TRY to get the next one quicker, at least I hope. so if you are still reading this, thankyou for not giving up on me. again sorry.**

**hope you liked it.**

**xox-hattii-xox**


	5. The Hunt For A Killer

I wrinkled my nose as the stench, terrible to even humans, hit me full in the face. Jasper nudged me in the back and pushed me into the hotel room. he too, stopped at the door before fulling entering the room.

it had been a full week since we left Denali and Alice kept sending daily updates on Victoria's location. I paid no attention to the places, I just followed Jasper. we had caught no sign of her yet and Alice had just told us that she was hunting in the city tonight. so we had booked into a hotel for the night so we could scout it out.

we had to pick from the bottom of the barrel, to keep hidden from Victoria, and I was seriously regretting the decision. the stench was terrible.

I lay back on the filthy bed-sheets as Jasper began planning tactics and strategies. my plan had worked so far. for almost the entire time, my mind had been solely focused on the hunt. it was only the occasional slip that had made me stop short. in retrospect, I felt bad for Jasper. he was the one who had to put up with my emotions.

emotions are a complex thing. even if the mind is centered on something, your emotions still run hay-wire underneath the surface. I was surprised that Jasper hadn't had enough by this time.

Jasper's cell phone rang one quick chirrup before Jasper had answered it. I could hear Alice start to speak to him and stood up.

"I'm...I'll...going for a walk." I muttered, grabbing a jacket and walking out the door again. I caught Jasper's apologetic expression before I closed the door behind me.

it's not that I didn't want to talk to Alice, I did. I missed all of my family. only, Jasper's thoughts and the pure love that I can just hear from their voices makes my knees buckle.

I stepped out into the night. though the sky was a deep blue, there was still many people milling about on the pavements. I walked, my eyes skimming over every face in the crowds. after a while, I realized that I was foolishly searching for his face. I stopped and turned down an alley, keeping my eyes on the floor, and away from people.

as I walked, a strong scent hit my nose, making my throat burn. blood. and lots of it. and there, mixed in faintly with the delicious forbidden fruit, was a slightly too sweet smell that made hurt my nose.

I tensed as soon as I recognized that fragrance. that substance ran through my own body. that substance had burned through me for a full three days, burning me from the inside. venom.

Victoria was hunting.

I breathed in deeply, the floral scent burning my throat as I did so. a gust of wind whipped through the alley. I whipped my head around to the left. the rooftops. _attack from the top. _Jasper's words echoed through my head as I bent my knees and threw myself up into the air.

my feet landed soundlessly upon the grey slates of the nearest rooftop lining the alleyway and I took off, keeping low to the roof to avoid any unwanted attention.

Would I be able to call Jasper now, or would Victoria hear me? I knew she was some-where near by but would she be listening for attackers. Probably not. She more than likely thought that she was the only vampire in the city and was indulging in it as best she could.

Alice would warn Jasper. That was, if she was looking.

I breathed in again as I ran, tasting the blood as it's scent danced over my tongue. I gulped back the venom that had accumulated in my mouth, trying to keep focuses. Victoria had spilt a lot of blood.

I knew, from the memories I had glimpsed in her head last year, that Victoria was the type who liked to play with her food. She enjoyed hearing the victim scream.

Screams...

I ranged out my ears, both mental and real, trying to catch a scream.

_Oh god! This must be death! Nothing can hurt this much! The pain! Oh god, some-one help me!_

The thoughts trailed off as Victoria's victim lost coherency with his pain. Then I caught Victoria's, the viciousness halting me for a second.

I snarled and ran, not caring if I got caught now. No-one like that deserved to live.

I threw myself off the roof and crashed through a window, shards of glass catching in my hair. The swinging lamp above my head, catching the glass and creating rainbows around the room.

The rainbows were the last thing on my mind.

A pair of unseeing eyes, stared up at me. Green eyes. The face transformed into one I had seen a thousand times. The brown hair fading to bronze. Only the eyes stayed unchanged. Blank, empty.

Blood poured from the body, surrounding it in a pool of crimson. The face I thought I was seeing had erased the call of the blood from my mind. Only anger surged through me.

All this I spotted in under two seconds. Then the vampire crouching over the body caught my attention. I screeched at her, crouching and lunging for her. She stood immediately, a line of scarlet trailing from her mouth. Her blazing red eyes widened fractionally as she saw me fly for her. She bared her teeth and braced herself. The force I hit her with set the both of us sprawling out of the opposite window. We landed just outside of the surrounding forests.

She cushioned my fall and I stood, motioning for her to stand and fight. I needed to fight. I _longed _for it. Some thing to hurt, to kill.

She lept to her feet and threw herself into the trees. She was fleeing.

NO!

I sprang after her, forcing myself through the tangle of leaves, thorns and branches.

She was _not _going to escape. I couldn't allow it.

But she kept running.

I followed her trail through masses of green, following the paths of broken trees and disturbed undergrowth. I could hear her mind clear enough though.

_Escape! Cut around, escape through town? No they would have found the body already. Keep running? No she'll never tire. What?!_

I decided to taunt her.

"what's the matter, Victoria?" I called, my voice lilting. "don't know what to do now _James _is gone?"

that stopped her.

I heard a feral screech as my only warning and the trees almost parted as she attacked. Her eyes wild and crazed, her hands poised as vice-like claws as she moved. She dug her claws into my shoulder, making me scream, as she flew by. She turned and faced me. Anger and grief flashed across her face before she settled on fury.

I dived at her, determined for her end.

_Stop!_

That word, that one word, broke me. It wasn't the word itself that made me fall to my knees and abandon the fight, curling in on myself. It was the soft, musical voice in which it was spoken. I had heard that voice many times in the memories I had played in a loop in my head. My head lifted, trying to see him though I knew, logically, he couldn't be here. As I knew that, deep deep down, it didn't hurt as much when I didn't see his face. But it still cut sharp.

I hadn't heard Victoria's victory laugh or the start of her attack, until they ended. My eyes caught a glimpse of dirty blonde hair. Victoria's eyes widened and she ran. The attacker did not follow.

"Bella!" Jasper yelled, crouching in front of me. "Bella!" he tried again, louder this time. I blinked and looked into his eyes.

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE WITHOUT ME! IF I HADN'T STEPPED IN YOU WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW!" he roared, his fear of my death only fueling his anger all the more. He jumped up and started to pace. "Didn't expect Alice to be right. Thought she had more sense than to just do this. Good job I came." he muttered, more to himself than me. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR DEATH WOULD DO TO OUR FAMILY?! DO YOU?!" He yelled again. I sat up, watching the place where Victoria had disappeared before snapping my eyes to his. His usually calm exterior had fallen, showing the vampire within him. His topaz eyes burned with angry fire as he watched me struggle to answer.

The longer I took to answer, the more the fire in his eyes dimmed.

"Bella, I _do _know what it is that's happening to you. I feel it with you. It's all I can do not to run back to Alice and hold her as tight as I can to check that she's not gone whenever I feel your emotions. But Bella please. Think of Esme. You're her first child. Imagine what would happen to her if she lost you. Please, don't do anything stupid again."

I nodded, my eyes focusing on nothing. All I saw were the colours and movements of the forest around me. I heard Jasper's words ringing through my head and it took me a few seconds to decipher them from the whispering in my ears.

_Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!_

I raised myself from the ground and looked anywhere but at Jasper's face.

_Bella, please. Look at me. _He though rather than spoke. The one method I couldn't block out no matter how hard I tried. Breathing slowly, I lifted my head to him.

"you need to concentrate. The more distracted you are, the quicker you can be killed." he was slipping back into military Jasper. I relaxed slightly. This Jasper was one I could communicate with easily.

"check up with Alice again. Find her heading. We'll leave the hotel tonight." I said, throwing myself back into action. Escaping my thoughts.

As I started my run back to the hotel, I heard Jasper whisper softly into the wind. "Bella, you can't avoid memories forever."

I ignored him, though we both knew I heard him. I could avoid it. I would. As soon as the hunt was over, I would return to the family, with Jasper and nothing will have changed from before...him. My life was fine before him and it should be without him.

It had to be. Otherwise I might just rip in two.

* * *

Victoria was getting careless. Either she thought that we had given up on her, or she was leading us into a trap. Whichever it was, she was leading a more and more bloody trail of victims behind her...

"she's just a little girl, Jasper." I said, from our view-point atop the roofs. Below the police had drawn a white outline around the body of Victoria's latest meal and were snapping many photo-graphs of the bloodless corpse.

The body of the small girl, still dressed in an old Halloween costume of a witch though it was january now, stared blankly up at the stars she could no longer see. "no-one can be that cruel,".

Even with the many bloody and vicious sights of the battles he had lived through and seen, Jasper was still stunned into silence at my side. Closing his eyes regretfully for a few seconds, he opend them and looked straight at me.

"she won't be feeding here again tonight, she'll have moved on by now already." his voice was emotionless, though he winced more than I at the girl's mother's anguished scream. "come on," he muttered, sparing one last glance for the girl before leaping off the roof-top and onto the next. I followed him after watching the grieving mother for a few seconds too long.

Her eyes were full of tears yet the light had died within them. I heard the incoherent denial in her mind, fighting with the truth before she fell to her knees and sobbed endless, unrelenting wails.

* * *

"_Bella?"_ the voice from the other end of the phone called my name. I glared at Jasper as he held out the phone towards me. He knew I didn't want to talk to anyone. At his stern look, I took the phone and pressed it to my ear, answering Esme.

"hello mom."

"_Bella? Oh Bella, I was so worried! Alice told us that you were almost killed! Why? What happened? Is Victoria near? When are you coming home?" _

Out of all her questions, the last one ached the most. Whispered so quietly with such hope, and I couldn't bring myself to answer.

"I'm fine mum, Alice shouldn't have told you anything." I assured her, silently berating Alice for that.

"_well how else is Esme supposed to know you're Alive." _I heard Alice call smugly from somewhere near the phone. Listening in...as usual.

I ignored her and answered the rest of Esme's questions. "I caught her scent while Jasper talking to Alice and set off without him." I heard the breath catch in her throat before continuing. "there was a...distraction... and she caught me unawares."

She knew I had purposely not answered her last question but didn't say anything, though her disappointed misery seemed to leak from the plastic I was holding in my hands, permeating the air around me.

"_come home safe, Bella. You too Jasper."_ she raised her voice slightly and Jasper assured her he would.

"love you mom." I whispered before hanging up. I handed the phone back to Jasper. Catching sight of his serious expression, I stopped.

"what was the distraction?" he asked. I stood and walked out of the hotel room, not wanting to talk anymore. I could hear him follow me, but I didn't turn.

I walked straight into the hotel bar, trying to blend in with humans, though I knew that the human facade I had once strived so hard tp perfect had long ago faded. Loneliness had striped the 'dazzling' exterior and left only the inhuman beauty behind.

I still heard the disgusting thoughts of the males in the bar, but I couldn't fool the women. I detected the sympathetic thoughts of the females in the bar as I sat down, though many of them were edged with a slight undertone of fear, and I ordered a drink I wouldn't even start.

"Bella, please-" Jasper started talking and caught the attention of the gossip and romance deprived women.

"Jasper, no. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about anything." I said, grabbing the drink that the bar-tender slid down to me, for something to do with my hands

"Bella-" I stood, cutting him off, my drink still clutched in my hand.

"the only reason I let you come was because I though you would be the one person who would understand that I didn't want to talk about it. If I wanted this I would have brought Alice." all female eyes were on us now, even the waiters had stopped their duties. The male's eyes were trained on the flat screen on the wall. I lifted the drink and threw it back.

"you know that won't work," he said, looking at me confused.

"I wish it did!" I yelled, as the disgusting liquid trickled down my throat. "I want a few hours of nothingness. Not to think, not to plan, not to do anything!"

"this won't help you." he whispered. "you need to go back!"

"why won't anyone understand? I can't go back! He's safe, he's fine! And he _will _get over me. He has to!" this was like speaking to Alice again.

I had blocked out the whispering women and was concentrating solely on Jasper. Without warning him, I threw myself at my brother and wrapped my arms around his neck my face buried in his chest and hung on. I couldn't cry anymore, I had ran out. I just was incredibly still. I felt Jasper wince as my emotions hit him, but he didn't let me go.

God, I wished the alcohol would work. A few seconds of ignorance would be all I could ask.

But to loose sight of his face in my mind would be worse.

**Hey again.**

**Thanks to all the people who are still reviewing. I love reading them, so thaaaankyou.**

**This isn't funny anymore. I'm taking far too long to get up chapters, so sorry if I took too long. I am **_**trying **_**to work quickly but it takes a while.**

**So again, thanks, and I hoped you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Please review**

**xox-hattii-xox**


	6. Nights Of Death

_Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry. *Falls onto knees and begs* Please, Please don't give up on this story or me. But I really had no inspiration for writing._

_Well, that changed after I watched New Moon. As soon as I saw that I ran home and started typing again! And I have now completed the Story. I will be uploading it every Monday or, if I get lots of reviews, Monday's and Thursdays._

_Sorry again but please enjoy the Angst-Ridden journey of Isabella Cullen that is; 'My Shattered Heart: Chapter Six'. _

The cities were easier. No-one found Victoria's helpless victims hidden deep within forests or at the bottom of powerfully flowing rivers, but in the city the papers ran wild with the terrifying news of a killer on the rampage.

**Bloody Nights Of Death.**

**Fifth Body Found.**

_**This once quiet city now lies under petrifying siege. In the space of four short weeks, five people have been brutally murdered, their bodies drained of blood and dumped in assorted public location. Many more of our citizens faces have disappeared from the streets, stolen from the shadows of the nights, their bodies even now possibly lying abandoned in the dark.**_

_**Chief inspector, Stewart Randall, when queried about the lack of results, responded with this, "We're working like dogs, all of us on unpaid overtime. We're arresting anyone who even looks suspicious. I have kids of my own who I'm worried sick about and we've initiated curfew for the hour of darkness"**_

_**Powerful words - yet none of the town are taking any comfort from them.**_

"_**I'm packing up," Forty year old, Jonathon Corman, owner of the local butchers told us "I'm not proud of running and my business will suffer for it. But the lives of my family come first. Anyone who plans on staying in this town of death is crazy!"**_

_**For more police advisory instructions, see page 7.**_

I threw the paper into a nearby trash bin, the first drops of rain already dotting onto the ink and smearing it in a steady line, as Jasper and I turned the final corner towards our intended hotel. Jasper was insisting we lie low for a few nights until Victoria struck again. She'd led us to a city, the name of I wasn't certain, and her new evening meals were growing more and more vicious, expressions of anguish screwed into everyone that had been found.

"How many nights will you be staying with us, Mr … Whitlock?" The clerk on the night-shift asked I moved way, feigning interest in the hotels dingy information board. All the leaflets hanging half-heartedly in the shelves that invited me to 'eat at Barry's' or to 'Try the new garden centre' were at least three years old, judging by the yellowing paper and the dog-eared corners.

The clock that hung on the wall behind the clerk ticked slowly over to 3 am and her heavily plucked eyebrows rose, her gossiping mind rattling as she spotted Jasper's wedding ring and my own bare finger.

"Two nights." Jasper said, stiffly filling out the lat of the check-in form. The young woman smiled a lip-gloss coated predatory grin and lent forward, twirling her dyed blonde hair through her finger. _Jenny, _read her nametag as she very conspicuously thrust her chest forward.

"Business or pleasure, Sir?" Jenny asked, biting her lip and glancing over the form that Jasper slid back to her swiftly.

"Business," He said, pointedly, throwing rays of revulsion to her in a fit of desperation. The human was getting too close and Jasper's unfed demon was rising.

But Jenny had read Jasper' behaviour as an unfaithful and bored husband, doing anything for the next girl, and she was determined to be next. Through the lusty clouds of her thoughts, I could see a boyfriend lingering on the outskirts of her focused mind who held flowers and chocolates out for her. Digging deeper, I could see Jenny's boredom with this man and her insatiable desire for the excitement she could only find on the dingy television set I could hear in the staff office. I hissed in disgust as I saw her engagement ring lying abandoned on the desk behind her.

"Would you like to make it pleasure?" She asked, tucking the pen into her chest pocket. "…Sir?" She made the title seem like a purr, leaning all the more forward to give Jasper a view of her lacy underwear.

"No, thank you," Jasper snatched the key from the imitation marble hotel desk, creating a scratch in the material, and left the room at a very fast-paced walk, his feet making no discernable sound on the carpeted floor.

Jenny glared at me as I followed, her mascara encrusted eyelashes watching me until I turned the corner and left her vision.

I walked quickly down several corridors to the room Jasper had already ran ahead and unlocked, attempting to drown out the elevator music that never seemed to cease. The building was quiet, most minds sleeping dreamlessly, though the sordid fantasies that rolled around Jenny's mind made me deeply appreciate the silence of the natural world.

Gritting my teeth, I snapped on the T.V that stood on the generic hotel cabinet and turned up the volume, thankful when a news reader appeared on the screen. I let myself fall into the hard-backed chair that stood in the corner, ignoring the bed, and grudgingly turned to the tasks at hand.

My life was no longer a life. It was a list. A list that I added to willingly. The more tasks that were written down in my mind, the less time I had to stop, to think…to remember.

The list wasn't any longer tonight, just the added chore of a shower that Jasper had already claimed. The weeks of natural and human grime clung to my skin, covering it in a layer of dirt that stuck to my clothes and hair. I looked a sight, even Jenny the Receptionist had speculated which street-corner I'd been pulled off.

Pulling myself up, I pulled out the two sets of wires from Jasper's bag and plugged in the two, now dead, phones, dreading the outcome of what must have been two weeks of no contact. The devices sat on the cabinet, mocking while I ignored them and pulled a new set of clothes out of another bag. I ripped the tags off and set them on the side for after my shower, shoving the empty store-bag in the tatty bin by the door.

The phones seemed to grow larger as I dawdled, putting off the call I was too much of a coward to make.

I could see it written across my phone's screen; _missed call from Carlisle. _I knew that if I were to click on it, I would see an entire list showing his name and number, the occasional break in the consistency being Alice's names flashing at me. Esme wouldn't call, she depended too much on my respect for Carlisle to be pestering me. Alice on the other hand, wasn't so patient and as I scrolled through my inbox, I saw her messages flip by

_Bella, come back. Please? We miss you, I miss you. Please?_

_Bella, it's pointless staying away. We both know that you'll crack sooner or later. Let it happen as it should. Come home._

_Victoria' s changed paths. She's heading north again. Be careful._

_Esme wants to meet up with you. Just for an afternoon. Please? She' s breaking, Bella._

_Bella, this path's too shaky. You've created a future out of sheer will-power. It won't be long before this future fades away._

_Bella…Please?_

Jasper's phone shined up at me, a picture of Alice watching me from behind the glass. I wondered how _she _was. Not one of her messages had said about how Alice herself was. But, then again, Alice had always been selfless. I wondered if my sister…my favourite sister, had forgiven me yet. Probably not.

My thumb slid to the call button, my determination setting in, when the shower cut off and Jasper stepped out of the bathroom, already dressed and his sopping hair dripping rivulets of water into the material. Like the coward I was, I chickened out and set the phone back down. The call could wait a few minutes.

Self-disgust washed over me like the hot water as I pulled my hair back into a shampoo-suspended ponytail and scrubbed at myself with the freshly unwrapped hotel soap. My mother's face stared at me from behind my closed eyes, an ancient sadness embedded in her features. So much pain that _I'd _caused…

I regarded my eyes as I stood toweling my hair dry in the foggy mirror. I could barely discern my pupils from the blackness surrounding them, a thin line of darkest amber edging the killer's hungry eyes that stared back at me, devoid of life. Dark rings hung beneath my eyes and marred the pale flesh, giving the appearance of a human gone without a week's sleep. Hollowed cheeks made me look like a starving woman, begging for the last scraps of food. I needed to hunt.

_Did you get contacts? _Edward whispered as I stared again at my ebony eye before he muttered offhandedly _I thought there was something different about your eyes._

I swallowed back a trickle of venom and quickly re-dressed in my new and rather more clean clothes, jeans and a nondescript t-shirt, before making my way back into the room.

Jasper watched me with blank eyes. I could see neither satisfaction or judgment within them. I wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing, but his eyes made me stop myself from prying into his mind to find out.

Before my nerve could run out, I slipped the phone to my ear and hit the speed-dial. It rang only once.

"_Bella," _Carlisle's calming voice greeted me and pain coiled in my chest like a cobra waiting to strike. His voice was level, though I could hear the concern lying beneath.

"Hello, Carlisle," I addressed him in the same tone, false cheeriness warming my voice. Even with the added effort to sound normal, I still sounded dead inside. "I'm just checking in. I had a spare minute and thought I'd let you know that I'm alright." I lied, my forehead creasing as I heard myself speak. I sounded like I was writing in a diary, no real emotion colouring my life.

"_Are you coming home?" _The hope made my heart twist. "_We're all very worried about you and Jasper, your mother especially."_

"I've told Jazz that he can leave at any time," I reminded him, turning my back on said brother and leaning against the wardrobe which rattled as I did so. "But, no. I'm not coming home."

"_I didn't think so," _My father admitted, resignation evident in his world-wearied speech. "_I just hoped…We all did."_

"I know," I longed to tell him '_I'm sorry' _but I wasn't. This hunt was allowing Bella and her pain to fade, letting the vampire within myself emerge.

"_Esme misses you terribly," _He added, taking a steadying and unnecessary breath. "_She'll be so sorry she missed your call but she's out hunting with Emmett and Rosalie,"_

I brushed a persistent lock of drying hair out of my eyes and bit my lip. "How is Mom?" I asked, regretting not calling later when she would have been around. Then again, if I hadn't called now, I wouldn't have had the courage to do so.

"_She's…managing," _The pain was unmistakable in his voice now. His wife was in pain and he was powerless to stop it. Only I was. Self-loathing rose up within me and spread along my body like blood through veins. "_She…I don't know what else to say other than she misses you."_

"Carlisle, I-"

"_Bella, I'm not trying to call you back. I'm just telling you what's happening." _

"Are you still in England?" Changing the subject, I tried to lead the conversation away from more painful topics of conversation.

"_Yes," _Carlisle shifted and I could hear the creak of a leather chair beneath him. "_Though Alice is insisting we move soon. She's been in Mississippi, researching her past and she's just stopped by to see how everyone was doing." _There was no hidden message within the words, just information_. "She says we need to be close by for when..when you…when you change your mind."_

"Tell her not to bother!" I snapped, my free hand curling into a fist. "There's not point!"

"_Bella, your future is shaky. I've seen it. You can't continue on this path much longer." _Alice's voice called from nearby. I hadn't realised that she had been listening in.

"Alice," I acknowledged.

I could hear Carlisle pass the phone onto her and her voice floated through the speaker. "_Bella, please! This hunt-"_

"-Can't end." I told her, firmly. "Victoria is a sadistic excuse for a being. I can't stop now. Jazz can leave if he wants-"

"_Jasper will stay where he is! No matter how much I miss him." _She murmured the last part through the speaker and I was glad that I had my back to my brother. Sparks of longing made their crawling way across the room, catching me in their path, before he reigned them back in.

I heard Alice hand the phone back to Carlisle and seconds later Jasper's phone vibrated along the faux wood of the bed-side desk. He scooped it up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

"Give my love to everyone," I said quickly before Carlisle could finish what Alice had started. "Esme especially," I muttered, wishing that my family didn't have to suffer through the consequences of my mistakes.

Carlisle sighed; defeated. "_Very well. Stay safe, we love you,"_

I closed the phone before the sound of the dialing tone could reach my ears.

_Stay safe…_

The memory of a different Bella writing those exact words onto a sheet of paper hit me with the force of a high-speed train. The phone slipped from my frozen hand and fell to the floor with a muffled thump, hand still curved in position to my ear.

Newer, more painful words followed the last memory.

"_Try not to do anything stupid, or reckless. Do this one favour for me, if it's not too much" _

My own voice echoed through my ears, spreading doubt across my skin like a rash. Was he keeping himself safe? Alice hadn't said, but then I'd told her not to check…

I was at the rusted hotel computer and viewing a map to Forks before I could even blink. The small and fuzzy blue line that led from here to Forks seemed to be my life-line, attached to a ring and thrown to a drowning woman at sea. _Just a quick visit. _I could book a flight and be on the next plane to Forks, be there before night fell again. _No, no, no_

_It's not right! _My conscience screamed at me as my hand stroked the key-boards unbidden and was bringing up flight information. There was a plane in two hours and…_NO!_

I furiously closed the site, my finger smashing through the mouse and causing pieces of broken metal to fly haphazardly about the room as I shut off the computer and threw myself to the other side of the room. I hit the wall with a thud and slid down it, my hands balling into fists in my hair.

The news program that was still playing came to a close. The presenter shuffling her papers into order.

"_In remembrance of those who have been taken by the vicious killing, and those who are missing as we speak, a poem chosen by the latest victim's fiancé;_

_When we two parted  
In silence and tears,  
Half broken-hearted,  
To sever for years,  
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,  
Colder thy kiss;  
Truly that hour foretold  
Sorrow to this._

_The dew of the morning  
Sank chill on my brow  
It felt like the warning  
Of what I feel now.  
Thy vows are all broken,  
And light is thy fame:  
I hear thy name spoken,  
And share in its shame._

_They name thee before me,  
A knell to mine ear;  
A shudder comes o'er me  
Why wert thou so dear?  
They know not I knew thee,  
Who knew thee too well:  
Long, long shall I rue thee  
Too deeply to tell._

_In secret we met  
In silence I grieve  
That thy heart could forget,  
Thy spirit deceive.  
If I should meet thee  
After long years,  
How should I greet thee?  
With silence and tears. _

_When we two are parted"_

My hand shook as I raised my face to the screen, looking up at the news-reader as she drew the poem to a close. Her carefully made-up face showed no emotion, no difference as she read from a script that she was being paid to recite. The poem didn't affect her, she could walk home happily to her husband and children and not have to feel as though a hole was being torn inhumanly through her chest bit by bit with a serrated knife.

Steadily I rocked myself, like a child seeking comfort after a nightmare, pulling myself back from temptation before I leapt over the brink. It wasn't until Jasper left the bathroom and sat silently by my side until the sun rose again, that I dared to move from the dented spot on the carpet where I had fallen.

I made to leave the room, but stopped as soon as I passed the window. The misty morning sun fell glinting through the clouds across the streets.

I was barred in my own self-imposed prison, trapped with memories that I didn't want to remember but was terrified to forget.


	7. Killing Nothing But Time

_A.N - __A.N - _

_**A.N - **Hey guys! Okay, I have a very **IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. **Well, it's not that important but anyway: On the seventeenth of February - which is in two days time - I will finally be turning fifteen! So please - as a birthday present - review for me? The last chapter only got 3 reviews! THREE! Do you know how many hits it got? 45! Out of the forty five people who read it, only three reviewed. You guys really know how to kick a girl when she's down!_

_Anyway, I don't mean to nag, but still, when you''ve finished reading this installment of 'My Shattered Heart', please review. Thankyou._

* * *

Hunting Victoria wasn't enough to keep away the lingering thought that kept stirring at the back of my mind like a beast awaiting discovery. Whenever a quiet moment set in or Jasper had no other tactics or strategies to teach me, my mind found it's own thought paths, ones I was powerless to stop it from travelling along.

That word. That one _golden _word that had been whispered to me in the voice of an angel had been reverberating around my head, refusing to leave, and was setting up camp, slipping more and more of my love's words into my head as I moved from town to city, never ceasing.

I didn't know why this was happening to me. Why his voice whispered to me during the day or what caused it but there were two options the way the more clinical side of my mind saw it.

Option one: I was crazy. My anguish had broken through the barriers into my mind and thought it fun to wreak havoc within the confines of my own head

Option two: My subconscious mind was giving me what it knew I wanted. Protecting my mind for a few seconds from the misery I was inflicting upon myself.

I could find no third option and option one seemed to be particularly unsavoury, so I settled with option two, Wish Fulfillment. It was like I had a tiny Alice in the back of my mind, conspiring with an imaginary Edward to break my already feeble bonds of commitment to the hunt. Then again, judging from Carlisle's phone call, the whole family were probably back there too. Well, except for Rosalie but she might just want the peace back in her life that I was frantically denying her.

Huh, maybe I _was_ crazy.

"Jasper?" He and I had left the hotel for the night, acting the part of a young couple while we searched every street, alley and park. The simple rucksack that hung on his back held all of our belongings, in case we chanced upon Victoria.

His dirty blonde head looked up at me as I called his name, his thoughts registering mild shock before settling back to simply inquiring. I guess I couldn't blame him. He was the usual instigator every time we spoke. "Tell me, what am I feeling?"

Surprise flitted across his scarred face. Real genuine surprise. "Why?"

"I need to check something." was the only answer I could give him. I would be shipped immediately home if I were to tell him my real intentions.

I wondered, would a strait-jacket actually restrain me? Or just irritate me mildly?

He complied to my request by closing his darkening eyes and concentrating on his search. He had been attempting to block my painful emotions for months now but I never thought that he might have to actually search for me. My chest panged painfully as I realized that whoever Bella had been before was slipping away from me, confusing my brother.

A long pause passed - the length of a few human heartbeats - passed with him standing before me, lavender lids closed as he found me. Within the next instant, he was bent at the knees, bracing himself against a nearby street lamp. A score of birds flew off of it's wearied metal in shock at the movement. He clenched his jaw and looked up at me.

"Pain," He gritted out, breathing hard. "Misery…Longing…and," He straightened up, pushing the emotions away, surprise colouring his voice once again. "Curiosity and now…relief?" He cocked his head in confusion as I breathed out the air that I hadn't realized I had been needlessly holding in.

Not one emotion that pointed me anywhere near the direction of insanity. I was safe.

_Do you want an award? _The betrayal from my memory reared it's head and sent piercing words straight through my ears and to my heart.

I stopped slightly before the few seconds of relief that came with his voice washed blissfully over me. As the voice faded away, the daggers of pain shot through me once again, worsened as though in revenge for the momentarily defence.

Maybe this was my punishment, rather than, as I so hopefully assumed ,Wish Fulfilment. I would be forever cursed to live through the consequences of my decision. Hearing the memories of a very different Bella Cullen for the rest of my empty eternity.

Edward's broken face flickered once again before my eyes, his green eyes full of tormented tears, the likes of which I myself longed to shed, yet the limits of my existence rendered me unable. Of course this was to be my punishment. No-one dares to make an angel cry, certainly not one such as Edward, without God's repercussions and retributions being unleashed upon them.

_Hell's not so bad if you get to keep an angel with you. _Edward's sleep-coated and croaky voice mumbled to me, mere hours after he had spoken to Emmett one day. That night, his dreams had made perfect sense. In his world, I had been the impossible angel rather than the dreaded demon of the night whom he'd refused to accept me as.

"Bella?" I turned back to Jasper, jolted out of my thoughts.. "There's no sign of Victoria left in the city." His mind snarled at the failure, refusing to accept it. The military instinct within my brother rising once again " Her massacre must have been her final kill. We need to move on as quickly as possible. She could have crossed our scent as soon we arrived and left immediately. She could be miles away by now!"

The 'Massacre' had been only one day after we arrived;

_We climbed the few steps up to the porch and slipped inside the quiet house. There was no evidence of Victoria within this room, other than the over-whelming aroma of fresh blood. I stared at Jasper, who looked at me in horror. His amber eyes faded to onyx as I watched him. I nodded and took incentive, stepping away from the door and through to the kitchen that stood on the right. The first body lay just inside, thrown into the refrigerator that had crumpled on impact, groceries mingling with the few clotting puddles of the man's blood._

_His eyes stared vacantly up at the painted ceiling, his horrified face left intact save for the cuts that had formed from the initial collision of his body against the fridge. His neck had been attacked so ferociously that it would be impossible for any human to discern what kind of animal could have caused the injury. Helpful, but for the fact that the entire town was on the search for a killer. The lack of blood in or near his body, however, would ring the alarm bells for even the most inexperienced and unobservant of investigators. _

_Victoria must lain in wait for the pyjama-clad husband as I spotted a glass laying on it's side by the sink, abandoned once the peril hidden within the shadows had revealed itself. He didn't seem to have suffered as much as some of her past and much more vicious hunts had; Thirst must have caused her to drain him quickly. The other occupants of the house must have satiated her lust for violence._

_As I looked around, looking for clues to her entrance method, the carnage that lay just outside the kitchen window caught my. The large garage that stood to the side of the house looked as though a desperate stampede of starving elephants had ran through it; the door was ripped away and lying in the neighbours garden, the bricks that made up the room were scattered about as a human-sized gap in the wall. No car was left in the drive-way, leaving it as Victoria's escape option._

_A lead opening itself to me, I hurried toward the office that led into the kitchen. I was searching for car manuals, keys left unattended, anything but none made me privy to their hiding places. The closest I could find was a picture hanging slightly lop-sided on the wall. A young couple, one of them the dead man in the kitchen, stood in front of a car, both wearing shirts with the name of a theme-park printed onto them waving happily at the camera. The woman, who I believed to be the dead man's wife, grinning madly. Behind the pair of them, I could make out the model of the car, storing it for reference. Maybe this was Victoria's getaway car?_

_Sliding the picture out of the frame and storing it in my pocket made me feel disgusted with myself, but it was my only pointer towards Victoria. Then, with a quick breath, I turned back on my self and climbed the stairs that led from the kitchen. The flames within my throat rose higher as Jasper and I followed the carpeted staircase to the top floor, scenting no blood upon the first floor. _

_The strength of the odour of blood was disconcerting , not just because of the dangerous thirst it lit within my desires, but because only a vicious amount of blood, close to approaching a pint, could produce a scent this strong. I hesitated, imagining the extent of the damage that Victoria could have inflicted to the smiling woman in the photograph to cause so much waste of blood._

_I reached the final stair and as I stepped out onto the landing, Jasper milliseconds behind me, I could scent the masses of blood coming from behind a closed door along a corridor of rooms. I wandered down the hallway, and I could hear Jasper checking every window in case Victoria lay waiting but I continued regardless. If I couldn't hear her, she wasn't there. I passed an open door, the master bedroom. It was empty and I almost moved on before I saw a desk sitting at the window. My hopes of finding more concrete information grew._

_A dripping sound came from behind a closed door as I headed to the bedroom and, with only the smallest testing lungful of air, I recognized the tomb of the wife to be within the closed room. I cut off my air supply as the fragrance threatened to completely tear the interior of my burning neck._

_I searched the desk. Unable to muster any enthusiasm for what I was doing, I flipped through the files and papers that lay within the confines of the desks drawers. Amongst many photos, phone bills, receipts and the occasional chocolate wrapper, I stumbled across the tattered form that gave me all the information I needed on the car. Within this information at my disposal, I could easily tap into the police's networking and monitor the border patrols for when Victoria crossed._

_The dripping that I had heard before was slowing as I exited the room to a thankful Jasper. I paused at the end door. There was absolutely no reason for me to even consider seeing Victoria's victim. I'd already discovered all I needed…_

_Appalled at myself, I pushed the door open and stared around the room in disgust. It was here where Victoria had played her brutal game, here her desire for the pain of others had been satisfied. The bathroom was covered with evidence of her fun. Sprays of clotting blood had reached almost every single one of the white, previously pristine, tiles. _

_The cruelty of the scene caused me to gasp, sucking in freshness of the woman's sweet blood. The woman lay naked in a bath of her own blood, her blonde hair saturated with the liquid as she inched under the surface. A deep bloody slash was carved into her bare chest and, judging by the clean cut, Victoria had taken her time etching it into the screaming woman's flesh, sadistically enjoying the howls of her prey. And that was just what I could see! Her face, caught frozen in the epitome of the agonizing torment she had been unnecessarily inflicted with, made me think that where the blood covered her bare flesh, more merciless and ruthless trophies of Victoria's vicious game lay hidden._

_Her long blonde hair was swept across her face, hiding her eyes, but crimson arc imprint of deadly teeth peeked out between the matted locks clinging to her ravaged throat, the cut swimming with traces of venom. Laying up against the blood-speckle wall, the girl's pale, empty wrist bore also the impression of teeth, the blood continuing to drip in long thickening columns that inched towards the bath of death._

_The light snow of February ebbed as I defiantly pulled my jacket closed around me and headed out of the bathroom, and out of the house, turning my back on the unnamed couple. I placed her image before me as a reminder of what I had to do. The teeth marks on her neck could easily be on Edward's throat. I had to stop Victoria. Her barbaric continuation of survival had to end. It would end! I'd been so close…next time I would have her._

"Sure," I muttered simply, turning away from the blaring lights of the city and making for the trees that I knew stood at the edge of the town.

"Bella," Jasper called, joining me a second later. "How do you stand it?" He asked, looking at his intertwined fingers as we walked down the pavements.

"Stand what?" I feigned obliviousness.

"Staying away from the one you love for so long?" He looked down at me and wrapped an arm over my shoulder. For once I didn't pull away from the contact. "I've been away from Alice for less than a month and already I'm resisting the urge to run to her."

"You can go back, Jazz," I mumbled as we moved away from the street lamps and continued into lightless back-streets. "I don't mind."

Jasper scoffed. "Don't be stupid! Alice would much prefer me to stay and help you finish this so that you can return home sooner." I said nothing, looking away. He caught the guilt as it flooded off of me in waves. "You are coming home, right?"

I sighed. "I don't know," I murmured, breathing deeply. "I…Everyone will have so many memories of him. I can't handle that! And even if I did come home, I would never be the same Bella as before. I'll always be broken, Jazz. It's better this way, really. They don't want to be around me. You shouldn't. Even _I _don't want to be around me, most of the time."

"I won't harass you the way Alice wanted me to" Jasper sighed." One thing, though. Alice called me yesterday. She saw something and I'm pretty sure you can guess what that was." I sucked in a harsh breath. "You'd better not be planning anything like that, you hear me?" The threat lost steam as sadness in my brother's voice hit me hard.

"I…it was weeks ago, Jazz."

"And I've left it alone, waiting for you to bring it up. But I'm not putting it off any more!"

He halted in the alley, turning to face me.

"Bella, I've been with you for years and I've never seen you like this before," He caught my wrist as I made to turn away. Glaring at him, I pressed my arms close to my chest, fighting to keep myself together as he paced in front of me. "You're not yourself, you're angry, upset, violent, _mad, _jealous, determined and bloodthirsty all at the same time! Admittedly I have a selfish agenda behind this, but it kills me even more to _see_ you like this!"

"Jasper I-"

He held up a hand, cancelling my interruption. "Let me finish, please,"

I nodded. He continued pacing again. "I know _exactly _why you've done it! Hell, I even tried it once."

I pursed my lips remembering the day Maria had hounded us in Seattle. Jasper had dealt with his terrifying and deadly past , running out of the city as soon as the visitors had left, thinking that Alice would be safer without him. He hadn't even made it out of the city boundaries. His wife had run immediately after him as soon as the future had solidified in her head, catching him and practically dragging him home.

"But I realised that I was being stupid, that I needed Alice more than anything in the world! And _she needed me_."

"_He_ doesn't need me," I reminded him. "He'll be able to move on soon enough-"

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," Jasper shook his head furiously, his pacing finished. "Do you honestly believe that,"

"I have to. Otherwise I'll be back in Forks before sundown,"

"And why is that such a bad thing?!" He yelled, frustration breaking through. "You'd be happy, Edward would be happy and our family would be back together again!"

"I…" I stopped, running my hands through my hair, tearing at the locks like they were ensnaring me. "I need him to be safe! That's what I need! All I need!" The lie was hollow. I needed more, so much more. I needed _him._

"And I'm sorry!" I shrieked at him, causing a sleeping couple in a nearby apartment block to jerk awake in alarm. "Sorry that I can't keep the family together! Sorry that you seem to believe that _I'm _the one who can make everything all better! Sorry that Alice is sitting at home _waiting _for you while you're here trying to convince me that it's all fine and good to go back and essentially _kill an innocent human!_"

I wasn't mad. But I was bound more tightly than any mad-man was. Voluntarily tied to a life of anguish. Shut up in my self-made prison and kept without the one thing on earth that mattered. Whipped and tormented by memories and voices that only made me fight harder against my self-imposed bonds.

"I don't know what to tell you, Bella," Jasper watched me as I screamed, taking it it all in his customary silence. As an empath, it was easier for him to keep a lid on any emotions that threatened to break free. And Jasper had had centuries of practice. "You know I'm right. Somewhere inside you there's something that's still fighting for it." He started to walk away, heading back for the city outskirts. "I just hope it wins in time,"

* * *

Victoria was getting better at successfully managing to evade us. Her last victims had raised no unconscious suspicions of immortal activity, all placed carefully in rivers or lakes to explain the consistent lack of blood. So it was only by pure luck and chance that we advantageously stumbled upon the arrest of a well-known murderer, wrongly accused of Victoria's latest gory crime.

Jasper and I sat inconspicuously on top of the city's police-station roof, the seagulls that had grouped there giving us a wide berth, as I hunted through the various minds about the prison for the investigator of the case. It was difficult to find an innocent mind in a prison attached to a jail, but after under ten minutes of searching through almost every mind that was within the building, I managed to locate him.

The thoughts of convicts behind bars made me gasp with the ferocity of some of their thought, and considering that I had been a successful murderer for just under seven years straight, killing every week for my own selfish satisfaction and pleasure... If justice ever came into play in this world, then I would be one of the many villains throughout the world that would be locked up and sealed off from the rest of the world.

Esme and Carlisle had always defended me from myself whenever I had spoken, very rarely, about my 'rebellion period' as Esme called it…

My crimson eyes stared at me from the back of my sunglasses, reflecting back in a terrible image of what I was ashamed to have running through me. The venom dripped irregularly from my teeth as I drove through the swarm of humans in London centre, their heartbeats chiming together in a perfect haunting symphony, their scents floating through air as I walked alongside them towards the huge clinical building ahead of me.

I inhaled deeply, envisioning the scores of humans who had succumbed to the darker side of all predators, their blood sliding easily through my neck, the eternal burn always quenched after a meal. The venom tasted sweet on my tongue as I gulped it back, staring through the black plastic at the humans who brushed against me in their hurry, unsuspecting, unknowing… Eyes turned to stare at me as I made my way down the crowded street, attracting the attention that my kind deserved.

It had taken me months to track down Carlisle, following the rumours of 'The Animal Lovers' and taking instructions from the occasional vampire who my father and mother had met during his travels of the world. Carlisle shouldn't have been all that tricky to pin down, considering his unusual habit of staying in one place for many years. Had he been simply by himself, I would have been able to track my companion easily. But Esme was still quite new to the life that Carlisle had chosen, so I assumed that she might have fallen into the seductive call of human blood, causing the pair to move.

Finally, when the idea of giving up all hope and continuing with this life seemed much more pleasant, I had stumbled upon Ariana.

Ariana was a vampire with whom Carlisle and I had lived with for a few years. She had been appalled by my startlingly red eyes, her thoughts confused as she instructed me to where Carlisle had gone. Apparently, he and Esme had passed through Dublin, Ariana's coven's newest home, on their way towards Carlisle's new job in London.

I followed the path into the city's hospital, ignoring the humans glances as I made my way towards the main entrance, my metal heels clacking loudly against the tarmac and then the plastic flooring as the doors provided me entrance.

"Excuse me," I leant against the reception desk, looking at the young girl who was sitting by the filing cabinets. "But is Dr Cullen on duty tonight?"

Her pulse rose deliciously as she focused on me, the fear in her veins heightening her scent. It was maddening. "Who may I say is asking?"

"His daughter," I told her, discourteously turning my back on her as she picked up the phone and searched through the numbers for my father's.

"Is Dr Cullen there?" The timid girl asked, her voice quavering slightly.

"_He just left," _The voice crackled on it's way out of the speaker. "_He'll be back tomorrow at six," _and they hung up.

"Excuse me, miss?" I turned back to her, bored already. "But he's left."

"Perfect," I growled, my hands clenching tightly against the wooden top. "Do you happen to have his address?" I asked through clenched teeth, forcing a smile out.

The girl squeaked. "I-I-I'll go and check," She practically leapt off her stool, leaving it swivelling in her wake.

"Sandra?" I heard her call from the office room behind the reception. "Sandra, do you have Dr Cullen's file? His daughter needs his address."

_Daughter? Damn! _The middle-aged woman now searching through the doctor's cabinet marked 'C' started pulling out my father's file with agonizing slowness. "Here you go, Molly." _I know he wears a wedding ring, but Marcy told me that it was just a fake so he didn't get asked out for dates…_

I chuckled under my breath. I guessed some things never changed.

The terrified receptionist returned and detailed the address. I could see the well-known residency area in her mind and the approval that laced her thoughts. "Thank you for your help," I muttered, walking away as fast as I dared in a building full of humans.

I walked far quicker than before now, racing for the return I was both dreading and eagerly anticipating. The two emotions battled it out in pure fury as I spun around street corners and earned a few choice words as I bumped into several people and sent them sprawling to the ground, clutching at skin that would now surely bruise.

The house loomed up in front of me as I made my was towards it, pulling the sleeves of my hideous dress. I had to dress according to the fashion at the time … and I much preferred the clothing of my human life.

But I didn't care about my attire as I climbed the steps of the house and knocked on the door three times, each knock resonating through the house. I could hear my father's thoughts as he closed his book and headed for the door. I fidgeted nervously and wrung my hands together as I heard the key turn and the door slowly swing open.

"Hello Carlisle,"

The shock on my father's face would have made me burst out laughing had the situation been less serious.

"Bella?" He seemed to be on the point of rubbing his eyes to ensure that I was real. "Why are… I do not care," He let go of the door handle he had been slowly crushing and pulled me into a fierce hug, my head buried in his chest and him shaking into my neck.

My eyes stung as I sobbed tearlessly against him and my sunglasses snapped with the strength I was clutching to him.

I didn't care that what the neighbours would think if they saw Carlisle, a married man, clinging to a girl who wasn't his wife. All I cared about was that I was back with my father.

"Carlisle? What are you…Bella!" Esme's joyous voice appeared and, though I could not see her for Carlisle's body, I grinned.

I stepped away from Carlisle and my broken sunglasses fell to the floor. With a gasp I snapped my eyes shut, hiding the scarlet.

"Bella?" Esme asked as I watched the scene through her thoughts. I turned and closed the doors, barring the view of any nosy passers-by. "Bella, what is it?"

"I've done some bad things." I whispered, eyes still firmly closed. "I've killed for the past seven years, a human each week. Could you still love somebody who's done all that?" I braced myself for the rejection I was expecting to come flying at me with the speed of a bullet.

I stiffened in shock as Esme's arms enveloped me and I opened my eyes to the soft material of her dress. "Of course we can!" She growled into me, stepping back and surveying my eyes. "You have come back, have you not?"

"That is all that matters." Carlisle agreed.

* * *

A clock, hidden away in the rooms below, chimed loudly, pulling me unceremoniously out of my memories. I shook myself. _Stay on the task!_

We were desperately hunting for clues to Victoria's whereabouts, hoping that the detective, who was scheduled to interview the arrestee that day, would be able to confide some of the more private details of the homicide.

The detective was a amiable man, his thoughts either filled with thoughts of the cases he was on, or memories of his waiting family at home. He was terrified that one day they would be expecting him only to find out that he could never see them again.

Just as Jasper's watch ticked around to twenty-seven minutes past two the police officer pulled out the file of the murder. Paper-clipped to the top of the papers was a small photograph of the girl lying in the morgue right now.

_Victim's name: Julia Anne Warwicks._

_Assumed time of death: Monday 16__th__ February._

_Place of discovery: 12 Stanley Road, Kitchen._

_Discoverer: Victoria Pyre._

I froze in shock. The small piece of paper that was staples to the side of this small, normally inconsequential piece of information, was a tiny passport-size photograph. Normally I would have skipped over as the cop did, reading further through the report. But the face that stared up at me through the police-man's eyes was one I had seen alive too many times. A face I had encountered, fought against to the death, neither of us winning and neither of us losing.

Victoria stared at me from the file. The viciousness that lay burning within her eyes couldn't possibly have been captured with a mere camera and her dark eyes looked almost innocent as her photograph looked at the camera. But I could see the echo of the malice within them, see the ferocity that lay in her concealed teeth and the feral outline of her cold, inhuman face.

She had turned in her own victim as another's murder…

_Conniving, malevolent… _There were no words for the audacity of her actions.

_A Monster! _Edward snarled from somewhere at the back of my mind.

The clock struck half past and the police officer made his way into the bland interrogation room where the murderer in orange uniform sat. There was no doubt in the cop's mind that the man sitting with his hair sheared and his tattoos showing out of the edge of his sleeves was guilty. There was little evidence for the latest murder, but witnesses and evidence piled up for the villain's previous attacks.

The enquiry started simply. The officer was old hat and he noted the answers to 'Where were you at …' and 'Do you have any evidence that you were …'almost in autopilot, thinking back to the scene of the crime. Disgust filled me like water tipped into a glass as the memories of the man caused venom to pool in my cheeks in want of blood. Namely, Victoria's.

"Found anything?" Jasper's patience was running out fast.

I withdrew from the officers mind, leaving the police officer to his criminal. "She ran further north, told the Police she was visiting her aunt so they gave her a lift."

"Got the address?"

I nodded, standing. As we walked away, I could hear the criminal crack and the policeman's triumphant thoughts. The handcuffs clasped around his wrists as he was pulled into a cell.

He had his comeuppance... I needed to deliver Victoria hers.

* * *

_Just click the little button and tap a few keys. Please? For my birthday? x  
_


	8. This Curse Of Days

_(A.N) Hey again, it's Me! I just wanted to say thank you to the people who reviewed last week with birthday wishes. :) i felt so loved!!_

Here's the next chapter. Enjoy and Review.

* * *

I was following blindly again.

I had no idea where we were, or how we got here or how long it got to get here. I only knew that, judging by the surrounding trees that pressed in on every side, we were in a forest and, most importantly of all, Victoria had been through here.

The scent was weak, the venomous fragrance only just clinging to the leaves that hung in the air, but been here she had. I never knew how Jasper managed to have such a talent for tracking, yet it worked every time. Even if we were a week or so late.

The newspaper headlines had been becoming more and more gruesome whenever we entered city walls. Now that Victoria knew some-one was tailing her, and that that some-one was me, she was leaving more and more bloody trails behind her to call me to her.

I wondered if she, like James, had a tendency for the dramatic. Each victim that Jasper and I had found, void of life and blood, bared some resemblance to a family member.

There was a small girl with short black hair. We had found her lying underneath a bridge in the pouring rain, a dog lead in her tiny hand. It was sickening, like a sucker-punch to the abdomen, to watch the rivulets of rain, like satin ribbons, run down upon spotless white porcelain, like a china dolls face, her wide eyes which stared up at us with questions never to receive any answers about _why_ she had been selected for this farce of a game that Victoria seemed determined to play with me. She was frozen forever more, suspended in time.

I saw Jasper tremble slightly as he saw the similarities between the girl and his wife. The scent of her fresh blood seeping away into the drains didn't even make him flinch. He could only see Alice's face. Since then he had been focused solely on the hunt.

There was a beautiful woman with flowing blonde hair. We found the body in her own bedroom, pictures of her tiny children hanging on the walls with gouge marks through the plastic frames while the blood of these same tiny children lined the floors. Two minuscule bodies lay curled up next to her, their mother's arms covering their eyes, their petite faces screwed up in a ghastly pain that should _never _be present upon such innocent beings. Their mother's eyes, closed in death, may have been any colour yet I only saw the familiar and shining topaz of Rose's eyes as she argued with me, talked with me, laughed with me.

We found the representation of Emmett next. A huge brawny man sat slumped against the shower wall of the gym changing room, his gym shirt ripped to shreds and his skin covered with venom and the deep, bloody imprints of Victoria's teeth. His warm blood still ran, flowing eerily with the decanting shower water into the drains.

Into the sewers.

I was surprised that Victoria had left so much blood...but I guess she was only leading a path for myself and Jasper. With a new victim every week, she must not have to feed this often and was killing purely for her perverse pleasure and for my repulsion.

We soon found Esme and Carlisle. A couple lying together, in the road. Their deaths contrasted sickeningly with the sun that shone happily around us. It wasn't a day for death. Their dying expressions should have been peaceful, together even in death, yet the torture that Victoria had obviously carried out upon them showed up upon their still faces.

With each discovery Jasper became harder, colder and all the more dedicated. I had to search deep in his thoughts to find my brother again. He had been replaced with the military Jasper of the vampire wars. Was this the vampire that Alice had first met all those years ago? He was so different to my brother, so...so dead inside. I could hear his thoughts and emotions yet none showed upon his stone face. With each victim I grew more and more closed off, hiding all the more and watching my 'brother' calculate in silence.

So it came to be that Jasper and I were now standing stock still in the middle of a large and, for humans anyway, intimidating forest. No civilization for miles. Just the confirmation that Victoria had either recently left...or was still here.

Jasper moved silently around the clearing, his rapidly darkening eyes darting to each shadow that passed over the trees. I could hear the battle tactics play in his head as he considered every possibility.

I tried to place myself in Victoria's shoes. Instinct instructing her to hide. And rightly so.

A vampire, knowing that two others were following her. Two vampires intent on her end. Some from the same coven that had killed the leader of hers.

She was running from us...yet not enough to actually hide. Enough to keep herself safe and also figure out how dangerous we were.

When had I become so... militaristic?

I had stopped thinking as Bella. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually thought of myself as 'Bella'. I knew myself as a vampire. A hunter. No more. Strange how I still knew Jasper as 'Jasper' yet my own identity was slowly erasing itself from my mind. I was thinking purely as the hunter, intent on Victoria's death.

I'd have loved to have believed that I had lost myself when I first starting hunting the red-haired demon I sought. Or when I had first engaged her. But even when I was hanging to who I was by the tips of my finger, crawling up a cliff to myself with all my strength gone, I couldn't lie.

I knew the answer.

I had forgotten myself when I had fled the woods in Forks, leaving the only thing in eternity that ever would, ever _could, _matter to me.

I had known that doing this would destroy me, but I didn't know that I would slowly vanish. Fade into the background of life. Walk the earth as a meaningless shadow.

But if I was forgetting myself...shouldn't it hurt less?

Yeah, I should be so lucky.

A loud crack brought my out of my thoughts. I looked around to see Jasper holding a large branch in his hands, one he had just snapped off the large pine tree behind him. And all of a sudden, the clearing we were standing in changed to a beautiful and familiar meadow.

_I'm the world best predator, aren't I? everything about me invites you in. my voice, my face, even my smell. as if I need any of that. as if you could outrun me. as if you could fight me off._

Frightened green eyes swam before my vision and I closed my eyes to try and escape. Yet still, behind my lids, they still watched me.

"Bella?" Jasper had sensed my emotions and was stepping toward me. I shook myself, trying to appear normal. I smiled at him to reassure him. He wasn't fooled, but moved back to the branch.

I darted to his side and saw the silvery line of venom swirling in an arching pattern along the wood. There was no way that Victoria had just caught herself on a branch.

It was a trap. Pure and simple.

She wasn't anywhere nearby, the venom was too dry for that, but she was leading us on.

"What do we do?" I asked, my arms unlocking from my chest. I hadn't even realized that I was crushing them to me.

_Decisions, decisions... _Edward deliberated, his voice tauntingly clear.

"We need to get into town." He muttered, his eyes still tracing the swirls of venom. "she knows we're here. She's waiting for us somewhere." I nodded and followed him as he ran from the clearing.

James had valued Victoria as a hunter. A fighter. I had caught that the first time that I had heard his thoughts. He had also given himself the credit for her success. He had thought that it was only by his planning and his planning alone that she had survived through the years at his side.

Had his thoughts been true? Had she been powerful only by his leadership? She had easily scouted Forks, had escaped my mother and sister, she had evaded myself and Jasper once already.

The question I dreaded rose to the edges of my mind, taunting me as it hovered before me.

Was she even more formidable alone?

* * *

I'd just plugged my phone into the socket again when it rang. Hesitating slightly before picking it up, I checked the caller ID. As I expected, it was Alice. What could she want now? She'd only called the day after we arrived in the town. Probably another attempt at luring me home. I slid the phone back onto the hotel cabinet.

The phone buzzed again as soon as I set it down. "_Answer the damn phone, Bella. It's important!" _the message read. The phone rang again in my hand. I considered ignoring her out just to see how long it took for her to call Jasper instead…

"Alice," I muttered tersely, lifting the phone to my ear and answering it within the first ring. Jasper frowned at me from where he sat on the hotel's bed, flicking through the police report of Victoria's last victim.

"Victoria's made plans," My sister rushed through the words, stumbling them in haste. "She'll be two states north of you, up in the mountains. Three days away."

"You sure?" I was alert now, my free hand creating imprints in the hotel desk.

"Positive."

"Any other details?"

The silence lasted, arousing my curiosity. Alice spoke slowly, regret laced with her quiet voice. "It's the vision. The one that made you leave in the first place," Her tone made it all too clear how much she wished she could rewrite the past. "It's a farmhouse. In the centre of the mountain range…" She spieled off the address. "Say goodbye to Jazz for me," She whispered finally, hanging up before I could hand the phone to her husband.

I closed the phone, sliding it into my pocket. Jasper watched it slip into my pocket, strands of yearning filing the room.

I quickly filled him in on Alice's instructions and he set about collecting our belongings, busying himself to keep away from the ache for Alice that sang through his thoughts like a siren's song.

"C'mon," He muttered, heading for the door.

_You will be careful. Won't you? _I could almost see Edward biting his lip, waiting for my answer.

I slammed the door.

* * *

The farmhouse stood alone in the centre of a snowy valley, flanked by two great fir trees and several other bushes. Jasper and I stood at the top of one of the smaller mountains, watching the scene. This was the vision I had first seen of Victoria, the one that had prompted me to hunt for the demonic red-head in the beginning. Alice had called again only yesterday, sending us further into the mountain terrain, detailing Victoria's plans and minuscule decisions.

Would she arrived from the left, or the right? The valley, or the hills? Sunrise or Sunset? Alice couldn't answer many as Victoria's mind kept changing. All she could give us was the day and that, sooner or later, the brutal killer _would _emerge, hunting and unaware that we lay in wait for her.

I paced the edge of the mountain clearing, my eyes darting from the cliff-top below us and the one above, seeking Victoria's entrance point. The snowfall increased, decreasing the chances I had of tracking her, but not by much. Yet still I stopped moving and stood again by Jasper as he steadily became more stature than human.

As we watched, a young woman made her way out of the farm-house, a basket of clothes tucked beneath her left arm. Her right hand tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and then stretched towards a small girl skipping happily at her side, dressed in a blue pinafore.

Though we were a few hundred feet above them and the wind howled unrelentingly, I could just make out their speech.

"Annie, come here, mummy needs your help," The woman was young, twenty-one at the oldest and, judging by the girl's height, she had been a teenage mother.

She set the basket down and, taking a hold of Annie's hand again, walked toward one of the large fir trees. She swung her daughter onto her shoulders and the young girl reached up into the branched, pulling down a wicker basket of clothes-pegs and a thin rope.

The pair walked steadily across to the other fir tree that stood century in the garden, Annie still atop her mother's shoulders, and they tied the rope to a thick branch before the mother slid Annie down and the girl skipped back into the house.

The woman was just hanging up her last few garments of washing onto her make-shift washing-line, when a dot of red on the level below us caught Jasper's eye. He reached out instinctively and grabbed my arm, showing me his find.

Victoria stood below us, facing out into the oncoming wind. Her fiery hair was dragged away from her angular face and a small bag was clutched in her hands. We were incredibly lucky. Had the wind been blowing in the opposite direction, the barbaric red-head would have scented us immediately, escaping our sights and running for the hills in seconds.

But for once in my misfortune of life, the harpy of fate that so often opposed me was now on my side and Victoria remained oblivious to our hunt.

The woman beneath us all pegged her last sheet when her daughter ran out again, this time accompanied by a little boy who was so similar to her that he could only be her twin. The two children hurried towards their mother, tripping slightly over their uncoordinated lope. Their mother smiled and began to walk back to the house with her children at her side when Victoria bent into a sudden hunting crouch and threw herself into the air, spiraling towards the ground with cat-like elegance.

Jasper and I leapt into action. Rocketing towards the earth, we kept our eyes on the humans, watching as the woman shrieked in unadulterated terror at Victoria's sudden appearance.

Victoria prowled towards the family of three, her feline eyes set upon the shaking mother who was shielding her startled children. _Demon! _Her thoughts echoed as she watched Victoria's scarlet eyes and fluid, inhuman, gait.

I was thankful for Victoria's habit of playing with her food before eating it. Had she been too thirsty, merely going for the kill, the woman and her two tiny children would have been dead already, their blood flowing through Victoria's body as she headed for the next meal. But Victoria had fed recently - I had been witness to the corpse - and she was simply using this hunt to serve as a distraction to quench her violent needs. So the small family was untouched as we landed either side of the attacking vampire.

Jasper launched himself at her, arms grabbing her waist and pulling her with him as she made to escape. The pair flew into the large tree with a splintered thud and the great fir began to fall. Choosing between the helpless humans and my more than competent brother, I scooped up the two children and pulled them out of the tree's trajectory, returning a split second later for their quaking mother.

The tree crashed to the ground with an earth-shattering blow, Jasper and Victoria nowhere to be seen.

"Run!" I instructed the quivering woman and the crying children. "While you still can," and I turned, sprinting for the forest, following Jasper's scent.

I found them in under ten seconds, flying against the mountain face. Victoria crashed into the rock, a perfect imprint of her remaining as Jasper pulled her out and slammed her to the ground. He went for the kill… and Victoria seized her chance.

Using her feet as momentum, she flipped backwards, her racing hand catching Jasper across the jaw and forcing him backward. I jumped forward.

"Oh, has little Bella finally decided to fight for once?" Victoria cackled, her bravado charade betrayed only by her eyes darting for escape and her thoughts racing in panic.

_They'd catch me if I climb the mountain. They'd kill me if I fight…_

Both Jasper and I stalked forward, coming at her from two directions. I trailed her thoughts, shifting my body to correspond with her actions a split second before she put them into play.

Victoria's gaze zeroed in on the space between us. It would take her seconds to run… but she knew that Jasper and I would be right on her tail.

Jasper slid his feet forward and to the side, away from me, leaving a few feet of space between us.

Victoria's jaw tightened, and she squared her shoulders. Her eyes sparkled in vindictive delight as she tense. Hr body trembled, she was so tightly wound. Her fingers were eager claws, waiting for either of us to move too far from the other.

I circled around and Victoria's crimson eyes darted to watch me as I moved. I could see her mind as she analyzed me as the one who had destroyed her love, taken the one she had devoted her life to from the earth. Her eyes narrowed, focusing on one though.

_She will pay…!_

A strangled screech burst forth from Victoria's lips, clinging to her bared, venom-coated teeth, as she lunged towards me.

I tensed on the balls of my feet to meet her challenge, but she withdrew, falling back at the last second. She shifted lower into her crouch and stalked deliberately forward.

Jasper threw himself at her, his hands raking down her arms as she shrieked, the small clearing filling with her cry of agony. I watched as she spun in a circle, ducking underneath Jasper as they flailed through the air.

She spun out of the deadly entanglement, hurtling into a tall spruce and crashing into the wood at half the height. Leaves and twigs caught in her fiery hair as she toppled back to the ground.

Seconds before she hit the earth, she managed to right herself, landing onto the dirt with a sharp thump. Her bare feet dug into the wells of mud before she raised herself to the balls of her feet and crouched to attack.

She coiled and sprang.

Something white and iridescent whistled through the air and collided with her mid-flight. Her ruby gaze unfocused from me as the impact hit her, sounding like an explosion, and she bent backwards through the air towards the mountain-side.

She landed on her feet again, throwing Jasper off in desperation as she made again for me. This time I indulged her, curling in on myself before I soared through the air towards her, like an arrow from a bow, my hands forming deadly spikes as they dug into her skin.

She screamed, her glistening teeth plummeting to my throat as we fell to the ground. I twisted, pulling my nails out of her and descending my mouth to her neck, meaning to tear at her head and send it flying through the forest.

My teeth caught purchase, slicing through her flesh as she screamed wordlessly.

_Jump!_

She curved upwards, wrenching my teeth free as she drew herself into the air, vaulting high over the edge of the lowest mountain ledge.

Jasper followed me as I mimicked her, tracing the flowing venom through the forests towards our prey…

I traced Victoria's deadly inner-monologue as she threw herself from cliff to tree-top and back again. I had underestimated her speed. She was much faster than I had ever thought her to be, tearing away from us in under a minutes, racing for the horizon. I was faster, I knew that, but Jasper's continued warnings and Alice's worried phone-calls had thus far stopped me from trailing her tail until I was stepping on the backs of her heels.

Not now, though. Not now that I could taste the stench of death that lingered through her hair, not now that my mouth spiked with venom as I raced through the trees. Not now that she was within my grasp!

Her bare feet left footprints in the earth, each one deeper than the last as she pushed with all her strength to escape. I howled with uninhibited, pure carnal delight as I gained on my fleeing prey. _This _was how it was supposed to be! The strong hunting on the weak! The hunt and the Vampire merging as one towards that final goal! The final capture!

I could feel the vampire that shrouded me, pull into constant being as I dropped further into my hunting crouch, snarling as I ran towards the dash of red and the sickening stench that kept elludng me. The vampire rejoiced as I closed in, following my nose and my instincts.

"_Bella! Wait!_" Jasper's voice interrupted my blood-lust ridden mind, a shot of reality bursting through as we re-entered the large garden from before. I stared around in confusion. "It's a trick, she-"

The rumblings of a car engine cut through his words, finally hitting my previously deaf-to-the-world ears and silencing him. Whatever he was about to say was fully illustrated by the set of tyre tracks that led from the house's garage.

I cursed loudly. There was no _way _we'd be able to follow her now. Judging by the distance of the car, she was about to hit the main road, loosing herself in and about the humans as they went about their oblivious lives. And the car would seal away her scent.

The last of the engine's roar died away through the forest, leaving Jasper and I alone with the trees. She'd escaped. Again.

I closed my eyes and sighed. _Dammit._

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It's like a ritual by now - REVIEW PLEASE :)

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	9. Searching Endlessly

_AN/ - Hey! Well, out of the reviews i've received, a few people said that they thought Bella was taking too long to go back to Edward. To you people - She's close...Ish._

_I'll give you a roundabout idea - Bella gets the call from Rosalie in Chapter 12. :)_

_Don't worry, there is a happy ending! Obviously!_

_Read, Review and Enjoy!_

* * *

"I met a new girl at the library computer lab today,"

A teenager's voice broke it's way into my thoughts. It was a typical statement, spoken from a typical teenagers mouth and normally I wouldn't have paid any attention to it, ignoring it entirely. I usually chose to stay away from the gutter minds of teenage boys.

But as I passed the rowdy grouping of youths, a flash of the familiar, ever-present scarlet hair tangled in the wind and blood-thirsty black eyes of Victoria stopped me dead in my tracks. Jasper eyed me suspiciously and stood still at my side, holding his breath against any of the oncoming humans that swarmed around us in the street.

"She was hot!. And I mean, seriously, H-O-T, _hot!"_ l helped her with her holiday plans. Can you believe it, her parents won't let her have a computer!" He and his crowd of friends laughed unattractively. Was Victoria the 'new girl from the computer lab'?

"What were you doing in the _library_?" One of his friends asked, swigging from a can of coke and belching obnoxiously while the first boy started lying about some sort of alleged homework assignment.

I screwed my nose up in disgust before walking towards them, leaving Jasper behind. I gestured for him to wait a minute and he settled back against a large building.

"Excuse me?" I called, stopping by the grouping of teenagers. They turned to me and, as one, their eyes widened. "But have any of you seen my cousin? She's a red-head, pale skin, really black eyes?"

"Is she as _fine _as your hot self?" One of the other boys crowed until the first boy shushed him.

"Yeah, I think I seen her," He told me. "Name's Vicky, right?" A memory of Victoria offering her hand to him, introducing herself as 'Vicky Pire', flickered.

"Yeah, where've you seen her?" I twisted a lock of hair around my finger, the hole in my chest churning and twisting painfully. I opened my eyes wide in innocence and pouted slightly.

Jasper's amused chuckles did nothing to distract me from the abyss within my chest.

"Over in the library," The boy slipped a hand into his pocket and sauntered forward until he stood inches before me. "Do you want me to show you the way?" He raised an eyebrow in what he must have assumed to be a seductive expression. I rolled my eyes.

"No thank you," I muttered, picking out the directions in his thoughts. I made to turn when his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. Temptations of snapping his fragile wrist until the rivulets of blood spiralled down my wrist before I walked away seemed appealing. Thankfully, I was saved from deciding my Jasper's appearance.

"Let. Her. Go." He growled, keeping his breath held as he leant into the human's face.

Fear blossomed with the boy and he released me, stumbling back to his friends, Jasper sneering at him as we turned away.

"She was at the library," I murmured. "This way,"

Victoria was still using the vehicle which she had stolen from her prey's house. It was no surprise that she had left no trail throughout the town. We had only caught her progress by tracking the vehicle tracks of her stolen car as she had escaped from the farmhouse in the valley. This time, however, she wasn't going to be able to manage disappearing without a trace…

The library stood right within the centre of the bustling world of the town. The tattered plastic sponsor signs hung half-heartedly against the red-brick walls which lined the walk-way to the library steps. A few more youths sat scattered on the steps as Jasper and I passed them, sipping gingerly at polystyrene cups of lukewarm coffee and cursing the left over vodka that was still hidden within their bags.

There was ten minutes to spare until closing as we entered the library, following the painted footprints of the carpet that led to the computer lab. As it was close to closing time, there were very few people in the library, save for a few girls in the romance section, and even less in the computer lab. A lone teenaged boy sat in front of the first computer, shooting at some kind of ogre on a internet gaming site. Jasper laughed at him as we passed.

I followed my nose along the terminals, searching for Victoria's scent along each keyboard and monitor, Jasper not far behind me. Eventually I found the one she had been using and immediately brought up the history, searching for anything to do with the holiday plans that the vile boy had mentioned.

A few swift taps and mouse-clicks later, the illuminated screen was showing the booking reservation for Victoria Pyre, the name she had created for the police, to fly to...

"_Brazil?_" Jasper asked, stunned.

I shared his utter astonishment, my brow creasing the longer I stared at the screen. But it didn't lie. She was heading for sunnier climates. _Why?_

What did I even really know about the red-headed she-devil? Victoria ran like a bat out of fiery hell when she was in any way threatened or in danger. And there was no doubt that she enjoyed, even lived for, these sadistic games she insisted on playing... but Brazil? She'd put herself in danger for the game her deviant mind craved? Or she placed herself at risk to escape the peril we'd placed her in? After everything I'd discovered about her I'd never have believed that she would be this dramatic.

Her flight was scheduled to leave in an hour. Surfing through more web pages, I pulled up a map of the journey to the airport. Dammit! There was no way we could make it in time!

I flicked back to the original page, searching this time for a second flight. The only one I could locate was one due to leave tomorrow morning, leaving us seven hours behind her.

A few more brushes on the keys and I was grabbing mine and Jasper's tickets from the printer and tearing from the library, heading for the car.

A renewed sense of purpose sang through my bones as I slid into the drivers seat and twisted the ignition. I almost laughed at the grumbling roar of the engine as I pressed my foot to the ground. Almost. Not quite. I think I'd lost the ability to laugh.

Jasper watched me silently, confused at the twisted tenor of emotions he was receiving from me. He tore his questioning eyes away as he flicked open his blinking phone, stared at the screen for a second and slid it away.

"Alice sends her luck," He passed on, his mouth sneering around the word 'Luck'.

I pursed my lips. "No she doesn't,"

"You're right." He chuckled quietly. "She says she saw Victoria heading into the airport. We're on the right track,"

"Good," I nodded, swerving out into the oncoming traffic of the main road, earning a few choice yells and upraised fingers. I turned away from the tinted windows, keeping my eyes focused on the cracked tarmac as the rental car flew towards the horizon.

_You seem more optimistic today. _Edward commented lightly as I ran several stop signs.

I rolled my eyes, chuckling darkly.

_I like your laugh. _He smiled serenely from behind my eyelids as I blinked.

His voice taunted me, chiming in through the silence of my mind, reminding me of everything I loved about him, everything I missed about him... I didn't reply to his small comments and imagined questions, I couldn't with Jasper sitting beside me, but I never once tried to block him out.

I spotted the sign pointing towards the airport and swerved to get into the lane, throwing my reckless driving past the limits.

_Hell, Bella are you trying to kill us?! _Edward griped, frowning at me before he softly admitted ..._you drive way too fast._

I nearly smiled as I pulled into the already heavily loaded parking lot, cutting the engine and exiting the car in one swift move.

It was midnight as we strode through the electric doors at the overly-lit and quiet airport terminal, our rucksacks slung over our shoulders as we approached the first-class desk.

"Good evening, Sir, Miss," The small-statured brunette ticket-agent nodded to us, taking the printed-out tickets Jasper offered with surprisingly still fingers for the amount of coffee I could smell on her breath. Her garishly varnished nails tapped a few digits into the aging computer on the desk before she looked up and smiled generically at us. "Your flight leaves in just under twenty minutes, Gate two,"

"Thankfully we made it in time," Jasper smiled at the woman, making her pulse fall into double time.

"Y-yes, sir," Her lips curved into a soft smile and she ducked her head, blushing. "But I'm sure you and your girlfriend will have a pleasant trip,"

I landed upon the reason this small ticket-agent pleased me so. She reminded me of Angela Webber. Her shy disposition and the timid thought patterns made me smile as she handed me the ticket. It was refreshing to meet a human who's immediate reaction when meeting one of us wasn't solely to lure us into bed.

"Thankyou..." I checked her name-tag. "Annie," I handed her a bill from my pocket and smiled.

"T-thankyou," She stuttered, unfolding the note. Her eyes widened "But Miss this is a-"

"Fifty? I know. It's nice to deal with people like you," I tucked the tickets into my jean pocket and headed towards security, Jasper in tow.

_...Drunk? _Edward laughed. I could nearly picture the raised eyebrow.

"Shut up," I almost smiled.

* * *

Waiting was murder. I sat down on the plush first class seat that was temporarily my own, Jasper sliding into the other seat beside me. I could hear his relief as he looked out the window. He had my scent for a shield against the humans converged around us, adrenaline coursing through their veins and heightening their already potent fragrances.

I wondered how they would react if they knew that, while they were safest in the air from crashes, there was no escape if Jasper hadn't have fed.

_Damn! She's amazing._

I closed my eyes in revulsion before turning to face the steward standing at my side.

"Would you like a pillow?" The tall youth asked, his head blocking the light from the reading lamp above my head. "A blanket? Something to drink?"

"No thankyou," My teeth ground together as he leered at me once more and moved on with a 'Have a pleasant flight,'.

I looked across the aisle. There was a girl about seventeen years old sitting opposite me. As I watched her head fell back against the head-rest and her eyes flickered shut, soft snores falling from her slightly open mouth.

I looked away, jealously consuming me, and my fingers squeezed into a fist, rubbing the leg of my jeans just for something to do. I wanted lose myself to sleep. To not think anymore. It hurt so much to think.

The pressure in the cabin shifted as we took off, leaving the ground behind us. Maybe leaving the continent would help me forget...  
_  
You really don't know me _Edward gave a wry chucked before his voice changed, pleading _...No. Stay. Please.  
_  
Whatever high I had been riding from being so close to Victoria was wearing out. Fast. Already I could feel the small light that had been powering my smile flick off with a sudden snap.

Another snap brought my attention back to Jasper. He was just sliding his phone away.

"Alice?" I questioned, resting my head back into the lavish seat.

He nodded. "She's in Biloxi," He kept his voice low as the other passengers began to nod out of consciousness and the stewards exited through the curtains.

"Biloxi? Why is she in-"

"She's researching." Jasper did a quick check around the plane to ensure we weren't overheard. "Looking for her past," He added when he had checked no-one was listening.

Edward tilted his head at me. _Did Alice watch the tape?_

"Ever since..._Phoenix_," Jasper hesitated slightly before ploughing on. "She's wanted to know. Everything about herself. She went searching through records. Not birth-record this time. She's been looking through submission forms. Asylums. Anyone who matched her description and went missing. She eventually found one, in Mississippi."

Alice had been through all of this...and I had had no idea. My own sister. I closed my eyes in self-disgust.

"Mary." Jasper whispered, making me look up. "She was Mary Alice Brandon when she lived."

"Does she...?"

"She prefers Alice," He assured me, chuckling. "She had a sister, Cynthia. Her niece is still alive in Biloxi."

"Does she know why...why they put her in..._that place_?" My mouth felt dry.

He shook his head, his topaz eyes thoughtful. "She couldn't find much about them, though she went through old newspapers on the microfiche. She found the Asylum she was sent to and filched her admittance forms." He looked at his hands, tapping his index fingers together. "She was nineteen when she died. She found her grave. Her admittance date and date of death were the same."

I didn't know what to say. Neither, apparently, did Jasper. We both fell into thoughtful silence, our trains of thought veering off into different directions.

I had been so concerned with avoiding my sister's calls, her messages to bring me home, that I had forgotten all about her ideas for discovering her history.

I sighed, knowing that I needed to apologize. If ever I saw her again which, as we soared over the clouds, wasn't high on my list of priorities however repentant I was.

"Sorry Alice," I whispered, hanging my head. _But I'm not ready to come home yet._

_

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Press the little button and tap a few keys. Please? :) One review?

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	10. Slain by Madness' Sword

_A.N_

_We are now reaching the ends of Bella's threads of sanity. Her accounts of this time are erratic and fleeting and full to the brim with pain-wrenching angst! Just the way I like her :)_

_So please, read and review. I don't mean to moan again guys, but I got THREE reviews last chapter. Is my writing really that terrible? _

_Anyway, enjoy. :)_

* * *

After weeks of managing to keep track of Victoria's chaotic hunting, Jasper and I were finally at a loss.

Though all of Victoria's woodland kills were in running water and her city executions could never have been traced to any immortal suspicions, we had always managed to stay a few feet behind her, either confronting her or just missing her by hours. But now, as we relentlessly searched the crowded streets and abandoned back-alleys of Brazil, there was - infuriatingly - no sign of her.

Brazil was hot. And therefore the sun beat down on the land in waves of light, securing us inside abandoned houses and forgotten attics until night dawned and we were free to hunt amongst the humans once again…

The street lamps that lined our newest hunting ground were a clinical bright white that threw both mine and Jasper's skin into a shocking contrast to the flushing humans around us, their hair beaded with drops of cold sweat as the temperature started it's nightly sudden decrease. The humans that were walking alongside us as we searched the main center of Buenos Arias sped up whenever they were in danger of their paces aligning with ours. Flurried thoughts of families' faces flashed in their minds as they saw the two of us, before a sense of guilt surrounded them at being terrified of two such young people.

Birds moved in shocked droves and flurried movements up into the boundless spaces of the sky as we appeared, stalking down the streets of Brazil, cool and composed, as though we belonged. It could almost seem possible, for the briefest moment while the smoke and hazy warmth of the night beat around us, that we could belong here, save for our unbearably white skin. With this marker, one that showed that we were more than human, we were wolves in a flock of sheep.

Painstakingly obvious.

The traffic was heavier than I'd expected it to be this late at night, apparently a few of the humans had decided that this Friday would be their night out. I wondered how many would see their beds again with Victoria on the loose.

The passing cars taunted me as they drove by. Were I human it would have been so close, so damned easy. Just one small step out from behind a parked car before...oblivion. Like an outright protest against the world - Take that!

"Walk me home tonight please?" A small woman asked her date in Portuguese, wrapping her coat around herself tightly. _The streets aren't safe at night._

"Of course," He told her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, leading her away from the flashing lights of the restaurant that declared the 'Dish of the Day' to be vegetable soup.

I took a deep breath, sampling the cold night air, then headed down a alley-way with Jasper at my heels. I leapt effortlessly to the top of one of the two buildings that lined the dank back street then sprang across to the closest building.

Crossing the rooftops to the east, I tried to bury my traitorous thoughts that kept breaking free of the locks I had haphazardly placed around my mind in a foolhardy attempt to bar and stray thoughts.

The scent I had thought I'd recognised was gone by morning when we bid our hasty retreat into the nearest hotel of the many that lined the Brazilian streets.

The sun stared at us mockingly from the window as we sat, waited and counted the hours until dusk.

* * *

Every day now started the same. The sun rose, and Edward's taunting voice whispered to me every morning as the sky changed from royal blue, to burgundy, to orange and finally the familiar white sunlight that barricaded me behind closed doors and walls, no four ever the same. Then, as the sun slipped beyond the far-off horizon, we set out to resume the hunt.

He would keep throwing memories of the previous year towards me, so that they ricocheted through my mind. I tried to shake him away, but he forever persisted, memory after stunningly real memory repeating themselves as though on a reel in the unseen vantage point of my visual mind.

Walking through the present, living in the past.

My original promise to stay away had been shortened already to a year, but even that had been discarded as I fought to make my absence even a month longer.

We'd moved south of Brasília, following following every border-line and tracing every square foot for any trace of her. The widely stretching city shown no hint of her and we had found no new leads pointing us in any direction. So Jasper had suggested that she may be in the smaller, more inaccessible of Brazilian villages.

_No-one can hear the village's screams... _His darkly military mind focusing on worst case scenario as we passed unnoticed through the midnight hush of tiny villages.

Edward whispered to me as the sun came up. _"Why are you here?" _He questioned innocently, nodding towards the rocky Brazilian terrain. G_ive in _He begged.

I looked up at the noon-high sky from my position under the trees.

Another year.

My resolution _was_ absolute.

* * *

Every detail of the days passed before my unseeing eyes, slipping through into my subconscious. The nightly chasing on a non-existent trail. The days of Jasper staring at his phone, willing his wife to call with any type of news. The second hand ticking around the generic plastic face of every clock in every hotel, each tick slower than the last tock.

Days ran together, one hour melding into the next, night blending into day. I was numbly aware of the world, but I was in the passenger seat of my own body, someone else working the gears and levers while I watched idly as the world slipped on by.

I remembered a time when I knew sunlight, and dappled water and laughter in annoyingly bright school corridors — and I knew that the savage wilderness hidden within me was _other_, was wrong, shameful and inhuman and uncivilized, sick and diseased, rotten and disgusting and putrefying.

Now I embraced the darker side of nature.

Since the dawn of time, animals have feasted off one another's flesh. Driven by the most basic survival instincts, hungry creatures hunt with great skill. Vampires are the world's greatest hunters with their keen sense of smell and insatiable thirst for blood, they are unstoppable. The hunt is almost a game to these hunters. A game they always win.

The moon rose as I blinked the days collection of dust out of my eyes.

I was a hunter. Forever. Now it was time to act like one.

* * *

That was nearly a month ago.

In the days since I hunted in areas that grew ever bigger by the day, Jasper permanently at my side. We lurked in bigger cities now, looking into every occasional violent end of human life that was broadcast callously across the human's usually trivial and irritatingly silent news in technicolour. But with each and every human victim, there lay a very _human, _but no less evil, killer thrown safely behind the cold and unforgiving cell bars.

Dead end followed dead end. We continued on, I never bothering to feed, despite Jasper's repeated warning. I found myself slipping, driven into the grasp of the haze I had only so recently escaped, the obscurity of a unrepentant memory embedded in my mind and heartstrings, acting without my consent. A world of natural instinct awakened within me, somewhere between reality, hunting and longing. And with each day ending in failure, my sanity fell out of my grip a little more.

Insanity is defined as 'Exhibiting unsoundness or disorder of mind; not sane; delirious; distracted; erratic;'

Step forward, Isabella Cullen.

* * *

Is it just a simple fact of life that _every single thing _I ever do fails to a point so monumentally pathetic? That the vicious harpy of fate that laughs and laughs at my boundless stupidity and arrogance, my unquenchable thirst and the bottomless, boundless void that filled me, chose _my _life to truly screw up!?

The void stared at me. And I stared into the void. _Boundless. _No echo.

The failure of this sham of a hunt – for that's all it was, a sham - was finally complete. Fate had stopped playing with my strings, choosing to cut loose my cords and let me fall until she decided to intervene once more.

Victoria wasn't in Brazil. I was beginning to think she'd never even set foot on the continent. Never even entered the airport.

She should have been _easy_ to find_. So _simple. I'd followed every street, trailed every scent that was even remotely like hers, inspected the minds meticulously searching for the wicked she-devil. But nary a sight of the red-head had arisen, and the memories strengthened.  
_  
_In the weeks that had followed, I had only been able to commit myself and Jasper to searching for an hour, maybe two, a night. But now we had trodden across every last inch of Brazil, our labour fruitless.

Now it was over, our failure accepted. As Jasper headed back to the hotel, I took a walk through the local cemetery, through endless streets of markers and tombs, all that was left of what had once been people with lives, memories and laughter. The flowers scattered around the various graves were drowning and wilting under the onslaught of rain.

The storm to end all storms raged. Thunder sounded in the distance as flashing light crossed the sky. Torrents of rain poured in buckets to the muddy ground, and the sound of it echoed through the air. There was another strike of lightning. A dog barked nearby, but it did so more from terror than anything else. Wind wailed and threw buckets of rain at the stained windows of the church, causing the glass to rattle. The thunder continued to roll over the sky, the flashes of lightening following at even intervals.

I sat against a grave-stone whose name had long ago been worn off, the effects of rain and time leaving it blank. I sat, empty-eyed with water pounding down on my skull and shoulders, watching the full moon above my head seem to pulse and rage at me like a coming storm, like all of nature had realised my short-comings.

Now, as I huddled in the dust and grime, taking my place amongst the other corpses and ignoring the babble of the few minds in the church, I wondered if I had now essentially killed him. He was so warm, so soft, and so beautiful...And should Victoria ever choose to seek her revenge he would fall under her attack like a grain of sand under a tsunami.

I ached to feel his head resting on my own again, to feel his smooth skin against my hair. To be healed, to have him…It wouldn't be long now.

_Just one more day._ Could I give him one more day? Another hour? I wrapped my arms around myself, head hanging as I stared unseeingly at the ground.

Mechanically I exited the cemetery. I didn't even realize that I'd left the worn down tarmac of the well-trodden path until I reached the edge of the cliff. I pulled up short, faced with a huge expanse of water.

The waves are rough below, smashing into the rocks of the cliff, tearing themselves to pieces along the length of the jutland. Only a fool could stare down and not feel fer. And only someone far beyond ordinary foolishness would even think for a moment of leaping into that roaring, forbidding abyss...

For a brief second, the urge to throw myself over was strong. To die as a human would, so beautifully, so perfectly, dashed against the rocks until I'm nothing then swept away into the company of fishes and other creatures of the deep.

But I knew my limits. Death was nothing I could reach with the ease of throwing oneself off of a cliff. It was much more difficult than that.

Hours went by. Slow, tedious, anxious hours, that seemed to crawl. Sometimes I wondered if Jasper meant to leave me here forever. It was an odd thought — I'd read over and over again about men who'd gone crazy when they were isolated in complete darkness during World War II.

I wondered, how long it could take for a vampire to go crazy. Hours of waiting in the darkness..._could_ they have any effect on me.

Just the thought of seeing Edward again had sapped most of my controlled thoughts. I knew I couldn't even entertain the idea of seeing him ever again if I wanted to make it another day, let alone a year, away.

I dug my fingers into the ground, self-disgust churning through my veins.

I _have _to stay away. I _must._

"Bella?" I turned, seeing the rain-drenched Jasper appear from the trees. I knew I could look no better after sitting out in the downpour for hours.

"What do you want, Jazz?" I asked, wanting to be alone with my unending failings.

"You had Alice worried, you know," He chuckled, sprawling next to me and kicking his feet over the edge of the cliff. "What the hell did you think about doing?" Under the joking exterior, genuine worry raced alongside his thoughts.

"Nothing," I lied, leaning back on my palms.

"Liar," He whispered before letting it go. "She's asking...well she's hoping...that maybe you could come home. If just for a few weeks," His hands entwined with a drenched daisy, spinning it round until the petals fell like white rain. "They all miss us. Esme especially is worried and would love to see us...you...just for the day."

"But Victoria..."

"Is long gone. Look, it won't be a waste of your time. Check in with Alice, get her to _really _look ahead and find where she'll be," The false excuses fell tepid on Jasper's tongue as his true intentions failed to remain hidden. "Mom is really suffering, missing you." He said softly.

I sighed, tapping slightly on the edge of the cliff-face. Esme had been so sad when I'd left — if I came then left again... it would be too cruel to put her through that again.

But maybe if I spoke to her, called her? "I know. But seeing me would only make things worse for her."

"You know that she doesn't care about that. She wants to see her children, _all _of her children?"

I couldn't argue the fact that seeing Esme wasn't appealing. It was also extremely selfish.

"They miss you." Jasper spoke softly, as though talking to a very small child.

My stomach sank to my knees. "I miss them too, Jazz. But you should go, at least."

"You know that it's not truly _me _she wants to see. You're her first daughter, she loves you the most – as much as she denies it."

"They shouldn't want to be around me. _I _don't even want to be around me."

"And who's fault is that?" He snapped before sighing loudly. "I'm sorry,"

I didn't answer.

He wasn't making his usual sense to me, keeping his thoughts flitting and erratic, hiding his thoughts and saying half of what he means to say with his amber eyes alone.

I turned away, reflecting silently.

We both have monsters that well up inside us, shine through our eyes, change our vision, our hearing, our voices, our touch and smell, our very lives; monsters who haunt our lives, whisper in our ears, hide in the back of our minds and threaten to get out. He knows what it is to be cursed, to be owned by a monster, to be chained to an endless destiny of rushing night and death. The only difference between the two of us is that he managed to live with his. I couldn't handle mine at all.

Jasper'd killed hundreds, perhaps thousands of vampires; _he'd_ make it quick and relatively painless, I was sure. But could I ever ask him? Could I ever burden my brother with my execution?

I was pretty sure the answer was no, but who knows?

"Bella?" I looked at him. That's where our eye contact comes in—I'll never tell him, but my respect for him has become limitless, almost fearful awe after he told me his brutal history. And yes, I want to hate him for stopping my destroying myself—on more than one occasion now. "Bella, please?"

God, how I wanted to hate him at that moment! How badly I wanted to howl my misery and feel biting wind on me, drown in the cold surface of the moon and roam free from everything, all at that instant. But the small human part of me that still remained, stayed attached that small particle of humanness. The one that is always overridden with horrendous guilt. Jasper kept pulling me back from the edge with his _damn_ humanity

I longed for it. I _wanted _to hurt myself. Hurt for all that my existence has taken from others. Then I wanted to run, then I wanted to die, fall into deep waters and never feel again. I want to drift into blackness until I fall into my Angel's arms. I want to stay there for all eternity, holding onto him so that I never lose him again, so that he can never leave me behind and alone. Ever.

I must have looked terrifying as the smallest dash of uncontrolled fear made it's way into Jasper's eyes. I blinked and it was gone.

"Please, Bella?" He asked again, so quiet this time that it was beyond what any human could ever hope to here. "Think of Esme."

Esme? No, think of my sanity.

I closed my eyes and, full of regret, stood again.

"When do we leave?"

* * *

C'mon Guys, Three reviews for the last chapter :( Please just tap a few keys

Xx


	11. Lost Under The Surface

A/N - Oh, Bella is falling into insanity. Spiralling down into a black hole of it. :)

Enjoy.

* * *

I regretted my decision as soon as the first road-signs that pointed through the rain towards Ithaca appeared, dotted along the road at annoyingly varying intervals.

_Explain that please._ Edward inquired inside my head. I shot a glance at Jasper, ignoring the tantalizing voice.

_I'm not telling any-one. _He promised earnestly. I shook my head and tried concentrating on something, anything else. I envied Jasper. If I was driving, it would have been much easier to dismiss my own delusions.

T_hats not fair....What's the point in having a mouth if you don't use it? _He groused as I turned away, studying my reflection disinterestedly in the tinted windows of the rented car.

It had been too long since I had last fed. The last vestiges of blood were fighting tooth and nail to keep my body functioning in some semblance of the vampire I had once been, trickling stubbornly through my body until the very end...when the blood would run out and I could crumble and wither away into nothingness...

I wish.

I couldn't quite fathom the emotion that hung, ever present, at the back of my ebony eyes. I knew Jasper knew, but any inclination I had to ask him was minimal because, in keeping my mouth shut, I had effectively given myself a new form of twisted and deranged occupation.

I would benefit from a set of visits to a psychiatrist.

That thing haunted me as I continued to stare at the reflection, my image tainted only by the city lights as they twinkled congenially off the pane of glass, bouncing again off of every mirrorlike surface that littered the car.

What was it? That elusive emotion that hung over me like a shadow that would forever block out what little sun I was straining to see.

Helplessness? Anxiety? Powerlessness? Worry? Doubt? Envy? Frustration? Guilt? Shame? Anger? Contempt? Self-Disgust? _What!?_

As I watched my eyes shifted, their keen slanting shape morphing into a more subtle and infinitely softer beauty as they stared curiously back at me, coal falling through the spectrum to a gentle green and a twinkle in the endless sea of colour.

I turned my back on Edward's face, studying my shoes now as though Galileo's map of the Heavens was intricately etched into the leather.

He was like a lost moon, circling the gaping chasm I now was, ripped away from my planetary bounds and forced to become less than the most meagre of stars. Always there, forever following the routine we would both surely be doomed to repeat for eternity.

His voice would trail me forever as I stalked the earth, my life evermore without meaning, reason or point. I would live as though one condemned, silent and painfully full of regrets that my heart longed for me to put right yet my head had enough obstinacy to continue denying me. For eternity.

Jasper shivered as the stench of grief everlasting, one that lies beyond the capacity of human words and that pervades our existence so very precisely, swallowed him up mercilessly. The scent of a thousand years of hope's rotting corpses lined up to march to the rhythm of a never-ending drumbeat. The odour of surrender in the face of something much bigger than anything anyone anywhere can even begin to imagine. The reeking scent of sorrow reigning victorious.

He didn't say a word as my ache, so acute it was almost physical pain, swept over him like an unrelenting sea, dragging us both down to the darkened depths of despair. He watched me, testing the air as he stared at me in stunned paralysis. I couldn 't even bring myself to bring up a minuscule illusion of a facade by smiling at him. Instead my eyes locked with my brother's, letting the blackness of his pupils and the silence of his heart draw me under as he fell victim to my grief, truly understanding for the first time, as we neared our family, why I longed to stay away.

Just thinking of Alice made remember the last time I saw her smile..._with him._

Imagining Esme's doting face brought back memories of her scrubbing hard at a floor splattered with the unforgiving colour of blood..._his blood._

And my father...Oh my father...._ If you stayed, say another year, you would never have to worry about harming him again. You could be together for eternity. I would even help you_

Forbidden pleasures and seductive promises. Castles in the air.

_Will the ghosts go away?  
Will she will them to stay?  
Either way, there's no way to win!  
All I know is I'm lost!  
And I'm counting the cost!  
My emotions are in a spin!_

Senseless lyrics of rich baritone and cherubic soprano slithered into my brain before I pushed the visage of two actors away from my eyes, their 'pain-stricken' expressions foolishly depicting mere mortal anguish. Neither measuring up to the pure, unadulterated torture that sang through me.

Jasper continued his unending vigil, confusion evident in his thoughts as he attempted to keep up with my violently varying emotions as I swung from one end to the other.

But I didn't care. All my senses could keep themselves keyed onto was Edward. My memories that still burned in my mind as though they happened only moments ago; his eyes reflecting the emptiness as they looked at me in that awful forest, his heartbeat stuttering to a stop before picking up in double time as my mouth formed painfully, excruciatingly around the words _'Edward, I don't want you to come'_

My mouth reformed the executing sentence, my breath coming out in a soundless whisper as I forced my lips to allow the words passage.

A soft sobbing brought my attention away from the words stabbing into my throat and towards the sidewalk. A small child sat on the edge pavement, tears falling down his chubby cheeks as he stared at the ragged and dirty flesh on his scraped palms.

In vampiric grief, there is no greater pleasure than watching an innocent child cry the dozens tears you cannot, faintly echoing the sadness that you feel in the honesty of their youth. The disbelief that something has managed to hurt them, the raging hopelessness as they come to the slow realisation that their parents couldn't do anything to stop it.

I knew every small and fleeting emotion in that small child's mind, every cry clawing at his larynx, because I felt them too. The only difference was that he could weep while I cannot.

Jasper turned to me, feeling the pleasurable pain that now coursed along my skin like fire. I could see my eyes reflected in his, eyes speaking of tears that could not be shed, days that could not be reclaimed, desire to move forward and desire to stay in the past.

In the distance a coyote howled and my mind wandered onto every poem and song and requiem of loss I've ever happened upon.

_Loss Unbearable, Loss Irreparable..._

T_hese tears I shed will never go away  
The tears that fall, will remind me of that pain  
The pain of loss is what I speak  
The pain that made me fall to my knees..._

_Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.  
Time can break your heart, have you beggin' please beggin' please...__  
_  
_I carry a smile when I'm broken in two  
And I'm nobody without someone like you  
I'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me  
I lie awake it's a quarter past three  
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought  
You'd hear me  
Yeah my heart is calling you  
And nobody knows it but me..._

_When the night has been too lonely  
And the road has been too long,  
And you think that love is only  
For the lucky and the strong,  
Just remember in the winter  
Far beneath the winter snows  
Lies the seed that with the sun's love  
In the spring becomes the rose..._

_So tired of the straight line  
And everywhere you turn  
There's vultures and thieves at your back  
And the storm keeps on twisting  
You keep on building the lie  
That you make up for all that you lack  
It don't make no difference  
Escaping one last time  
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees..._

Bittersweet recollections of another's loss. I drank it in greedily as Jasper finally turned off into an almost unnoticeable junction, leading through forests towards where the minds of our family sang in undulated harmony and sorrow.

The sound of engine of our car sliding to a halt echoed in the silence of the evening and five pairs of vampiric ears pricked up in curious anticipation.

The car door slammed.

Our feet echoed across the sludgy ground.

The door-knob twisted.

Pandemonium struck Ithaca.

Shouts of our names echoed through the house as we stepped across the threshold, our scents registering in synchronism, before a pile of bodies headed towards us.

My mother was kissing my cheek, weeping tearlessly. Alice was hanging onto Jasper by the neck, their lips joined in an embrace that looked unlikely to untangle for some time. Emmett picked me up, swinging me around in jubilation, Rosalie grinning at his side. Carlisle being smothered by his wife's joyous hug.

And, as much I loved hearing their voice's again, wanted their smiling faces to be all I could see, I just watched in detached emotionlessness as they swarmed around both Jasper and I, their voices blending into white noise around me.

It was Rosalie who noticed it first, her eyes watching me in careful evaluation as he mind whirred, unable – like myself before her – to place the elusive emotion in my eyes.

"You need to hunt," She told me, satisfied that that was the reason for the inexplicable being hidden almost successfully at the back of my eyes.

I nodded once, my jaw tightening from the onslaught of venom the scents of the vampire's around me induced. Whatever humanity was left within me was draining. fast.

The coyote howled again.

"Go," Esme smiled, too happy for words. "We'll hunt too," Her honey orbs watched me unwaveringly as I turned and sprang out of the door, their footsteps falling into tandem with mine as I raced into the forest.

At this point I choose not to think of what the others would say or believe about my animalisticly carnal actions, or try to even justify them as I tore through the undergrowth, because I know my own thoughts, and frankly I've ceased to care.

Vampire's do not know death, decay, age, or fear; only glory, triumph, a flash of heartbeats and eyes in the forest of ages, are there. Vampire's are soulless, ageless, living at the core of those shadows always seen at the edge of the sight in the Devil's hours and at the last breath of sunset.

And now, we ran for what felt deep in our chests like the last time. And still, after all this time, we were breaths of air, of eternity, of lives transcending human limitations, extending past the molecules of air and skin between them, becoming one another in the harmony of footsteps, breath, heartbeats, the reverberation of a snarls, honey and fresh earth and oak trees and new grass and cleaning products and leather and old books and ink melding together in consonance, the flashes and touches, the vision of a smile in a memory, laughter and shouts and calls of long-forgotten panic, coming fresh from adventure and danger, blazing, afire, smoking in triumph—daring Fate _just for one more day_—

I suppose that's the Nights real triumph— that even after death, it still keeps it's victims. They remain immortal, ageless eternally.

The last howl broke the dusk. I chased the prey down, circling the whimpering cattle as they lined up to be fed to the creatures at the top of the monumentally high food-chain, forcing their fur throats to my senselessly snapping teeth, tasting their bitterly copper blood on my tongue. Their strangled mewls brought a laughter, a laughter that rang with sanity bursting free of it's banks, out of me. Mine was the last face they ever saw.

I opened my eyes.

Dead coyotes surrounded me. So many dead. I frowned, I had only remembered the one kill.

I could only stare in shock, slowly inhaling and testing the air for the sweet cloy of human blood. How far had I fallen into the insanity that seemed to grip me so mercilessly, so ruthlessly? But all that greeted me was the dull piquancy of animal blood.

I fell back into the grass still speckled with blood, surfeited for the first time in months. The burn that had been raging sank into soothed depths of cool.

W_hat's your favorite 'wildlife' _Edward sang to me. Though my senses had benumbed while I was thirsty, his voice had never faded._  
_  
"Definitely not Coyote," I whispered to the starry sky, scrubbing my skin with my palms.

A small cough broke through the haze I had created around myself, I whipped up, crouching in defence. As I saw the shocked faces of my family, I straightened up out of my crouch and waited as they approached me.

Carlisle watched me with cautious eyes as Emmett and Jasper set to work disposing the remains of my hunt.

I'd experienced what Carlisle had, centuries ago. My thirst had taken final control, like a demon forever suctioned to my mind. I had to be more careful. Next time it might not been coyote's. Next time, it might be human.

* * *

The embers of the fire began dimming to a somber glow when two o'clock chimed, and I found myself down in living room, stiff but not alone. Instinct rose within me as I heard the gentle footsteps of another approach, a warm presence, familiar and caring, if sometimes annoying.

I blew out the candle at my side. In the remaining firelight, I watched tendrils of smoke curling around one another tantalizingly, daring the other to come close enough to merge, in a dance up to the ceiling, curling like snakes of fog.

"You know," came the voice that so often worked as the whisper of logic and caution, speaking from the flickering shadows, "I'm surprised at you. You never used to like sitting in the dark."

"What're you doing here, Alice? Haven't you got a Jasper to be taking care of?"

Alice sauntered out of the shadows and a mock-scowl on her face "He's out hunting with Emmett, since _someone _was greedy enough to take all the coyotes for themself" She said with a playful air, plopping down beside me and pulling a cushion to her lap, fiddling with the tassels. She licked her lips, smirking slightly, "Besides, I couldn't get a wink if I wanted to,"

I almost grinned before getting up and making my way to the staircase as the embers of the fire gradually died away. "I'm going to my room."

Alice narrowed her eyes. "Oh no, you don't. You're talking to me tonight," She decided, skipping lightly to my side as I continued up the stairs.

Without saying a word, I shook my head and strode over to where her door was hanging ajar, slipping into the room.

"You're so blasted stubborn," I groused flatly, sitting at the end of her bed as she sprawled herself across the duvet with a grin.

Alice watched me calmly for a long while, nestling herself tighter in the blanket. My eyes had fixated on a spot just beyond her, focusing on a dull patch of the gaudily decorated wall she had evidently decided not to paint.

Even though this house in Ithaca - one which I haven't visited for decades - is entirely different, in this vast house, with its many silent unused rooms and vast shadows, I couldn't help but wallow in misery.

I can't help but hear _his _laugh in the echoes through stray memories of my family, see his face in the dusty and long-empty photo-frames. Privately, I think I actually _want _to see his ghost in every darkened corner that Alice had refused to let Esme clean, in every dust-ridden footstep I take, every prolonged shadow edging closer to me...

Sometimes I don't look up, just to hold onto a thin illusion.

Evidently having decided that she had allowed me to wander for some time, Alice made her first attempt to try and get a conversation going again.

"I suppose I might already know the answer to this, but how are things with Victoria? You haven't really said much about her since arriving."

I felt my face harden, my expression becoming guarded. I avoided her gaze pointedly.

"Bella…" Alice reprimanded in a stern, mothering sort of way.

"You know how things are! I lost her! I failed!" I said snarled, clenching my fists together.

"You didn't fail," She soothed. "It was never your path," Alice tapped the side of her spiky black head. "You'd created your own future, Bella, it was destined to fall through." She smiled softly. "Trust the psychic,"

It was silent again for a long time after than. As the seconds lengthened, I attuned the sounds of the gently ticking clock to our breathing—in, tick, out, tock—sitting and not moving. The breathing and the clock continued as we sat there, lying wordlessly across her bed.

What would it feel like to slip in and out of conscious thought, the drifting sensation before the dream?

"Will you talk to me?" She whispered softly as I curled up in on myself.

I raised my eyes to hers and, with a sense of a executioners blade at my throat, shook my head.

I looked at her crestfallen face—in the flickering light of the candle she had lit. I could easily make out every gentle curve and slope on her face, the rise and fall of her lashes as she blinked and continued to watch me. The intelligence, perception and vision beyond any on the earth was truly terrifying to see. It felt particularly disconcerting to be examined by those tawny eyes – ones which had dissected me a thousand times before.

But talking to her about him would be admitting to a fact that I want to bury in the back of my brain and let it suffocate there—that I failed him, that I couldn't protect him and that I'd forever lost him. That I'm alone.

She sighed loudly and broke eye-contact, heading for her closest and pulling out a deep-blue robe. As she swung the door wide open, a flash of silver caught my eye.

A curiosity that had sat forgotten at the back of my mind stirred, though I couldn't put any name to it as I slid off of the silks sheets and made my way to the darkened cupboard.

My head snapped up upon recognition, my muscles froze, my feet fell heavily in mid-step and my arms went limp.

_The photo frame._

Alice's gift to Edward. The one I had never found when hiding his possessions lay in the midst of clothes fallen from their hangers, the silver frame twinkling genially in the candle-light.

But it wasn't the frame that caused the intense agony to fill through my being like ice, originating in the very chambers of my heart, more pain than any mortal could possess.

It was the photograph.

A different Bella had her hands wrapped around the neck of someone much taller than her, her amber eyes filled with love-smitten joy. Edward stared back at her, their heads inclined as though their lips soon would meet but now never would, forever frozen in time by the flash of a camera.

It was as though cold fingers had placed themselves around my heart and squeezed at the lifeless organ holding my chest and wanting to claw at it. And the hand that had been twisting in very centre of my being wound around to my back, tracing deadly patterns along my spine and ribs. My stomach contorted in excruciating, harrowing pain as Alice and I both stared at the image, one in pain, the other in horror.

"Bella...I"

"I have to go," I whispered, my eyes not moving from the picture as the death-like hands continued to claw their way through my chest, into my stomach, down my spine. "I thought...I thought I could do this. I can't. I'm...I'm not strong enough."

It is hard to be brave when you feel that the gods have turned their faces from you

"Goodbye, Alice,"

My feet hit the ground running as I flew through the house, clutching my backpack to my chest for a seventh of a second before it was on my back without my knowledge of ever putting it there.

What was it _like_, to run without as a human would run, to run until one's lungs burned for oxygen and forced the body to the ground with exhaustion, to run without the capacity for feeling _anything_ else?

"Bella!" My name chorused from the house as I fled through the clearing. I could hear every broken sob as I avoided muddy trees and dipping branches.

"Why? How could she?" Esme cried to the skies with such a heart-wrenching shout that the world held it's breath in respect for a grieving mother.

I heard Carlisle fall to his knees beside her. "Not even the angels could stop themselves from falling."

I'm selfish. I want to run wild and savage, where I and I alone can seem so beyond death, so invincible. Aways invincible.

* * *

Poor Bella - She really needs her Edward : ) Thank you to those who did review last week, it really encourages me.

XxX


	12. Death Follows Love's End

Wow! That last chapter _was _depressing. I'm sorry about that :( ... But it's not about to get better. Because...._Dun Dun Duuuuuuun _it's THE CHAPTER! The big one, two!

THE PHONE CALL!!!!!

Anyway, please enjoy Bella's insanity!!

* * *

Running. Nothing but running. Focus on running. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Move forward. Don't look back. Keep moving. Through cities, forests. Days and nights. No-one's following. Stop, check. Carry on. Keep running. Never stop running.

The sun rose, a sickly orange colour over the morning sky, lighting the forest and falling through the leaves, illuminating my skin in an eerie glow as I cold air whipped furiously through my hair, but it did nothing to calm me as it had done so long ago, when I was a different Bella. Now I was unable to feel anything, unable to cry, unable to forget. Now I truly knew that I was forever damned.

Several birds vacated their nests with squawks of fear as I passed beneath their haven, heading for the city lights that appeared at the forest's edge. My eyes turned toward the trees again, my legs begging me to go back and find that photograph again, for a final glimpse. But, with all the strength I could muster, I refused my heart, continuing forward over the rocky ground. I glanced at the watch on my wrist, marking the time as seven am, before realizing I didn't care and leaping over a large log that lay in my path.

I could hear him again, walking alongside me through the trees. I knew that if I were to look, he wouldn't be there, but my mind found solace in his supposed presence as I left the forest's shadow, leapt out of the sun's harsh glare and onto an empty roof-top, out of view of the obliviously ignorant humans below.

There was nothing left inside me now except pain, and with every sound that tainted the silence I desired it deepened. If I had stayed another second I wouldn't have been able to stand it. Alice's stare as she watched me pick up the photo-graph, the pity in her thoughts and her out-stretched comforting hand. Esme running after me when Alice told her I was gone…

Blindly I headed into the town without any idea of where I was. As the groggy minds of the early-rising humans around me hummed in the back of my head. That picture of me and…him, a gentle smile on his care-free face as he hugged me. My face laughing as I hugged him back, would be permanently etched into my eyelids. There could be no despair within the pits of hell itself that was worse than this.

The silent torture was broken by the vibration of my phone in my pocket. _Rosalie._

What could my sister want with me now? Nothing of importance, probably a half-hearted attempt to bring me home, with Esme sobbing in the back-ground. I clicked the 'End Call' button and slipped the device back into my jeans pocket.

Knowing that I had to escape the sun's glare soon, I scaled the wall of an old abandoned apartment-block. There was a teenage party in the pent-house and a drunken boy caught sight of me before he passed out on the balcony. I continued down the wall, staying within the shadows. My reflection stared emptily back at me as I smashed a window on the seventh floor and swung myself into the gap. I sat against the wall, the old paint-job peeling off as I disturbed it. The dust-clogged air swirling haphazardly around me.

I sobbed, tearlessly. How could such a small thing carry me so far towards the edge? My throat closed, and I couldn't speak, simply bowing my head against my knees and shaking.

Alice could have told them all where I was. But it had been little over four days now. If any of them were to follow, they would have caught up to me by now. My hand moved to my phone, preparing to ring, to let them know that I was safe. But I still had my pride. Part of me longed for my family's company, but my pain was not theirs, nor would I inflict my soulless life upon them.

Temptation seduced me as I remembered Alice's description of the vision that no longer existed, the image I'd seen in so often within the confines of her mind. I was clad in white, my arms wrapped around the neck of a beaming Edward dressed in a tux as I balanced on my toes to kiss him. The future that Alice still believed in.

I inhaled again, but the breath did not fill me. _Not even the angels could stop themselves from falling_ My father's voice, calling after me as I ran, rang clear through my ears and I pressed my palms against them, fruitlessly trying to muffle the sound.

_How come you're here? _Edward whispered to me, speaking for the first time that day.

I shook my head and ignored him, focusing solely upon the laminate flooring patterns beneath my feet, looking for distractions.

_I need a good reason! _He snapped and, though I flinched at the harsh tone, I smiled slightly. Even within my own imagination, Edward couldn't be entirely angry with me.

"I can't stay there," I sighed, giving in. "Anywhere that holds more memories of you," There was no accusation in my voice as sanity abandoned me.

_This doesn't bother you does it?_

Honestly? No it didn't. There was no pain when I conversed with spectres of my imagination, the illusions real enough for me. It was when I was trapped within memories that pain emerged and broke free of the barriers I kept failing to place around it.

"No," I muttered.

_Is there anything else you can do? _He prompted me. I could visualize him nudging me, pointing back toward the way from which I'd came.

"No," I moaned, falling into despair…

Watching the sunrise in full, the red disappearing from the skies to be replaced with the grey blue sky of the march day. The party slowly dies and I hear footsteps, slow and laboured, fall heavily on the stairs. Somebody falls against the door leading to my apartment, banging loudly through the otherwise silent morning. I turn my head away and face the opposite wall as the sunlight continues to stain it.

Memories. So many memories spiralling through my thoughts, dancing across my eyelids whenever I try to close my eyes. My breathing slows and I let myself descend into motionlessness.

Faces appear. My family, my friends, people at school. All of them watching me. All eyes full of judgment as they circle me, surrounding me, backing me into a corner. Trapping me.

Voices follow soon after, words mere seconds behind. My name ringing again and again. So many voices. Calling me in fits of despair, anger and disgust. My father turns away from me as I reach to him, his tawny eyes full of regret. My mother appears at his side. She shakes her head and embraces a sneering Alice. Alice is replaced by Rosalie, then Jasper and finally Emmett. My siblings crowd around my parents, all other faces vanishing as they stare at me.

"You left," They whisper as one, pointing at me. "You left us. Now, we're leaving you!"

Rosalie laughs a high, cruel, laugh, starting the chorus as they all plunge into hysterics of callous mirth.

"You weren't strong enough!" Jasper scoffs, his gaze unrelenting. "You couldn't even handle hunting. You're weak and you're pathetic!"

"Pathetic!" Emmett echoes, delightedly.

"You were never my daughter!" Carlisle spits at me.

My family swirl in a whirlpool of laughter before reforming as an image of myself. The other me stares down as I watch her.

That's all she does.

Stares…

Watches…

Waits…

For hours we stare at each other, her eyes not moving from mine the entire time. Finally, she moves.

As she moves, her face switches from impartial observer to mocking spectator.

"You could run back," She whispers, taunting me as she points away to the east, "Be there before sundown. You know this. He would welcome you back with open arms." She laughs coldly. "But you don't care enough about him to even check on him! How will little Edward feel when he dies, knowing that you could have saved him. and didn't?"

The darker Bella steps back and Edward appears at her side, his green eyes burning in hatred. "I'm dying, you know." He wraps an arm around the malicious Bella at his side. "I'm dying, every second of every day brings me closer. I'll age then I'll die. It'll take seventy years at most,"

"You could save him," Bella goads and both she and Edward twist to form another scene.

_Edward lying still. His chest motionless, his neck covered in blood. I stand over him, watching his face. He looks as though in an eternal sleep. His eyes flicker and he open them to show wide, startled eyes of a deadly crimson hue._

The scene from Alice's head haunts me, Edward watches me as I turn away, trying to dispel the image. But his face seems to grow, crowding into the small room until it's all my eyes can see, this ghostly imitation of him. His ruby eyes follow me, boring into me, judging me.

The sun sets behind his head and my phone rings again…

The sudden burst of reality jolted me, shaking me to my core and the sinister Edward disappeared as I looked at the illuminated screen.

_Rosalie _flashed again on the plastic as I slid my thumb back to the 'end call' button.

Immediately the phone rang again. I considered opening it, maybe it was important. Maybe I was needed.

I doubted it.

This time, I didn't even bother to pick up the phone. I just let it ring, the sound echoing through the room. The space I had crawled into was dark and dusty, swarming with thousands of spiders. Even the eight-legged occupants who were my only company still gave me a wide berth, settling into the corners and hiding away as the sun disappeared behind the city's sky-scrapers.

I watched as the stars bloomed into life, seeing none of them, and ignoring the half-hourly rings of my phone. Each and every time it was _Rosalie _that flared into life on my phone.

_That wasn't very nice, was it? _Edward admonished after the thirty-fourth set of rings died away.

Why would Rosalie be calling me anyway? And with such vigour? Rosalie understood me more than anyone else in the family, our personalities so close that all too often we clashed. That was why I didn't receive word from her after my original departure. Surely she would know that I wished to be left alone. Unless… Unless she was breaking her unwritten rule of silence and calling me for higher reasons than to simply call me home? Was there trouble?

Fear for my family consuming me, I was thankful when, exactly at the half-hour point, my phone buzzed into life again.

"What?" I asked tensely.

"Amazing. Bella managed to answer the phone. I suppose I should feel honoured."

I hung up. Nothing was wrong with my family. Rosalie was just bored. After living with her for over ninety years, I had come to grips with the fact that Rosalie's actions were based solely on impulses and difficult-to-understand logic.

The phone chimed again.

Would she continue to harass me until she grew bored of this new game she had invented? Would she keep calling until I listened to whatever mindless message she had cooked up to annoy me with? More than likely. And it would take months for her to become tired of this.

Momentarily, I toyed with the thought of allowing her to sit at home clicking re-dial repeatedly for a year, before deciding to get it over with and lifting the phone again to my ear.

"Speak quickly then leave me alone!" I hissed before she could say a word.

"Alice is in Forks," She rushed through the words.

I choked on my breath.

"What?" I asked, my voice flat, though even _I _could hear the rage boiling beneath the surface.

Evidently, Rosalie heard it too. "You know how Alice is…" She chuckled weakly. Her voice was nervous, as though she were unsure of herself. My mind held no room for consideration of Rosalie's problems, my rage making it hard to care.

Alice had sworn to me that she would stay away from Forks, away from Edward! Even though she hadn't agreed with me, she had given her word! She thought I would have fallen victim to temptation long before this, however, when she had been promising me but all the same…

"Bella, you still there?" She asked as I pinched the bridge of my nose, wondering if migraines were possible for vampires. "Do you even care _why _Alice is in Forks?" She asked, stumbling over her words as she rushed to get them out.

"Go ahead, Rosalie," I muttered. "Dazzle me with your knowledge. Why _is _Alice is Forks?" _Tell me then get off the line!_

"She's not breaking any of your rules," She stuttered. "Didn't you say that Edward was the only thing that Alice had to stay away from? The rest of Forks didn't matter?"

"Make your point, Rosalie." The rest of Forks? Edward wasn't in Forks?

"I need you to come back, Bella!" She mumbled in a rush before her words grew more confident. "And, quite frankly, you should be entirely ashamed of what you've done to this family! I'm sick of it!"

"Why did you call, Rosalie? To tell me that Edward had moved? I didn't think you even enjoyed Forks all that much."

"I…" She hesitated. "I didn't say that Edward had moved, Bella."

"What? Of course you-" _Edward was the only thing Alice had to stay away from … The rest of Forks didn't matter…_

What did she mean?

"Everyone else didn't want to tell you!" Rosalie was racing through her words now, anger fuelling her speed. "But I think that they're being stupid! The sooner you accept and get over this, the sooner we can be a family again and you can come home!"

My mind seemed to be broken as I chased Rosalie's words around my thoughts, trying to make sense of them. Something glaringly obvious appeared to be staring me in the face yet I was oblivious to it.

"Rosalie," I gulped. "I don't understand" A long pause echoed down the line, the silence almost creating a new person in the conversation. "Rosa-"

"He's dead."

An even longer pause.

"Bella, I'm…sorry. Edward…he threw himself off a cliff two days ago. Alice went to Forks to look after Charlie. I'm sorry, but I think you have a right to know-"

Her voice warped, distorted into fuzzy mess before shutting down completely. It took me a few seconds to realize that my hand was slowly crushing the phone into rubble.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No

No. He couldn't be. Rosalie was lying, this all just some sick joke in an attempt to lure me back home.

I searched for my phone again, my fingers finding only splintered remains of plastic rather than the keys that I meant to tap the forbidden number into. Snarling, I threw the phone threw the window, ignoring the startled cries of humans below.

The sun was on my side today as I ran down the damp stairs of the apartment block, passing several unconscious teenagers. The clouds were covering the skies as I frantically made my way across the streets, searching for a phone-box to prove Rosalie's twisted hoax wrong.

Yes, call. Talk to Charlie, and then ask for him. I could just be an anonymous call. But… if he picked up? If… _if_… he picked up, would I have the strength to stay away?

But dead? No. _No._ I must know. I must know that he's safe. He must be safe. There is no alternative. He _must_ be alive.

Just one call, I told myself, a lump in my throat. Just to make sure he was okay, alive, safe. But with an ache I also knew I was lying, because I didn't just want to know if he was okay; I wanted to hear his musical voice. I longed to hear the rise and fall of his breath once again. Just once

My thin, trembling finger slid down the smooth plastic of the pay phone in the dark corner of the sprawling city line. What if he was…? No, he couldn't be.

I lifted my head, cradling the receiver gently in my left hand, thinking that some-how, if I was quiet enough, I could hear his heartbeat from here. I brought it lightly to my ear so I could hear the monotonous buzz of the dial tone. I breathed, inserting a coin with a shaky hand, before dragging my index finger down to the metal number pad. Just one call, I reminded myself, slowly pressing the first digit of the number etched into my mind forever. My arm shook harder, and I pressed faster.

I didn't breathe while the familiar ring echoed into my ear.

"Swan residence," A faintly familiar voice said quietly through the other end. I had heard the voice before, I knew, but I couldn't bring myself to care to place the voice to the face. I was here for a reason and one reason only.

I didn't pause to let myself even think of the meaning behind the voice that wasn't a Swan's.

"This is Esme Cullen," speaking as quickly as possible in a plausible imitation of a voice I had known for almost one hundred years. "May I speak with Charlie, it's urgent?" I pressed quickly, my voice controlled, yet still demanding.

"He's not here," The girl said. Her tone had changed, harsh, almost a growl as she answered with an extremely unhelpful response.

"Where is he?" My voice grew tighter, edgier as each second passed slowly. I flexed the fingers of my free hand out before me.

"He's at the funeral."

Four words. Short, coarse and excruciatingly simple. They reached through the tattered speaker and ripped clean through my heart.

My trembling fingers curled into a tight fist, the graying and tattered plastic of the pay-phone shattering into thousands of flying shards. I hadn't breathed properly in one hundred years, but this was different. This was painful as I fought for something, anything to unstick the concrete sealing itself across my airways.

I ran from the glass prison that seemed to be closing in on me, moving painfully away from the previously inconsequential public phone. I needed to escape, to run, to leave. I needed..._Him!_

The weakly constructed barrier that had been barring the true anguish from my mind broke like a flood-gate as soon as I passed the forest perimeter. Inhuman words were screaming, tearing their way through my chest and forcing out behind my bared teeth, conducting my mouth into a contortion of snarls and animalistic howls to the oncoming moon.

Edward. Was. Gone.

"NO!" I screamed, my dead heart withering with the screech as I fell to my knees and my head sank forward into the mossy earth. My hands curled into fists and dug their way into the earth as I sobbed into it. "NO!" I could feel my already mangled heart twist and distort in writhing rhythms of screaming agony before shattering completely. No, shattering suggested that this was quick, easy. I felt my heart _rip_ coming apart, deep within me seams splitting, tearing in half, quarters, pieces. Parts of my that I thought were already dead, died. "_NO! _Ed-E-Ed..." I couldn't make his name rise to my lips.

My body slumped, sinking into the ground like a marionette with it's strings cut.

Dead. My fragile, precious, intuitive Edward, was dead. I howled again. How could he be dead? God had no right to request for his angel back. He was mine!

I would never again see his eyelids flutter and his sleep-coated emerald eyes blink blearily at me...

Never again see his cheeks flush in the crimson that was uniquely his…

Never again smell that intoxicating scent catching in my throat…

Never again hear the distinctive _thump, thump_ of his vibrant heart, so distinctive that I could have easily picked it out in a field of humans...

Never wonder endlessly over what he thinks, as his face screws up into unfathomable emotions...

_No, No, Please God, NO!_

How could I ever again see the light of a new day, while he was locked away and buried within the darkest depths of the earth?

I couldn't. Because there was nothing left to live for. Not now and not ever. I wasn't strong enough to walk forever a world where he no longer breathed.

There was nothing left to live for. But everything to die for.

I never did intend to outlive him for long.

* * *

Volterra Chapter next! Ooooh, says the voice in my head. :)

It also says; Reviews make me happy! :D

XxX


	13. Searching For A Way To Die

_A/N - What's that calling? Why, I do believe that it is THE VOLTERRA CHAPTER!_

Thank you to those who have reviewed. I love these little comments that say that I'm not wasting everyone's time. So much so that a few people have asked whether I'm going to be doing an Eclipse version of this. Well...i have started in a few chapters here and there of it, but I'm going to wait until I finished uploading My Shattered Heart before I think about fine-tuning and uploading these in story form. :) But please, tell me if you **do **think I should do an Eclipse Version. :D

Any way, read on for the next piece of Bella's Mind as she enters Volterra.  


* * *

"Death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able to"

* * *

_I'll admit, I understand his point of view here…if the love of his life was gone, he wouldn't have a reason to live_

_That was something I considered, when you were nearly…killed…I knew my family wouldn't help, so I thought I would seek the help of the Volturi._

_'The Volturi'?_

_You don't anger them, unless you want to die. Or whatever it is that happens to us._

Conversations of another Bella echoed through my mind, adding kindling to the fires of my thoughts as I sat blankly in the nothingness that I knew was a seat in an airplane, waiting to take off for Florence, Italy. I stared out of the window into the waning daylight. Where my eyes should have been able to pick out stars and the moon, I saw nothing.

Nothing. I was nothing.

He was gone, left this world for the heavens he had fallen from, and in doing so had taken everything from this life. Every memory that I had of him faded into ghost, so unclear now, everything that was him had fallen with him when he had leapt to his death.

I had never anticipated that he would even stop to contemplate suicide, thinking him capable of moving on. But when have I ever been privy to Edward's unique way of thinking?

_To be honest, I have no idea. _Edward's voice whispered through my subconscious, perseverant to the last. The stubbornness that Edward himself had always embodied seemed to have passed through to my cheap imitation of him, striving through my mind even when I was sure without a doubt that this echo was the closest thing to Edward that remained on this now empty earth.

Agony and barrenness shouldn't align. Two opposite ends of a magnet that just shouldn't co-exist. So how was I feeling both? Pain and emptiness dragged through me, raking across my skin and pouring acid into the open wounds. I both hated and loved it. The pain was loved for it proved to me that Edward had existed and wasn't just a figment of my imagination. It was hated for the fact that he was now gone. The emptiness was loved as it allowed me to plan my escape from this world. I hated it for the same reason as the pain. It proved that Edward was gone.

_Say that you forgive me. _Edward's ghost pleaded in my ears as the plane shifted pressure and settled into pattern.

Forgive you for what? I found myself asking him in desperation, though I stayed motionless in my seat.

_You haven't guessed yet? _He countered, concealing his thoughts from me even in my own mind.

His voice faded back into the realms of oblivion in my mind and I leant my head down onto the pull-down tray that was sitting waiting for food I would never eat.

I lay there for what could have been a few hours or a few seconds. I could hear a flight attendant began handing out various snacks and drinks amongst the other passengers. I declined mine before the woman serving even asked and she walked away with a haughty look on her made-up face.

_That wasn't very nice. _Edward admonished me before realising I didn't care.

"Hey, Mrs? Mrs?" A small voice pulled me back out of the gentle void I had fallen back into. I lifted my head slightly and turned it away from the window, still leaning against the plastic tray. A small boy stood before me, pen scribbled along the sides of his face in the odd arrangement that only children could understand. He looked to be about four years old, which explained the lisping on the word 'Mrs'. He beamed when he saw me move. "You're not dead," He told me proudly, looking up at me with light brown eyes. "I was scared."

"I'm not dead," I told him, searching the minds of the adults nearby, looking for the frantic callings of a mother lost her son. "Where're your parents?" I asked, frowning when I found no mothering thoughts.

"Haven't got none." He told me, swinging his arms heavily by his side and looking about as though talking about the colour of the seats. "M'here with a shosial worker." His nose screwed up around the difficult to pronounce word. "What's your name?" He asked, looking up at me with a huge grin on his innocent face.

"Bella," I said and he held out a chubby hand for me to shake. _Do it just like on the vellietision. _his thoughts murmured to me, cheering on his actions.

"I'm Jack." He told me beaming.

"Jack? Jack?!" A voice called from further down the plane.

Jacks tiny face scowled. "Rats," he moaned and crouched down by my feet trying to hide. "Sssssssssh," He put a finger to his lips then put his hands over his blonde hair.

"Jack! Oh, there you are you little- hello," A women with large bouncing ginger curls and too pink lipstick stuck her head around the gap between the two sets of seats and spotted Jack. Then spotted me. "Sorry about this little tyke," She said, smiling. I could see that her lipstick had smudged off onto her teeth. "It's been a long journey from England and he and the other little boy I'm taking care of are just about having enough of it. Of course, " She directed her speech to Jack who was still attempting to hide. "Edward stays where he is, doesn't he?"

The little boy grinned sheepishly which thankfully drew the social worker's attention away from me as I sat stunned in my seat.

_What's wrong? _My Edward asked over the sounds of Jack refusing to move.

You even have to ask? I thought wryly, engaging Edward in conversation again.

_You have no idea. _He whispered before leaving me alone with the small Jack and his social worker.

"I'm sorry," she was saying. "We've got the option of two families for them and they chose the one in Volterra. A Mr A. Volturi." she told me, sifting through the papers and taking Jack's unco-operating hand. "Say goodbye to the nice lady, Jack."

"Bye, Bye, Miss Bella." Jack pouted and followed the social worker with his head hanging before I could even give a warning.

Jack was following the same path as I, leading to the same destination too.

The Volturi were callous, merciless and cold-blooded from what Carlisle had told me. And after watching little Jack - knowing his fate - I couldn't help but agree.

"_The Volturi are the rulers of the vampire world" Carlisle had told me, his topaz eyes lost in memories that were centuries old. "They are civilized and much of the time they are respectful of life. But not human life. Through-out my stay with them, they tried to sway me of my decision to keep to this life, and I them. But neither of us succeeded."_

"_Aro, Marcus and Caius," He had recited, looking to the portrait that hung on his wall. " 'Night-time patrons of the arts', 'The brothers of darkness'. They are, not fascinated, but rather reverential of ancients, ruins and antiques." He had paused and looked at me for a second before continuing. "Aro is, what you would call, the leader of the Volturi. Though Marcus and Caius are of equal standing, they are more than happy to allow him to take the lead so long as they agree. And Aro is a collector. He collects artefacts, yes, but mostly it is vampires who he treasures."_

"_The Volturi Guard is made up of a select picking of vampires, all sought out and initiated by Aro himself. They hold many formidable weapons, gifts that make others seem like parlour tricks. Aro also holds a great talent, much the same as yours. Yet it is more limited and also exponentially more powerful. With a touch, just one touch, upon your bared skin, Aro can read your every thought since you first had the capacity to do so. He can see you dreams, hopes and wishes. The secrets you have hidden from others, the moments you desired to keep personal. He can see everything about you. For those few seconds, he _is _you."_

_Carlisle told me about his own time with the Volturi; the immortal children, the wars of the south and the many other feats that the Volturi had managed. "One thing," He had told me gravely. "One thing that would assure your fate as a pile of ashes for all eternity, is to offend the Volturi by breaking the highest rule of their law: To expose vampires for what we are. No vampire who has ever done so has lived to see his next night-break. For Aro is ruthless. He can see what you did, why you did it and who saw you with just a touch to your skin. He is God, choosing who dies and how." Carlisle had snapped out of his memories and looked at me with such a piercing stare that I thought he could see straight through my soul. "Bella, Aro is a dangerous man who would gladly take your gift and add it to the guard. You would mean nothing to him, simply a weapon he could admire as it slaughters. I believe that your talent would be of greatest interest to him, Bella. And for that reason you must never enter Volterra."_

As the plane touched down on Florence turf and the dazzling sunlight faded behind the clouds of night, my father's words rang through my ears_. _I was disobeying the highest rule he had ever set me.

And I didn't care.

I walked out of the airport and slipped into the darkness that lurked just outside the neon lights of civilization. I hit my stride and raced an endless stretch of darkness, barely noticing when my nothingness faded from midnight to dawn again. The last dawn my eyes would ever see.

Volterra rushed up towards me through the morning light, clouds lurking over the town. I was glad, I could pass easily through the streets of Volterra without detection. From human eyes at least.

I slowed down as I reached the city gates, half expecting them to close in front of me and bar me entrance but I walked through unhindered.

I thrust my hands into my pockets and my fingers swept across the remains of the crushed phone which I had left in Rio. I shouldn't have destroyed the phone. I should have called Alice and told her to stay behind. She had no doubt seen my decision by now and was frantically trying to defy the set future. I felt guilty for forcing her to watch my termination in the crystal detail of her visions.

I had been careless. If she made it into Volterra walls during my 'unveiling scene', she would be regarded as my accomplice and damned to share my fate as well. Death in a purple plume of venom-spiked smoke and ashes. How was I to convince the Volturi of her innocence when I would soon be observed as a traitor to the Vampire race myself?

I would have to speak directly to The Volturi first; Aro, Caius and Marcus. The Brothers Of Darkness.

I would have to expose my mind to Aro. My entire life would have to be on display, showing my will to die, my family's ignorance and my plans were I to be denied. Would my bonds to my father help me or hinder me? Aro respected Carlisle, though finding his choices in life to be less…fitting of a vampire like him. Would Aro accept my request as Carlisle's son or deny me out of deference for his old friend?

The still sleeping town was littered with flags of scarlet flying in the morning breeze from windows and television aerials, giving it the appearance of being spotted with crimson drops of blood. I read the Italian writing. St. Marcus' day. Not today, but tomorrow as I picked out on the heads of excited slumbering children.

The irony wasn't lost on me.

Volterra Castle loomed up before me, rising above all of the other buildings with a dark sense of foreboding though I myself felt none. The castle was now simply a means to an end. The clock in the square chimed over to Two a.m, waking a few groggy minds before they fell back into sleep, as I approached the simple wooden double doors that marked the entrance to the Volturi's stronghold. From this distance I could easily hear the assembly of vampire minds that stood through the walls, though the two I picked out easiest were the two guards that stood either side of the doors dressed in a dark grey cloaks, hoods pulled up.

_Not one of the guard _The more muscular of the two murmured in his mind, while the other thought the same in fluent Italian. They exchanged glances before stepping side-ways to bar my way.

"Sirs," I bowed my head.

The Italian vampire shook his head and nodded for the other to proceed.

"What is your business here?" He spoke in English though the over-bearing French accent proved his age. The other was younger and was not yet fluent in any language other than Italian. His mind whirred as he attempted to keep up.

"I wish to see Aro," I told him before bowing my head again. From what Carlisle had told me, The Volturi responded better to respect than self-confidence.

_Hmm, young thing. _The taller vampire mused as he watched me, unaware that I was listening in. _Looks very…unsettled. What could she want with Aro? Who is she?_

"Those who wish to speak to our master must give their name for identification." He voiced his thoughts.

"Isabella Cullen," I told him, curtly. "And yours is?" I asked, waiting for his reaction. No vampires troubled themselves with surnames, other than those who were newly past their one year mark.

_Cullen? _a memory stirred at the back of his thoughts. _The animal eaters? The stories can't be true. _Even though his mind was denying it, he searched my eyes.

"I am Corin." he stepped aside and motioned for his partner to do the same. "Maybe Aro would enjoy meeting a Cullen," Corin pushed against the doors and they slid open a crack large enough for him to slip through. He made me go first.

As we walked through a luxurious lobby, another door concealed within the walls opened and another vampire made his way out of the castle to take Corin's spot as guard.

He led me to the elevator that stood at the end of the long red-carpeted corridor and we rose to the second floor in silence. The lift opened to a clinical reception area where a human sat at the desk tapping irregularly on the computer that sat in front of her.

"Good morning, Corin," she called, looking up for a few seconds and cataloguing me before turning back to her work. Her mind swam with promises made by Aro and she sneaked another glance at me, knowing exactly what I was. Aro's promise entailed her changing to become one of the immortals and she watched me in envy for a few seconds before focusing fully on the screen in front of her.

Corin ignored her greeting but lowered his hood and motioned for me to sit on one of the couches scattered about the rooms. "I shall inform Aro of your arrival." he told me as I sat and disappeared through another set of swinging doors.

I followed his mind through the winding corridors and twisting staircases until he stopped outside a huge ornate door and knocked three times. From there, I quickly located the mind with whom my fate resided. Aro was discussing fervently with two members of the Volturi Guard a new bout of suspicious killings in Germany.

I instantly recognized the two guards from Carlisle's stories. Jane and Alec: The Witch Twins. Both were the elite of the Guard and wore robes closest matching those of Aro, Marcus and Caius. Jane, I had been told, held one of the most formidable talents in Volterra. Her illusions of pain had sent vampires into screaming fits of insanity, some never to revive from the torture and simply killed. Her twin, Alec, was just as terrifying. He was, in essence, Jane's antidote. He made the victim feel nothing. No touch, taste, smell, sight, sound. Just detached from the world as the Volturi slaughtered them. I guessed that either one or the other would be used in my demise. I knew I deserved Jane but somewhere inside of me hoped for Alec's numbness.

Caius sat to the side of their discussion in his large golden throne, analysing the words that the three were saying with great detail. I couldn't extract any information about his gift though it was not as though he could be in the Volturi Coven without some great and fearsome talent.

Marcus…Marcus surprised me when I intruded on his mind. It was blank. No emotions made their presence known and no thoughts floated to the surface of his mind. What fascinated me, however, was the odd colours his vision was seen through. A brilliant blue covered Aro's entire frame with a central of deepest maroon. Around the outside of his form, flecks of shocking white ebbed and flowed around him. Caius was the same, though his centre was that of brightest orange.

Jane and Alec were different. Their entire bodies were enveloped with the same white that joined into their three masters while centres of matching regal purple showed their relationship as twins.

Carlisle had told me that Marcus' gift dealt with seeing relationships. Bonds of lovers, friends, family, masters, servants, twins and enemies. Marcus' talent would be crucial when the Volturi went to battle as he could tell who was devoted to the cause, who would die for others and who it would be ideal to pick off to end the resistance.

Aro's conversation came to an abrupt halt when Corin's knocks sounded and Aro called for him to enter.

_Corin? _Caius' eyes immediately darted to the vampire and his thoughts laced with concern. _What brings him here off his duty?_

My concentration moved to the ancient at his side. Aro nodded Corin over and Jane and Alec moved silently to stand to either side of Aro's opulent throne.

"Master," the vampire knelt before him. "There is a young vampire within Volturi walls. She says that her name is Isabella Cullen,"

_Cullen? A member of dear Carlisle's Coven? Oh, intriguing! _Curiosity spiked in the mind of the Volturi's spokes-vampire as he leant back in his throne and rested his chin on his hands.

"She wishes for audience with you, Master, though she would say none to her intentions." Corin informed Aro.

The dark-haired ancient beckoned Corin to step forward and the younger vampire pushed back the grey material of his hood and placed his hand palm facing up for Aro to touch. As they touched, Aro's head filled with images and voices from Corin's past. I moved away from Aro's mind as he did so, not wanting to see Corin's weekly kills as he indulged in them time and time again.

Eventually Aro was finished and his mind, now filled with only his own thoughts, showed my face looking at him. My eyes burning with thirst and desperation.

"Isabella Cullen," He sang my name. "Something new! Send her in, Corin, send her in!" Aro was delighted as Corin made his way from the room at a hasty pace.

I withdrew from Aro's fascinated mind as the doors swung open and Corin stood before me. "Aro will see you now." He said solemnly before turning his back on me. I followed wordlessly behind him.

Corin's thoughts betrayed his stony exterior. Inside the confines of his mind, he assumed my reasons for approaching Aro were that of begging. Hoping for a spot amongst the Volturi Guard. He spent his time fantasizing about abilities for me as we made our way through the corridors and up the winding stairs to one of the turrets.

We stopped out side the doors I had followed him to in his mind and he pushed it open with a dramatic swing. I had enough of Bella within me to roll my eyes at the display before I trailed through into the room on the other side.

Aro's gaze fell on me as soon as I entered and inquisitiveness blazed insatiably in his eyes which, now that I was seeing them in person, were covered with a curious misty haze.

"Good Morning, Isabella," He inclined his head to me as Corin and I approached his central throne and Corin withdrew to the edges of the room.

I nodded in response as I waited for the questions which were filling Aro's head to be asked.

"You know Carlisle, I take it?" another nod. "How is my old friend?" he asked, his mind as full of excitement as a child on Christmas eve.

"When last I spoke with him, he was well,"

_Last time? _"Carlisle created you, then?" I acquiesced. "Isabella, " he leant forward. "Does Carlisle still abstain from human blood?" _or has his persistence waned?_

"Not a drop of human blood has passed my father's lips." I told him, ignoring the shocked thoughts at the word 'father' "And I endeavour to follow his lead."

A low tremor of chatter rumbled through the room until Aro raised a papery hand and silence fell again.

"What then, Isabella, brings you to our home?" he asked, resting a thin white finger against his lips.

"I…" I stopped then started again. "It would be far easier if I were to show you," I offered my hand to Aro. Aro hid his shock well at my discovery of his gift and reached out to clasp my hand.

His head bowed over our intertwined hands as he concentrated hard and my past flew before both our eyes. The murky remnants of my human life were thrown past me in a blink, only to be replaced by the immortal clarity of my family as they repeated, throwing themselves at me in memory after memory. The first hundred years flashed by.

Then Edward appeared, shining like a diamond through the recollections that Aro pulled up. The first day in biology, the first kiss in the forest, the cries as James poisoned him, dancing in his arms, his distress in the forest as I left.

The last months seemed to slow down, taking several seconds rather than mere moments. I saw Jasper and I, Victoria, going home, leaving, hearing Rosalie's call, calling Charlie's house.

_He's at the funeral _The voice snarled callously.

The last few hours slugged by, Aro taking interest in my interaction with the small boy on the plane, Jack. From the few disjointed thoughts that I caught, Jack and Edward weren't meals…

Then blackness suffocated me. The memories were over and Aro removed his hand from mine. His curiosity was replaced with wonder now as my skills were apparent.

"My, my, Isabella," He mused, sitting back and allowing me to replace my hand by my side. "You _are _interesting, aren't you?" he turned away, envy colouring his thoughts. As Carlisle had suspected, he desired my talents. "To have such a gift," _and from a distance as well? _he added soundlessly, testing my abilities.

"From any distance, Sir," I told him and glee shone in his burgundy eyes.

"Fascinating," _And my dearest Jane? What is in her mind right now._

I nodded, knowing that obliging to his games would make him all the more complimentary of me. I focused my mind on Jane while keeping my eyes locked on Aro's probing ones.

I found Jane's petulant tones in a second and relayed them for Aro. "Master is intrigued by this girl. But what can she have? What gift is powerful enough for my master to be captivated so?" I spoke in a high, cruel, impression of Jane's child-like voice, hoping to taunt her into action. She turned to glare at me before Aro clapped in delight and she turned her deathly gaze away.

"Oh, marvellous!" Aro chuckled.

"What is this?" Caius barked in annoyance.

"It's appears that Isabella has a truly outstanding gift. She can hear thoughts but at a distance, without any contact." Aro told his brother.

"But _why_ is she here?" He asked impatiently.

Aro inclined his head to me, allowing me to say my piece.

"I wish to die." I said simply.

Caius' eyes focused more sharply on me. "Why?"

Aro saved me answering by firing yet another question at me. "But he is your singer?" he asked, ignoring Caius' irritation and acting as though he had never spoken. "You resisted!" murmurs broke out along the walls of the room, many of the vampire's recalling their own singers and relishing in the memories. "Not only that, but you loved him, kissed him, _drank _from him. And still he walked alive?"

"He did." I said shortly, determined not to let it show how the words cut me like knives embedded with venom.

The thoughts around the room were wrought with disbelief but I focused only on Aro's. _His_ were the ones that mattered

"Amazing. Yet such a waste. Oh well," Aro gave a dramatic sigh and found a new line off questioning he wished to pursue.

"But what of Alice? Her vision's have foreseen his change to an immortal. Surely, were he dead, they could not be true?"

"Alice's visions are subjective," I told him, trying to reveal as little as I could about Alice's gift but knowing that it was fruitless. "They revolve around the choices people make. One tiny choice could change the course of the future" _like when Edward chose to jump…_

His memory taunted me with recollections of my own past. Alice's visions swirled before his eyes. Edward awaking to his new life, eyes gleaming scarlet. Edward and I in front of a vicar, my family posing for a photograph, Edward hugging me from behind.

I gritted my teeth and pulled myself out of his head, away from the reality I craved to have truly happened.

"Alice? Who is Alice?" Caius demanded, looking from me to Aro in a blur.

"Alice is Isabella's sister," Aro told him. "She is capable of viewing the future." as he spoke, greed tinged the edges of his thoughts. While he was talking to Caius about Alice's abilities, I let myself into his head fully. At the far corners of his conscious mind a ghastly picture awaited my eyes; Aro standing proud at the head of the Volturi Guard in a cloak of blackest silk, Alice and I at either side of him, our cloaks matching his in their tone. _The past, The present and The future. _A voice of want whispered within him and I withdrew from his thoughts in haste. Our hoods had fallen down, revealing cold, unforgiving eyes of ghastly crimson.

Aro finished speaking with Caius and turned back to me. "You are certain of Edward's death?"

"Yes." _he's at the funeral. _How much more proof did I need?

"So, your mate is dead and you wish not to live without him?" Caius supplied, throwing an almost imperceptible glance at Marcus.

"Yes."

"We must discuss this," Caius mused.

Aro nodded and beckoned to another muscle-bound vampire. "Demetri, Take Isabella to the city limits. Wait until we send Felix to fetch you." he instructed. The vampire named Demetri nodded and walked out of the room, expecting me to follow.

"Get a good hold of her tenor, Demetri," Aro muttered and Demetri gave a curt nod before closing the door behind us.

"_What a peculiar specimen," _

"_Yes, Aro, but what decision do you propose we make on her request?"_

"_I am…unsure. Carlisle was a good friend, and to disrespect him so would be-"_

"_Disrespect? You mean he has no knowledge of his creations endeavours?"_

"_He knows. Dearest Alice must have told him by now. But he does not wish for his _daughter" _Aro's voice tested the word, trying it out on his tongue. "To be harmed. He has created an interesting coven, our old friend has."_

"_Yes, yes," Caius snapped, tired of Aro's tangent. "But what of the girl's request?"_

As I strained my ears to hear Aro's reply, the voices faded from my mind to be replaced with the silence of the sleeping city. I cursed under my breath and Demetri turned back at me with a smirk, knowing entirely what I had been attempting to do.

The sky which had been lightening as we had first stepped out of Volterra castle's shadow was beginning to darken again when I first heard the flickering of a vampire mind approaching.

Demetri had been occupying himself through the many daylight hours we had stood in silence for by mentally reconstructing every kill he had ever had, watching my face as I saw entrails ripped away, heard screams of death and mercy, smelt the echo of children's blood as it trickled away into cracks of the Volturi's feeding room floor. I recognized, with a start, that the feeding room was the very same that I had been standing in before when I pled my case to the three brothers. I had stood over stones where innocent humans had begged for their lives only to be treated with torturous vampires until the release of death held them.

Through my own memories I knew that I had recognized no scent of blood while I'd stood in the room, though Demetri's sadistic thoughts told me specifically that they had eaten only yesterday. Then, again with Demetri's help, I identified a man-hole cover in the centre of the room. Following the thought, I discovered that the raging furnace that heated the castle stood beneath the feeding room, waiting to be fed once the vampires had drained the … kindling.

I drew myself away from the morbid thoughts that plagued Demetri's mind and turned to watch for the approaching vampire. True to my estimations, Corin rounded the corner at a fixed pace that made the growing demon within my snarl in irritation.

"Aro wishes for you to return," He told me straightforwardly, barley rounding the corner to approach us before turning on his heel and walking back the way he had came. Demetri moved quickly ahead to join his colleague, unintentionally allowing me to my thoughts.

Edward had remained silent all day and I'd wondered whether my imagination was now truly accepting that he was gone from the world. But, stubborn as ever, he arrived to prove my point wrong just before I entered the feeding chamber.

_You will be careful, won't you? _I ignored him and entered the stone room behind Corin and Demetri.

Aro's thoughts were swirling, focusing through many memories the most of which weren't his own and translating themselves into various languages that I had no knowledge of, keeping my probing at bay should I intend to search for their answer.

"Isabella, welcome back." he opened his arms in greeting, his expression almost that of a doting grandfather, were it not for the crimson eyes that were fading to grey as we spoke. "I trust that Demetri was a welcoming host?" he asked, inclining his head slightly toward Demetri as the vampire stood against the walls in rank.

"He was an…interesting companion, yes," I spoke shortly, waiting for the verdict on my request. The waiting vampire's along the walls were watching me with hungry eyes, wishing to see me be torn apart and set ablaze. They had been sent away while the brothers had conferred in private and were as eager as me for Aro's answer.

"But of course you wish to know our decision?" Aro asked, leaning back in his throne and steepling his fingers. "I'm afraid that we shall have to ask you to wait before we inform you, as my brothers and I have a proposition for you,"

His mind's obstacles slipped and again I saw myself at Aro's side, eyes cold and coloured with the blood of humans. My hand interlinked with his as he read the thoughts of every mind alongside me.

The image was gone as quickly as it had arrived, disappearing into the depths of Aro's mind as he continued.

"Your talent is strong, Isabella, " He smiled at me and I nodded my head more out of politeness than actual appreciation the compliment. "And also, incredibly useful. You would be a great asset, my dear. If you were to accept our offer, you would be made a Volturi Captain."

I swallowed a leak of venom that sprung into my mouth at the thought of being a Volturi Captain. Aro's eyes showed me nothing but sincerity, his thoughts more so. But Carlisle's words rang clear in my ears.

'_Aro is a dangerous man who would gladly take your gift and add it to the guard. You would mean nothing to him, simply a weapon he could admire as it slaughters'_

"I thank The Volturi for their offer," I whispered into the anxious silence. "But I must decline."

Jane stood behind her master and hissed at me, her ruby eyes glaring at me as I saw fire burst into appearance within her pupils. My eyes widened and I braced myself for when her deadly gaze hit me. But, as before, Aro waved a comforting hand and she desisted, returning to her brothers side. Alec wrapped an arm around shoulder and she continued to glower, though the flames within her eyes had died.

_She dares to refuse my Masters offer? A huge honour and she turns it away?! Ungrateful, stuck-up, arrogant, human lover…_

Her thoughts trailed into furious muttering and I turned my attention back to the three brothers. Caius watched me in confusion as Aro began to speak again, his mind whirling with disappointment.

"You are sure?" He asked, frustration colouring his ancient voice.

"Yes, sir," I muttered. "What is your decision on _my _request?" I looked at Aro, Marcus and Caius in turn before settling my sights again on Aro.

Aro's friendly demeanour cooled. "To end your life…it would be wasteful. And it would do a great misdeed to my good friend Carlisle. You are free to leave."

My eyes narrowed as Aro regarded me. "That's it?" I snarled, dropping all pretence at graciousness as anger overtook me. "I'm just dismissed like a petulant child-"

"A child which, in our eyes, you very much are," Caius snapped, glaring at me as Jane stepped forward again, thinking me done for.

I laughed harshly. "This isn't the end." I told them simply, a cruel smile playing on my lips. I turned and stalked away, growls tumbling through my chest and out of my clenched teeth as the door opened again, allowing me to exit.

"Isabella?!" Aro's voice called, halting me as I made to step out of the turret. I placed a hand on the side of the stone archway but made no move to turn back. "I know what you are planning. Are you to expose us, you _shall _meet the fate you covet, yet you must sacrifice your family's philosophy to do so." I tensed and I heard the triumphant ringing through his mind like church-bells. "My offer will be open again once you realise that you are unable to go through with it."

"I'll find a way!" I sneered, turning back to throw a contemptuous look at the surrounding guards all of whom were shifting in their places, eager to grab at and tear into me.

"We shall see," Aro whispered into the silence as I circled and ran from the room, leaving only the sound of my passage in my absence.

The thoughts of the Volturi faded into the background as I left the main doors, storming out into Volterra's nightlife. Night time; the true hours of the vampire. In the night, we perform the darkened deeds of hell that our demonic nature constantly dictates. In the night, we slake out thirst.

I slipped away from the sparse crowds and ran toward the now empty 'Palazzo Dei Priori'. No life lingered alongside the fountain, all of the humans tucked back into their beds, images of the festival tomorrow spinning excitedly in their dreams. It was exactly the same as when I had first entered the city of death. I had come full circle, my plans now the same as when I had first arrived. Yet I had wasted a day, fallen victim to another session of my own self-imposed Hell.

A Hell I had no greater desire than to depart.

I fell back into the darkness of an abandoned alleyway. There were many feats that I could perform to alert the Italians to the presence of the many vampires hiding within their city. All of the many weapons in my arsenal would draw enough attention for the Volturi to launch into action and act quickly. But Aro was right. The quickest way my end would draw upon me would be to hunt the people of Volterra. The guard would have no choice then - I would be ashes in seconds.

Would it hurt? I wasn't sure. I deserved the pain of an eternity as cinders but the selfishness within me shied away from the very thought of it. I sneered in disgust at myself as I realised that I was _scared._

_We're not all perfect. _Edward's quiet voice whispered as I sank against the grimy alley wall and buried my head in my hands.

"you think I don't know that?" I moaned, closing my eyes. His face stared at me, unaffected by the absence of his real self within the world.

_What's with this, then? _He was confused and his face morphed into another scene from my past, back in Forks High School cafeteria.

"I need to do this," My head banged back against the alley and I watched the moon on the sky, opening my eyes to escape memories.

His voice changed, _I don't want to loose you._

"I'm joining you. Not leaving,"

_I'm here. With you. _He insisted and I fought the temptation to close my eyes and see his face again.

"Barely," I murmured. "An echo,"

_How has she gotten that into her head? _He mumbled. Then a weary _It's complicated _followed after.

"It…doesn't even matter. it's happening. One way or another."

_Holy water?…Burned by garlic?…Stake in the heart? _He teased and despite myself, I chuckled darkly.

"Not quite,"

I breathed in deeply, drawing in the scents of the sleeping Italians around me. I would been ending one of their lives soon. Letting my teeth sink into their flesh with ease and their veins releasing the forbidden liquid.

I tried to steel myself against the thoughts swimming through my mind. Killing wasn't difficult - I'd murdered many in my locked away past. But I'd only slaughtered the ones of evil. The humans with sin within their souls. This would be innocents. I would have no time to search their thoughts. I would have to kill publicly, aggressively and ruthlessly.

_You are not a monster, Bella! _Edward's and Carlisle's voices rang in simultaneous chorus.

I bent forward and gripped the floor, my fingers crushing the faded stone to dust, defeated. They were right. Both of them. I couldn't indulge the devil on my shoulder. I wasn't the monster anymore. The ideas of killing sprees thankfully fled my mind. What else could I do?

Something to show that I wasn't human. I could perform any number of feats. Hoist a car above my head, throw a pillar through a window. but none of those were inhuman enough.

I could run, but no-one would see me. That left…

_Is it sunny tomorrow? _Edward whispered to me, spurring my thoughts.

The dawn broke, filling my secluded alley with daybreak's gentle glow. My skin glimmered slightly in the clouded light and I looked up to the rosy sky.

"Yes."

_Then you have no excuse. _I closed my eyes momentarily and he grinned impishly at me

A few minutes thinking through the plans reinforced my vigour for this plan; I would step into the sunlight…at noon when the sun was highest…and the Volturi would descend.

My resolve firming, I stood and raced through the streets of Volterra, searching for the closest clothes store. My jeans and sweater would do little to accentuate my difference from the oblivious humans.

The bell hanging over the shop door gave a gentle ring as I entered, alerting the aging shop-keeper to my presence. He smiled blearily at me before taking a sip of his coffee and waving me through towards the clothes. He glanced confused at the clock before his thoughts waved me off as a night-worker, like himself.

I immediately dragged a pair of denim shorts and a tiny summer top off the rails and placed them onto the counter, pulling out my last credit-card. He smiled at me and ran them through the scanner, asking me a smiling 'How are you' in Italian. I answered curtly, paid and took the clothes back out into the street, slipping into the shadows again.

Back in my small alley again, I took my time changing into the summer clothes, my lily-pale legs glowing eerily in the strange balance between the darkness of the morning and the subtle glow that ebbed through the clouds. I had no reason to hurry. Noon was seven hours away yet.

Alice's face glared at me momentarily as I carelessly threw my old clothes into a dumpster. I had no idea how close she was to arriving to stop me, as I knew she would be desperately attempting to do. I wondered idly who'd she'd bring with her. Jasper? Carlisle? Emmett? Not Esme. Alice knew that, when she was unsuccessful, Esme would be the last person who should be subjected to watching her first daughter burn to embers.

How would my mother react when she heard the news? She had already lost a child before. Could I allow Esme to go through that again? Surely she couldn't miss me that much… Deep within me, I knew that that was wrong.

Carlisle would be distraught. Again, I was his first daughter, his sister, his companion and his friend. But he had Alice, Rosalie, Esme and both Jazz and Em.

All of my family would change, grieve and, hopefully, move on. They had all of eternity to do so. That was surely enough time to forget some-one that you had spent only ninety years with, I expected.

Time passed, in agonizing ebbs and lightening-fast flows. The humans in Volterra crowded gradually through the paved streets and into the square which my alleyway looked out to. Slowly I could hear the inner voices of Volturi Guards as they gathered about the rooftops, searching for me. The clock tower that stood to the side of my alleyway moved closer toward twelve and I stepped near the edge of the passage.

"O, here will I set up my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh," I cited, looking out into the sea of humans dressed in cloaks of every crimson shade possible.

"Please?" I whispered, selfishness winning out. "Edward, stay with me. Until the end."

_I'm not running anywhere. _He smiled gently at me, his emerald eyes beckoning me towards his final resting place. _I love you, Bella. _He added.

"As I love you," I repeated.

I took a final deep breath and stepped out into the light.

His voice whispered in my ear. _Dazzling._

_

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_

Read, Review, Please? :D  



	14. Angel In A House Of Demons

First of all, I am very very very sorry to be uploading so late but I was at my Mum's Boyfriend's house all weekend and there's no internet so i'm uploading today instead.

So, this is the longest chapter I have ever written; 34 pages. :) Anyway, enjoy the long awaited return of EDWARD SWAN!!!

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_I took a final deep breath and stepped out into the light._

The sun was dazzling, bouncing off the cobblestones and the windows of the houses lining the square. I could see dozens of reflections of myself along the reflective surfaces; even a shimmering version of my face within the fountain's waters.

"Bella!" Edward called to me faintly and I smiled once again at the sound. He was staying until the end. However, he seemed … impatient, his voice eager. But what could he be waiting for? Me? But how could I be permitted entrance to the heaven he was surely within?

_How can there not be a heaven for one such as Bella? _Carlisle's voice spurred my fantasies. Visions of a set of pearly gates greeted me, Edward waiting just behind than. Him smiling at me as I slipped through the entrance and embraced him…

"Bella!" He cried again. Though the crowds of the Italians deafened my ears, his quiet voice shrouded me like a blanket. My brow un-creased and I stopped, listening to him say my name this one last time. "Bella! Look at me!" The sound was becoming so much more real than the past months, I couldn't even attempt to stifle my smile.

I took a step further out, closer to him, closing my eyes in the bliss of Edward's voice.

I was greeted with the frantic clattering of soles upon stone, a gasping pant and a thundering heartbeat. Flames immediately assaulted my throat, tearing through my neck like razors. The illusion I was creating was far superseding the feeble endeavours of the past. I could hear him, smell him … touch him. A large, supple pair of hands grasped my wrists pulling me forward. Instinctively, my arms reached out around…_him? _The scent that was assailing me was more real than anything I had experienced in what felt like decades. Was this heaven? I slowly opened my eyes to see what I was clutching at.

_Edward stood with me!_

I gazed at him, feeling my mouth open and emit a small "_Oh!_" For so many months I'd been conjuring meagre imitations of his face and his voice, all of them memories from the time I had been most alive. Yet now that I stared at this small piece of heaven I had stolen, not one of them matched up. This was different. Stronger. Some-how a portion of paradise had landed itself in my lap - his hands grasping at me, his breath hot as it raced through my hair. I lost myself in his wide eyes as I tried to understand it all.

"Carlisle was right," I murmured, astounded. "Amazing,"

The chasm within my chest filled as the angel held me.

"They're very good," I mused, recognizing no pain through my body. Aside from the fires that burned with the intensity of the stars through my throat. "I didn't feel a thing. I can't believe how quick it was."

Again I inhaled. "You smell the same though," I told him, breathing in as deeply as I could. I was confused by this. I had always been under the illusion that senses failed with death, at least in heaven. "So maybe this is Hell," I contemplated the idea of Edward ever being damned to such a place. "I don't care, I'll take anything."

"Bella, We need to get out of here!" Edward's frantic voice whispered against my neck before he pulled away again.

I frowned. Throughout the months, I had replayed every syllable that Edward had ever muttered within my presence. But these words…they were new. Had my memories run dry with death? It seemed unlikely, but so did everything now. Perplexed - I needed to hear him again.

"I'm sorry," I asked politely. "What was that?"

"Bella, I'm not dead! Neither are you! But you need to get out of the sun! The Volturi! They'll be here!" He pushed against me, trying to force me back into the shadows.

The world screeched to a halt as his words hit me like a boulder. Heaven, Hell and earth realigned and my head spun. _He's alive?_

_HE'S ALIVE!_

Joy ripped through me, filling me up and washing me away in it's persistent tide and for a handful of time I allowed myself to float with it.

Then time fell back into pace and the world caught up again.

_Is she in the sun yet? _A fatally familiar inner voice whispered to me and I could see through the guard's vision, craning his neck through the gap between the two roof-tops upon which he stood.

Another immortal voice called. _Who is the boy?_

Horror, fear, panic and dread hit me like acid, clawing it's way through my newly healed chest.

"We need to get out of here, Bella!" Edward continued, oblivious to my revelation. "The Voltur-"

Before he could finish his sentence, I grabbed his wrists and spun him out of the sunlight, into the darkness, his back hitting the alley-ways stone wall with a slap. I fell into a hunting crouch, providing myself as a shield as two guards fell from the roof-tops and into the alley, advancing towards us.

Felix and Corin stopped in the shadows and regarded my stance carefully.

_The boy is human! _I heard Corin note with surprise.

My eyes darted from the main square, to the rooftops, to the guards and back to Edward, continuing in a fleeting cycle. Fight or flight? I had never been faced with such a choice before. I had always been the predator. Never the prey.

The sun, which had before been my ally, now turned upon me and prevented my means of escape, shutting down options.

"Good Afternoon, Gentlemen," I greeted the vampires. "As it turns out, I will no longer be in need of your services. But please, send my kindest regards to your masters," I inclined my head, hoping that they would hear the civility and take no notice of the animalistic pose I was holding.

"Good Afternoon, Miss Cullen," Felix mocked, imitating my tone before switching to his devilish delights. "If we could take this some-where more … private?" Visions of the Volturi Feeding Room danced within his head. He bared his teeth, stepping rapidly toward me, hoping for a reaction off Edward.

"That's not at all necessary," I said curtly. "I know your instructions, Felix. I have broken no rules."

Aro's voice echoed simultaneously within the two guard's heads. _Bring her back alive. Before she makes a spectacle of herself._

"Felix meant only to point out the proximity of the sun," Corin swiftly interjected. _If we are also exposed, we'll share the same fate._

I cast my eyes around one last time before realizing that any attempts of _my _escape was wasted. But Edward's…

I nodded shortly. "Fine. Edward, why don't you go and enjoy the rest of the festival," If I could even get Edward into the light, he would be safe.

"No," Felix sneered, eying Edward's neck. "Bring along the human. We shall make a snack of him, yet,"

"Not a chance!" I snarled as crimson fury blurred my sight. Felix laughed and took another step forward, inviting me to attack.

"Felix!" Corin shot a meaningful stare at the larger of the two warriors and then looked back at me. "Aro only means to have a word with you," He sighed a sigh full of false regret. "But I'm afraid that the human must come too. We do have rules to obey,"

"You can go to Hell," I growled. "Tell Aro that I am unable to accept his invitation," _Rules? _As if Volturi cared for the rules when they were within their own castle. They had their own carefully cultivated humans within their façade!

"Aro will be _so _disappointed," He heaved another faux mournful sigh.

"He'll survive the let-down," I forced out through gritted teeth, watching as Corin and Felix separated, advancing further towards me from two sides, trapping me against the wall. My eyes darted again to the roof, assessing my chances of making it with Edward in my arms.

Felix followed my line of sight. _We'll catch you in an instant! The guard is stationed all about Volterra, you'll never make it out! _He grinned as I glared at him.

I was about to ignore his words and jump regardless, when a familiar voice slipped toward me. _It's no use, Bella. It's still two against one. Wait…_

Of course. _Alice_. I cocked my head, listening for her light footsteps.

Edward's trembling hand rested against my back, drawing me up out of my crouch and into a human stance just as Alice dropped from the rooftop behind me and landed delicately at my side, folding her arms behind her in a child-like pose. Both Volturi Guards retreated a hurried step away and assumed defensive positions, their darkening eyes frenzied at this unfamiliar threat. They had lost their accustomed advantage - a never before encountered shortcoming for any of the Volturi.

"Peace, Gentlemen. Shall we behave ourselves?" At Corin's snort she glanced purposely at the open end of the alley-way. "Remember that we're not alone,"

Felix and Corin hesitated, wary to be attacking an unknown vampire, and Alice launched into the future. Her eyes glazed over with scattered visions of different possible futures and the images streamed into my head. The future was a mass of muddled picture, flickering as though they were a T.V with bad reception.

Three images stood out within the chaos, flashing through my head more than most. The first was a conjuration I had seen many times before, wished for more times than I could remember. Edward's perfect immortal face staring at me, his new-born crimson eyes trained unblinkingly upon something, an unreadable emotion evident within them. The second almost made me recoil in horror. Again Edward, his mangled and broken body lying on the cobbled stones of the Volturi Feeding room.

A sudden stuttering image of a dirty blonde head made Alice gasp aloud, drawing the attention of Felix and Corin. Jasper's anguished face stripped away any joy I had felt at her arrival. She had risked her life, and Edward's, to save mine.

Finally another, clearer, picture fell into focus; _Edward wandering away into the crowd of red-clad Italians and the safety of the sun's glare, looking back to the shadows where Alice and I leapt up over the rooftops and away to the free shade by the edge of Volterra gates, waiting for him._

His fate was almost secured … until another vampire made _their _decision.

_Human-Lover - How much trouble could she be? _Jane's irritable tones rang clear through the alleyway as she arrived from atop the roofs, looking down upon us before she stepped forward and landed with grace at her colleague's sides.

_I would have kept it painless for your human friend. _Felix smiled, retreating to the wall as Jane stepped forward, her beatific face glowing as she saw that I had company.

Smaller than Alice, Jane hardly appeared dangerous, but as my sister stared into the future, scenes depicting us deviating from Jane's instructions ended only in death.

"Jane," I dropped my head, defeated. I was leading Edward to certain death, just as I had been doing for so long. But it was different this time; I wasn't to be the executioner. But still I was the reason. And I would have to bare witness to his final breathe as he faded from the world.

No-one could hate themselves as much as I did at that moment.

"Follow me," She almost sang and I could hear the joy radiating out of her. _Aro will be pleased! _She smiled sadistically as she turned and led us down the end of the alley which I had left unexplored throughout my entire time spent within it's walls, imagining the thanks she'd receive for bringing us in herself - relishing the thought of the torture she would send us through.

With a mocking bow, Felix waved us ahead of both him and Corin. Alice followed without prompt and I slipped my arm around Edward's waist, pulling him away from Felix's teeth.

Edward looked down at me, wrapping his arm around me in fear as Felix followed us immediately after. His dark-ringed eyes were gaunt and sunken behind protruding cheekbones, his bones pulling against his skin as though he'd lost far too much weight. As we followed Jane, his elbows, mere points jutting from his body, dug against me. He was older, his hair longer and a shade of stubble growing across his jaw, but he was still Edward…_my Edward. _He was still alive!

Yet he wouldn't be for much longer! The Volturi would see to that.

Again I calculated the possibilities of a final escape until Alice prodded me, her darkening eyes focused half on me and half on the murky realms of the future. _Aro will decide our fates… _She saw the three of us standing before the three brothers before the future swirled and the future remained undecided.

"Well Alice," I muttered as the noises of the St Marcus' festival faded to mere background noise. "I guess that I shouldn't be surprised that you're here,"

"You really shouldn't," She quipped. Her eyes darted Edward, thoughts of remaining normal for him whispering in her mind. She spoke conversationally. "The fault was mine. It was my place to set it right."

All Volturi ears focused on our exchange; the vampires walking alongside us and the ones hidden atop the roofs.

"What happened?" I asked politely, feigning disinterest. While the guards looked away, Alice focused on my face, her thoughts running wild, images burning with horrific intensity.

_Edward stood at the edge of a rocky cliff face, the sea storming below him. The wind picked up and blew a fierce gale through his bronze hair, freeing his face from obstruction. His eyes were closed, his face peaceful. A worryingly content smile was playing about his mouth before he flashed his eyes open, crouched and threw himself into the air, a yell ringing through the skies._

Alice's memory of the vision faded as I replayed the prediction again, frowning as I recalled Edward's cry. The sound had been one of exhilaration, a happiness befalling his features before he leapt from the cliff.

_I did see him fall _Alice's silent scepticism over the word 'fall' was unnecessary. _but there was something blocking the end of the vision…_

Confused, I watched as she brought up other memories to the front of her mind; two faces swam before my eyes. Both familiar but one more so than the other. Leah Clearwater glared haughtily from within Alice's memories. The second face was not one I had seen personally, but the high cheekbones and broad face of Ephraim Black were impossible to not recognize. This was his latest descendant; Jacob Black.

Edward appeared in Alice's thoughts.

"_Lee and Jake … they're not human." Edward shrugged unconsciously._

"_Not human?" Alice asked sharply._

"_They're kinda … werewolves."_

The scene shifted to a few minutes later.

"_Edward, they made you jump off a cliff! How can I not be worried?!" Alice almost screeched._

"_They didn't force me!" Edward was defensive now. "I did it for my own reasons. It wasn't suicide, though. Cliff-Diving - recreational sport."_

Werewolves? Cliff-diving? My head spun as Alice spoke aloud a response to my question for Edward's sake. Were the situation not this dire, I would have been fighting the urge to roll my eyes. Only Edward Swan could have luck bad enough to escape one set of monsters then walk willingly into another.

But werewolves…? Venom pooled on my tongue at the thought of the _dogs _of whose ancestors I had had dealings with before. Even back then the Quileutes were vile, coarse and governed completely by wolfish instincts. I dreaded to think of how much the present generation could have regressed. And of how volatile these _mongrels _truly were. My family, at least, exercised control. A werewolf could be unpredictable and impulsive, especially if they were new to the mythical world.

"_No, Alice. The vampires never really left - not all of them anyway. That's the whole trouble. If it wasn't for Leah and Jake and their friends, Victoria would have gotten me by now. And Laurent before her-"_

"_Victoria?" Alice hissed. "Here?!" _And after Bella went after her… _Alice thought._

"_Danger magnet, remember."_

Victoria! In Forks! I knew she'd defied Jasper and I, but the fact that she'd just spun on her heel and returned to where I had barred myself … it was just salt in the open wound!

There was a loose curve to the alley, slanting steadily downwards into complete darkness, the rooftops closing in on each-other the further we walked. Jane stopped at the dead-end of the alley and jumped elegantly down a small hole that had been carved into the floor.

The darkness had blocked Edward's limited vision until that point and I felt his arm grow rigid around me as he saw Jane's disappearance. Alice, eager to put him at ease, walked calmly forward and followed Jane's actions, slipping effortlessly through the gap.

_Send him down first, Bella. If you don't … _Felix's savage thoughts finished Alice's sentence for her.

"You go first," I muttered, prising myself away from Edward in reluctance. "Just slide yourself down, Alice is waiting at the bottom to catch you,"

He crouched down at the edge, swinging his legs into the narrow opening. "Alice?" He called, hesitation filling his words as he doubtfully eyed the abyss.

"I'm right here, Edward." My sister called up, shouting for fear that Edward wouldn't hear her. "Don't worry, I'll catch you."

Edward's eyes raised to mine as I took hold of his bony wrists and lowered him gently as far into the hole as I could. There was no question of me looking away until Alice called up for me to drop him.

His wrists slid through my fingers and I listened to the sound of his passage as the air whipped past him. A faint 'oof' at the end of the tunnel signalled my time to jump and I hastened to comply, practically throwing myself down the gap. If it was just Jane and Alice down there, alone, I would be worried regardless. But if Jane had other guards waiting…

My fears were proved unjustified as the air stopped racing through my hair and I looked into the darkness of the passageway we had been led to. There were no more guards, just Jane walking swiftly ahead of us all.

Alice let go of Edward and set him on his feet. He had to stop and wipe at his eyes as he regained balance, proof that he had kept his eyes open the entire fall. But when he had experiences of 'Cliff-diving' under his belt, a drop like that shouldn't have frightened him at all. Arms promptly wrapped around me and Edward stumbled along-side me as we made our way after Jane with Corin and Felix bringing up the rear.

Using my free hand, I reached across my body and traced along Edward's face, my thumb moving steadily across his sun-chapped lips. He didn't flinch nor pull away from me and for a few blissful moments of ecstasy, I indulged my fantasies. I let myself believe that he still loved me. It was enough to believe that. If we were to be taken to executed now, I could die content in the fact that I thought he still loved me.

But we weren't to die. I was determined. Any possibility of my letting go of Edward was implausible. And the prospect of letting Edward die before my very eyes, dwindle and leaved the world forever…Not a chance while I still alive to fight for him.

_Mediocre, substandard, inferior human! Killing him would be so much easier… _Catching Felix's frustrated thoughts, I turned and snarled at him, gripped tighter onto Edward's waist. The vampire smirked at me and took a fake snap at Edward before Corin pulled him back again. Felix scowled slightly at his companion and made to place another false attack upon Edward when Alice turned and let loose a guttural hiss, daring him to harm Edward.

"Oh, the little one has some bite in her!" Felix mocked, laughing through the silence.

"Alice," I warned as she took a menacing step forward. She looked at me, looked at Felix and looked at the future. With a final growl, she stepped back and retook her place in the morbid procession. Felix chuckled darkly before we continued into a lighter section of the passageway, the light becoming a gentle grey rather than the dark black tinge that had laced the walls minutes before.

It was then that I noticed the shaking. Edward's clothes were wet and, with the wintry temperature of the tunnel, were slowly freezing him. His teeth chattered in a quiet rhythm and his hand around me was quivering with the chill. If the warmth of the channel we were in was bitter, it must be nothing to my skin.

I let go of him, slipping my hand in his to keep a small amount of contact. The hole in my chest twinged slightly at the loss. Edward's eyes widened and he clutched me back in desperation, a chattering cry of "N-n-no!" filling the silence. I rubbed my free, cold, hand against his arm, hoping to warm him somewhat with the friction.

At the end of the tunnel there was a grate and we trudged toward it, Felix heaving a pointed sigh at the pace every now and again. The iron bars of the grate were rusted with years of abandonment yet they were the size of my arm and, as we passed through a small gate of smaller bars inside it, I could smell the scent of venom fortified within the iron.

The small grille slammed shut with a _clang _and the snap of a lock followed. I didn't look back though Edward did. He cringed involuntarily and snapped his head back around. There was a heavy wooden door in front of us, open as Jane had passed on ahead. We stepped through into familiar luxurious room. The entrance to the Volturi's Castle. The door we had just walked through was the door I had spotted on my first walk to the brothers.

Jane was waiting by the elevator, her hood still up, and she paused until we had all stepped into the lift first before following and pressing the silver button. The three Volturi vampires relaxed as soon as the metal doors slid closed, throwing back their cloaks, letting their hoods fall from their faces. I watched Jane as her twisted thoughts rang of the torture throughout her life-time, searching for the most painful method within her arsenal. I never took my eyes off of her until the doors opened and she led the way into the reception where Gianna sat.

"Good afternoon, Jane." The receptionist called, smiling politely.

Unlike Corin before her, Jane nodded at Gianna, answering her with a simple "Gianna," before carrying forward through the doors where a very different welcome awaited us.

Alec stood at the other side of the doors, his face indifferent until his sister approached him. Her smiled, reaching for her. "Jane,"

"Alec," she responded, embracing her twin, kissing each of his cheeks. Alec released her and turned to watch us, Jane at his side.

"Very good, sister," He commended, raising his eyebrows. "Aro sends you out for one and you bring two," his eyes wandered over Edward. "…and a half," Jane laughed, the sound like a baby's coo. "Isabella," He greeted me, smiling pleasantly. "Welcome back. I see your mood has improved,"

Jane's face dropped when her brother addressed me with such warmth. Fighting the small desire to antagonize her greatly, I simply nodded. "Under the circumstances, yes." I said curtly.

Alec chuckled slightly as he turned back to Edward who was still grasping me. "And this, I suppose, is the cause of all this trouble?" he asked, noting every flaw within Edward and, surprisingly, comparing to himself.

_Mine! _Felix thought savagely, picturing drinking from Edward's lifeless body, warm blood flowing from his veins.

"Dibs," He called from behind.

I let Edward go and whirled to face him, snarling fiercely. Felix sneered and raised a hand, beckoning me forward.

"Bella, No!" Alice cried, stepping in front of me before I could jump. _You attack him and our fate is assured. If we play this right, there is a chance of us leaving Volterra soon! _

Swirling images of Jasper's face beaming at Alice flickered erratically as I wavered. Sighing, I returned to Edward's side and he immediately held me again.

"Felix, behave," Alec muttered, admonishing Felix like an unconcerned parent. "Come, Aro is expecting you," He addressed the last to me before turning and making his way through the halls, hand in hand with Jane.

Frantically, I searched for the thoughts of the three brothers.

Caius was in his room, talking quietly with his wife. He was unaware of our arrival, his thoughts occupied with her.

Marcus was watching a training battle within the courtyards, the usual apathy drifting through his mind and across his features. He also had no notice of our arrival, his thoughts remaining entirely blank.

Aro paced impatiently up and down the feeding room, his mind occupied with thoughts of me. His eyes darted to the small watch on his wrist before he turned and paced back down the room. Almost as if on cue, when he was passing his throne, the penultimate door slammed behind us, the door to the feeding room the last reaming obstacle to Aro. His head lifted and he sat in his seat, glee ringing loud.

_Isabella, Welcome back _He thought delightedly as Alec opened the door and ushered us into the vampire-filled room. All of the occupants glared at me, save for Aro and Alec, all of them fervently wishing that I had already killed and become public enemy number one.

"Jane, dear one, You've returned!" Aro cried, ignoring us for the time being as Jane stepped forward to present her thoughts for viewing. As he took Jane's face in his hands, I watched Edward.

Frozen, his face was filled with the macabre fascination I had only seen on his face once; the time that I had very nearly lost control in a small meadow in Forks. His eyes followed the move of every vampire in the room, but his expression remained unchanged.

"Master, I brought her back alive, as you requested," She smiled; her face like that of an angelic child.

"Jane, you are such a comfort to me," He praised, affection in his thoughts. Jane and Alec were obviously more than the hounds he regarded the rest of The Guard as.

Then he turned to us, his smile ecstatic as he stood again from his throne and stepped closer unconsciously. "And you brought both Alice and Edward, too!" He was almost burbling with excitement. "How marvellous! What a happy surprise!" He turned, then frowned before pointing a pale finger at Felix. "Felix, be a dear and tell my brother's about our company. I'm sure that they would hate to miss this!"

A obedient "Yes master," and Felix left the room.

Aro turned back to us. "You see, Isabella, are you not happy that I did not consent to your request yesterday!"

"Yes I am, Aro" I told him. His decision had still given me this time with Edward before we were executed.

"Oh I do love a happy ending, they are so rare!" He smiled, clasping his hands together.

"So allow me one," I muttered, incomprehensible to Edward's ears but every vampire heard with ease. It was difficult to envision Aro, brother to death, as the typical fairy godmother within children's tales.

Raising his eyebrows, Aro stopped and grinned at me. "All in good time, Isabella, I want the whole story!" He turned to my right to my sister. "Alice, what happened? Your sister seems to think you infallible!"

_As much as she tries to deny it _Alice thought sardonically. "I am far from infallible," She smiled tightly. "I cause problems as much as I solve them, as today's misfortune shows." Guilt dripped from her words and I reached to hold her hand with my free arm. She smiled sadly at me before returning to Aro.

"But you are too modest, Alice," Aro reproached. "Your sister has shown me your exploits and I must admit that your talent is one that I have never before come across. It's absolutely astounding!"

_What did you tell him?! _Alice shot a glare at me, her hands balling into animalistic fists.

Aro recognized her confusion. "I apologize, as we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we?" He cocked his head and smiled genially. "It's just that I feel as thought I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself." He gestured to me. "Your sister introduced us only yesterday, in a rather unusual way. You see, I share some of her talent, yet I am restricted in a way that she is not."

Alice's brow crinkled minutely, her question still left unanswered. "And exponentially more powerful," I explained. _And formidable_ "Aro must have physical contact to glimpse your thoughts, yet that glimpse is so much more than I hear. I can only hear whatever's passing through your head in the instant I attempt to break in. Aro, however, hears every single thought your mind has ever had, every dream, wish and idea."

Alice froze. _Every thought? Human ones? Ones we ourselves have forgotten? _Hope blossomed in her mind. A small image of a grave-stone reading 'Mary Alice Brandon' and covered in ivy floated to the top of her mind before it was gone.

My head tilted in an almost imperceptible nod, yet Aro caught it. He clapped in pleasure. "To be able to hear from a distance though … how _convenient _it would be," _past, present, future _whispered greedily through his mind again before he shushed it and looked thankfully toward the distraction of his brother's arriving. "Marcus! Caius! Look! Edward is alive after all! And darling Alice has joined he and Bella both! Isn't that wonderful?!"

Neither of the other two thirds of the Volturi whole looked as though _wonderful _would be their choice of words. Caius regarded Aro's excitable demeanour and resigned himself to waiting out his brother's enthusiasm. He passed us, a sneer on his lips and arms folded in contempt.

Marcus had stopped, frozen by the door. He was staring straight at Edward and I, his dark eyes wide and staring. As I searched his thoughts, I saw why.

A deep blood-red colour had developed within the centre of myself, staining the yellow that surrounded it. Alice held the same invisible yellow yet her centre was a celestial blue. The deep blood-red, however had imprinted itself into another, or the other had imprinted itself to me. Edward's invisible core shone with the ruby shade that bloomed within me, the yellow around the edges also fitting with both mine and Alice's. The joint of the colour, so perfectly equal, could only mean one thing; Love.

A small, regal-looking face of a young woman drifted to the fore-front of Marcus' thoughts. The face was familiar and as I looked up at Aro to confirm my suspicions. The girl's face matched Aro's almost exactly. _Didyme, _Marcus's mind sighed before he cloaked himself in sorrow and glided towards Aro, who was observing him with a concerned stare, and tapped his hand. Aro sifted through Marcus' centuries of being to his last few moments. His eyebrows rose and Marcus stepped away.

"Thank you, Marcus," Aro muttered, not taking his eyes off of Edward and I though he addressed his brother. "That is _most _interesting," He switched his gaze solely to Edward and pondered the depth of our tie. "Amazing, truly amazing." _and with a human, too._

"Marcus can see relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours," I explained before Alice could ask. Marcus was surprised by the intensity of the yellow also. He had never seen a link of family such as ours throughout his many centuries of observing the immortals. Edward stared at Marcus, curiosity staining through his eyes, trying to see the vampire's apparent astonishment, I assumed.

Alice frowned, considering my words. _He sees the three of us? Or just the two of you? I love him, too._ I gave the shortest of nods, promising her that her type of love for Edward was also shown with the astounding power that Marcus had spotted, and the worry within her amber eyes vanished.

Again, Aro watched mine and Alice's silent conversation. _Why, in another century her talent could expand…with the human nearby… _Before I could respond, Aro's thoughts were gone as though they had never existed.

Aro's eyes drifted to Edward's arm around me and mine wrapped around his waist. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you." I didn't doubt that. "It's just so difficult to understand, even now." _To bond to him, a human, and the one who sings your siren song… _Were I not able to track Aro's mind, his chaotic train of thought would have thrown me long ago. "How can you stand so close to him?" He, and many of the vampires crowded in the room around us, wondered at the force of my thirst. They had no idea, even Aro who had seen it through my thoughts had still not experienced it first-hand but rather as an over-seeing and impartial God.

"It's not without effort." My throat still roasted, yet the desire to press my lips to his neck was not for any violent reason.

"But still – _la tua cantante_! Such a waste!" Aro called to mind my memory of gulping Edward's delectable blood and the bliss it had once brought me but, though my throat was set alight, the memory lacked the enticement it once had.

"I look at it as a price. Not a waste."

Aro was entertained by my response. "If I hadn't scented him through your memories, I would never have believed that the call of anyone's blood could be as strong, as potent, as you experience." He'd sorted through other memories he'd acquired over the centuries in my time away from the castle, but not a vampire he had met before had ever experienced as alluring a scent as Edwards's was to me. "I've never felt anything like it myself." Annoyance tinged his words. Carlisle had told me that Aro was a collector and it seemed that he wished to experience _everything._ I wondered how many of the Guard had been ordered to unleash their talents upon him to feed his insatiable curiosity. "Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and you, you…"

"Waste it," I finished, contempt tainting my tone. They only saw Edward as storage for their next meal, a container of blood. The beasts crowded around us set up a civilized façade, thinking themselves to be above the savage ways of the nomadic vampires but not one of them could get off of their pedestal to view humans as people rather than cattle.

Aro chuckled, amused with me, while his Guard growled at my lack of respect toward their master. "Ah, how I miss my old friend Carlisle! You are so like your father, or is he your brother from some of your memories?" He didn't wait for a reply. "You remind me of him, Isabella, – only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle of all people to be bested for self-control, but you, My dear, put him to shame."

I cringed at the affectionate name. "Hardly," I laughed without any trace of humour in the sound. "My father has never drank a drop of human blood, not since the day he was created. He is a doctor, dealing with blood everyday and not once has he ever succumbed to the temptation!" Edward's pulse began to race at my harsh answer and he leant his face to my hair, breathing in the scent.

"But has he found his singer?" Aro challenged. I faltered and he smiled. "I am gratified by Carlisle's success in the unorthodox lifestyle he has chosen," He continued as though I hadn't spoken. "Your memories of him are quite a gift to me, I expected him to wither within the first ten years of abstinence. I'd often scoffed at his vision to find those who thought like him and who would share his peculiar existence. Yet somehow, I'm happy to be wrong," Surprise coloured the sound of his voice. "But, Isabella, _your _restraint… Just remembering how he appeals to you… It makes me thirsty."

I tightened my grip on Edward and as I did, one of the many vampires behind Aro crept closer to him, preparing to defend him should I dare attack her master.

"Don't be disturbed," Aro backtracked. "I mean him no harm at all." Felix scoffed from the walls. "But I _am _curious, about one thing in particular." _Our talents are so similar, and he blocks you…would I be the same?_ His eager eyes consumed Edward. "May I?"

"Ask _him_." I suggested, appalled at his disregard for Edward's will.

Edward's hand tensed, digging into the cheap summer t-shirt that I was still wearing, his breathing hitched.

"Of course, how rude of me!" Aro exclaimed, ecstatic at my 'permission'. He turned to face Edward. "Edward, I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Isabella's remarkable talent, it's so very rare that such a thing should occur. and I was wondering, since mine and Isabella's talents are similar in so many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try – to see if you are an exception for _me_, as well?"

I tore my eyes away from Aro and looked at Edward. He was staring at me, the fear in his face intensified at the prospect. But there was no choice. He would have to let Aro attempt to break into his mind if we were to even live through the next few minutes. A small part of me, the selfish part that never seemed to leave, hoped that Aro _could_ read him. I would finally get to hear his closed off thoughts without the edits that he added when talking to me. Did he hate me for leaving? Would he want me to stay if I managed saw him home safely? What did he feel when I touched him? Why did he once love me? There were so many things I could see.

Another part of me told that part to shut up.

I nodded to Edward, hoping he knew that I had no other choice, and he raised a shaking hand towards the ancient immortal. Aro attempted to hide his glee, but the terrifying smile forced it's way onto his face. He glided towards Edward and adrenaline flooded through Edward's bloodstream.

Taking his hand as though to shake it, Aro waited for the procession of memories to become his own but heard nothing. Just as I had so long ago tried, he too failed. Frustrated, he attempted to force himself into his head. He found nothing but the same maddening silence.

"So very interesting," he said, disappointment creasing his brow before he erased it like words off a chalkboard.

As much as I wanted to see inside Edward's restricted head, I couldn't help the pride that filled me in loads. The fact that he could block Aro was stunning, the silent vampires around the walls breaking ranks and whispering to each other. He was just a measly human to them and he could defend himself against their master. It was unfamiliar territory. And they hated it.

Edward straightened a tiny bit when Aro backed away, raising his head and glancing up at me, looking for insurance that he had done the right thing. His tense shoulders relaxed a diminutive amount.

_He's stronger than they thought_, Alice said, smothering her smile. The future was a flickering mass of images, all hinging on Aro.

Aro silently considered Edward, now seeing a potential within him that was difficult to resist, the greed within him making plans for a forceful recruiting. But his conscious mind was thinking about other things, things to satiate his curiosity. _If he can block both Isabella and I, as a _human_, no less. Can he fend off an attack from a more formidable talent? _"I wonder if he is immune to our other talents… Jane, dear?"

"No!" The fury burst from me as I broke away from Edward's arms and stood before him, growling; Animalistic and guttural sounds ripping free from my chest as Jane stepped forward, a merciless smile upon her childlike face.

"Yes master?" She asked, kneeling before him.

"I was wondering, my dear one, if Edward is immune to _you_," Aro said evenly, as his eyes watched me. He dismissed my threat as one of no importance and waved Jane forward.

_Who will scream the loudest, Cullen? _Jane's playful voice called._ The boy…Or you? I can make him scream!_

I threw myself towards her, trying anything to avoid Edward being hit by the flames. Alice's cry of "Don't" was the last I heard before the flames flew into Jane's eyes and engulfed me.

Every cell of my body was screaming in pain. I was burning away from the inside, the ashes catching alight again, again and again. Every muscle that I had previously held all control over, seized. I dropped to the floor and shook, shrieking as the pain took hold over everything. The flames grew higher

My vision went white, my ears numbed, I had no memory of anything; who I was, where I was and why I was in so much pain!

Just as fast as the flames overwhelmed me, they vanished, leaving me lying on the stone floor. It took a few seconds to register the absence of pain.

Edward!

I leapt instantly to my feet, only to see the flames rise again in Jane's eyes, this time, her stare directed towards Edward. But he wasn't watching her. His eyes were glued to me, terror in his face. Tears had broken free of his eyes and were slowly dripping down his cheeks. Alice was restraining him, her arms locked around his middle.

Jane turned the fire around my love even higher and Edward twisted harder against my sister. No!

Watching her, I realized Edward wasn't in physical pain, but had suffered, just the same. Only when our eyes met did he calm and relax as Alice let him go.

I turned to the cherubic devil, preparing to launch at her once again, but Jane's expression stopped me. Her smile had vanished, replaced by a frustrated grimace.

_I will make him scream! _

Aro's enchanted laugh couldn't mask out the furious growl rumbling through Jane's thoughts and into the air between us. She dropped into a crouch, proposing to cause Edward pain with her talent or without! Aro captured her shoulder before I had a chance to engage her. Jane glared viciously at me before turning back to her brother's side and burying her face in his chest.

"Don't be put out, dear one. He confounds us all." _And he's only a human._ He chuckled again, picturing how I writhed on the ground, listening to my shrieks and watching again Edward's anguished cries. "You're very brave, Isabella, to offer yourself in Edward's place. I wonder, would he do the same for you?" In the silence that followed, he gestured quickly.

Two vampires, Felix and another vampire I had no name for, leapt forward and each grabbed one of my arms, pulling me away from Alice and Edward, and towards the grate in the ground used to burn corpses.

I writhed in their arms, fighting my way out. I bit every inch of vampire flesh I could reach and clawed my nails along their skin as they hissed in pain.

"Felix, Afton," Aro's calm voice called and the vampire's pulled at me, bringing me further forward. I heard Alice's voice call out before she cut off half-way through a warning. I raised my head, fearing the worst.

Alice stood completely still, her eyes blank and staring. But she wasn't stuck within the future. Alec stood watching her, the shimmering mist hitting her in full-force, her it's only victim.

I was forced into a kneeling position before Aro, Felix and the vampire named Afton holding me down. My head was bowed, neck exposed, the ultimate show of weakness for any vampire.

"NO! Don't!" Edward's voice called through the room, desperation clinging to his voice. "Don't hurt them! Take me! Kill me instead!" I couldn't see him, looking at the stone floor. But Aro's eyes provided vision.

Edward stood in front of Alice, restrained from reaching me by two female vampires. Horror was plastered to his paling face as he caught sight of me. He looked up to Aro, feral desperation in his green eyes.

"Interesting," Aro almost sang. "Do you wish to die for your Isabella, Edward?"

"Yes! Anything! Just don't, don't hurt her!" He cried, eyes darting between my covered form and the Volturi leader.

"Amazing," Aro sighed and waved off his followers. It was with reluctance that Felix let go of my arm and Alec removed his numbing gaze, but they followed their master until the end. "You would give up your life for a vampire? A demon of the night."

"No," He said, standing as tall as a human among vampires could. "But for Bella…"

"Hmmm," Aro moved back to his throne, sitting again and leaning his chin on his hand. "What shall we do with you then?" He asked all three of us now as we moved together again, his tests complete.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" _You'd hold a place of honour,_ he thought, picturing me in a robe as dark as Jane's.

"I'd rather…" _Edward could stay with you._ The thought of Edward surrounded by these creatures only secured my decision. "…not."

Aro didn't stop, turning his gaze on my sister. "Alice?" He also pictured her wearing the darkest gray, deliberately so that she would see the result of his choice to elevate her to the highest level of the guard. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?"

Seeing only Jasper in her mind, she didn't even allow Aro to finish his sentence. "No, thank you," she said with deceiving courtesy.

Disappointment flooded the ancient but Aro wasn't finished. "And you, Edward?"

Shock rolled through the room like an earthquake. Never had a human ever been offered a position in the guard, let alone given the option of declining.

My worry leaked out as a hiss in Edward's ear. Aro's offer was far from free. And the price was something that Edward had been all too eager for. Edward's eyes widened, his lips parting.

"What!" Caius hissed, echoing my disgust.

Aro answered, not taking his parasitic stare off of Edward. "Caius, surely you see the potential. I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec." Neither of the twins looked happy at the comparison "Could you imagine the possibilities when he is one of us?"

No! Edward didn't move, but he surely couldn't miss that Aro was offering him the one thing he'd always wanted. Maybe he wasn't so interested in spending any excessive time with vampires any longer…

I'd not only broken him, but I'd taken him to this sickening destiny. Aro saw Edward dressed in black, replacing his regular guard by his side. Anger bubbled up in my chest, crept out of my lips with a low livid rumble.

"No, thank you," Edward mumbled, his arm tense around my waist.

"That's unfortunate. Such a waste."

My growl altered into a hiss. "Join or die, is that it? So much for your laws."

Taken aback, Aro hesitated for a second before continuing. "Of course not, why would you think that?"

"The show you just put on!" I gestured to the floor where I had before been knelt. "A display of power, nothing else!"

"Display of power?" Now Aro was sheepish. But an excuse arrived to him in an instant. "You were unsure, Isabella dear, it was merely a test for that and that alone," I snorted. As though Aro was concerned whether Edward cared for me.

"Aro, the law claims them!" Caius barked.

I looked him squarely in the eye. "How so?"

His finger rose toward Edward and I tightened my grip on his waist. "He knows too much. You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I accused. The argument was thin, but it was all that was left.

A grin stretched on Caius' ancient lips. "Yes, but when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us." _Your intentions are not the same_. "That is not your plan for this one. If he were ever to betray our secrets, could you bring yourself to destroy him? Can you end the life of the one you love?" Edward's eyes snapped to my face at the words but I ignored him, watching Caius' malicious smile._ Aro may think you strong, but are you strong enough?_

"I wouldn't…" Edward started, but his voice was silenced under Caius's icy glare before he continued.

"Nor do you intend to make him one of us. Therefore, the human is nothing but a vulnerability." His satisfaction was almost tangible. "As this is true, only his life is forfeit. You and your sister may leave if you wish."

There were no words for this.

Aro spoke. "Unless…" He sighed at the conflict. He wished for us all to live, so that he could one day persuade us to join his ranks. _The answer is simple, Isabella._ "Unless you do intend to give him immortality?"

I searched Aro's thoughts, looking for the deception. "And if I do?"

"Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle. But I'm afraid you would have to mean it." His hand rose in invitation. _There can be no deception, My Dear._

_His life is in your hands,_ Caius added with a contemptuous sneer.

Two familiar images alternated through Alice's mind as I deliberated. Edward's life or his soul. There were no longer any other options.

For the first time since Edward clutched me into his arms in the plaza, I faced him properly and gazed straight at him. Here I was, faced again with the choice of two evils…

"Mean it," He whispered, his wide hands resting on my hips, tension making him grip all the tighter. He searched my face, looking for the answer we both wanted more than anything. Whatever he saw upset him. Or was it the regret that eclipsed his face? In his noble quest to save my life, he'd lost his own. "Please," He pleaded. Was it still life as an immortal he craved, or did he want to escape one way or another?

Please…as if he had to beg.

I wanted nothing more than an eternity with him. But I remained mute, trapped in the paradox with no escape. He'd hate me forever…which was what Aro was counting on, no doubt.

But I couldn't let him die. Not here, not now. Not ever, my heart added. Could I mean it?

_If you don't mean it, he won't believe you,_ Alice's thoughts screamed, seeing the future shade of Aro close his eyes in defeat when he touched my hand. A split second later, Felix grabbed Edward, snapping his neck as he ruthlessly pulled back his head to get the drink that every Volturi member now desired. Edward didn't even have time to make a sound.

_What if…_Alice thought, and the nightmare disappeared.. "I'm debating whether to just change you myself," Alice whispered, both aloud and within her head. Aro's eyes snapped to her instantly.

_I'll change him! He'll believe me! _Suddenly a new scene of the future spread-out before her eyes, one with a strength and precision that she hadn't seen since she'd seen that I'd decided to come to Italy. In the twilight, the three of us sped away from Volterra in a car, the make of which was flickering. She searched even further ahead and saw a plane landing at Seattle, our family waiting in the airport.

Alice stepped forward, pulling off her leather glove and holding out a hand to Aro. His eyes lit up in a unequalled joy. Since he had seen Alice within my memories, small plans had been forming within his mind to get her to agree to allowing him to touch her hand. And now that she was offering herself up as a willing experiment…

Both Jane and I stared in revulsion, though her reasons were rooted within envy, mine in disgust.

As their palms touched, both became living statues. I focused Aro's mind, unsure as to whether Alice would be able to see her past. Images flew by.

_A small girl with long black hair and dressed in a plain white petticoat with bare feet twirled happily on a small section of grass, her face alight in childish glee. A small rag-doll hung from her grubby hands as a tall man with brown hair picked her up off the ground, making her giggle._

Reels upon reels of a child's life flashed before my eyes, and I watched every one, promising myself to relay them all to Alice later.

_The girl was about six now, shaking a small box that had fallen out of the bag of a tall, slender woman with the same long black hair and blue eyes._

"_Mary, put mummy's shopping down," The voice admonished gently. The girl's face fell and she put it back, a pout on her rose-bud mouth._

I searched through every memory, hunting for details and quirks of Alice's life as a human.

_Mary sat frozen in a small arm-chair. Her eyes wide, staring. She shook her head and her blue eyes re-appeared._

"_Cynthia!" she cried and ran up the stairs. A smaller girl with identical black hair was sitting beneath a large grandfather clock, playing with a tattered teddy-bear. _

_The small girl fell backwards and hit the clock. It started to fall…_

_Mary ran and pushed her sister out of the way. She made to move out of the way of the falling clock, but it fell on her leg. She let out a shriek…_

Four more years worth of memories passed and I watched as the little Alice pushed people to safety, more often than not sending herself to hospital as she did so.

"_We have to send her there. She'll hurt herself again is she tries to save anyone else!" A man's voice echoed through a closed door that ten-year-old Mary sat in front of._

"_The asylum! But why-"_

"_She nearly died, trying to stop that little boy from falling. We need it to stop!"_

"_I can't send my baby girl there! I can't!" a mother's anguished cry screeched as Mary began to cry. "Don't make me do this!"_

"_We need our baby to stay alive!"_

The rest of Alice's memories were full of darkness,. Sobs and anguished screams the only thing that penetrated the unending abyss. Until finally it was as though eyes had opened on her life; waking in a forest, following the images in her head, meeting Jasper, arriving at a cottage where the strange vampires with yellow eyes lived…

The rest was a repeat for me, watching the past ninety years replay in slow motion as Aro watched every vision, looking for every nugget of information about Carlisle's Coven. He watched with interest Jasper's talent, storing that away fro future perusal.

Then the past caught up to the present, the future not far behind.

Alice mentally repeated her choice. _I'll change him!,_ she thought, _I will, I will, I will_, and the results of her resolved played before her eyes.

"_Edward, are you ready?" Alice asked, sitting by Edward's side on a bed._

"_Yes," He said. Despite the shaky nod he gave her, he didn't flinch as she bent her head toward his neck, teeth bared. _

_My brother, this is my brother, she thought, fighting her growing bloodlust. I can do this, I will, I must. For my brother!_

My teeth clenched tightly together as I fought back a snarl of hatred I had never thought I would throw at Alice.

The future shimmered, and I materialized by Alice's side.

"_No, Alice!" I pulled her back and Edward's eyes shone of betrayal. "If it's going to happen, I'll do it!" I leaned down and kissed Edward with all my might, moving my mouth to his neck and bring my lips back over my teeth. _

"_I love you, Edward," My future self muttered before sinking my teeth into Edward's throat._

And blackness swarmed across Aro's vision, breaking the connection.

Slowly Aro lifted his face, an incredulous smile on his face . "That was fascinating!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Alice smiled tightly, unhappy. She hadn't seen any of her own memories as Aro had pulled them all up out of her mind.

"To see the things you've seen - especially the ones that are yet to happen!" Aro enthused, shaking his head in wonder.

"But they will happen," Alice reminded him, voice calm.

"Yes, yes, that's quite determined!" He laughed in amazement. "Certainly, there's no problem,"

Caius, however, wasn't convinced. "Aro," he warned. "They can't be allowed to go free!"

"Dear Caius, do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household."

Jane glared straight at Alice, who pointedly ignored her.

"Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Edward turns out!"

"Then we are free to go now?" I asked. A murmuring of thoughts grew louder – someone was coming, a large group. The collective thoughts of the vampires as they heard the quiet shuffling of feet on carpet stopped me cold.

"Yes, yes. But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!" Aro beamed. I half expected him to add on 'Don't forget to write'

"And we will visit you as well," Caius threatened. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances." Caius smirked, then dismissed me as he went to sit by an unresponsive Marcus and wait for his meal to be delivered.

I wasn't the only one to hear the conversation of the large group that had congregated within the reception. The vampires around us shifted impatiently and Felix let out an impatient grumble.

"Ah, Felix, Heidi will be here at any moment," Aro said. "Patience." He listened carefully, detecting the rabble in the reception

Lunch had arrived. We needed to go, now.

Alice echoed my anxiety. _Bella, we have to get out of here! _she warned, seeing the coming bloodbath; Edward among the meals.

"Hmm. In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later," I said, edging carefully towards the exit.

"Yes, that's a good idea. Accidents do happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind." He glanced at Edward. The loss of his potential talent worried him.

"Of course." We just had to get out of this room. Sooner rather than later!

"And here," he said, waving a finger at Corin. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous." He unclasped the reluctant vampire's cloak and tossed it to me...

"It suits you," Aro sighed as I complied, recognizing that abiding by Aro's instructions was the fastest way to leave the soon-to-be massacre.

The door to the hall opened, My head automatically turning towards the sound for an instant. Time to go. "Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below."

"Goodbye, young friends." Aro, and everyone else in the room, turned his attention to the arriving crowd.

"Let's go," I said, pulling Edward behind Demetri, the unlucky vampire chosen to lead us away and miss a portion of his meal.

"Not fast enough," Alice warned, seeing us getting out and Edward getting locked in with the gorging vampires. I sped up.

We made it into the small entry before getting stopped by the unknowing victims. They filed past, unaware that their tour was about to meet a bloody end. I waited for a gap so I could hurry Edward away. Two small girls skipped along happily and Edward's breath caught in his throat. He understood.

Forgetting about waiting, I took his hand and pulled him through the crowds, pushing through the complaining customers. His breathing was coming in erratic gasps and he was trembling.

Heidi, the tour 'guide' met us in the hallway. She eyed Edward, confusion evident in her faint red eyes hidden behind mirrored sunglasses.

_He wasn't part of my group. Who's he? _Then she inspected me. _I hadn't heard about an addition to the guard… _She wondered silently until Demetri greeted her.

"Nice fishing," he said, motioning us ahead.

"Thanks. Aren't you coming?" Her smile was brilliant, and he returned it predatorily.

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

The cries of the dying began when we were five steps to freedom.

How many times had I tried to explain what kind of monster I was to Edward, that I'd participated in the murderous evil that was happening in the room behind us? Now he understood.

The thick, ornate doors closed behind us and the screams faded, from human ears, at least. For Edward's sake, I was grateful.

Not only could the cries of terror and pain be heard with my ears, but my mind displayed their suffering so much more. Some attempted to fight, some begged for mercy, children clutched their mothers and mothers clutched their children - but one by one they all perished.

Those that weren't opportune enough to be in the first wave of victims clawed uselessly against the wooden door, earning an absent-minded anesthetizing blast from a feeding Alec. He wasn't worried that they may escape, just that they might loose blood as they tore at the splintered oak with desperate fingers.

Alice's revulsion was so complete that words couldn't describe her thoughts; her dry swallow and locked jaw her only comment as Demetri muttered a warning and left to feed.

Cries of joy sounded as he opened the door and the sounds of thankful, weeping humans greeted him. Until he closed the door and started the feast himself.

I turned to Edward only to find him silent. I could see no flicker of life in his eyes. Only the quiet thump of his heart and the harsh breaths he continued to pull in through clench teeth proved that he lived.

"He's having hysterics," Alice noted, pulling Edward to one of the sofa's of the reception. "He needs to sit,"

Gianna the receptionist watched with a hint of conceit as Edward continued to fall to pieces, a low moan of despair filling the silence. _He hasn't the capacity for immortality! _She sneered watching him as he sat beside me. Her green eyes focused on me. _She wears the uniform of higher rank, yet refuses to feast with them?_

Edward's eyes stared vacantly as he retreated further into his impenetrable mind, closing off every access.

"Edward!" I called him, making him face me. His eyes moved slightly and found mine. "Edward please!" He couldn't leave me, not after this! Was fate this cruel a mistress? Did she affect everyone, or did she take special pride in creating a mockery of my life?

"Maybe you should slap him?" Alice suggested, bending inbetween mine and Edward's faces so that she was at our level.

I gaped at her, about to unleash the pent-up frustration that had been brewing within me for the past hour, when Edward sucked in a loud breath and his eyes refocused as though breaking out of a hypnotic trance.

Alice's smug smile did nothing to help me and I was still considering hitting her when Edward spoke.

"Bella?" He whispered through cries of sorrow, guilt and regret. "All those people…" He broke off, inhaling shakily. "It's so horrible," He reached out unconsciously and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him.

"I know, I know," I muttered, my voice like that of a mother comforting her child after a nightmare. But this wasn't a mere nightmare. I couldn't soothe him by telling him that it wasn't real.

He took a trembling breath, and the shaking finally finished. Through the thin cotton I could feel his body-heat surrounding me. Sitting here, in this heinous prison of demons, being held by an angel of a firestorm that even hell had never seen. And yet I never wanted the moment to end.

Edward took one last shuddering breath and rested his forehead against my hair. I thought for a moment that the worst was over … then Gianna decided to 'help'.

"Is there anything you need? Anything I can get you?" She asked, a mask of false concern placed carefully across her features. She was trying to impress me in case I was Aro's new favourite.

Edward raised his head, looking at her as I snapped a "No!" at her. She reeled back, used to the volatility of vampires, and returned to her desk. Edward leant back against me and I could feel his forehead crease against my hair.

"Does she know what's going on here?" He asked. I didn't miss the accusation in his voice.

"Yes. She knows everything," I told him, staring at the receptionist as she tapped fervently on her keyboard.

"And she knows that they'll kill her one day?"

"She knows that it's a possibility." I explained and Edward breathed in a quick breath, realising what I meant. "She's hoping that they'll change her,"

"She wants that?!" He was incredulous. "How can she watch hundreds of innocent people file through into that hideous room, never to come out again, and want to be a part of that!?"

Didn't he understand? We all wanted to be a part of that! Lust for human blood was a desire that was nearly impossible to repress!

"So one day she'll be in that room as one of them while another human wishes for the same thing." He closed his eyes.

"Or she'll be their dessert," Alice sneered, watching the revolting woman as she flicked through file after file. Luckily Edward didn't hear her.

"Bella!" He moaned, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist and burying his face in my neck.

Bewildered, I rubbed his back as his hot tears fell against my skin., trailing down my skin and staining my top. If he was scared of me, why was he clinging to me?

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Much to my surprise he pressed himself even harder against me, wrapping his arms around me as tight as he could. "Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" He whispered, hot breath ghosting across my bare flesh.

Automatically I tightened my grip around him, squeezing him as tightly as I dared to, my joy too much for speech. Within his words, his desperate grasp and tears, was one truth. He still loved me! Not another moment I had ever experienced could possibly measure up to the sweetness of this single second in time.

Everything I had ever wanted, everything that I had been foolish enough to leave behind, sat grasping me, alive. Any sounds of death that still rang through the halls of the Volturi's castle vanished with the pound of his heart-beat as it beat for my own, sending life into my body.

The last of the Volturi's victims yielded his blood to Jane's teeth with a final whimper of his wife's name. It was wrong to be happy in a place like this. And yet that's all I could feel. "I know exactly what you mean," I whispered, easing my grip to create just enough room to rest my head against his chest. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For, one, we're alive."_ You're alive._

"Yes, that's a good one."

"And together." I added, breathing in deeply. He nodded and, though my heart jumped with joy at his acquiescence, a pessimistic voice in my head noted the half-hearted gesture. "And with any luck, we'll live to see tomorrow,"

"Hopefully," He muttered, disbelief permeating the word.

Alice picked up on this immediately. "The outlook is good," She smiled distractedly, concentrating. She skipped over Aro sending Alec to allow us to leave and passed by running for the last call of a flight to Seattle, stopping on the love-filled eyes of Jasper in the clinical light of and airport. The visions ended with Edward awaking to my smiling face. "I'll be with Jasper in less than twenty-four hours. It's over," She sighed, reclining back into the sofa near-by which she had commandeered.

"Over," Edward whispered, though the frown that matched the word showed me that 'over' wasn't what Edward wanted, for some reason.

I looked up at him, tracing my finger across the deep purple beneath his eyes. "You look tired," I murmured, as he closed his eyes to my touch.

He opened his eyes again and watched my own ebony pair. "You look thirsty,"

"It's nothing," I waved it off.

"Are you sure?" He asked, reluctance heavy in his stance and voice. "I could sit with Alice…" His hands balled into fists against my back and I found a wicked pleasure in lie.

"Don't be ridiculous," I breathed. "I've never been in better control of that side of my nature,"

Edward relinquished his tight grip and moved his hands to my hair, playing with it absent-mindedly.

Alice started to catch me up on the goings on of the family. I had been with them for less than a day, not allowing myself any time to stay. She attempted to keep the conversation light, but her thoughts betrayed her and she often wandered to a memory of Esme crying into a blanket, Emmett smashing a window in sudden anger or Carlisle, gentle Carlisle, tipping over his office table in unrestrained frustration.

Occasionally while I was discussing our methods of arriving home, I would reach and brush my lips softly to Edward's neck, his cheeks, his fore-head. I longed to kiss his lips, to grasp at the back of his neck and to feel his fingers in my hair, but he neither encouraged nor discouraged my more chaste kisses, though the stuttering of his heart suggested the desire was still there. Maybe it was the place, or the exhaustion that was threatening to take over him.

_Finally! _Alice exclaimed silently, just as night began to fall. Aro sending Alec to us replayed again in her head and she watched the door, counting down the seconds to occupy herself, ignoring me when I giggled at her.

_4, 3, 2, 1, _The door swung open and Alec entered the reception area, a polite smile on his face. Edward, who had been running his fingers along my wrists, looked up in surprise before cringing away. Alec's almost glowing red eyes followed him.

"You are free to leave now," His words were so warm that you could have been forgiven for thinking we were life-long friends. "Aro asks that you don't linger long,"

"No fear," Alice muttered under her breath as Alec turned and left the room. I could hear him greet Jane just outside the door and the two set off for the throne room where Aro was awaiting them.

Gianna, seizing her final opportunity to impress, hurried over towards us.. "Follow the right hall way around the corner to the first set of elevators. The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now."

Alice gave the receptionist a cold glare, hoping that the girl's violent fate was sealed. Gianna had helped smooth the progress of the deaths of hundreds in order to earn immortality for herself and so she received no condolences from my sister.

The lure of freedom calling, Edward straightened up as the doors to the elevator opened onto the luxurious ground floor, thankful, I assumed, that the exit was not as dank as the entrance we had been unfortunate to arrive by. The glow of the twilight's final moments shone brightly through the open entry doors, and his pace quickened, slowing momentarily as he recognized Corin by the door.

The vampire nodded at us as we left and I saw the lay-out of the Volturi's guards across the roof-tops through his mind. Felix and Demetri on one of the castle side, Afton and a woman named Chelsea stalking the other half, black shadows against the darkening sky.

_Bags! _Alice silently relayed her plans to me and then slipped off into the darkness, the woman, Chelsea, was ordered to follow her.

Edward suddenly tightened his grip around my waist, "Where's Alice?" He craned his neck to try and see over the crowd of be-fanged Italian adults celebrating St Marcus' day, his head swivelling around wildly.

I touched my lips to his neck again before answering. "She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

When he looked down at me again, a glimmer of the untroubled Edward I remembered shone through. He almost smiled. "She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" He said, his voice lowered conspiratorially.

This from the police chief's son. I nearly laughed out loud. "Not till we're outside."

Alice could put any professional car thief to shame. Just as we arrived at the large gates of Volterra, she was waiting just inside to the right in a small dark car with the engine running. A tremor of guilt ran through my sister's head when she noticed a small girl's raggedy doll and she picked it up, stroking it as we entered the car, me sliding into the back with Edward.

The sight of her with the doll recalled Alice's memories which I had seen through Aro's eyes. The girl dancing with a rag-doll.

"You had one of those," I told her quietly as Edward did his seat-belt. "When you were younger," She whipped around in her seat so fast that a section of the steering wheel broke in her hands. I ignored that, searching through the memories I had seen, recalling details. "Tom, you called her. Your father brought her for you for your… fourth, no third, birthday. Your mother wanted you to call her a lovely girl's name but your dad's name was Tom, so you named the doll after him,"

"You…You…" Alice's voice cracked. "You saw them? My memories? You know what happened?" I nodded. "What was my mother's name?" She asked, leaning forward, hungry desperation in her tawny eyes

"Alice," I told her, smiling sadly, tears that wouldn't shed burning in my eyes.

"Did they love me?" Her face screwed un instinctively, protecting herself from hurt she expected to come. _What type of parents would send their child to an asylum?_

"They did," I assured her, reaching forward and grabbed her hand. "You were ten and you over-heard your parents in the living room. Your mother was crying. You'd recently broken your arm and thought that this was about the doctor's bill so, out of guilt, you stayed to listen,

"You had been having visions for a few years now, and they didn't mind. They worried what would happen to you if anyone were to find out, but they loved you still they same.

"But then you started saving the people. And every time you did, you ended up hurt and in hospital. Once you nearly died. Your father had been brought up very strictly by his mother and so had been raised to believe that Asylum Shelters were places of healing. Your mother thought differently and they argued. Your mother refused to send her baby to one of those places but your father knew you'd soon die if you continued saving people, continued having the visions…"

"So they sent me away." Alice whispered, a lump in her throat that prevented her from speaking any louder. "Thank you," she mumbled before turning back to the wheel and setting the car into drive, racing away down Volterra hill-sides.

Her thoughts whirred as she sped out of the city lights and into the country-side so I left her alone, turning back to Edward.

"You can sleep now, Edward. It's all over," I told him, soothingly.

"Don't want to go to sleep." He protested, pulling himself up straighter. Was he lying to me or himself?

"Try," Edward shook his head tightly and I breathed a sigh of frustration. "You're still as stubborn!"

Alice chuckled from the front seat, pushing her thoughts to one side, deciding to reflect upon them later.

"I'm sorry that the car isn't up to scratch," She apologized, running a hand over the dash-board. "There wasn't much to pick from and…"

"Alice, it's alright," I told her, smiling. I caught sight of the yellow machine that she and Edward had sped to Volterra in. "They can't all be 911 Turbos,"

She moaned, recalling the car. "I might have to acquire one of those legally," She mused, imagining the car with a large shiny bow stuck to the side. "It was fabulous,"

"I'll buy you one for Christmas," I promised, it was the least I could do after placing her through this mess.

"Yellow, please," She sang, flying around another sharp corner. But you don't have to Her thoughts added. I have a chance at a history now. I don't need more.

As we drove Edward's eyes drooped, I remained silent in the hope that he would succumb to sleep. But his obstinacy won out and he still stayed awake, fighting against his eye-lids. As we arrived at the first airport, Alice hurried into the closest shop, buying me the first set of less conspicuous clothes she laid her hands on. I dumped the Volturi's cloak in a plastic bin by the side of an all-night café.

The short plane trip to Rome was too short for Edward to fall asleep and as we boarded the second flight to Seattle, I hoped that the long-haul flight would lull him to sleep. But as soon as the green seat-belt light flicked off, he reached to push the call button and asked the attendant for a coke. I frowned at him, but said nothing, the selfish side of me preferring him awake.

He continued to order cokes at regular intervals, every time he was in danger of closing his eyes, and I watched his as he sat fighting the fatigue, refusing to blink.

While Edward stared down at me, I detailed every minute change in him. In the months I'd been gone, he'd continued aging, still managing to look more mature than his eighteen and a half years. His cheeks were sunken, the prominence of his chin was more defined and the purple under his emerald eyes ran deeper than those caused by just one night's loss of sleep. I slid my hand under his fist. The definition of the bones in his hand and wrists were alarming and my stomach knotted painfully.

I deserved to be dragged across the racks of hell for what I'd done to him.

Alice's whisperings into the air-phone's speaker cut short as we descended over Seattle. With a hushed. "I love you, Jazz," she hung up and faced the window, watching as we glided toward the earth.

A look of triumph glimmered across Edward's face as the rising sun hit the window and both Alice and I slammed our covers shut. Alice watched the future, replaying her and Jasper's reunion until I could cite every word.

As the wheels of the plane touched ground, stood and lifted the fatigued Edward from his seat, making no move to hurry. There were people waiting for me. People who loved me and who I needed to see. But I knew, without any shadow of doubt, that it was open season in Forks.

And I was the rabbit.

* * *

Phew, that was a hard one to write. I just hope I did it justice. - Did you like my Alice's Past?. I also want to thank everyone for their reiews so far (I'm only five way from 100!) and encourge you to keep reviewing ;)

But don't worry, this tale is far from over, there's still another SIX chapters if you stick with me.

Thankyou for reading and please review :D Xx


	15. Consequences and Repercussions

Hey guys, just want to say thank you for all the reviews! This story just went over 100 reviews!!!! Thank you all so much. My newest target is to beat His Green Eyes' review count of 122. so can everyone who reads please review each chapter because I _really _want to beat it :D So please find it in your hearts to tap a few nice words on some keys and write a review.

Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you read the next installment of My Shattered Heart.

Oh yeah, To_ Jazzys-Confedrate1861_ - Yes, Charlie is going to go mental!

Enjoy!

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The last off of the sparsely populated plane, I looped my arm around Edward's waist, ensuring that no-one could detect that I was supporting most of his weight as we followed the crowd of people out of the terminal.

Alice had finally left realms of the future in favour of the present. She danced ahead of both Edward and I, peering over the many heads, anxious to meet Jasper. We passed the baggage handling, not needing to stop for any suitcases.

We made our way out as far as the main exits before I even caught onto my family's collective thoughts. Or maybe it had more to do with the fact that I was concentrating so hard on Edward.

Alice spotted Jasper before I did, spying him as he hovered by the sliding glass doors that led to the street outside. I slowed as she sped up, reaching him in seconds as he strode towards her through the crowd. They didn't kiss, they didn't even touch, simply each staring into the other's eyes, but the intensity of their devotion to each other poured off of them both in waves. Jasper's control slipped as he was reunited with his wife and couples all around us yielded to the effects of their love.

Edward rested his warm cheek against my hair and I grinned, glad for my brother's lack of control for once.

"Edward!" Esme reached for him, grasping him around the neck and pulling him in tight. "Thank you so much." She whispered hoarsely into his ear, gripping him tightly.

She turned her forceful hug to me, clutched me so close to her that responded in kind and buried my face in her neck. "Don't you ever do that to me again, Isabella Cullen." She growled, sounding more like a bear than the woman I had known. Her lips trembled as she hugged me, swaying slightly.

"I'm sorry, Mom" I sobbed with her. "Really." Then Esme disappeared, replaced instantly with my father's arms. "Carlisle…" I stopped, lost for the words that I knew would never be able to apologize for what I had done.

"I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you," My first companion murmured into my hair, gripping me tight enough that I could still keep a free arm around Edward. "You're never leaving again." He didn't ask. He commanded.

He also caught Edward in a hug. "Thank you, Edward. For what you've done."

Edward's eyes finally drooped. "There was no question about it." He yawned, wilting in my arms.

Esme supported him between us, throwing a disapproving glance at me. "He's dead on his feet."_ And so thin. _"He needs to get home." Esme led us to the parking garage. _The rings under his eyes… _my mother thought, glancing between the two of us, comparing the two sets of eyes. I hadn't fed in awhile and still Edward's rings of exhaustion rivalled mine.

_Neither of you looks well,_ Carlisle thought sadly as he walked at Esme's side. He wasn't Dr Cullen at that moment, just a father concerned for two of his children, immortal or not.

_Rosalie only wanted you to come home, Bella! She would never mean for anything like this to happen, you know that!_ New thoughts invaded the quiet of the garage. Emmett stood between Carlisle's Mercedes and Rosalie's M3, watching our parade as we made our way through the emptying lot.

Emmett's rumbling thoughts were deafened by a higher, more melodic plea.

_I wanted you back. That's all. And I respected you too much to lie to you. _Rosalie caught my eye from beside Emmett, her hand clutching his tightly._ I'm so sorry, really. I never meant for this to happen, ever. I would never want you to go to the Volturi._

I ignored her, earning Emmett's disapproval as we walked towards them.

It wasn't until we'd reached the car that Edward realized Em and Rosalie were even there. He froze slightly before continuing forwards in his stumbling and sleep-ridden step. I prepared to steer him away from her when Carlisle read the protectiveness in my stance and lay a warning hand on my shoulder.

"Don't. She feels awful." Esme muttered, guiding Edward further along.

"She should." I hissed, glaring at the blonde vampire ahead of me.

"It's not her fault," Edward's words were garbled - Only he would be so selfless as to let Rosalie off the hook so easily - But his slurred statement effected me more than Em's or Rosalie's apologies.

It wasn't anyone's fault, Carlisle added.

"Let her make amends, please." Esme gently stroked my arm, attempting to calm me from my tense position. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."

I didn't move any closer towards the cars, uninterested by Rosalie's continuing explanations and apologies.

"Pleeease, Bella," Edward mumbled.

I sighed, surrendering. There was no way that I could deny him anything when he pleaded with me so. Rosalie's eyes widened in surprise as I led Edward towards her car. She had been expecting having her first attempt at apologizing to me here before I stormed away in the second car. She held the door open in surprise, allowing me to arrange Edward into a sitting position in the back seat. I reluctantly released him to race to the other side and join him. A crease had appeared in his fore-head but as soon as I slid in beside him it smoothened out again.

Rosalie turned sideways so she could see both Edward and I. She had her entire apology all planned out. "Bella," she started.

"Don't apologize to me." I nodded toward the lethargic Edward at my side.

She watched me for half a second, remade her plans and moved on. "Edward?"

"Yes, Rosalie?" He answered slowly, I bared my teeth at my sister for waking him.

"Edward, you cannot believe how sorry I am for all of this… how wretched I feel for making you all go through this because of what I did!" I watched Rose in wonder. Her thoughts were full of genuine remorse for what she'd done. Even for what she'd put Edward through "I'm so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my sister. Please say you'll forgive me."

Edward gave Rosalie a sleepy half smile "Rozalieeee, It'sshh not yourrr fauld. I'm the one who jumpd the damn cliff. Ov courshe I frgiv yaoo," He mumbled, sleep taking over his speech.

Emmett stifled his laughter, covering his mouth with his hand. "It doesn't count until he's conscious, Rose," he chuckled and accelerated toward the exit. _He sounded drunk. _

"Im conshusshhh" Edward argued feebly, letting his head fall back against my hair. I couldn't help but smile.

"Let him sleep," I said, my anger briefly fading as Edward succumbed to slumber.

Rosalie turned back to me, satisfied that she'd made her apology to Edward. "Bella… you know what I'm going to say and you've heard most of it…" She looked at her fingers. "But that doesn't make what I have to say any less true." Raising her eyes to mine, she took a deep breath and continued. "When you were gone, everything was bad. Jasper… Jasper we knew was coming back sooner or later for Alice. We weren't sure if you were ever going to come too." _Then Alice… _"And then Alice said that Edward had jumped and that they were all going to keep it from you. I thought that you'd come back sooner if you realized that there was no reason to stay away. I know! I know!" She said quickly as I began to hiss at her. "I was selfish and shallow. But I wanted the family back together. I had no idea that you'd do something like that and …" She bowed her head, running out of steam. "I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

Rosalie looked back at the road flying beneath us as I was considering her words, her thoughts trying to accept Edward as her family. "Brother," Her mouth struggled around the world but she smiled softly to herself as she managed to fit the two together.

I didn't want to spend the rest of my eternity with Rosalie in constant feud with her. She was my sister, no matter how much she aggravated me, my first sister. But did she deserve such quick forgiveness?

"It's not fair of me to ask so much of you so soon, I know." Rosalie continued as I stewed._ But though I had some selfish motives, I wasn't totally thinking of myself. _She squeezed Emmett's knee, remembering his sombre mood.

The rest of the drive went by quietly, without any need for speech. Rosalie's eyes wandered to each of our faces, not sure if I was ever going to accept her apology, checking on Edward and watching the road. The rest of the world was dull hum in the background as the lights flashed by our windows so fast that they became an indistinguishable blur. At least until we pulled into Forks.

Carlisle had already called Charlie, telling him we were on our way and that Edward was with us. He had been on the receiving end of a worried father's angry rants, yelling from how disgraceful it had been for us just to skip town and to my being banned from the Swan Residence. I knew Charlie would hold Edward nearly blameless, rightfully seeing me as the villain of the piece.

_This isn't going to be pretty, _Alice thought as the Mercedes rolled to a stop behind us on the kerb to the Swan's house.

"Do you want any help?" Jasper asked her.

"No." _He's going to hate us, no matter what._ She valued Charlie's respect more than allowing Jasper's talent to influence him.

Esme and Carlisle got out of the Mercedes, slamming the doors loud enough to alert Charlie to our presence. I hoisted the sleeping Edward out of the car, joining him immediately and sliding my arms around his waist. For one last peaceful second I could hold him, kissing his cheek.

"Time to take him in, Bella." Carlisle, the omnipresent voice of reason, reminded me.

Charlie's voice carried from inside the house. "They're finally here, I have to go." I heard him smash the phone down in his haste and his heavy footfalls as he almost ran for the door. He saw Edward in my supporting grasp and swore under his breath.

"Edward!" He yelled, storming down the driveway.

Edward awoke at the sound though his eyes remained firmly secured. He mouthed his father's name and fought against the battle of sleep to pull his eyelids open.

"Shh, it's okay. You're home and you're safe. Just sleep," I murmured.

Charlie stomped toward us, hate flaring into life when his eyes met mine. "You! I can't believe you even have the nerve to show your face here again."

Edward managed to prop his head up and open his eyes halfway to stare groggily at his father. "Dad, stop it," He moaned.

"What's wrong with him?" Charlie nearly screamed.

"He's just very tired, Charlie." He clearly didn't believe me but I didn't let my gaze waver "Please just let him rest."

"Don't you dare tell me what to do!" He yelled, fury taking over. "Give him to me. Get your hands off him!"

Carlisle attempted to intervene, but I held him back, knowing that I deserved everything Charlie was about to throw my way.

As Charlie made to take his son away, Edward awoke with a violent jerk, refusing to release his death grip on me. "Cut it out, Dad," His voice was much clearer as he forced himself to look at his father. "Be mad at me!"

Charlie yanked at his son once more before letting go with a growl of defeat. Some of his worry ebbed, seeing Edward's bleary eyes open fully. "You bet I will be," he almost snarled, but the rage was all centred on me. "Get inside," he commanded.

"M'Kay," Edward muttered, letting his arm fall from around me.

_Be ready to catch him, _Alice warned as I looked to her in desperation.

He swayed back and forth, trying to find his balance. He managed to drag one foot forward along the tarmac before he collapsed.

I had him back in my arms before Charlie could even make a move to catch him. I pleaded with him "Just let me get him upstairs. Then I'll leave."

"No," Edward cried, his hands fisting in my shirt. His eyes opened for a split second, unadulterated panic gleaming in him tearing eyes.

I half carried, half walked, him into the house, whispering "I won't be far." Charlie could easily make my life difficult but Edward was the only one who could send me away.

"He just needs sleep, Charlie, it was a long drive," Carlisle said softly, standing at the fuming father's side.

Charlie ignored him as he dogged my footsteps into the house and up the stairs. I nudged open Edward's door and carried him inside.

The room was completely vacant of any of the life of the boy I remembered. A few school books lay beside an open school-bag, so neatly piled that one would think they had been forgotten in a library for years. The rack of C.D's that used to hang on the wall was empty, I could spot on empty case lodged behind the bin in the corner. The desk was bare but for the ancient computer that had always stood in the corner. The door to his closest hung open, revealing an almost Mall-Standard of cleanliness. The only item within the room that even hinted at the occupants identity was a tattered old motorcycle manual that lay poking out from under the pillow of the un-made bed. A few items of clothes lay on the bed, an odd sock and a pyjama shirt, evidence of his hasty departure.

As I set him on the bed I realized something; I hadn't obliterated my existence – I'd erased his.

Edward's knuckles were pearly-white through the thin skin, clinging to my sweater like I was a life-line. I extracted myself from his grasp, his breathing caught within his sleep. "I won't be far," I repeated quietly, and he relaxed. I stood up, and a hot hand pulled me away, grabbing my fore-arm tightly.

"Get out of my house," Charlie snarled. His finger shot toward the door. "Out!" he seethed.

I nodded and moved for the door, following the worn carpeted stair-case. He followed me down the stairs. At the front door I paused, turning to look at the raging chief of police. "Charlie, I'm sorry. I never meant to…"

Charlie's eyes blazed as he fought to find the words strong enough. "You never meant to what? Never meant to hurt him? It's too late for that! Just because you can't see his pain on the outside doesn't mean that he's not been dying on the inside." Then, almost as though a dam burst forth from within him, his hatred poured out, drowning me. "Do you have any idea what you've done to him?! He was barely human! You drained his life away…and you have the _nerve_ to apologize?" My gaze fell to the floor. "You've brought nothing but pain and suffering to a boy who is more loving and selfless than anyone can be!" His voice turned ice cold, acid spitting from his tongue. "And I will never allow him to be hurt again! You ever walk through this door again, I'll kill you!" His eyes darted to the gun hanging by the door, loaded with bullets.

"Yes, sir." I mouthed, my voice not strong enough. There was no way I could argue with his assessment when he was entirely right.

"Now get the hell out of my house. You can tell your sister that she's no longer welcome here, either. I don't want another Cullen to step foot on my property again" The door slammed closed in my face and could hear the hinges creak with the force of Charlie Swan's anger.

I stood still by the door, listening to the deep breathing within the top-most bedroom before turning and walking back to the car. All of them were still there, Alice sobbing quietly into Jasper's chest. Esme watched me sadly from Carlisle's embrace and both Rose and Em stayed inside the car, following Alice's instructions not to over-whelm Charlie. Not one of them moved as I watched the house by their side.

"Alice?" Carlisle asked steadily. "Will Charlie calm down?"

She breathed deeply through her nose, then looked ahead. "He'll be all right." _I should have called him. _

Inside the house, I could hear Charlie leave Edward's room and lock the door from the outside. I listened to the metal slide in confusion. The lock was a new addition to the house. But, taking the recent extra into account, I assumed that Charlie wasn't planning on visiting his son's room again tonight.

"Please," I whispered, looking up to Esme and Carlisle's faces.

Carlisle hesitated, wanting to ask me to come home, but dismissed the thought. _At least we have you back, forever._ he thought instead.

Alice caught a flash of something – Edward and I running through the forest. "Hmmm, I think we'll see you later."

I nodded, smiling again at them all before running for side of the house and scaling the wall to the long unused window.

_She climbs through the window… _Emmett chuckled slightly before revving his engine, creating a hair-pin turn and speeding back to our old house. The others followed soon after.

Their thoughts faded quickly as I clung to the window-ledge and eased open the window with my free hand. Edward's fragrance floated out of the small crack I had made, beckoning me through the window. I held my breath, preparing for the thirst that had thus far evaded me, as my feet landed silently on the wooden floor.

Slowly, as I slid the window closed, I inhaled. I kept facing the window, ensuring that there was an easy escape route should the hunger be too much. I breathed again in confusion as the flames licked my throat but nothing followed. None of the venom that his scent usually produced within the vampire flooded within my mouth. The thirst that had, as a rule, always elicited within was still there, but it wasn't his blood that tempted me closer. And considering that the last time I fed was … hmm, maybe I needed to hunt soon.

I took another breath, kneeling as though in prayer by his bed. The blaze was still lingering but as I watched his sleeping face it was hardly even noticeable compared to his presence. The sight of Edward entranced me, he lay perfectly still as though somebody had carved him out of perfect stone and left to call it a masterpiece.

I didn't want to wake him, so I just watched as his eyes squeezed together tightly before smoothing over once again. A shadow of the worry lines hovered across his forehead as his unconscious mind continued to tick, before he breathed out loudly and curled up on himself, biting his lip in involuntary concentration.

I reached forward, cupping his face in my hand, exultant that I was here, that I could touch him, be near him. My fingers danced along his arm, lingering on the inside of his wrist. His hand tightened along mine, his finger intertwining with my own. I smiled, content to hold his hand while my eyes watched his face. Without thinking, I leant forward and pressed my lips to his forehead; a silent promise to repair the destruction I had caused in my wake.

"Bella," He breathed.

The TV clicked on downstairs. The roar of a football crowd and Charlie's guilty thoughts as he checked the game hit my ears before I tuned it out.

Edward didn't speak again, just lying so still that had I not the ability to hear every stutter of his heart, I would have mistaken him for dead long ago. I watched in fascination as daylight emerged and dimmed again, casting shadows across his face.

The last ray of sunset shone through his still open window and Charlie's thoughts intruded on my paradise as he realized he's spent the day without checking up on his son. Shame filled his mind as he trudged up the stairs. Edward moaned as I disentangled myself and slipped away, causing Charlie to run up the stairs. I bent and kissed his hair before I left his side. I looked at the window, knowing I should leave. Yet I couldn't bring my self to be away from him. Even the few meters I had just put between us hurt.

I hid in the closest, like the monster from children's tales.

The door creaked as Charlie burst through. I could see him through the crack in the door that I'd left. He raced to Edward's side and checked that his son was breathing. As soon as he's confirmed this, he seemed to wither, dropping to one knee by his son's side.

I'd disturbed Edward's restful sleep and for the next few hours his dream-coated muttering punctured the oncoming silence of the night. His thoughts were as mesmerizing as before and I listened in total absorption.

"Go faster, Alice," He mumbled, turning in his sleep. "The sun,"

Charlie scratched his balding head, a crease in his wrinkled face. He watched his son in confusion, wondering what was going through his head. For once, I thought I knew what Edward was thinking. He was finally managing to sort out the confusion of our escapade. I panicked, wedged between a few pairs of jeans and a raincoat. What would he blurt out in his father's presence? As he continued to mumble his way through the events in Italy, I tracked Charlie's thoughts in case Edward murmured anything that hinted to the fact we weren't in L.A as our story had said.

Most of his comments were safe enough, though too many cries of "No, Bella!" had Charlie clenching his fists. But a deliberate "Grand theft auto" confused both Charlie and I.

When twilight arrived, not quite day and not quite night, Charlie stood, stretched and turned to leave the room. He reconsidered and came to stand over his son as Edward mumbled an incomprehensible noise. Charlie shook his head "Goodnight, Son" He paused before leaving the room, worrying that he mightn't be there again in the morning.

As the door clicked shut, Edward murmured an unmistakable. "Sorry Jake, Sorry Lee"

I gritted my teeth against the venom that swilled in my cheeks. Lee? Leah Clearwater? And Jake…Jacob Black? The Quileute dogs? Clearwater? The one who'd been grating across my skin since the first day I'd met her!

I resumed my place at Edward's bedside, choking back the hatred in place for the adoration that the Adonis before me inspired. Sensing me, Edward rolled back, his face inches from mine. His regular, steady breaths blew my hair back from my face as I entwined my fingers back with his.

I repositioned myself so that I was leaning against his forehead, breathing in his scent and ignoring the burn. I stroked his creamy pale cheek. He'd been so strong in the face of danger, staring it straight in the eye without a hint of fear, thwarting the Volturi's expectations of humans with his courage.

But what other vampiric deathly talents could he frustrate? Me, Aro and Jane, he brushed off without any conscious effort. Alice, Jasper and Marcus, he couldn't defy. Demetri…? I wasn't sure about.

There had to be some pattern…

"Bella…" Edward's face creased in desperation. "Don't! Please stay."

My heart broke again as he buried his face in his pillow and moaned. "Edward, Edward, you're home. Ssh. You're safe," I whispered but still he persisted. I ran my fingers through his hair, soothing him with shushing noises. "Edward, I'm here," I said in a fit of panic.

He froze, face still concealed in the cotton, before his emaciated shoulders relaxed and he faced me again, still asleep. But saltwater tears ran down his cheeks. I cracked in two as he whispered my name, a mumbled mantra.

The clock tolled midnight, then again at one o'clock. His mumblings ceased and his lips fell silent. His eyes became thin lines as they were pressed closed. His heart-rate accelerated and I moved back. Had I driven him into a nightmare?

He let his breath out in a sigh and lifted his eyelids. It took him about a second to recognize my face. His eyes widened and he thrust his hands over his eyes, pressing down hard. "OH!" he exclaimed, blocking his view of me as quickly as he could.

"Did I frighten you?"

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Please review :) I'd really like to hit that 123 review mark :D  
XxX


	16. Can I Explain What You Mean To Me?

Hey again, and here's the next installment of 'My Shattered Heart' :)

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"_Did I frighten you"_

Slowly Edward's fists lowered and he opened his eyes. His emerald eyes were guarded, clouded with the same suspicion I had seen all the way through the long journey back from Italy. He snorted and I brushed back his tousled hair as I waited for the answer.

The concentrated scrutiny in his eyes wandered all over my face. His eyes drifted across every feature, every detail that he noted. He seemed to be deciding if I was a cheap imitation as he focused steadily on every piece of my face.

"Oh, crap!" He moaned and his pulse accelerated.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, bracing myself for the dismissal.

"I'm dead, aren't I? I really did drown!" He breathed quickly and his eyes darted away from my face to the door for a second. "Crap, crap, crap! This is going to kill Charlie."

I was stunned with his response. I could never have predicted him to say anything like this! I guess some things never change.

"Edward, you're not dead." I took hold of his wrist, holding him steady.

He glared at me, his eyes accusing me of deception. "Then why am I not waking up?" he challenged.

"You are awake."

"Sure, that's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. Why does even my imagination hate me?" He seemed to consider something. "But I won't wake up, because I'm dead." He spat the word. "This is _awful_."

I was bewildered, completely taken aback.

There were many things that I had expected to get down on my knees and beg for, but to convince him that I wasn't just some conjured figment of his, seemingly vivid, imagination had never been one of them.

"Poor Charlie. And Renée. Lee and Jake." His eyes widened almost comically and his mouth hung open in horror.

Ignoring the mention of the mutts, I tried to convince him "I'm easily confused with a nightmare, I know. But, even if you were dead, I can't imagine why you would wind up in hell. Exactly how many murders did you commit while I was gone?"

His sun-flaked lips turned down in a frown. "Obviously none." He almost rolled his eyes. "If I were in hell, you wouldn't be here with me."

Gears seemed to be turning in his head as he looked away, toward the window. His forehead creased and I watched as his eyes darted back to me and his lips parted. He closed them again, considered something and re-opening his mouth. "Oh," he muttered. When his eyes returned to me, they were coloured with disbelief. The blush rose in his cheeks, a sight I had so yearned for touching the edges of his pale cheeks. "Did all of it really happen, then?" He whispered.

"If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy…" I longed to say 'no' and leave him blissfully unaware of the promise that was dooming him to an eternity of the night. But lying was no longer an option "Then, yes."

He blinked. "Hmm, that's strange. I really went to Italy." The smile I had yet too see still evaded me as he settled simply with a satisfied expression. "Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

"Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent." I eyed the time again and then the darkness out of the window.

"I'm not tired anymore." He pushed himself up, sitting back against the head-board. I remained on my knees. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

Nowhere near long enough. "It's just after one in the morning, so about fourteen hours."

He nodded, accepting that. "Charlie?" He yawned, cocking his head to the side as though expecting to hear his father running down the hall.

"Sleeping." I sighed before admitting to his father's homicidal threats. "You should know that I'm entirely breaking all of the rules now. Well…" I scrunched my nose. "…not _technically_, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window, but still," I gestured hopelessly. "The intent was the same."

"Charlie banned you from the house?"

"Did you expect anything else?" I hadn't. But it wasn't going to keep me away. "He's banned Alice too. Any Cullen, actually."

Anger flashed across Edward's face, followed by a sigh of resignation before he brushed them away. "What's the story?" He asked unexpectedly.

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for..." His mouth formed numbers as he counted up. "How long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days." I waited for a reaction of some kind, but Edward simply disregarded the time without batting an eyelid. I grinned and hoisted myself up onto the side of the bed so I could see him better. "And I was kind of hoping that you might have a good explanation. Because I've got nothing."

"Great." He nodded. "Just great."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something" I muttered, thinking back to the vision Alice had seen of Edward and I running through the forest. He relaxed, comforted by my answer.

"So, what have you been doing, up until three days ago?" He acted as if his question was but a casual interest. But beneath his words there was a insistence, and urgency that he simply couldn't hide

"Nothing terribly exciting," I hedged.

"Of course not." He muttered to himself, his jaw tensing. What had he expected to be my response?

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you were, after all, just a dream," He scowled at the ceiling "that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

"If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?" I grouched.

"Nightmare?" He rolled his eyes, letting them rest on me when he was done. When I didn't reply, his disbelieving expression diminished. "Maybe, if you tell me." He said softly.

Did he really want to hear how broken I was without him? He wouldn't believe me if I did, so I told him a version of the truth "I was," Tracking? Attempting to assassinate? Failing at keeping you safe? "Hunting." Seemed to be the safe answer.

Apparently, Edward didn't think so. He frowned again. "Is that the best you can do? That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

"I wasn't hunting for food." I breathed heavily. It was harder to admit to my murderous intentions than I thought. "I was trying my hand at tracking." I frowned, annoyed. "I wasn't very good at it."

"What were you tracking?" He asked lightly, watching my face intently.

"Nothing of consequence"

Again he frowned. How many times had I put that frown on his face in just a few minutes? "I don't understand."

I needed to tell the truth. "I..." I took a deep breath, terrified that the next words out of my mouth might just be my last to him. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you so much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea." The words flowed so fast that I could see Edward working to understand them. "I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I thought that, with the vampires gone, I was leaving you for a peaceful, danger-free, life. I had no idea that Victoria would come back. When I saw her that one time, I'll admit, I wasn't paying much attention to her. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response to him. That she even had such a tie to him!

"Not that that's any excuse for what I left you to face. When Alice told me what you'd told her - and what she'd seen herself - when I realised that you had had to put your life in the hands of werewolves. The most immature, volatile creatures. The worst thing out there besides Victoria herself…" I took a deep breath and leant forward, imploring him to see that I was telling the truth. "Please, please, know that I had no idea of any of this. I just feel sick, incredibly sick to my core, Even now when I can see you safe, feel that you're here. I am the most miserable excuse for-"

"Stop." Edward raised his hand and placed it across my lip, securing my silence. I watched him, helpless.

His face hardened into a mask I knew far too well. I wished that I didn't. It was the same face that I had hidden behind the day I left him.

"Isabella," He started, then swallowed. "This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this... this guilt...rule your life."

Guilt? Couldn't he see that all of this, all I was, was entirely and utterly about him.

He continued, oblivious of my growing disbelief. "You just can't keep taking responsibility for every little thing that goes wrong in my life. The things that happen to me, happen to me! None of my life is your fault, none of the accidents that happen to me are! This is just how life is me. So if I… I don't know, trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me."

Feel bad that I didn't save him?! What?! Words failed me as Edward continued on, his mask falling. "Even if my plan had been to jump off of that cliff to die, it would have been my choice, and not your fault."

He stopped, looking at the floor. The hand that was still across my mouth was shaking. "I know that it's just your..." He breathed in harshly and blinked away a tear "...your nature to shoulder the blame for everything - but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes!" His voice cracked but he persevered. "It's very irresponsible of you– just think of Esme and Carlisle and... and…"

His breath came out in shaky bursts as he fought to preserve his failing composure. I watched him fall apart with pained eyes. He'd run from home to face certain death and he thought that the reason for it all was that I simply blamed myself?

I removed his hand, softly pressing my lips to the indent in his palm. He closed his eyes, and hung his head. "Edward Anthony Swan. You think that the only reason I asked the Volturi to kill me was because I felt guilty?"

He raised his head and genuine confusion shone through his empty eyes. "Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty?" Stupid question "So, so much! More than anyone could possible comprehend."

"Then what are you saying? I don't understand." I watched his face for any trace that he was joking, stringing this out as my punishment. I found none. He honestly couldn't comprehend what I was saying.

I'd told him time and time again that I loved him, that the way I felt about him would never change. How many more times would I have to do so? Would he even allow me the chance?

"Edward, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead. Even, if your death wasn't my fault and I had had no hand in it…" Which I had still inadvertently done. "I would have still gone to Italy. I would have still gone and _begged_ for death."

"But I still don't understand," He repeated in a whisper. "That's… Bella, that's my whole point. So what?"

"Excuse me?" I couldn't have heard right. _So what?_

"So what if I was dead?"

"Don't you remember anything I told you before?" Couldn't he remember? The envy I'd told him about when we'd watched Romeo die.

"I can remember everything that you've ever told me." He set his jaw and his eyes hardened, fighting something within himself. I longed to know what he was thinking, now more than ever.

_Everything that you've ever told me._ Including the blackest of lies that I'd told him in the forest. He hadn't just remembered my words, but he'd disregarded all others, believing only the lie. Those last words had erased every shred of trust he'd ever invested in me.

I closed my eyes, breaking in two as I attempted to repair this hell I'd created. "Edward… I thought I'd explained it clearly before. All those time that I told you. Edward, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am..." I opened my eyes, half in hope and half in trepidation. His face was twisted in a heart-breaking frown. "Confused." He watched me, waiting for something to make sense to him in this warped reality he'd fashioned for himself.

I returned his gaze, thinking back to the scene in the forest, the day my life had faded to grey. "I'm a good liar. I have to be." I admitted, knowing I'd have to rewrite my part in the façade I'd acted for him.

The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted it. Blood drained from Edward's face and the light within his eyes blinked out. I reached out and shook him, needing him to hear the rest, by force if I had to.

Nothing.

"Please, let me finish! I'm a good liar," I re-started, back-pedalling hastily. "but still, for you to believe me so quickly. That was…unbearable." I let him go, still not seeing any response. He was catatonic. "I had hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," He echoed my words from months ago, finally moving. But still he seemed empty…

"Exactly! But I could never have even imagined that you would be so easy to convince. I was sure that I would have to have been lying through my teeth for hours for you even to consider that I didn't want you!"

"I lied! Edward, I lied, and I'm so sorry — sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

He still sat there, staring at me. The only sign that he'd even heard my was the fact that his lip was caught within his teeth, chewing with frantic speed. My distress turned to accusation "But how _could_ you believe me?! How could you even have let me even _attempt_ to leave you?! After all the thousand of times that I've told you I love you, how could you let just _one_ word break your faith in me?!" I watched him, leaning forward unconsciously towards him. "And I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that I could even consider existence without needing you!"

Glassy-eyed, he inhaled slowly. But he didn't speak "Edward, really, what were you thinking!"

Finally, he broke. He bowed his head and lifted his knees to cradle his face, tears cascading down his cheeks "I knew it," He sobbed. "I knew that I was dreaming."

Oh, for the love of all that's holy!

"You're impossible," I almost cried as he wept into the duvet. "How can I put it so that you'll believe me?!" I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated longing causing me to break down. "Edward," I couldn't say his name enough. "You're not asleep, you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away, hearing your voice every day, calling me back!" He continue to argue, shaking his head in his pillow. "And when I told you that I didn't love you…" My voice fractured. "That was the blackest type of blasphemy,"

He raised his head from his knees, looked at me than shook his head again with a violent jerk, throwing his face back into the material.

"You just don't believe me, do you? Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?" I whispered.

"It never...made sense for...you to love me," He sobbed. "I'm inadequate, with nothing to give you. I always knew that. I was expecting it."

'Nightmare' couldn't express the terror that was racking through my mind. None of what he said made any sense! It had never made sense for _him_ to love _me_! Why was everything backwards? Was fate just enjoying toying with me? Her own personal project to subject pain and despair upon? _I _was the one who was entirely, utterly, unworthy!

"I'll prove you're awake," I said, lifting his face from the covers and fixed his fragile face between my hands. They warmed to the touch. I lifted my face to his.

"Please don't," He pleaded, a single tear falling onto my fingertips and spiralling down the inside of my arm, just before our lips entangled.

"Why not?" I asked, my breath filled his face, rejection hitting me hard.

"When I wake up," I started to argue but he stopped me before I could say anything. "Okay, forget that one – When you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I inspected his face, seeing the caution that he'd displayed on the way home. "Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so…hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why." Had he…? My heart broke again as I voiced my fears. "Is it because I am too late? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be…" Excruciating "…quite fair. I won't contest your decision, so don't try to spare my feelings, please. Just tell me now whether or not you can still love me. Can you?" I pressed.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?" He sneered, his face still cupped between my hands.

I didn't even dare to hope. "Just answer it. Please."

He glared at me, "The way that I feel about you, have always felt about you will never change! It can't change! Of course I love you — and there's nothing you can do about it!"

His fiery determination … his love engulfed me.

"That…" I was almost numb with happiness. "That's all I need to hear,"

As soon as our lips crushed together, any other words I may have had for him vanished within the white-hot inferno. White flashes of lightning hit me as he grasped blindly at me and pulled me over him, leaning backwards. I fell with him, my lips parting unthinkingly. Luckily, he pulled away, gasping for breath.

I moved my hands down to the back of his neck and chanted his name, kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his neck, any part of his flesh I could reach until he dragged me back to his lips, capturing my mouth again. I happily obliged. His hands wandered along my cheeks, running through my hair, over my shoulders, down my back… I lay atop him as I let my fingers dance along his shoulders and pulled him even closer to me, not allowing any distance between any part of our bodies.

His warm hands slipped under the hem of my sweater, leaving a fiery trail along the edge of my jeans. My own fingers traced down the planes of his shirt clad chest, eagerly unbuttoning the top. My lips left his and trailed along his bare chest. I heard his breath hitch deliciously and I returned to his mouth like an addict without a hit.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," He murmured, kissing along my throat to the hollow in my neck. His hands drifted along my legs and to the crook of my knees, pulling me up into his lap as I nuzzled my face in his shoulder.

"I love you," I whispered, my voice muffled against his bare skin.

He dragged in a deep breath but didn't remove his hands from my hips. I reluctantly pulled away, turning my head to the side and resting against his bare chest. I heard his heart hammering against the skin. The hum that signified his reaction to me made me smile as I leant against him

What had he said that was still bothering me? "_When you leave again."_

I waited for his breathing to slow back to normal rate before I spoke again "By the way, I'm never leaving you." He didn't respond, and I looked up at him, terrified that he'd be frozen again, knocking down the bridge I'd only just constructed. But when our eyes met, his were warm and, I noted with hidden glee, shades darker than before.

I slid my arms down from his neck and around his waist as I continued my vow. "I'm not going anywhere. Never anywhere without you. I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. That's the only way I could ever have brought myself to leave you! But I could see what I was doing to you, what I was going to keep on doing to you. - keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belong in, risking your life every moment that I was with you. So I just had to try, do something and it seemed like leaving was the only way I could do anything to keep you safe. If I had never thought you would be so much better off without me in your life, I could have never have brought myself to even leave your side. I'm far too much of a selfish creature to do anything to hurt myself. You and only you could ever be more important than what I wanted … what I needed. And what I want and what I need is to be with you. I know I'll never be strong enough to leave you again!" I promised, my hands clutching at one side of his opened shirt.

When I finished, he looked ready to cry again. "Bella, please don't promise me anything," He said quietly.

He still didn't trust me. Could anyone, anywhere have been any more thorough in destroying their own life? "You think I'm lying to you now?"

"No, not lying," He assured me quickly, nibbling his lip while he searched for the right words for a sentence I was desperate to hear. I restrained myself to remain quiet. "You could mean it tonight, but what about tomorrow, when you get a chance to remember all of the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, if I cut myself again?" I cringed, remembering the way I had launched myself across the room at him.

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for." I muttered against him. "I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie even told me the news, I'd gone past trying to live each week away from you at a time, or even on day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. You were haunting me, calling me back. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it – before I showed up at your window and just begged you to take me back. I'd do it now if it would help, if you want me to." Clutching at Edward like I was drowning at sea, I couldn't believe that I'd made it as long as I did.

"Bella, be serious, please," He groaned.

"I am." I stared at him, leaning my chin on his chest, willing him to believe me. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me? And will you finally understand?"

Desperation in my voice stopped him. He watched me for a few seconds before nodding.

"My life…it was like a moonless night before you, Edward. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. Then you shot across my sky…" a comet … no "Like a meteor. Suddenly, everything in my life was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. Then you were gone, the meteor had fallen over the horizon, and everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

For a second, I thought that he'd heard me. His eyes widened and his breath caught.

But then he shook his head and looked over my head, hiding his eyes from me.

"Your eyes will adjust," He mumbled to the ceiling. Whether he was convincing himself or me, I wasn't sure.

"That's just the problem" I pleaded with him. "They can't."

He paused, looking at me again and my mussed hair from where he'd run his fingers through it. "What about your distractions?" His mouth created his own type of venom around the word.

"Just part of the lie. There was no distraction from the…" Anguish? Torture? Torment? There wasn't any word enough to describe life without him, "…The agony. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone. I was hollow. I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny."

Funny? Edward hadn't been malicious before I'd left. He had every right to be so, but it wasn't in his nature.

I must have flinched at his words, because he cupped my face, like I'd done to him only minutes ago, and spoke hurriedly "I didn't mean funny," He back-tracked. "I just meant strange - I thought it was just me. Lots of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." He took a long, deep breath, relishing in the simple luxury. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."

I rested my ear against his chest again, his hands still resting on my cheek and in my hair, and I could hear his heart confirming it's reappearance. He inhaled deeply again, sighing in contentment. I would have been happy to stay like this until sunrise, but Edward had questions. "Tracking wasn't a distraction to you then?"

"No, that was never a distraction. It was an obligation"

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with…" Probably not best to bring up James. "Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her… I didn't even know where I was - but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil while all along she had been leading me away just to come after you. I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears –"

"You were hunting Victoria?" Edward interrupted me with a harsh snap. He was … angry at me?

"I didn't do it well." I admitted. Jasper was much better than I was. "But it's too late for her. I might have let it slide before, but not now. Not after –"

"Wait, you just promised me that you were never going to leave again." He was frantic now, recognizing what I meant. "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

"I will keep my promise, Edward, I swear to you, I will. But Victoria will die. Soon."

"Hold on! Maybe she's not coming back again. Jake, Leah and the pack have probably scared her off already. There's really no reason to go out looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria." His hands clenched into fists on my back, trying to hold me there.

I nodded carefully, had he finally seen the danger that his new friends posed. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

"I wasn't talking about Leah and Jake!" He dismissed my concerns… my hopes, easily "My problems are a hell of a lot worse that a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

What had he been up to with the dogs? Getting into trouble? A handful? How many were infesting the planet this time around?

My problems are a hell of a lot worse … "Really? What's your greatest problem then? The crisis that makes Victoria's revenge seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about the second greatest?" He hedged.

"All right." Victoria was third on this list of problems. A list that didn't involve the canines of La Push? As I watched, his face slid into terror.

"There are others who are coming to look for me."

I recognized the fear, now. The Volturi.

"The Volturi are only the second greatest?" I asked, incredulous.

"You don't seem that upset about it." Edward's eyes narrowed.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something entirely different to their millenia-aged minds than it does to humans. Or even to me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you even crossed their minds again." I soothed him.

Edward stopped breathing, his face paling. "You don't have to be afraid. I won't let them hurt you." I held his face as his breathing started again.

"While you're here!"

"I will never leave you again," I swore, trying to make sense of his confusing train of thought.

"But you said thirty! What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right?" We'd come full circle, I realized in horror. That day, the day that everything went wrong, we had been caught in the battle of growing old against immortality without a soul. The impasse from all those months ago, was back. And this time, it was being fuelled by the Volturi, My family … and my own selfish desires.

"What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul." I locked away my own craving and focussed on him.

"Is this really…" He stopped mid-question, biting his lip to stop himself.

"Yes?"

"Is it really so difficult for you to want to spend eternity with me?" He voice quivered as I watched him in horror. "I've offered it so many times. And each time I have, you…" He dropped his head.

"Shh, shhh," I kissed his forehead in dismay. "Edward, this isn't about what I want. This is about you. Only you, and your soul. I can't take away what makes you, you."

"You realize that I'll die eventually. Right?" He hissed, his breath hot against my neck as I kept my lips at his forehead.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can."

"That is seriously…sick," He nearly growled as I moved to kiss his cheek.

"It's the only right way left"

"Let's just back up for a minute." He glared at me as I pulled away. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm thirty" frustration broke through and he shook against me "Do you really think that they'll forget?"

He kept coming up with new arguments! Didn't he realize how hard it was to deny him this?! "No, they'll never forget. But I have some plans."

"And these plans … all of them centre around me staying a _human_."

I didn't answer and his stubborn glare altered, piercing me harder.

I was unprepared for when he sat up, pushing me back as he wriggled back up the bed. I was still in his lap, but I jumped up when he swung his legs over the edge of his bed and walked away.

"Do you want me to leave?" Without breathing I waited for the final blow, ending our argument for good.

"No," He said, turning around and buttoning up his shirt. "I'm leaving."

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Please review. I'm still trying to reach that mark so any contribution is a good one.

XxX


	17. Bargaining A Heavy Deal

_hey Guys, Quick An here! :) thanks to everyone who has reviewed - I love love love you all Xx_

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He's leaving?

He wasn't joking, either. He stumbled blindly around the dark room, searching the floor with his feet to guide his way as he bobbed down and pulled on a sock he had kicked off at some point during his slumber.

"May I ask where you are going?" I asked, watching him as he felt his way around the room, reclining back into his spot on the pillow.

"I'm going to your house." He muttered, catching his elbow on his drawers as he pulled out a sweater. He cursed under his breath as he crawled on the floor, searching for something.

_My house? What could he possibly want there?_ "Here are your shoes," I handed him what I assumed to be the object of his search from the foot of his bed. "How exactly do you plan to get to my house?" I asked, leaning against the door-handle as he pulled on the tattered trainers.

"My truck."

"You'll wake Charlie," I reminded him, wondering whether his father was sleeping with his gun. Somehow, I didn't doubt it.

"Probably," He shrugged, tying his laces. "But I'll be grounded for weeks anyway. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"Absolutely none. He's blaming me, not you."

"Well, If you have a better idea, I'm all ears." He challenged, getting up and almost tripping over a loose floor-board.

"Stay here?" I offered weakly. I had to try, right?

"No dice." He shook his head before smirking at me. "But go ahead, get comfy and make yourself at home." _Was he teasing me?_

I blocked the door. "_Please_ stay here,"

He scrunched his nose is annoyance before he spun around and headed for the window. Surely not…

Of course he would! He'd jumped off a cliff and into the ocean for 'recreational sport' and nearly drowned. As though a meaningles _second-story high _jump would stop him.

He lifted the already open window higher and swung his legs out. I saw him shift his weight to jump and leapt to his side, stopping him. "I'll take you,

He watched me warily before shrugging. "Sure." He swung himself back into the room. "But you probably should be there, too."

"And why is that?"

"Because you are uncommonly opinionated. And I'm sure that you'll just love to put forward your views."

I gritted my teeth, dreading the next words out of his mouth. "My views on which subject?"

"If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say." He answered flippantly as I took hold of his wrists and he clasped them around my neck.

I swallowed a frustrated growl. "A say in what, precisely?" I asked, dangerously.

"My mortality." He grinned against my neck. "I'm putting it to a vote."

We dropped from the window. Adrenaline raced through Edward's veins, giving me no doubt that, had I not intervened, he would have jumped out of the window, broken leg or not. I didn't even bother to suggest he should close his eyes. With his new 'hobbies' I doubted he would have even wanted to.

Edward turned and looked back at his window before the forest closed around him became one great wall of green and we dashed sleekly through the surrounding trees. He rested his cheek against my neck, bowing his head to press his lips against my skin.

I sped up, grinning. "Thank you," I said not even stopping as I leapt over the babbling river "Does that mean that you've finally decided that you're awake?"

His laugh rumbled in his chest, vibrating across my skin, and a jolt of … something hissed it's way down my neck. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

He still didn't believe that I was going to stay. Well, I guess I deserved that. "I'll earn your trust back, one day." I murmured into the wind. "Even if it's my final act."

"I trust you," He inhaled deeply again before his voice darkened. "It's me I don't trust."

"Explain that, please." I stopped, allowing Edward to slip off my back. The house wasn't far off. He found his balance and stood before me, his eyes watching mine as I looked up at him.

He continued to watch my face for a minute, his eyes conflicted as he determined what words to say. "I just don't trust myself to be … enough for you. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."

The ease with which he spoke his fears, the conviction I heard that meant he thought what he was saying was true, made my chest ache deeply. I slid my arms around him and buried my face in his chest, his arms closing tightly around me. "Your hold is unbreakable." I turned my head to the side and looked up at him. "Never never doubt that,"

I read his denial in his silence, and clutched myself to him tighter.

"You know, you never did tell me," I started before screwing my face up in contemplation.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is," I murmured.

"I'll give you one guess." He unravelled his arm and traced the tip of my nose with his finger.

Of course.

"I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that."

Incensed, he glared at me. "The worst thing that the Volturi can do is kill me." He inspected my face. "But you can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."

Inside, where Edward couldn't see me, I fell into ashes.

"_You can leave me."_ Not _'You _did_ leave me,_' but _'You _can_ leave me._' As though I ever could! As though I wasn't restraining myself from taking him and running as far as the world stretched so that I could be selfish in my full and keep him for myself. He believed, he could actually fathom that somehow I would be the least bit willing to tear apart my heart and leave again. After everything that I'd done to him, his greatest worry was still losing me.

"Don't," He breathed, watching my face as I crumbled to pieces. "Please don't be sad."

"If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you." I sighed, closing my eyes and lowering my face into the wool of his jumper. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

He half-smiled, content. "Okay."

"So – since you're staying." His voice lightened in an obvious attempt at a distraction – though his voice still held tonnes of disbelief in what he was saying. "Can I have my stuff back?"

"Your things were never gone." I confessed, watching his eyes widen in immoral glee. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and it was childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets—they're all under your floorboards."

"Really?" His eyes sparkled in the dim light. "Though I think…" He stopped, his voice suddenly pensive. "I'm not sure, but I wonder if… I think I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?" Surely not that I'd secreted memories beneath his floors…?

He spoke slowly, his head tilted to the side in thought. "Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing, hoping, that you still cared whether I lived or died."

A feeling of rightness welled within me before he spoke again. "That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

The voices.

Of. Course.

Only _I_ could inflict such psyciological harm on a person so that their sanity slipped away from them the longer I was away. My suspicious about his 'cliff-diving' solidified.

"Voices?" I asked, politely, keeping the worry out of my voice.

"Not really voices." He pointed out. "Just the one." Because that made it _so_ much more better. "Yours." He admitted with a guilty look as he played with my belt-loops. "It's a long story," He brushed it off.

"I've got time." All of eternity, you might say.

"It's pretty pathetic." His cheeks heated up as a blush stormed it's way across his skin. He seemed to give in. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

"You jumped off a cliff for fun," I stated, my jaw tight.

A swallow. "Yeah. And before that, with the motorcycle –"

"Motorcycle?" I choked out.

"Oh," He bit his lip before continuing guiltily. "I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part, huh?"

"No. Alice didn't say _anything _about motorcycles."

Obviously Vampires and Werewolves clearly weren't _enough_ for Edward. He had to find the most deadly way that a _human_ could endanger their life. Exactly how many times had he nearly died before Alice had seen it?

"Well, about that…" He continued awkwardly. "See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…" He took a deep, slow, steadying breath and when he continued, the words poured out. "I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt. And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all. I always knew that you hadn't stopped … loving me." He slowed again, the last few words echoing quietly.

So while I, the more durable out of the two of us, had been handed illusions of Edward on a silver platter, Edward, the rather more breakable one, had been forced to receive the memories of me by doing _what_ exactly?!

"You … were … risking your life … to hear-"

He straightened up, cutting me off with a wave of his hand. "Hold on a second." He whispered. I could hear something brewing beneath his words. Was it … hope? "I think I'm having an epiphany here."

Thirty excruciating seconds passed by, each slower than the last, and he remained silent. Until finally his mouth fell open with a breathy "Oh!"

"Edward?" I asked, watching his face as light sparkled within his eyes again.

"Oh. Okay. I see." A calmness descended upon his feature but he didn't speak again. What could he have possibly discovered now?

"Your epiphany?" I asked, not quite sure whether I wanted to know.

"You love me." Edward's emerald eyes rounded with the words and the smile that he had yet to show me graced his mouth. Happiness shone clearly out of his face, taking my breath away.

So many times had I told him that I loved him, but never before had he truly understood, convinced he was useless. Now he knew. With those three words, he finally understood that he was my life. Every second of my existence was only for him.

"I do," I almost wept with joy. "I do," I whispered. He cupped my face and pulled me towards him, meeting my lips with a confidence that he had never shown before Neither of us doubted the other's feelings any longer as we melded together, not being able to get close enough.

I may not have deserved him, but he was mine!

Reluctantly, he released me, dragging in great gulps of oxygen, all the while beaming at me. I was speechless as he held me, cradled me to his chest.

"You love me." The words repeated in my head.

I'd been so lost without him.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I kissed his cheek before he laid his forehead to rest on mine.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was … totally useless." I admitted, remorse for what I'd put Jasper through flooding through me. "I couldn't be around my family, anybody, for months. And then when I finally managed to pull myself out of the ball I'd curled up into, Alice was so terrified that I'd hurt myself that I couldn't even track Victoria without an escort." I chuckled quietly, envisioning myself pouting at a much taller Jasper while he baby-sat me."…It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

He laughed softly. "I only heard the one voice," He said, playfully poking at my shirt.

Again, _so _much better.

I tucked myself against his side, leaning my head against him and sliding an arm around his waist as he tightly wrapped his arm around me. We walked in step as we approached the clearing.

The house, though shrouded with the dark night, was alive, as though we'd never left. Alice was playing a game of chess with Emmett in the usually unused kitchen. I could hear his growing impatience with the game and his urge to challenge tiny Alice to a game of her favourite Tag.

Carlisle was up in his office, preparing his request to apply for the still unfilled surgeon's post at the hospital. Though he would be too modest to admit it to anyone but his wife, he was confident enough in his abilities that he would be able to fill the vacant role.

Esme danced in the living room, removing all of the white sheets she had spread across the furniture for fear of dust. Jasper sat with her, sprawled across the sofa and watching a useless documentary of some kind. Rosalie hovered over him, griping at him as he flicked mindlessly from channel to channel.

"For God's sake, Jasper!" Rosalie snapped, dashing for the remote. Jasper lifted it high and she hit him, the pair wrestling on the floor for the piece of plastic.

"Go on, Rose!" Emmett cheered from his vantage point in the kitchen.

"Kick her ass, Jazz," Alice muttered, not breaking her concentration from the chess-board. Evidently my sister had not _quite_ forgiven Rosalie. "Emmett, you are the most useless person to play chess with!" She huffed, calling 'Checkmate' in a bored tone. "It's like you're not even trying to win!"

Emmett turned back to her, his neck spinning so fast that were he human it would have snapped off.

"What was that, little pixie?" He asked, getting up and cracking his knuckles.

Both Rose and Jazz ceased their own fight to watch their other halves argument.

Alice was still staring at the chess-board, though her mind was cataloguing every move Emmett was about to make. "It's just … uurgh! Do you even care about winning?"

Rose and Jazz started placing bets, each silently egging on their own partner.

"Dammit, if only Bella was here and-" Emmett threw himself at her, just as Alice slid off of her stool and hopped over the table. Emmett hit the kitchen window with a loud _CRASH!_

"Emmett!" Esme growled, dashing through to where Emmett was lying a few feet out in the garden.

Alice skipped out and joined Jasper, a sullen Rosalie handing him a hundred dollar bill.

"-The house was just getting clean again and…"

Edward's arm that grasped my shoulders clutched suddenly at me when we walked in view of the house. Adrenaline lacing his blood reminded me of why were here. His epiphany had fogged my memory, but now it returned, taunting me again.

"I'm only humouring you with this," I admitted, pointing toward the house. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too," He said, undeterred.

"They're almost here," Alice sang and Jasper flicked off the T.V. Esme turned from where she was still berating Emmett and hurried back into the living room, shutting the kitchen door behind her to hide the shattered glass.

"You can smell the human from here," Rosalie muttered to herself as she leant back against the east wall.

Jasper sat up and stretched, allowing Alice to settle in beside him. "No hints for us as to why Edward's dragging our sister over here?"

Alice shook her head "Nope." She laughed, covering her thoughts with a image of an old country western band she used to love. The lyrics grated on me as Edward and I walked up the steps and pushed open the front door. I flicked on the lights that my family had disregarded and they all convened on the sofa, watching us in anticipation.

To his credit, Edward didn't jump when Carlisle appeared at his side. "Welcome back, Edward. What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

All ears waited for the answer.

"I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

Carlisle's attention turned to me. I didn't give him any information, leaving Edward to say his piece to his own illogical undoing.

"Of course." My father gestured to the unused dining room, unable to figure out why Edward wanted to speak to us all. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"

He pulled out his usual chair at the head of the table and offered it to Edward. With a shaky breath filled with determination, he sat, his confidence not waning as my

siblings filed in.

A smug Alice sat first, to my left, her mind still playing those ridiculous songs. Jasper sat by her side, more relaxed as he realized that Alice wasn't worried about this.

Rosalie passed by and sat at the other end of the table, forcing a smile as Edward's gaze swept around the room.

Emmett sat to Rosalie's left and immediately he bit back chuckles, examining Edward's swollen lips and the still unbuttoned top button that protruded from the top of his jumper. _Yeah, He's been asleep the whole time… _He laughed and I threw one of the coasters on the table at his head. He dodged it and childishly stuck his tongue out at me.

"Children!" Esme admonished as she sat at Carlisle's side, throwing a glare at both Emmett and I.

_Yeah, Chill kid! _Emmett chortled.

"The floor is yours." Carlisle smiled at Edward, taking Esme's hand beneath the table.

I followed suit, Edward's hand almost waiting for me as I slipped my hand in his.

Jasper was the first to guess the purpose of our meeting correctly. _He wants something, doesn't he?_ He sampled his emotions, sensing the nerves steeling with firmly rooted determination. _Something you won't give him … Sex or Changing? _He caught my glare and sniggered.

"Well," Edward started, relaxing slightly. I caught Jasper's intentions and scowled at him again. He shrugged, unrepentant. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," The irritating little psychic confirmed, returning to her song with added exuberance.

"And on the way?" Edward asked.

Alice nodded. "That, too."

"_I'm debating whether to change you myself…"_

"_Do it Alice, Please! Bite me!"_

They had all been gathered around this same table when Alice had told them all about the promise she had had to make in the trade-off to save our lives. It was Carlisle's response that burned with betrayal.

"_I'm sure you'll be able to do it, Alice."_

"Good, then we're all on the same page." Edward breathed deeply, calming himself. An act that was helped along, no doubt, by Jasper's manipulations. "So, there's a problem. A big one. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check and that's something I want to avoid, for all your sakes." He grimaced. "And so, now, this involves all of you. I'm sorry about that." Here he was again, taking the blame for things that were never his fault. "And if you don't want me, I won't force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

"Let me finish, Please" Edward muttered apologetically as Esme made to assure him that that would never be the case. "You all know what I want." He looked at me, exasperated "And I'm sure you know what Bella thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. And If you decide you don't want me, then –" His face set in sturdy resolve "– I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them coming here."

Only Esme took Edward's threat seriously, the rest of my family knowing that I would never let Edward leave if that was his intention.

_He's just as manipulative as you are_, Rosalie's thoughts lingered, impressed at Edward's more conniving ways.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

_HA! Kid, he's devious!_

_Bella, you know that you can't ignore destiny._

_Oh, my son will be part of the family…_

_He doesn't know what he's leaving behind._

_You can't forego the Volturi, Bella_

"Just a minute!" I burst out, ignoring that the tallies were adding up in Edward's favour. Edward glared at me. "You invited my opinion," I reminded him, raising an eyebrow. He huffed through his nose in frustration and I stroked the back of his hand as I turned back to my family. "I have something to add before we vote. About the dangers that Edward's referring to I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

I could see Edward shaking his head out of the corner of my eye, but I carried on. "The Volturi are overconfident, they have good reason to be." I admitted. "When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I turned to both Carlisle and Edward.

Two silent answers arrived; one a curt nod, the other a barely suppressed shiver.

"Well, Demetri's a tracker. Far more advanced, more sophisticated, than James' talent was. Once he meets you, he grasps your … mental tenor, I guess you could call it, and he can find you. Anywhere you are in the world, he'll be able to lead the Volturi with him." Edward watched me, and I could almost see the conclusions drawing in his mind. "But after Aro's little experiments, well..."

"You think he won't be able to find me."

I fought back a smile as new options opened themselves to the hesitant choices of my family.. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

Jasper raised his eyebrows at me, pointing out the obvious flaw…

"That doesn't solve a thing!" Edward echoed Jasper's silent realisation. "They can still find you!"

_Have I ever told you how much I like this human? _Jasper threw at me with a smug smirk.

"-And I can take care of myself,"

Emmett may as well have read my mind. _When he finds you, we'll be waiting! _"Excellent plan, Kid!" He grinned.

I ignored the name 'Kid' for once, in favour of adding Emmett's vote to my side of the argument.

Alice, Rosalie and Esme all burst into negative points to my argument, yelling at both me and Em. Jasper, Carlisle and Edward just sat and watched.

Edward raised his voice. "All right, then. Bella has offered an alternative for you to consider." He took a deep breath then turned to face me. "Let's vote. Do you want me to join your family?"

"Not that way. You're staying human."

He nodded stiffly, unsurprised, but I could still see the pain of the rejection in his emerald eyes. "Alice?"

"Yes." Big surprise.

"Jasper?" He turned to my brother, his confidence wavering.

"Yes."_ Hell, the human's fun to have around. _Jasper shot at me before looking back to his wife. _And they can find Alice too …_

Edward's voice was quiet as he turned to the one who disliked him the most. "Rosalie?"

Rosalie hesitated, before closing her eyes briefly and saying very firmly, "No."

Edward made to pass on to Emmett but Rose lifted her hands and continued speaking. "Let me explain. I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as part of the family. It's just that," She glanced at Emmett out of the corner of her eye and a regretful _'Sorry Em' _whispered through her thoughts, "This isn't the life that I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Edward nodded patiently and turned to Emmett. Not even waiting to be asked, my brother shouted, "Hell, yeah!" Grinning from ear to ear, he winked at Edward. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

_The both of you belong together, Forever,_ my mother thought as Edward turned to her. "Yes, of course, Edward. I already think of you as part of my family."

"Thank you, Esme," Edward said, smiling softly at my mother. Everyone looked to Carlisle.

Edward's heart fell into double time.

Carlisle's voice broke the silence. "Isabella…" _He knows what's at stake and he knows what he wants. Before I've left it. It was your decision. But this affects all of us now… _He glanced at Esme, remembering her sobs when she heard that I was in Volterra.

"No!" I let go of Edward's hand and flew to my feet, my chair ricocheting off the floor as it fell. I bared my teeth at my father, my brother, my first companion … How _could_ he desert me now?

I cursed, the profanities falling from my lips made my siblings stare at me. They'd never seen me so riled.

"It's the only way that makes sense." Carlisle continued, searching for my forgiveness. "You've chosen not to live without him, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

I hissed once more at him before storming from the room, my clenched fist finding a target in the wooden stairs.

"I guess you know my vote." Carlisle's voice echoing in the silent minds of all of my family.

"Thanks," Edward murmured, his eyes locked on the doorway I'd just left through, his body leaning forward as though to follow.

I hated myself as I paced the room. Because, really, after every fight I was putting up, every curse I raged to hell and back, part of me cheered for the over-ruling that I couldn't defy. There was nothing I wanted more than to have Edward as mine forever.

Emmett tact then _really _shone through, _helping_ me as I warred with myself; _Kid, once he's a vamp too, you'll be able to relive some of this stress you've got_. I snarled at him, growling as image after perverted image flashed through his head.

Revenge in play, I stalked back through the dining room, ignoring the heads that turned to follow me as I slipped out of the side-door leading to the garage.

Alice chuckled and gave Emmett a "You should follow her," as a warning.

"Why? What's she going to-"

_CRASH!_

His jeep went flying through the garage wall, a large dent in the side that could easily be seen around the size of my right foot…

Funny, that.

"Bella! What the-" Emmett's vulgarities followed me out as I surveyed my handiwork.

"Has she nicked my M3?" Rosalie asked Alice, frantic.

"Nope, just the Jeep,"

Jasper's sniggers mixed with Rosalie's sigh of relief and Emmett's dismayed "Rose!"

Esme, glaring at Emmett and, I assumed, me through the wall, leapt up and hugged Edward, realizing what this meant.

"That's all I needed." Edward muttered as he was engulfed in Esme's arms. "Thank you. For wanting to keep me."

_I'm sorry, Bella. I tried to help. _I realised that this was Rosalie's true apology. My sister stared at Edward, wondering if he would remember that she tried to stop him.

"Thank you, Rosalie." I murmured.

_You should be thanking me too, _Alice chimed in.

I stalked toward her car, ready to send it flying out to meet Emmett's when Edward spoke up.

"Well, Alice, where do you want to do this?"

_TONIGHT?? _I stormed back into the room, everyone else's shock echoing my own.

"No! _No_! NO!" I stood over him. "Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind?"

_Tonight? I didn't see…I couldn't. Not tonight…no, _Alice's eyes fogged over, the once crystal-clear images of Edward with scarlet eyes and sparkling skin making way for cries of terror and emerald eyes, vacant of life.

Edward glared up at me as I placed a hand on both of his shoulders, barring him exit or anyone else entrance.

Alice tried to redeem herself. "I don't think I'm ready for that, Edward. Not tonight. I'll need to prepare and …"

Edward turned his head awkwardly to look Alice right in the eye. "You promised!" He reminded her.

_Yes, Alice, _You_ promised him. _You_ replanted this ridiculous notion in his head and now he wants immortality immediately. ARE YOU SO DAMN PROUD OF YOURSELF NOW, ALICE!?_

"I know, I did," She confessed, looking around the table, begging for help "But…Seriously, Edward! I don't have any idea how to not kill you."

The rest of my family watched in silence as I roared at my sister, snarling viciously at her, my control lost, their eyes darting between me, Edward, and Alice.

Edward threw whatever dregs of control I had managed to cling to with a small word. "Carlisle?"

NO! I roughly cupped Edward's face, forcing him to look at me and not appeal to anyone else.

"Be careful!" Esme hissed.

"I'm able to do it. You would be in no danger of me losing control." My father told Edward, not moving to restrain me like Jasper and Emmett had done, both my brothers standing in the wings in case my control slipped.

Unable to smile due to my grip on his face, Edward sucked in a quick breath, his eyes exultant. "Sounds good." he managed to choke out through my grasp.

I needed time to get control, to make him see some inkling of sense. Reason and logic finally invaded my mind again, returning to their allotted places and regaining the upper hand. "Hold on. It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," Edward mumbled, his jaw still in my hand. I relaxed my hand, allowing his to speak more freely.

"I can think of a few." I wasn't going to give up on this, not yet.

His face twisted in disgust. "Of course you can. Now let go of me,"

I did as he commanded, clenching my hands and thrusting them into my pockets. "In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you." I reminded the chief of police's son. " and I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them," He retorted but conceded.

"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," I said, turning to my father, in a final hope that he wouldn't betray me in this "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Edward finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

He tilted his head toward me but kept his eyes on Edward. "That's a reasonable request."

I could see how badly Edward wanted to argue his case further, but at the mention of his father, most of the fight had gone out of him. "I'll consider it." He consented.

Seizing the change in momentum as my final opportunity, I reached an hand out to Edward. "I should probably take you back home, just in case Charlie wakes up early."

"After graduation?" Edward watched Carlisle's eyes for any hint of deceit.

"You have my word."

A satisfied Edward took my hand. "Okay. You can take me home."

Without another word, I almost ran him out of the house before swinging him onto my back and running back for the quiet of his bedroom.

He would be so much harder to sway than ever before now. There must be a way. Some way! How much did he want to become a vampire?

I modified the question; Was there anything he wanted more than to become a vampire?

Maybe.

If I could find a way … there might be hope for his soul yet.

* * *

Review please all you wonderful people

XxX


	18. I Don't Need Heaven

_AN/ - Hey guys. Thankyou to all **three** of you who reviewed the last chapter._

_Please guys. There's too more chapters to go and I'm at 116. I'd _really, really, really, _like to reach that 124 mark. so please, just take a few seconds to say a few words._

_Thank you_

_

* * *

_

Edward clung tightly to me, his breathing even as we raced towards his home. We didn't speak, each of us lost in our own train of thought. But without the view of his face, I had no idea of the mood of his thoughts.

I'd failed. Failed in so many ways. I had effectively ruined Emmett's car, smashed a hole in the side of the garage and completely lost my temper, spewing profanities at anyone who had dared to cross me. I'd have liked to put my loss of courtesy down to thirst - my eyes had never been blacker - but I knew that wasn't true.

I had seen my family, my own family, as a threat. And Carlisle …

Carlisle. My father, My friend, My brother, My idol. The one man I had never contradicted, save for a ten-year rebellion period. The man who saw Edward's death as my own salvation. Edward's soon-to-be executioner.

But I couldn't hate my father. Never could I hate him. He believed that Edward had made an informed appeal and would accept his decision, whether Edward were to back out or to go through with this hideous, wonderful, plan

I shook my head, trying to dispel this misplaced feeling of joy that was welling up inside of me.

No, I didn't hate Carlisle. I hated myself.

I wanted the eternity that Carlisle was offering to Edward and I, I craved it more than anything else.

I didn't hesitate when we reached his house, crawling the side of the house as Charlie was slept still sound asleep, his heavy snores stuttering slightly as Edward got off my back and landed in the bed before settling back into a slumbering rhythm.

Once Edward was back in balance, he yanked off his sweater and kicked his shoes haphazardly towards the closet, burying himself beneath the quilt.

I paced, not able to sit still, back and forth in front of the window. My shadows cast a blurred shape on the opposite side of the room.

"Whatever it is that you're planning, it won't work." He warned me as I paced.

"Shh. I'm thinking."

He sighed and rolled onto his back, tugging the covers over his face with a disgruntled "Urgh!" I felt slightly guilty for snapping, but his soul took priority over most other things.

I was by his side in an instant, pulling the material back. Edward's face was drawn into an adorable scowl. "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand."

His bright green eyes softened and his face relaxed. "Don't do anything to stop this," He pleaded. "Please,"

"You don't know what you're doing,"

"I do!" He protested loudly before realising his father slept in the other room. He lowered his voice. "I'm staying with you. Forever."

"Forever's an awfully long time," I wrapped a lock of his messy hair around my finger. "You might change your mind,"

"Never about you," He vowed. How could_ I_ of all people have such a hold on him.

"I don't deserve you!" I told him, as loud as I dared with his father sleeping in the next room. "And you deserve more than me,"

"I think we've established exactly how well it works when we're apart," He muttered, his voice edged slightly.

"I know," I whispered, returning to his side and hiding my face in his covers. Burying my head in the sand. As usual. "I know."

"Bella, I love you. I will always love you," He placed a finger under my chin and tried to make me raise my head. Knowing he couldn't budge me even an inch without my help, I obliged, raising my head to stare at him. "And I love you enough for this."

He opened his arms for me, a gesture I had never expected to see ever again, and I crawled next to him.

"Bella, please let me do this. For you, for me, for us." His breath was hot against the back of my neck.

"You shouldn't have to. If I were human…" I trailed off. It was castles in the air.

"But you aren't," I could feel his lashes slid down my neck as he closed his eyes. "You're Bella, My Bella, and I want to spend forever with you."

"It's incredibly selfish of me to say the same,"

"Be selfish. I like Selfish Bella," I chuckled against him.

It was silent for a while as my earlier musings arrived back to me; Was there anything he wanted more than to become a vampire?

"Tell me something,"

"What?" He asked, raising his head to fully look at me again.

"If you could have anything, anything at all. What would it be?"

Not a second of contemplation crossed his face before "You."

I rolled my eyes. "You have me. Something you don't already have."

His eyebrows furrowed and he bit his lip, thought making an appearance on his silent face. "I would want…" He hesitated, his eyes fixating on a lock of my hair he had between his fingers. "Carlisle not to have to do it. I'd want you to change me."

"What would you be willing to trade for that?" I asked quietly.

His eyes widened and his breathing caught. "I…Anything,"

I smiled slightly. I knew that that wasn't true.

"Time." He cringed away from the word as though it could assault him. "Give me five years." His cream cheeks paled and he imperceptibly shook his head.

"I can't do that."

"You said anything," I reminded him.

"If I give you five years, that's more than enough time for you to find a way out of it. It's just too dangerous for me to be a human now." He forced a breath out of his nose. "No, anything but that,"

"Three years?"

"No!" He cried, then fastened his mouth shut immediately, freezing. He looked warily towards the door.

"You're okay," I murmured, monitoring Charlie's breathing. He would be asleep for at least another hour. Edward relaxed slightly.

Perhaps I'd misjudged it. Maybe it didn't really matter who it was who passed their venom into him. But then his face tightened into an emotionless mask that stabbed deep into me as I saw it. And I knew he wanted it.

"Isn't this worth anything to you at all?"

His lips twisted slightly as he spat out an irritated "Six months."

"No dice,"

"A year then. Thats my limit." He was adamant.

"At least give me two," I locked my eyes with his, breathing out my enticing venom and blowing it softly into his face.

His breathing stopped abruptly, though I could still hear his heart careening against his rib-cage. His grip loosened on me, frozen into speechlessness. I'd enticed an angel towards the seduction of hell and had no intention of letting him go. I chuckled, thinking of the repentance my soul would be doing if I ever had the chance of dying.

Unfortunately, my laugh snapped Edward back into reality with a jolt. "No. No dazzling. That's unfair!" He shook his head, clearing it of the fog he claimed I created. "I'll go as far as nineteen, but if you're staying in your teens for eternity then so am I."

"And if I told you that I wouldn't do it?" I challenged, raising my eyebrow.

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Edward bluffed. "Both Alice and Carlisle have promised. If you go back on your word, I still have options."

Though the look of determination on his face looked genuine, I could see through the pretence.

My thoughts were confirmed as he dropped his eyes and whispered softly. "But I do wish _you'd_ do it."

"And what if I told you I _can't _do it?" I looked at him in desperation. "Why must it be me to bar you from the heaven you deserve?"

"The heaven I deserve?" He raised his head, something shining in his emerald eyes. "The heaven I deserve? I don't want the heaven I deserve. I want the heaven I _choose. _The heaven where we can be together!"

"And what makes you think that I'll even get a heaven?" I cried, trying to keep my voice down so that Charlie, still sleeping lightly in the next room, couldn't hear me. "I've killed, Edward. I've lied. I've stolen, I've coveted. Why should I be allowed in?" What vampire would be granted entrance to those coveted pearly gates? "And what about you? In that first year, how do you know that I will be able to keep you away from humans? You could be denied heaven. just like me! I can't damn you like that!"

"If I'm with you for eternity that's all the heaven I need." He stared at me, the same wild desperation in his shining eyes that I knew was mirrored in my own pair. "And if we _do_ die," His tone showed how much he thought that was possible. "So long as we end up together, I don't care if it's heaven or hell!"

His heart-rate rocketed and I sighed, my arguments for almost everything going up in flames and falling back to the earth as forgotten ashes. He looked at me as I bit my lip, his heart bounding off the sides of his chest. Apparently I wasn't the only one capable of confusing the lines of murder with romance.

"Two years," I tried again. "Please?" One year wasn't nearly enough time to show him what he was missing.

He stubbornly shook his head. A flicker of something unintelligible flashed through his eyes and I watched questioningly as he opened his mouth, closed it again and then re-opened it.

"There is...one thing..." He stopped, a frown creasing his forehead. "I'll give you a year _and a half _if..." He paused again. I stared at him intrigued.

He was about to continued when a muffled grunt and cough came from across the hall. I whipped my head around, listening...

_Huh...What...Six A.M?!...Edward! _Charlie's inner monologue issued blearily through the silence as Edward collected his thoughts.

"Bella-"

"Wait!" I held up a hand. "Charlie!" I whispered. His emerald eyes widened as he too heard the creak of his father's door as it swung open.

"Would it be incredibly childish of me to hide in your closet?" I asked frantically, my traitorous hands balling into fists in Edward's shirt.

"No!" His eyes widened. "Stay. Please."

I pressed a quick kiss to his forehead and was hidden away in the closet before Charlie even opened the door with a hushed 'Always' hanging in the air behind me. I left the door cracked open and watched a light spilled into the room and Chief Swan entered the room.

"Morning Dad," Edward smiled widely, making his father jump at his son's consciousness.

"Hey Edward. I didn't know you were awake," Charlie tried to cover his surprise at finding his son smiling.

"I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." Edward lied smoothly, pushing the covers back. I frowned. He'd never been that good at lying before. _I'd _done that.

"Hold on." Charlie turned on the light, "Let's talk for a minute first." Charlie squinted in the sudden light at Edward. "You know you're in trouble."

"Yeah, I know." Edward looked at the floor, shame colouring his voice.

I just about went crazy these last three days." He shuffled his feet, recalling the speech he'd been coming up with since he'd slammed the door in my face. " I come home from Harry's _funeral_, and you're gone. Leah" I snarled at the mutt's name. "and Jake could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that they thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me any number, and you didn't bother call. I didn't know where you were or when—or if – you were coming back. Do you have any idea how… how…" He stopped, giving himself a small shake and allowing his fury to return, ten-fold. "Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

Edward sucked in a harsh breath, his eyes narrowing in determination as he sat up straighter. "I won't go."He said simple, raising his eyebrows, daring his father to challenge him.

"Now just one minute, –"

"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too—but that won't make me to go to Florida."

Charlie's anger peaked, he was hurt and frustrated, and was taking everything out on Edward even though his threat was empty. He wouldn't kick out his son. With the expression a kettle might have as it came to a boil, his unleashed his unanswered questions in one single, acid-loaded, query.

"Would you like to explain where you've been?"

"There was…an emergency." He was immediately on guard, unsure of what to say. He'd forgotten to ask Alice what to say."I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding."

His eyes were wide, begging for forgiveness, but Charlie's relenting nature towards his son had toughened up since I had last seen him.

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…"

Charlie's mouth dropped open involuntarily as he gaped at his son, and his heart stopped before beating at twice it's noraml rate. Obviously I wasn't the only one who hadn't been informed of Edward's Adrenaline-Junkie ways.

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," Edward seemed to cower away from his father, embracing himself for impact.

Charlie didn't move.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself!" Edward stumbled through his reassurance. "It was recreational. With Jake. The kids in La Push do it all the time and..." He faded away realising that his father hadn't listened to a word other than 'Kill Myself'.

"Were you trying to kill yourself" He whispered, images of a very different Edward standing high above the ocean. His expression was blank as he threw himself into the relentless waves below, disappearing from view.

"No, of course not. It was nothing. Just having fun with Jake"

Charlie didn't believe a word of it. But misguided guilt gave way to anger as Charlie came to his conclusion. "What's it to Isabella Cullen anyway?" His voice strangled around my name. "All this time, she's just left you without a word –"

"Another misunderstanding." Edward's voice was decepetively calm as he ignore the way his father spat my name, though I could see his hands balling into fists beneath the covers

Charlie's disgust grew. "So is she back then?" he growled.

Edward frowned, looking uncertain. The simple distrust in his face made my newly reformed heart ache. "I think they all are. I'm not sure what the exact plan is."

"You should stay away from her!" Charlie spat. "From all of them! I don't want you to ever see her again! She's rotten for you and I don't trust her." He ground his teeth together. "I won't let you get messed up again."

Edward's eyes tightened and he stared at his father with a look the phrase 'if looks could kill' was invented for. "Fine!" He snapped at the Chief of Police, defiance ringing clear through his voice.

But Charlie either didn't, or refused to hear it. "Oh. I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am. I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"His voice was like ice and I could see the blood drain away from Charlie's face. I reached into my pocket to call Carlisle before remembering my cell's fate. I grimaced and hoped that I wouldn't have to give away my hiding place to perform emergency CPR.

Edward's face softened as he watched Charlie and remorse shone through his eyes. His steadfasty determination now coloured with concern. "Dad, I don't want to move out." He assured his father. "And I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this, please." But again he switched, resoluteness etched into every line on his face. "But you're going to have to ease up on Bella if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair, Edward." He frowned, shaking his head. "You know that I want you to stay here."

"Then be nice to Bella, because she's going to be where I am." I beamed at the conviction in his voice.

"Not under my roof!" Charlie fumed, the colour returning to his face ten-fold.

Edward stood and stooped to pick up a can of deodorant from the floor, throwing it onto his bed. When he stood, he was taller than Charlie, a fact he used to his advantage. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight—or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Bella and I are sort of a package deal."

"Edward–"

"Think it over." Stubborn as ever, he started about the room, fetching a shirt from his drawers and adding it to the growing pile on his bed. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower."

Fuming, Charlie stormed out of the room with a furious "Who the hell's in charge in this house" ringing in his wake. Edward closed his eyes for a second at the slamming of his bedroom door before he carried on.

Rather than going to him, I sat in the chair across the room, watching him as he moved about. He frowned concernedly in my direction. "Sorry about that!"

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse." I admitted, sighing at the newest wall I had aided and abetted to construct between him and Charlie "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."

"Don't worry about it. I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that." He kept his voice low as he collected the final garments of clothing for the day. "Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" He quirked an eyebrow at me, grinning.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides," A self-satisfied smiled spread across his face. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

"So eager for eternal damnation," I said, defeated, tapping my fingers along the chair's arms.

"You know you don't really believe that." He looked back at me from where he was pulling some shoes out of the cloest I had just vacated.

"Oh, don't I?" I snapped, not at all liking the prospect of his next words, considering the smug tone in his voice.

"No. You don't. If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't." The sly grin increased "You said 'Amazing. Carlisle was right.' There's hope in you, after all."

All I could do was stare, my mouth open the tiniest fraction. Hope...the word seemed foreign in my mind. I didn't let myself fall into the trap that the tiny word brought with it, but I could see it in his eyes.

"I-"

He ducked, bending almost double to reach me on the chair, and cut me off with a quick kiss. "So why don't we just be hopeful, okay?" He offered, pulling me to my feet. "Because I don't need heaven." He cradled my face in his hands. "Just you."

"Forever," I whispered.

He nodded. "Forever,"

* * *

Please, all of you, take a few seconds to review.

XxX


	19. Fitting Back Into Place

Hey! Big kisses and hugs to every single _one _of you who reviewed! I have not only reached, but _beaten _my target. So thank you all, so so much.

So, here it is, the Penultimate Chapter. _Isn't that exciting? :D_

Here you have it, The next installment of My Shattered Heart. !

* * *

Edward collected a few items of clothing and a towel that hung on the edge of his chair and headed for the door, and the shower he had mentioned to Charlie. He reached the door and tugged it open, his eyes darting back to me just before the door swung closed, leaving me alone. I heard him padding along the floor until the unmistakable crunch of flesh hitting a solid surface and Edward's groan. I stood, ready to run to his side just in case when the musical sound of his velvety, uninhibited laugh rang through the house as he locked the bathroom, turning on the water.

The water beat down on the plastic of the shower frame and I stared around the room, trying to occupy myself in the vacancy of it. His books were gone, his C.D's, his photos…everything that had been Edward was gone. I eyed the abandoned motorcycle manual in distaste, now knowing what he had precisely used that for.

But, however empty his room was, the floorboards were a different matter. I fell to one knee by the squeaking wooden plank and prised it open. Edward's missing belongings lay under a thin layer of dust, one that was easily blown away as I lifted everything out of the gap and onto Edward's still unmade bed.

Through the breaking dawn, a flurry of voices made themselves known to me, interrupting my careful cataloguing of all of Edward's thrown-out possessions.

_Bella? _The collective group called to me and Alice's head appeared at the window.

"Bella, we want to talk to you," She smiled at me, her head peering in through the window. "Hmmm, it's a lot emptier than I saw…"

I hesitated, turning half-way back to the door Edward had exited by.

"C'mon, kid, you need to hunt!" Emmett yelled from the ground, his words igniting the burn that had thus far been smouldering below the surface.

"You'll be back before he's even near finishing," Alice assured me, dropping to the ground with a soft thump.

A different woman's words interrupted my decision making.

_Isabella Cullen, your family is here to see you and there's a few deer in the trees behind us. Don't make me come up there. _Esme's thoughts rang clearly from her space on the ground beneath Edward's window and the threat in her thoughts was clearly only a small ploy to get me to agree. _When did you last hunt?_

My black eyes answered her as she took Alice's place at the window.

Again I stared back at where Edward was taking his shower. He was expecting me to stay, I couldn't leave him now…

"You'll be back before he's finished," Alice repeated, showing me her view of the herbivores only a few feet away. "We'll watch him while you feed…"

Guilt stemming through me like a carnivorous flower, I leapt to the ground. I had so much to apologise to Edward for … I hadn't counted on my leaving so soon being added to the already lengthy list. Though it was necessity for me to leave for, what I now considered to be, such a unimportant task, it was part of what I am. What Edward would someday be.

I sprinted into the trees, hoping to make quick work of this hunt, and crouched, letting the human disguise fall easily from my skin as I growled and lunged through the forest. I caught sight of the buck's pulse racing through his fur-covered veins and pounced, sinking my teeth into the mass of fur.

I forced myself to gulp down the blood, so bland and insipid compared to the scent I had been curled against for hours, ending the animal's life before I threw him to the ground. The blood in my system felt good, quenching the thirst that I hadn't realised had been steadily growing the longer I stayed with Edward.

The one deer wasn't enough and, seizing my advantage as the higher predator, I jumped from the dead animal to the doe who had frozen in fright, snapping her neck and dragging her throat to my mouth as I swallowed mouthful after mouthful of fresh, warm blood.

"Better?" Emmett's voice asked from behind me and I whirled in defence. "Whoa, kid, easy," He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. I straightened up and hauled the two dead mammals towards the tree he had lifted from it's roots, throwing them under the tree before he threw it back, crushing them in a second and disposing of any evidence.

I looked down at myself, slightly embarrassed over my loss of composure. I was ridiculously messy, blood splattered across my jumper and torn into by the deer's antlers. I ran a hand through my hair as Emmett and I wandered out of the forest in silence.

Alice danced forwards as we returned, a fresh sweater in her hands. "Thanks Alice," I smiled, the peace in my smile a welcome friend. I slid the tattered item of clothing off and threw it in the bin at the side of the Swan's house, pulling on the other immediately after.

I wiped away the last vestiges of blood that clung to my impermeable skin and stood under Edward's window, taking a place in the circle my family had unconsciously formed.

"I'm so glad you're home, Bella," Esme was the first to break the silence, leaving her place at Carlisle's side and capturing me in a sweet-smelling hug. I clung to her, regressing to a child hanging onto her mother for love and support.

"Mom…" I started, whispering into her shoulder. But the words I wanted to say failed me, sticking in my throat as I felt my eyes sting and a lump form in my chest.

"It's okay," She soothed me as I broke into shakes of tears that refused to fall.

"You're back, you're safe."

"I'm sorry," With my composure under control I pulled back, facing all of my family as I stared at each of them in turn. My now honey eyes rested on Carlisle. I could read in Esme's mind the state my father had been in once I had taken Edward from the house. He had initially refused to accompany the others for fear of unintentionally antagonising me until Esme had told him he was being stupid. Backed up by Alice, of course.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry," I rushed through my words. "There's no excuse for how I behaved towards you. I was angry and I forgot myself. I'm sorry," I bowed my head in remorse.

"Isabella," I tensed hearing my full name and raised my eyes to meet Carlisle's. "We've all felt like that at one time about our mates. I don't expect you to apologise for every single outburst you have to protect him."

"But…" His unconditional love and acceptance, despite of everything I'd done stunned me into silence.

With shining eyes, he smiled at me._ We've been together for years Bella. I'm always going to be here for you. _

"You said that this was between Edward and I," I reminded him, turning away from to outburst and to the source of it. "You told him that you wouldn't do anything without my consent." The betrayal still stung.

"Yes and we've all seen how well that turned out to be," Alice rolled her eyes, her bluntness hitting me like a high-speed train. "Sorry," She added contritely as I stared at her.

"I've been re-thinking everything since you left," Carlisle drew my attention back to him. "I never gave you a choice to this life," My face when I stormed out of his life the night I left to embrace my true nature flashed in his head. "I never gave you the choice to die, either." _It's Edward's right to choose, versus his right to live._

The words echoed through Carlisle's conflicted thoughts and I frowned, considering them.

"Bella," Alice snapped me out of my philosophical wonderings. Her eyes were a few tones darker than mine. Obviously she had hunted a few minutes before the family left the house in search of me. "I don't need my visions to see that you and Edward must be together." She breathed heavily, and rather unnecessarily, before her eyes locked with mine. _But will immortality join you, or death?_

"I'm sorry, Bella, but you've tried to make the decision for the both of you. And the choice had already cost you both,"

Alice's head projected her memories to me as our eyes stayed focussed on one another.

…"_Alice? Is that really you?!"_

…_Edward laughed hysterically "That was never the point was it?"_

…"_Don't go Alice," The blood drained away from his face. "Please don't leave me,"_

…"_You look like hell, Edward."_

"_I drowned today."_

"_No, it goes deeper than that. You're a mess."_

"_I'm doing the best I can! It hasn't been easy! I'm working on it!"_

…"_Could you stay? Please? Just for a little while. I've missed you so much,"_

…"_What are we going to do with you?"_

"_I don't know. I have been trying my hardest, though."_

"_I believe you."_

"Stop it, please," I whispered, unable to bear the dullness that was present in Edward's eyes, the flatness of his voice, the emptiness…

"I'm not punishing you, Bella," Alice said, apologetically. "But you were no better. Can you see it now? Neither of you is right without the other." _We only want you to be happy._

"I know," I looked into my sister's eyes, unblinking, hoping she would see the true conviction in my own pair. "I'm not leaving again. Ever." I raised my eyes to the window. "I doubt I ever could,"

The neighbourhood was slowly beginning to wake as we stood on the empty drive-way, talking about anything and everything. Things I had so missed while I was away; Emmett's hunting tales which he delighted in telling me, Rosalie and I talking about the latest car to be released and Alice not-so subtly hinting at the Porsche I had promised her.

But soon I heard the water in the house switch off. I tensed, feeling like electricity was racing through my dormant heart. I heard the sound of two feet hit the floor and a towel being pulled off of a rail. Emmett laughed at me as I edged instinctively towards the wall.

"Charlie'll forgive me tomorrow," Alice told me happily, as Edward's towel dropped to the floor again and I heard him pulling on clothes. "You know he'll never forgive you, though,"

I sighed, concealing my wearied laugh at Alice's hurried words. "Has he forgiven Edward?"

"Before he was even asleep. But I doubt we'll be seeing much of him outside of this house,"

"We should go." Carlisle placed an arm around his wife. "Edward's nearly finished."

"Charlie's jut trying to protect his son," Esme reminded me. _He loves Edward too._

They all sped away, leaving me to climb the wall and slip back into Edward's room. I sprawled on his bed, waiting for him ,and in under fifteen seconds he reappeared. His damp, messy hair was as chaotic as usual and the few beads of cooling water that ran down his neck disappeared into his t-shirt, darkening the material.

A new hunger, one I hadn't yet quenched, rose within me and I giggled as he greeted me with a soft kiss and lay next to me.

"Hello again," He murmured, pressing his lips to my throat. His heart pounded almost deafeningly as we kissed.

Charlie's footsteps outside the door brought our reunion to an end just as Edward's new shirt began to crumple and he dipped his head lower.

"You finished in the bathroom?" Edward's head shot up at his father's voice, his breath catching in his throat. I barely stifled my giggle.

A very guilty sounding "Yeah...Don't worry, I'm done," called back as Edward still lay frozen against my shaking body. I tried to muffle my laughter against his chest.

I heard the lock turn on the bathroom door and fought to compose myself.

"I'm glad you thought that was fun-" Edward stopped as he looked at my eyes, the smile dying on his lips. "Your eyes…" He whispered, as his own pair widened in terror.

His sudden panic stole my ability to breathe. "A deer right outside your house. I wasn't even away for five minutes"

"I didn't even realise you'd left." The broken whisper cut me through, piercing my heart.

I'd done it again. I'd left. Though it was only for a moment, he had had no idea of my leaving. In his eyes, I could leave just that easily again…

"I'm so sorry, I thought that-"

"No, no. It's okay." He pressed his forehead to mine, breathing deeply. "I'm fine," He finally said with a little more sincerity.

"I shouldn't have left."

"Don't be ridiculous." He shook his head before smiling impishly. "It's not like you could join me in the shower."

"Don't tempt me," I murmured, enjoying it entirely too much when his heart skipped a beat. "I shouldn't have left," I admitted, resting my head against his chest.

"Just…Let me know, please. Next time,"

"I promise,"

"Edward!" Charlie had finished in the bathroom. "Downstairs!"

"Go," Reluctantly I disentangled myself but kept a hold of his hand. "Charlie's got his punishment ready,"

"Okay," He sighed deeply, resigning himself to his fate. "I'll…See you at school?"

I hated the uncertainty that tainted his voice, the way his eyes dipped to the ground and his body automatically locked down, bracing himself against any rejection he thought me capable of stabbing into him.

"I wish I could see you sooner," I hugged him as hard as I dared, trying to convey to him that I was never leaving again. "My chest hurts just thinking about being away from you,"

"It's just an hour…" He was unconvincing as he tried to persuade the both of us.

"I won't be far,"

"I love you," Edward's lips pressed briefly against mine before the door swung open and closed behind him.

I leapt back out of the window, landing without a sound. I measured my footsteps to match Edwards as I slipped around the back of the house and made my way to the shadowed trees outside of the kitchen window, a place I suspected would soon become a regular haunt of mine.

I arrived there half a second before Edward swung the door open. Chief Swan was sitting in the chair facing away from my vantage spot, watching the door as his son entered with an anxious expression hidden just below a calm surface appearance

"Hey Dad," Edward muttered, his eyes set on the floor, sitting down opposite his father. Charlie's thoughts bristled slightly as he noticed the differences in Edward's face as he reached for the coffee.

"Here," Charlie grunted, shoving a piece of crisp paper towards Edward. Edward picked it up and examined it. "It's a note. For school. They'll need an explanation for why you were away."

Edward slid the note in his pocket. "Thanks,"

Chief Swan snorted. "Don't thank me. As of now, you're grounded."

Edward nodded, clearly having decided not to argue. "What about work? Mrs Newton-"

"School and work. That's all you're leaving the house for."

"Anything else?"

"Yes." Charlie settled himself into his seat, pleased with his next condition. "Isabella is not allowed in the house…without" He added when Edward started to protest. "Without my being here. Understand?"

"That's … that's completely irrational." Edward spluttered, his coffee still lying abandoned on the side. "I won't be able to see her until seven o'clock."

"It's not that long." Edward's face matched my own. A single minute was too long. "And it won't be at seven. I'm taking work off early. I'll be here when you arrive home from school. But I expect you to spend a few hours doing your homework first. She can come at five"

Edward slumped back in his seat, defeated. He dragged the coffee cup to him and took a swig.

"You disappeared, Edward," Charlie sighed. "You left no note, no phone number to call. I didn't know what to think." He drank heavily from his own mug. "And then you arrive back here unconscious and her with you…"

"Dad, I-"

"And then you tell me that you've been jumping off of cliffs during the time I thought you were safe!"

"Cliff-Diving, Dad!" Straightening up, Edward's endearing kitten anger flared up. "Jake took me," The falter in his voice proving the lie was unnoticed by his still fuming father.

"Where were you anyway?" Charlie stood and paced, his eyes moving anywhere around the room but at Edward.

"I told you, somewhere in L.A," This time Edward's lie held more conviction. "Alice drove, I'm not sure where it was,"

"You drove all the way to L.A?" Charlie scoffed and shoved his empty mug in the sink. "And _Isabella_ couldn't even handle a single phone-call to you?"

"She called! _Leah_ spoke to her," Edward's voice swam with the same venom around the mutt's name as Charlie's did around mine.

"Leah?" Charlie's mind flooded with a diamond clear memory of the mongrel's face.

_I don't know where he's gone Charlie. Cullen took him somewhere. C'mon Jacob_. The voice of Leah Clearwater was eclipsed by Charlie's own inner monologue yelling a loud _'SHE LIED!'_

"But still you run to her without a seconds hesitation!" Charlie continued ranting.

"What would you have done?!" Edward was standing now too. "She thought I was _dead_!"

"She left you, Edward"

"She didn't want to leave!" Edward's eyes narrowed and his glare was like ice towards his father. "It was just as hard on her as it was on me." I smiled slightly at the utter confidence within Edward's words.

"I'm sure," Charlie sneered.

My chest faltered and I clamped a hand against the pine tree nearest to me as a barrage of memories streamed free from Chief Swan's mind and hit me with the force of bricks.

"_Edward?" Charlie asked as his son made his way down the stairs. Edward didn't look up, no sign of recognition on his face as he carried the bin from his room down the stairs. A quick look inside showed Charlie a mass of broken metal; C.D's shattered against the plastic._

_A few beads of blood pooled at the tips of Edward's fingers and Charlie's eyes stared at them while they dripped slowly to the ground and Edward made his way outside. _

_A heavy crash sounded and Charlie raced out of the door. Edward looked up in surprise at his father's presence before looking away in disinterest and starting the engine to his car._

_He pulled out and drove away, leaving a pile of distorted metal in the bottom of the trash can._

…"_Edward?" No response as Edward climbed the stairs to his room, leaving his bag hooked on the stairs._

…"_Edward?" Nothing. Edward looked up in indifference before turning back to the food he was chasing around his plate, the fork yet to reach his mouth as Charlie finished off his own meal._

…"_Edward?" Total apathy adorned Edward's face as he looked away from the kitchen window to where Charlie stood at the kitchen door. He blinked slowly before turning back to face the woods, the blanket of green smeared with the gushing rain._

…"_Edward." Charlie wept silently against the closed door of Edward's room, his son's screams piercing the night. He let the tears fall as Edward yelled out in anguish._

"_Bella!"_

Charlie watched his son as I attempted to regain myself. My eyes stung as I slumped back against the tree, my view of the battling, oblivious, pair thankfully not obstructed.

"Believe what you want, Dad," Edward said coolly, unaware of the onslaught I had just received. "But it won't stop me from seeing her,"

"What happened to Leah?" How many times could Charlie unintentionally cut me to pieces.

Edward's glare hardened. "She was a friend." As he looked away, Charlie realized that Edward had effectively slammed a door on that part of the conversation.

"Fine, I won't say anymore about it," Charlie conceded, backing off the smallest amount. "About any of it." He slammed his chair beneath the table, the only outlet for his frustration, and headed for the living room. He paused at the doorway and spoke to the skirting board. "One last thing. Your curfew is nine o'clock."

Edward stood frozen as his father banged the door behind him, the creaking of the hinges the only sign that Charlie was still silently seething. "Right." He murmured to the empty room, hanging his head. "Right."

Shaking himself, he moved to the refrigerator, pulling out a carton of juice, some eggs and setting about making himself some breakfast.

He was just clearing away the final remains of his meal when Charlie re-entered the room, his police hat resting between his hands. "Hungry today?" He asked his son curtly as Edward moved to the sink.

"Yes," Edward answered quietly, turning the tap and keeping his back to Charlie. His emerald eyes watched the trees. Did he suspect that I was here?

Charlie's barely supressed rage nearly bubbled to the surface as he realized that Edward's returning appetite was because of my return. "That's good." He smiled weakly at his son's back. "You haven't been eating enough."

Edward looked back over his shoulder and nodded curtly, making Charlie feel all the more guilty. But, sadly, not enough to relinquish his condemnation. "I'm going then. I'll be here when you get back." The subtle warning hung in the air as Chief Swan bustled his way out of the house.

Mumbling something about accepting his sentence, Edward snatched up his keys from the hook and pulled his school-bag off the stairs, following his father's footsteps out of the house.

As he backed out of the driveway, I slipped out of the trees, watching as the red truck turned the corner. Barely seven seconds managed to pass before Alice pulled violently up into his spot, the breaks squeaking as she shifted from seventy to zero in two seconds. She rolled down the windows of my Volvo, grinning at me.

"Esme sent this," She smirked puckishly as she tossed me a small silver phone. "Don't lose this one," She admonished sternly, still contorting her mouth into a manically happy smile. I'm sure that my grin matched hers as we passed through the town, meeting the adult's traffic. I could detect no teenage minds as we manouvered our way through the series of traffic-lights that broke up Forks' streets. They were all more than likely already at the school. _Dammit._ We'd be making something of an entrance.

Throughout the rest of the journey I kept my eyes firmly secured to the roaring truck that was always a street ahead of us, peering into the minds of Edward's traffic neighbors.

"Relax Bella," Alice snickered as I tapped repeatedly on the dashboard in frustration. "He can't get in trouble in the seven minutes you've got left to be away from him,"

"Shut up," I growled and continued following Edward.

"Edward!" I could hear Ben Cheney's voice as soon as the thunderous groanings of Edward's truck cut out as he arrived in the lot and we, annoyingly, sat still in traffic. I concentrated on his thoughts, watching as Edward practically jumped out of his truck and beamed at him.

"Hi Ben," _Huh?_ Ben's confused thoughts practically bellowed in my ears, joined soon by Angela Weber's as she joined her boyfriend. _He looks ... happy?_

"Where were you?" Angela asked in astonishment, moving forward to hug Edward.

Edward opened his mouth to answer just as we entered the lot. Angela held up a hand to stop him and watched Alice and I as we sped through the rows of cars. "Is that-" She raised her eyes to look at Edward. But he wasn't looking at her.

_Is that the Cullen's?_

_What are they doing here?_

_Are they visiting?_

His face broke out in a glorious grin as Alice pulled into the empty space next to him. Though the whispers that were in my head slowly made their way to people's lips and the rumours began to fly, I ignored the torrent of thoughts and left the car.

"Hey," He murmured before bending slightly to press his lips to mine. "Missed you,"

"Missed you too," I wrapped an arm around his waist as he gave Alice a quick hug.

"It's been one hour, guys," Alice rolled her eyes before releasing Edward and handing me my bag. "You forgot this _in your hurry_," She smirked as I pulled it over my shoulder.

"Bella, Alice. It's good...to see you again." Angela's warm welcome stuttered slightly as Alice gave her a large toothy grin before she immediately felt guilty for what was perfectly normal for any human.

"Thanks Angela, it's good to see you too," My sister chirped, still grinning so widely that it boarded on the verge of psychotic.

Ben put an arm around his girlfriend, his eyes concentrating on Edward's face. Searching silently through his thoughts, I could see the friendship that he and Edward had struck up during our absence. Concern coloured his mind as his gaze moved to my face. _Is she here to stay? _A small flicker of Edward's almost catatonic face stirred at the edges of his mind before it died again. "What is it that brings you back?" he asked politely, a hint of caution hidden in his words.

"I'd like to know that too," A nasally voice burst in on our conversation. I gritted my teeth slightly before looking to where Jessica and Mike stood a few feet away. Jessica flicked her dark curly hair behind her before fixing a glare on me. "_Well_?"

Alice answered before either Edward or I could. "We moved down south because of Carlisle. There was some talk of him becoming the new Dean of Medicine in L.A so he needed to work there for a while to see if he would get it we moved to give him the opportunity." The humans watched her with wide eyes, enraptured with her fabrication, even Edward. "But Esme's never liked the big cities. Carlisle saw how miserable she was and, when his trial was up, he turned down the offer. And since the hospital here still hadn't filled his space, we returned to Forks."

"Well I contacted Edward, telling him that we were coming back and he offered to come up and help us pack." Alice fiddled with the leather strap on her bag. "Edward forgot to tell Chief Swan. And, well, things got a little out of hand."

"It was just a misunderstanding, that's all." Edward intervened, glancing at Jessica's scorning face.

One question ricocheted around the sneering girl's mind for a few seconds before she voiced it. "Why didn't you stay in touch?"

I concentrated on wording my answer very carefully. "I didn't know whether we were coming back. I wanted to let Edward move on. It wouldn't have been fair to lead him on if we were never going to see each other again."

"Bella was the other reason we came back. She was miserable the whole time and we barely saw her. She locked herself away,"

Jessica sneered at me before turning and stalking away to where Lauren Mallory stood waiting.

"Oh joy," She hissed. "Bella's back,"

Angela, however, had the opposite reaction and sighed, smiling softly as she clutched the tiniest bit tighter onto Ben's hand. "You're together again, though, right?"

Edward's face almost glowed with happiness. "Definitely."

That was the most questioning we received all day, but the whispers still surged around us in a symphony of suspicions as we moved around the school, barely leaving each other's side. But, as the sun moved closer to the earth and the school day drew to a close, some small sense of nomality rested over Forks High.

But the ordinarity came to an abrupt halt as Edward released me and pulled away, his truck starting with a hiccuping groan.

"I'll see you later, right?" He asked through the open window.

"I'll be at the door as soon as I'm permitted to," I grinned as he nodded, accepting my words without argument. How could I deserve such an angel as this?

I felt an uncomfortable itching along the tips of my fingers as I sat on my long-unused couch at home, counting down every second until the hands on the plastic clock on the opposite wall struck five.

It was just when the clock made it's sluggish way towards ten to five that Alice whirled into the room, her eyes wide and staring. She couldn't see me as she stared into a time her body had yet to reach. I frowned at the blurs of colour that oppressed her vision.

"Alice-"

"I can't see him!" She whispered, her eyes refocusing and setting on me in blind panic. "Edward's gone,"

I was setting the keys into the ignition before she had even finished talking. My foot almost snapped the pedal as I slammed it down, racing down the long drive back towards Forks.

Small tendrils of smoke unfurled from my bonnet as I pulled up in front of Edward's house and made to leap out. I froze as I heard a voice from behind Chief Swan's walls.

"I don't care, Edward. I want to see my best friend,"

The stench hit me seconds after the words. _Werewolf._

Immediately, I pulled my new phone and dialed frantically, having to take great care not to destroy this one too.

Two monotonous drills of the dial tone later and Edward's voice was answering. "Hello?"

"Edward..." I kept my voice calm. "Care to explain to me why Alice can no longer see your future?"

"You're here, aren't you?" He was resigned as his face appeared at the window. "If you're coming in, please don't kill him,"

"I'll try." I hung up and exited the car. Ensuring that I was undetected, I raced to the door as Edward opened it. Despite the anxiety that was leaking through me, I tugged on his jacket and captured his lips

"Hello," He smiled, entwining my hand with his.

"Edward?" A deep voice called through from the kitchen, the stench worse in the confines of the house than it had been outside. I hissed.

"Behave," Edward pleaded, his hand tightening on mine. "Please?"

How could I argue when he asked me with such a face?

Edward saw the reluctant agreement etched onto my face and grinned, pulling me after him into the small kitchen.

I wrinkled my nose, pursing my lips as I rounded the corner. Sitting in the wooden seat that Chief Swan usually accommodated, was the Quileute who was befouling my nose. Jacob Black.

"Black." I nodded, leaning against the door frame, Edward at my side.

"Cullen." He folded his arms across his bare chest, standing. He was an impressive height, taller than Edward who towered above me. "You're back."

It wasn't a question, but I answered anyway. "Yes. For good."

His lip curled in distaste. "_Really?"_

"Yes." I nodded curtly. "Really."

"Guys-" Edward started, before I cut him off.

"Why are you here?" I asked, passing off the curiosity as an insult to the mongrel."Alice told me that you and your friend had left,"

"Alice? Is that the small leech?" Jacob leant back against the kitchen counter, images of Alice's contemptuous expression flicking through his mind. _As soon as you take the dog out. _She sneered from his memories.

"My sister," I nodded, granting him a small piece of information. "But that doesn't answer my question,"

"I thought you said she could read minds?" Black appealed to Edward, and uncomfortable redness rising beneath his copper skin.

"I can. But only what you're thinking at the time."

"I..." He clenched his jaw and stared at the floor as though Michaelangelo's David was sculptured into it. "I came to talk to Edward." He muttered through gritted teeth, releasing a heavy sigh. "I...don't...care whether you're here or not. Leah can think what she wants, but I want my best friend back."

I frowned. "Really? This isn't your pack's plan to 'spy on the opposition', for lack of a better phrase?"

"What?!" He looked away from the floor, glaring at me. "Of course not! I wouldn't-!" His hands shook slightly and his frame shook as tremours coursed along his skin. His pupils began to dialate...

"Jake?" Edward watched the teen wolf as his bones began to crack. "Jake?"

I took Edward by the hand and pulled him behind me as Jacob Black shook violently.

"No!" He growled, to himself rather than either of us. "No! I won't!" Jacob clenched his fists, his mind reeling back into itself as he fought to keep his humanity. _"No!"_

I watched in incredulity as the werewolf fell forwards, dropping to his hands and knees and, incredibly, retaining his human form.

"Jake," Edward knelt by the heavily panting boy and I, too, crouched by the Quileute as the shaking subsided and he fell to the ground, his arms giving up.

"I'm fine," He mumbled into the false plastic as he struggled to his feet. "Seriously, Edward, I'm okay."

"You...You stopped," I babbled, frowning at him in disbelief. "I...I've never seen anything like it. Not even Ephraim managed that."

"I'm the only one. None of the other's can." He grinned weakly, but proudly as he stood again before realising who he was grinning at and wiping his face clean of emotions. "So?" He asked once he had control of the stability of his balance.

"So...What?" I asked.

"I want to see my best friend. Charlie's cool with it. Are you?"

I pursed my lips. "You held yourself together." I noted. "You kept your temper." I entwined my hand with Edward's again. "And Edward cares about you," I took a deep breath. "Just you?" I confirmed.

"Yes." I saw him shoot a glance at Edward but it was apparent that this had already been a topic of discussion between the pair. "None of the other's know, but I doubt Leah'll be anywhere near Forks now that _you're _back,"

"I don't want to regret this." I took a deep breath and held out my hand to him. "If he has a single scratch on him," I hissed as Jacob shook my hand with a firm grip. "You'll be running around with three legs."

"Bring it on!" Jacob laughed, releasing my hand.

The doorbell rang for a millisecond before I heard the hinges creak and the familiar sound of the lock being picked

"_Bella!" _Alice's frantic voice called through the house, but footsteps that were far too heavy for her slight frame hit the wooden floor.

"In here," I called and both Alice and Emmett rounded the corner.

"What was-" Alice ground to a halt as she saw Jacob standing at mine and Edward's side.

"Hey kid!" Emmett grinned, waving jovially at Edward.

"Em," Edward nodded as Alice crossed to my side.

"Isabella Cullen-" She raised her tiny hand and slapped my arm, repeating the motion again and again, backing me up against the kitchen counter.

"Ow! Hey! Alice! Quit it!"

"Do you have any idea how worried I was. First Edward disappeared and then you! What was I supposed to think?" She snarled, as Emmett watched in amusement at my attempts to ward off the pixie-esque vampire.

"Ow! Alice! Okay, I'm sorry! I should have called!"

"Damn right you should have!"

A deep chuckle resonated through the room and my head whipped to Jacob. He was laughing quietly watching us. _They act so...human?_

"C'mon Al," Emmett laughed, booming over the quiluete's quiet chuckle. "She doesn't need help."

"I'll see you out," I offered, letting go of Edward's hand and heading out of the kitchen.

"So, kid," Emmett grinned, resting a gigantic arm across my shoulders as we headed into the yard, Alice walking ahead. "What's with the werewolf?"

"Black has decided that he doesn't care. He wants to see Edward."

"And what about that girl? Clearwater?"

I looked at him and smirked, revealing a razor-sharp cuspid, laughing softly. "What do you think?"

* * *

Thankyou again for helping me reach my target, but still...

Please Review?

XxX


	20. Epilogue

_Well, Ladies and Gents, this is it. The race line I've been hurtling towards (with many bumps and breaks) has finally been reached. So, please, take your seats and read through Isabella Cullen's final words of My Shattered Heart._

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_

Epilogue.

Normality. I breathed the word in like oxygen. After a few days back in Forks, the gossip-mongers had lost interest in out arrival and, save for a few cursory glances and wandering thoughts, all of which were silenced quite efficiently once the perpetrator was on the receiving end of my glare

But now something was different. Though the routine we held was almost exactly the same as before – save for Charlie's nightly 'It's nine o'clock' – there was an unmentioned presence hanging in the air between us. It neither hindered or impeded our affections, yet we could both sense it.

I had a name for it. Approximately a week after our sudden return, the occasional night-time mumblings of 'Jane...sadistic bitch' and 'Go faster...the sun' dissipated into reverent whispers of my name. And, punctuating these moments, fell from his lips a small, yet monumentally important word; Leah.

Leah Clearwater.

She haunted his nightly imaginations, this werewolf who had been attempting to worm her way into Edward's heart while it was already riddled with holes, this _mongrel _stalked the edges of Edward's consciousness, biting out at me in the middle of the night.

"Lee, you promised...friends no matter wha-" He murmured nightly, his hands balling into fists under his sheets. Each time his forehead creased into a delicate frown which I immediately hastened to kiss away. Jolts of smug satisfaction ran through me as he breathed in my scent every time and, with a hushed calling of my name, allowed the caged thoughts of the werewolf to be locked away for another night.

But then, a careless comment from Charlie, "Have you even tried to call her?" set into motions wheels that I was fighting to keep still.

"Hello? Sue? Is Leah there?"

"_Edward!_" The startled voice of the deceased Quileute elder's wife had halted Edward as he paced the small Swan kitchen.

"Yes. Is she there?" I'd turned away from him, my hidden vantage point close enough to see the lines of hope across his face. Far too close.

"_She's patrolling, Edward._" Came the short reply before the dialing tone had rang through the plastic phone.

Edward had hung up with a sigh. He'd stared at the clock for a few seconds before, with a fit of rage I'd never _once_ seen in him, lashed out and slammed his fist into the plaster by the phone, cursing loudly.

I'd heard the grotesque tearing of tender flesh, looking up again to see him stare down at his knuckles with a mixture of disinterest and regret. He'd headed to the first-aid cabinet and slowly wrapped a bandage around his knuckles, all the while staring at the clock as it counted towards five o'clock.

He never mentioned the phone-call. Or the bandage.

And I didn't ask.

More phone-calls followed through the passing weeks, each ending with a curt 'She's asleep' or 'She's out'. Each one dampening Edward's spirits. Every time he headed towards the phone again the dial the number that must have by now been etched into his memory, he trudged a little slower, dialed with a little more hesitancy, and hung up with a growing sense of toleration.

As the days passed and his calls grew in their intensity, he knew that I knew. He hung his head with a guilt he refused to name whenever he saw my eyes flicker towards the phone.

Whenever he thought that I wasn't listening to him – stupid thought – he would grouse about the recurring brush-offs to either Charlie, Angela or Ben. While Charlie stubbornly stuck to his guns and told his son to 'Keep trying, You'll get through eventually' both Angela and Ben managed to subtlety remind him that his girlfriend was sitting a few seats away.

I'd always liked those two.

To these reminders from his school-mates, Edward merely looked at them in a mixed expression of confusion and horror. The horror was unjustified; the young couple knew nothing of mythical feuds between Vampires and Werewolves, but the confusion made me smile a little to myself.

No matter what Angela or Ben thought, Edward's so-called 'Unfaithful' phone-calls had nothing to do with adulterous tendencies. His confusion was rooted in the fact that, while he knew Clearwater as loyal friend, he didn't realise that other's saw her as his 'rebound-girlfriend' to quote a phrase from Jessica Stanley's brain.

But, though he steadfastly kept his silence about his calls, his frustration lay bubbling beneath the surface until it can to a sudden, final, explosion.

"It's just plain rude!" He yanked open the door to my beloved Volvo and sprawled out on the seat, seething as I pulled out of Newton's Outfitter's Car-Lot. "Downright insulting. Sue said she doesn't _want _to talk to me! That she was there and wouldn't extend any effort to walking three steps to pick up the phone!" He took a deep breath, staring out of the window and watching the forest as we slipped by. "Usually it's '_She's sleeping' _Or _'She's busy_'! I know she's lying but it was the polite way to handle it!" He sighed to the window, his breath fogging up a small patch of the glass, before he turned back to me. "I'm sorry," He murmured, entwining my free hand with his. "It's just not fair. Sue hates me now, too."

"No-one hates you," I soothed him, resenting the Quileute woman more and more by the passing minute.

"Feels like it," He grumbled to himself, sliding an envelope with his name on it into his bag. His pay-check.

"Clearw- Leah knows we're back." I sighed through my nose. "And I'm sure she's certain that I'm going to be with you. She won't come near, the enmity is rooted far too deeply,"

"Jake manages it," He almost snarled, his hand tightening over mine before he relaxed.

"Jacob..." I struggled, trying to find a reason for the newest Black's bizarre behaviour. "He is more like his ancestor than he realises. Ephraim was the one to accept Carlisle's offer of a treaty. His _Pack-mates._" My mouth unintentionally sneered around the word. "Were less inclined to make dealings with us. The defiance in Leah, when she first broke the treaty and now, are rooted in her ancestors resistance, just as Jacob's placidity is traced through from his grandfather. I will not be surprised if Jacob Black shall turn out to be the one to forge the bridges between us."

Edward settled for a few seconds, thinking over my words in the silence that was only punctuated by the rain hammering on the roof of my car.

"But Leah's just being stupid. She knows you're not...like other vampires,"

"There's still good reason to keep a safe distance."

He huffed loudly, refusing to see reason.

"Edward, we are what we are. We fight like this because instinct dictates it. I can control myself, but I doubt she can. She's very young." A year older than Edward, maybe, but an infant to the realm of mythical creatures. "It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k – Before I hurt her." I could hurt her. So easily that the pup would never see it coming... "But...You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen." Pushing all homicidal thoughts away, I focused on Edward's stuttering heart. I doubted that he every would understand the deep _need _for battle that thrived between the two species. The very _idea _of taking up arms against the one creature we truly believed to be the scourge of the earth sent us into a high topped only by blood.

His emerald eyes narrowed as his heart involuntarily picked up into double time. "Isabella Cullen, were you about to say '_killed _her'? Were you?"

I couldn't lie, but to tell him how much I craved to just this once drop the facades of humanity and let the vampire within me have free reign over the plight of werewolves that tainted the air and infected the land would cause for disastrous consequences.

A lie was impossible, but the truth would only hurt him. "I would try…very hard…not to do that."

I was pulled out of my shame at Edward's gaping face by the fuming thoughts of an incredibly familiar mind.

_Could have gotten himself killed! Stupid, reckless, irresponsible fool! _The wrath that fired within Charlie's thoughts seemed nothing compared to the righteous fury of his voice as he yelled at some-one. "Your mother will be hearing about this, Miss Clearwater, and you can warn Jacob that Billy will be sure to find out too!"

The exact reason why Clearwater was being thrown out of the Swan house, after Charlie was so interested to reconcile her and his son, was eclipsed by Charlie's furiously raging and interesting ways of grounding his son for life.

The soon-to-be worries remained undiscovered to Edward as he shook his head wildly and changed the subject. "You need to take me home before I get in even more trouble," He sighed, recognising my desire to leave the subject alone.

_How could he be so stupid?_ Charlie fumed, his mind flickering about, re-catalouging every cut, sprain or bang to the head that Edward had received over the past months. Reviewing countless memories of amount of times Edward had been covered in blood-stained bandages made me suck in a harsh breath. What had I driven him to?

"You're already in more trouble," I murmured as the bright red motorcycle that shine through the rain hit my was _his_ motorcycle. Seeing that... that _thing_ that he'd ridden to the verge of death...

The sudden grip of Edward on my hand on my arm drew my thoughts away from the gutless mongrel who lurked within the trees, her infantile plan coursing through her mind with all the finesse of a toddler.

"What? What is it?" He asked, terror paling his cheeks. His eyes darted between my face and the empty street as we edged along the tarmac.

"Charlie…" I started.

"My dad?" He looked down at me, the terror forming into pure panic.

"Charlie...is probably _not _going to kill you, but he's thinking about it."

I heard the dog's thoughts within the surrounding forest as I pulled to a stop, hiding my car from sight behind the trees. I scanned through the forest, searching for any sign that might indicate she was joined by her pack, only to find that she completely alone.

"What did I do?" Edward whispered.

I nodded back to the vehicle standing bold as brass in his drive-way. Edward's heart stopped as his hand clenched into a fist. "No! _Why_? Why would Jacob do this to me?"

"It's not Jacob."

"What?" Edward spun to look at me. "It's...Is she still here?" He spat, his eyes dilated, his skin flushed and his blood laced with an intoxicating, adrenaline fueled fragrance. I'd never seen him this riled.

"Yes. She's waiting for us there."

Edward threw himself out of the car, heading for the trees. Sighing, I exited also and captured his hand as soon as his feet touched down onto the damp sidewalk, holding him back as he made for the forest.

"Let me go Bella. I want to see the _traitor!" _He hissed, the venom in his voice making him sound as deadly as the creature he longed to become.

"Charlie will hear you," I said, fearing that this meeting that seemed to be tearing Edward away from _Lee _would never commence. "And once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway."

_I'm sorry. _The teenaged wolf bit her lip as she heard Edward's raging cry.

Edward continued to twist out of my grip, without success. "I'll deal with Charlie after I've seen her!"

Charlie peeked out the window at the driveway, only seeing the fire-engine red motorcycle.

_Let's get this over with. _Taking a deep breath, Leah tried to calm her already shaking hands as she caught wind of my scent. I smirked immaturely at the discomfort my fragrance alone caused the mutt. Her mind displayed an ages old image of myself and her standing meters apart, each staring the other down. I in a prom dress, she in ragged shorts and top much like she had had to recently become accustomed to. _Cullen, I'm here for _you_._

"She wants to see _me_. That's why she's still here."

Edward dropped from the balls of his feet, the fight flooding out of him. "Why?" He asked cagily.

"She's not here to confront me," I soothed him, rubbing circles into his hand with m thumb. "She's acting as a spokesperson for the pack,"

"You're sure?"

I nodded and he turned back to the forest, squared his shoulders and headed forward. This time I let him, but I kept my hand in his. He was _mine_!

I walked Edward through the forest, leading towards the unbearable stench of the canine who's heart thunder upon hearing Edward's uneven footsteps stumble across the forest floor.

I came to a halt as we rounded the last corner. This was close enough if all she wanted to do was talk

Clearwater immediately assumed a defensive position as we came into her view, folding her bronze arms across her chest.

The fact that Edward looked healthier tenfold now that the last time she had seen him didn't go unnoticed and her lip curled into a laniary snarl as she put down the change to my reappearance. I smirked at her, childishly reminding her that all her thoughts were about as private as a greenhouse.

"Clearwater," I stared at her as mental obscenities fired themselves at me, the tamest of which consisted of _Parasite! _and _Leech!_

"Cullen."

"Why, Leah?" Edward's pained voice broke the tense silence. "How could you do this to me,"

The deep disappointment in his soft voice punctured the mutt's confidence like an arrow, like a bullet. "It was for the best," she said, trying to ignore Edward's gaze. _She__'s not good enough for you._

"What is _that _supposed to mean?" A hint of anger tainted the hurt in Edward's retort. "Do you want Charlie to _strangle _me? Or did you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to _him_?"

_Grounding you would keep Cullen away from both of you. She's more dangerous than I _am. The mongrel showed no remorse in her thoughts. Her misguided notions were, she believed, the only way.

I answered Edward's question for her. "She didn't want to hurt anyone—she just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me."

_Stay __out of my head, parasite! _Her fists tightened.

"I'm _already _grounded!" Edward moaned, unaware of Leah's insult and my own childishly smug grins. "Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

_Charlie stopped you? Not Her?_ "That's why?" She blurted out before snapping her mouth shut.

"She thought _I _wouldn't let you, not Charlie," I said, watching in amusement as the Quileute's face burned with embarrassment.

"Stop that," Leah snapped, petulance lacing her tone..

"Make me." I sneered.

_"_Fine!" She snapped. "Then you must already know why I'm here, leech." 

"Yes," I said, relishing the idea of an argument with this canine. But there was _one incredibly _painful act I still had to perform._ "_But, before you begin, I need to say something. Thank you. I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my…existence." Whether she doubted my earnestness or not, I still meant every word. "For keeping Edward alive," I explained before sighing heavily as a glimmer of pain flashed across my chest. "When I…didn't."

"I didn't do it for you!"

"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel."

"Well it's hardly like you actually love him!" Leah spat at me, the humiliation of being indebted to a vampire rising swiftly. "You're changing him! Twisting him into this filthy...thing like you! You're killing him and you don't even care!"

"Leah-"

"Don't you dare!" I hissed, cutting of Edward. "Don't you _even _dare!" I snarled and she took a hurried step back. "You can say what ever you want about me. tell me I'm a monster, I'm loathsome, I devastated him. I was selfish. I don't deserve him. I suppose you're right. I did all those things. I am all those things but never, for one moment did I not love him." I advanced, bending clean over. "When I left, I loved him, and when I wanted to come back every second of every day, I loved him. When I stayed away because I couldn't bear to ruin him anymore than I already had, I loved him. Every second that passed me by meaninglessly, I wanted to see him. Because the only reason I let him go was because I. loved. him. Go ahead and accuse me of anything you want, call me whatever you want, because it's probably true, but don't you dare tell me I didn't love him!" My lips contorted as I finished, almost crouching as I set my sights on my prey, blood-lust filling me up like boiling lava.

"STOP!" A loud cry broke the pair of us out of our attacking positions. Edward had moved, standing between us, a panicked expression on his face that broke my heart. "If you hurt each other, you're only hurting me!"

"EDWARD! YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!" His heart skipped a beat when he heard his father's voice echoing through the trees. Charlie had found the car.

"Next time, Rover," I muttered under my breath, baring my teeth.

_You're dead meat, Leech._

"Crap!" Edward broke the deadlock with his own unconventional methods

Clearwater looked away first "I _am _sorry about that. I had to do what I could – I had to try..."

"Thanks." Edward's attempt at sarcasm fell hollow and I knew he had already forgiven the pup as he looked back toward the house fearfully.

"But there's one key-point in the treaty I need to inform you of. The treaty is incredibly specific." Leah continued, her voice ice cold. "If a Cullen bites a human – _bites _not kills, the war starts. Make no mistake."

"EDWARD! I _SEE _HER CAR AND I _KNOW _YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T _INSIDE _THIS HOUSE IN _ONE _MINUTE...!"

Edward froze, focused on the mutt. "You promised. Still friends, right

"You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but...I can't see how to keep trying. Not now...Goodbye Edward"

Just before the fur overtook her body and the pounding of her heart, loud in my ears, grew faster and more feral with every moment, she deflated in defeat. _Goodbye,_ she thought, mourning him as if he'd just been killed before her and lain at her feet.

A blur of quaking flesh and fur, she let herself explode, body and mind reforming into a ferine, killing machine. Her dark eyes lingered on Edward's still form before she bounded away into the depths of the forest.

I escorted Edward along the path, keeping him steady as he began to shake slightly. The look of his face made it seem as for all the world he'd been run over ten times by a truck.

I knew that an apology couldn't ease his worry. There was only one thing I could offer now. "I'm here."

He took in a quivering breath and clutched me tighter, looking in my eyes as I stared at him. Edward said not a word, but took a determined step forward.

Our feet moved perfectly in time as we, as one, stepped over the abandoned logs and ducked beneath low-lying branches. With every breath he took, it filled me up, his scent washing around me like a familiar and favorite perfume.

There was only one path now, I knew as we stepped through But I wouldn't have to walk it alone. No matter what the future held; happiness, war, love, immortality or death, I knew one certain fact etched forever into eternity.

We'd face it all side by side.

"They'll never believe I love you," I commented, as the light of the edge of the forest came into view. "That I'm not trying to hurt you,"

"I know," Edward sighed. His heart sped up. "But I have a solution."

"Oh?"

He whirled before I could finish and, as though he had been holding it in for years, pressed his lips against mine, one hand still intertwined with my fingers, his other reaching up to the side of my neck to steady himself.

He broke away panting.

"Marry me, Isabella Cullen."

* * *

... Cliffhanger. At the end of the book? Oh I am cruel :)

I just want to thank you from the utmost bottom of my heart. All of you who stuck with me, who reviewed through the chapters, who inspired me to carry on and left such lovely compliments - Thank you. You are amazing people who I love insanely.

To those of you who asked, I have started writing chapters of the next book,,, but I need ideas for titles. I need it to stick in theme with the whole 'His Green Eyes' and 'My Shattered Heart' format, so if you have any suggestions, please review and tell me them.

So, for the last time in My Shattered Heart, from both Bella and I, Please Review and tell me what you thought, thank you.

Hattii XXxxXX


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